Roleplaying Lesbian Romance: A Pahn How-To
Warning: the following guide is NSFW.
Welcome to Pahn's lesson on Lesbian Romance!
If you're interested in learning more about how lesbian sexy time happens and have found yourself short on LBGT+ media resources (stories, movies, TV series, porn...) then this is the guide for you. Please note that this lesson is mainly based on my opinion, and that at the end of the day, you write however you feel like. I prefer realism especially when it comes to sex scenes, so that is something to consider as well.
I will
not be covering anything related to "Yuri" (Japanese media regarding female on female relationships), and will be reflecting uniquely on realistic relationships and sex.
Please note that I will be referencing to "lesbian character" a lot, but this is simply to avoid bloating my guide while trying to include every gender and sexual identity. By "lesbian character" I mean any one person who is sexually inclined towards another person of the same sex or gender, and who most likely has female genitalia. If there is some interest on how to write smut with trans characters, let me know and I will be more than happy to look into it.
Here are the key points of this lesson:
1- How to write lesbian characters
2- Stereotypes and how they suck
3- Writing romantic relationships
4- Writing sexual scenes between two female characters (solo or with a partner)
How to Write Lesbian Characters
The first thing to consider when writing a female character is... Make them human. Flaws, dreams, objectives, etc. Don't make them "especially different" because they have a vagina. There is no need to make a female character excessively girly and feminine, super emotional and unable to be alone. Those are cool individual traits, but selecting them ALL for your single female character is, in my opinion, just putting them in the same box as any other boring female character.
Whether your female character is straight, bisexual, gay, or any other sexual identity, just remember that they are a person first. Are you, in real life, defined purely based on your sexuality, based on who you bring back in your bed? No. Then your character shouldn't, either. Their sexuality is
a part of who they are, not
who they are.
HAving decided on writing a lesbian character, how do you bring it up without placating it all over the character sheet? It can easily be inserted in their background history. Their experience with a first girlfriend, a first kiss, coming out to their family and friends, etc. Those interesting details are what makes them who they are, it shapes their interactions.
Not all lesbians are tomboys or manly. While it is true that some lesbian, bisexual, or straight women like to emphasize on their masculine traits, it is not a definitive quality of a lesbian character. I'm not saying that you can't make a masculine lesbian character! Just use stereotypes with a grain of salt, and make a character you can still identify with and that YOU enjoy writing. Which brings me to my next point...
Stereotypes and How They Suck
In writing, stereotypes and tropes are double-edged swords. They can help you create relatable and useful characters while having a diversified cast.
However, overusing tropes and stereotypes can have the negative effect of making your characters, well, tacky and insulting.
Especially in media, we've often seen trans people dying tragically or bisexuals being the sluts whoring all around the block and giving everyone and their grandma sexually transmitted infections. That's not the reality, oh my god. Ask an LGBT+ person you know about their experiences and use those (I mean, not word for word of course) to mold your character. Sure they can be whoring around if that's what you want, but making it so
because they're gay or bisexual is dumb. Sexual promiscuity isn't determined by sexual orientation.
As a thought exercise, find a movie or TV show of your choice where there is a female lead character. Now imagine that they're lesbian, the men they're dating actually women. See! That's how you write a lesbian character. Just a normal gal who likes pussy instead of dick. Some hetero women are boyish, some lesbian women are super feminine. A little research and thought exercises like this one are what help, in my opinion, create good characters without wrapping them full of tropes.
Writing Romantic Relationships
Something we often hear for same-sex relationships is "who's the man? who's the woman?" JOKE'S ON YOU, that's the entire point of a same-sex relationship.
There are no men in a lesbian relationship.
Don't try to make your character or your writing partner's into the "man" of the relationship. They're both women, write them as such. I don't want to get into the whole gender roles debate, but I feel it's important to mention this. We, as a society, assign roles in relationships based on gender and it's not always good. It makes same-sex relationships more difficult to understand, when in truth it should only be about two people who have feelings for each other, about the good and the bad.
So take a pause and look at your character. Focus on their interactions with your partner's character, and what they do to show affection and love. The beauty of a relationship is often in its complexity, and yet how in all of the turmoil the simplest thing in the world for them is to love their partner.
Writing sexual scenes between two female characters (solo or with a partner)
This part of the guide is NSFW (and the longest part of the guide), so if you don't have any intentions of writing lesbian smut, feel free to jump to the conclusion below.
Writing sex between two women can be a bit tricky. It can quickly become redundant to write "she, her, her" when you have two characters using those pronouns. Having written many lesbian sex scenes, my ultimate tip would be the following:
1- Use their names, and focus on that character's actions. If you start a sentence (or paragraph) with Character One, then every following action should be performed by Character One. If you're switching to Character Two, start a new paragraph, even if they're short paragraphs. It will avoid confusion for the reader, and provide a clearer mental image of the scene.
For example:
Samantha kissed Jane, her lips travelling south until they reached the crease between neck and shoulders. Without hesitation her hands reached for Jane's hips, pulling her closer.
It does take some practice, but don't be afraid to try things out and see what best works for you. Something I've noticed a lot is how some writers have a hard time using their own character's name; if this is one of your writing habits, break it!
2- Use qualifiers and descriptive nouns. This takes perhaps a bit more getting used to than the use of the character's name, but it works all the same.
For example:
Samantha kissed the taller woman, her lips travelling south until they reached the crease between neck and shoulders. Without hesitation the detective's hands reached for Jane's hips, pulling her closer.
Once again, very important to keep the focus on a single character's actions and perspective! Otherwise, all of this gets very confusing very fast. This also requires a better knowledge of the characters involved: their appearance, their job titles, and any other useful reference points. Try to avoid similar nouns for each, i.e. if both characters have the same job title or the same hair colour.
Writing sex scenes on your own between two female characters is a good way to start. It will help you get into the habit of using names, qualifiers, and descriptive nouns. Oil up those gears!
But how do lesbians have sex?
Oh boy. I suppose that
mechanically, sex is different between two women as it is between a man and a woman or even two men, as there are no... insertable phallic body parts.
Nearly all women experience pleasure through vaginal, clitoral, and anal stimulation. Since females do not have a penis to insert another female's vagina, they can be creative and use toys instead, their hands, or anything else that can stimulate their partners. Oral sex is extremely common in lesbian sex scenes, followed by the use of dildos or vibrators either in hand or on a strap-on. Fingers can definitely be used instead of toys, and fingering is the handjob variant of the female anatomy.
Focusing on how a character is feeling while being pleasured is often one of the most interesting parts of reading and writing smut. Having them reflecting on the softness of the woman's skin, the way her lips feel on her breasts or between her legs, or even how her hair tickles the skin - all of those provide delicious and vivid images of the scene and you instantly know those are two women fucking.
In pornographic media, lesbian sex is almost always presented for a male audience. I mention this because it's important to have that in mind whenever you decide to check out lesbian porn or erotica. Things like sucking phallic objects, long fingernails (pro-tip: lesbians don't have long-ass nails unless they wanna shred up the goods), and inserting nonsense things in their vaginas (like a stiletto heel?? never gonna get over that one) - chances are the target audience were men.
To conclude this ridiculously long portion of the guide, let's talk about
orgasms. Unlike males, females can experience multiple orgasms one after another without any need for a refractory period. What this means is that the body can be stimulated over and over and over until it becomes numb! Those of you with penises probably know this, you cannot get an erection immediately after an ejaculation, unless you've had years and years of... practice, I suppose.
Female orgasms are different for every single female. Not one woman cums like another, so it's entirely up to you what your character's climax is like. Is it tingly all over the place, is it emotional to the point of being in tears, is it followed with an increased wetness in the vagina, does it involve squirting (female ejaculation THAT INCLUDES URINE BUT IS NOT PEE), which muscles will have spasms, how loud or how quiet is she... There are so many different reactions, it would be impossible to list them all. I would suggest doing a little research on how different women experience different orgasms (because yes, ladies can have different types of orgasms) and then determine how your character goes through theirs.
In Conclusion...
In the end, how you write your lesbian character's relationship is entirely up to you. If you watch TV series or movies and decide that those are prime examples of what you like to write, great! But you just wasted minutes of your existence to read this guide, so I hope that you can walk away with more knowledge on how to write lesbian romance and lesbian smut.
Lesbian characters are just like hetero characters, and their relationships are just as complex, steamy, and full of misunderstandings. One thing to consider when writing in historical settings is that same-sex relationships were taboo and not as open as straight relationships. Depending on your roleplay's setting, it is definitely an important point of consideration and it will strongly affect the characters' dynamics!
Once again, I hope you enjoyed this guide, and please don't hesitate if you have any questions. I will do my best to answer and provide examples if needed. Thanks for reading!
Got any ideas for other guides about writing/roleplaying romance or sex stuff? Request them and I'll do my best to oblige!
If you want to know more about roleplaying buttsex,
I wrote this super awesome guide as well.
On writing romance in general as a genre and what to avoid,
here's my SFW 101 guide.
I cannot terminate this post without mentioning
@Astaroth's wonderful
guide on writing sex scenes.
