Opposites Attract

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Elliot studied her reaction. It was the simple reason of curiosity as to why he did. Anything unpredictable usually was closely scrutinized by Elliot, but Cahill's reactions to his reactions topped them all off. The highest position and the lowest position interacting. They sound like ridiculous words to say out loud or put down on paper, but that was essentially the situation in it's entirety. If anyone were actually paying attention, which Elliot was far more than grateful that nobody was, this'd be the moment of a century for the kids in the school. He watched her grow utterly surprised at first, as he had predicted; and after, she looked to the ground in a shy manner as she listened to his explanation. Her gaze moved to the screen and, very carefully, to him. Once again, the shock of her emerald eyes was intriguing for him. Though they seemed dimmed and grealty washed out from the wear-and-tear of emotions, he felt like Cahill's eyes could have the potential to be bright. In fact, he knew it. They probably were at one point, full of life and hope for the future.
His disgust for bullying was just growing stronger and stronger day by day. He hated unnecessary cruelty.

She responded to him in a less timid manner, but still seemingly guarded, and turned back to her computer screen. Elliot felt a tinge of satisfaction dilute itself into his warm calm, feeling good to have helped someone out with something - for once. It seemed that anything else he usually did only either harmed a person in some fashion or didn't do anything for anyone. He didn't let his stare linger, in regard of making her uncomfortable; he turned back to his own screen and began searching around for more music, soon finding a rather lovely music mix that he played and listened on to for most of the period.
 
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Anya didn't take much notice of his watching her for it did not last much longer after she turned back to her empty word document. He didn't seek further interaction with her, as she thought he wouldn't. Wrapped up in his music he stayed as she brainstormed controversial topics to analyze. Anya sighed to herself a little. Writing stories
Is always so much easier than analysis papers. The rest of class was uneventful, though Anya was still nervous about Elliot sitting next to her for the rest of it.

She hadn't accomplished much but she didn't care. She had something to do at home at least. Before tugging her backpack strap over her shoulder, Anya plugged herself into her ipod and lingered behind the rest of the crowd bustling to the door of the computer lab. Her music was pretty loud and drowned out the rest of the world the way she liked it as she walked home. Even when she walked far enough to be alone on the sidewalk, she didn't lower the volume, for it had accomplished its goal in drowning out her thoughts with the beat and that's all she wanted. Upon arriving to the huge, empty house, Anya made herself a sandwich and appeased her empty stomach. Her body was very thankful for the nourishment as she switched her music to her first selection in the classical playlist. Clair de Lune. Maybe it would help her think up a good topic for her paper.

It didn't, but she finished her sandwich and sat in the silent house for awhile, trying not to get distracted by the beating bomb in her chest. Eventually she gave up and took the easy way out on gay marriage, hoping Elliot wouldn't mind if she took one of his ideas. Drawing out the process of writing and taking a long shower without the razor took up a lot of her time before bed and when that time came, she sighed. An overwhelming sense of loneliness pervaded everything Anya did. She looked at the clock with half lidded eyes. It was only 7PM. Dull green eyes then wandered to the calender. Little more than six days. She could make it couldn't she? She hoped so.

...


Dark shadows and loud screams dominated her mind in sleep. Only when Anya awoke at 6:30 AM did she realize the latter were coming from her. Gritting her teeth, she pushed herself out of bed and let the room spin as she
gripped the headboard with white knuckles and short breaths. She wouldn't be able to get back to sleep she knew, especially with the larks chirping by her window. A small smile curved the corner of her lips for a moment. Maybe a walk would do her some good, get her blood pumping.

...

Holding a ham sandwich and a bottle of water for breakfast, Anya let her hair hang loose as she walked. The air was crisp and the silence was more peaceful than deafening outside. She wore high top sneakers, a pair of denim shorts that reached the middle of her thighs and a blue tank top under a black jacket.
The morning breeze was sweet and cool in her lungs, calming the bomb in her chest nicely. The small girl's steps were soft and hardly broke the silence. Not like the birds songs she followed. There was a flock of them she spied making harmony in a tree at the center of a big empty field.

"...Ha! Caughtcha!" A tall blonde girl with limbs too long to know what to do with tapped a spritely brunette with dark skin that giggled and fell 'dead' to the ground with her tongue sticking out. "Josie! Wrong game! It's your turn to catch me now!" The blonde cartwheeled away, expecting the smaller 12 year old to spring up and tackle her. She didn't. Instead, she stayed dead, failing at stifling her laughter. The blue eyed blonde sighed hopelessly and spotted a little grren eyed girl looking on with curiosity. "Do you wanna catch me? We have a ton of space to run! C'mon please?"
Anya hesitated. "I'll be your friend forever if you play with us! I'm Beth. Josie's being a deadbutt So I need you to play Tag with me! Come...on!" She tugged on the little girl's arm. Anya smiled and gave chase. "Hey wait for me!" Josie cried.

A glimmering tear trailed down Anya's pale cheek. It seemed like forever ago since she had seen any setting like that park they used to visit all the time. The park they'd met in. Not bothering to wipe it away, Anya Cahill wandered through the field and laid herself down on the sunny side of the tree, not minding the dew that dampened the half eaten sandwich in her hand. The clouds were few and far between, but she watched them anyway, noticing the curve of the sky if she paid attention. She wondered when it would come crashing down. When the world would destroy itself the way her heart threatened to every day. On what day? Maybe it wasn't her place to know.

It seemed like hours that she stayed silent and still that way, unsure if she was really enjoying herself until a rough sandpapery thing lapped up the saltwater on her cheek. Anya flinched away for a moment and found a pair of emerald irises cut by a sliver of black that matched its fur. The stray cat sat beside Anya's head and flicked its tail back and forth behind it.

"Hi." Anya greeted the kitty with a tentative smile. It just blinked at her. "Do you want this?" Anya gestured to the food in her hand and sat up, crossing her legs indian style then turning to face her visitor. It licked its chops and she placed the bread and ham before its paws sweetly. The cat stood and pawed at it before sniffing and digging in. Anya was genuinely smiling now because she noticed the cat was pregnant. The way her belly bulged made the fact obvious and Anya felt nice to have helped a mother feed her babies. "Glad to be of service ma'm." Anya reached out her fingers and scratched behind the soft black ears. She was surprised the cat was so healthy looking. Maybe it wasn't stray . Just exploring or out on a walk like Anya. "Were you lonely too?" She asked, knowing she wouldn't get an answer more helpful than the way the mother pressed its head into her palm. "Well it's nice to meet you too. You're so pretty. Your kittens are going to be just as perfect as their mother I think." Anya smiled. She liked animals much more than people. The black cat purred. Maybe she was agreeing with the compliment. Anya's smile stayed soft and affectionate as she stroked the cat's fur. Sometimes it's nicer to have friends that listen rather than speak.
 
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miss you. this is for Anya:
 
School finally ended, but even as the shrill bell rang, Elliot didn't jump up immediately to launch towards the door. He felt rather peaceful then, for some reason. Maybe it was the music that he had been listening to, songs that calmed his nerves. Music had a huge impact on Elliot emotionally, he had found out, so he wasn't overly surprised that he was feeling calmer after listening to serene tunes. He also felt a bit disconnected from everything, as if he was floating through the moment instead of actively noticing his surroundings. He stood, pulling the strap of his bag over his shoulder, and waited for the crowd of students to bustle through the door before he followed after them, not feeling like he wanted to be squished in between the bodies of every student in the classroom. His attention, momentarily, caught sight of Cahill, who was standing behind and waiting, as always. An odd urge to stay behind and trail after her in case something happened to her crept to his attention, but he decided against it. It would put both of them into an awkward situation, and they had already been in one earlier. Plus, he found it kind of unlikely that any big bad kids would be out for her blood right after school; they'd more than likely be doing their own after-school activities instead.

He shook his head to himself in another notion of disbelief as he strode out the door, starting his way home. These weirs urges were so funny and new to him. The whole shock factor seemed to be passing, even if slowly, and his egotistical reputation was diminishing. His walk, as always, was pretty tranquil. He unlocked his house door and entered to start his nightly routine - getting into lay-around clothes, going about his business in his room with his laptop and homework, eating dinner with his mom. By the time he was back upstairs in his room, it was about 6:00 PM, so he just fooled around on the Internet for a while until it had reached about 9:00 PM. When it struck that time, he had already grown to become drowsy. So, distracted from everything, he hopped into bed and let himself drift off to sleep.



- - -



The next morning, Elliot found his eyes opening much earlier than usual for a Saturday, at about 7:00 AM. Waking up much earlier than usual was an occasional thing for him, but it usually conveniently happened during weekdays, not weekends. Despite the groan he made and the pillow he fruitlessly pressed over his face, he knew he wouldn't be falling back asleep. So, in defeat, he woke up and sat on the edge of his bed, feeling morose at his inability to fall back asleep and needing a wake-up call. As he scrolled through things to do for the morning, he decided that he might as well get outside and enjoy the morning air. That's what he wanted to do that day anyways - go to the park or somewhere to enjoy the day peacefully. He just wished that his body could've decided to wake him up later for it.
With a sigh, he stood and began to get dressed, pulling on some navy blue skinny jeans and a loose white T-shirt before pulling on his usual jacket for the cool morning temperatures. He strode downstairs, already knowing that his mom was off for work. She usually had days off for Sunday instead of Saturday, so Saturdays were the times he could go out and do his things, and when he had the house to himself for most of the day. He grabbed something to eat, took his wallet and house key, and began out the door.

Despite the fact that Elliot did have his license already, it was rare to see him driving. For one thing, he and his mother shared one car, so he didn't have it all the time. For another, he usually actually preferred to walk places. It normally made him feel good to walk, no doubt the exercise causing that. He locked the door behind him and began his way down the sidewalk casually, traveling towards the direction of the park. There was a certain spot there that he loved to go to; it was a tree, standing alone in the middle of a moderately wide field. He'd hang around it and climb it and sometimes do homework up in it's branches. It was an old tree, he had ruled, since it was so tall, sturdy, and healthy. His thoughts had wandered away from Cahill in that time of his walk, but would soon be refreshed to her again.

It was a while before he found the park, looking fresh and renewed with the green, dewy grass and healthy trees planted around. He loved it there. There was a children's play set near to the center of the park that he would always go to as a kid. It was so fun there, and he made a lot of good memories. With a deep, nostalgic sigh, he began to glance around, and found his bearings before starting to walk down a cement pathway towards where the field was.
When he walked beside the field and looked down it, he confirmed it was the place when he saw the big ol' tree, standing alone in the middle of an expanse of lush green. He smiled. He seemed like a social kid, and a lot of the time, he was one. But there were times that he had to escape the crowd of the school and become familiar with a little bit of alone time again. He stepped off of the pathway and began a slow walk across the damp ground, his gaze averting up and skimming across the sky. The clouds seemed to want to be very interesting that day; puffs and odd formations swirled around among a background of forget-me-not blue. The overcast from Thursday seemed to have cleared up, luckily.

He was in for a surprise, though, as he approached closer and closer to the tree. He saw something else against the tree, a figure sitting at the base of it's trunk. Oh, he thought rather shortly. So he wouldn't be entirely alone that day. He couldn't see the figure entirely, since he was still a bit of a ways away and they were sitting under the shade. He eventually decided that it would probably be polite to ask if he could hang around the tree along with the person. He understood that some people decided to be alone for their own reasons, and would rather've not just barged into something personal and ruin a moment or something.
But when he got close, he actually realized who the figure was - and stopped walking entirely, plunged into surprise. It was Cahill. It was right then that he suddenly felt the words he was about to say slip through his fingers and escape him. He didn't seem to realize it until now, but he had never seen Cahill smile until that moment in time. She had something small in her lap, what looked like a cat, and she looked actually quite at peace in comparison to how she usually looked. She was smiling, genuinely. And he realized that she looked really pretty with a smile on her face. The realization passed through his thoughts and surprised him further, suddenly having no idea what to do or say standing there.

After several seconds of stunned silence, he swallowed and got back his focus. He found his voice and, after a slight moment of hesitation, spoke, " ... U-Uhm ... " He didn't really know if she would react to that or not, and so after that, cleared his throat and said, "S'cuse me ... " He hoped he had called her attention and stood there awkwardly, one hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. It was strange to see her outside of school like that. His eyes drifted to the cat in her lap, and a sentence suddenly came to mind that he blurted out in desperation of finding words:

"Is that your cat?"
 
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Anya didn't hear his footsteps in the soft grass. She was just paying attention to the sweet black kitty that had made her way onto her lap as she purred. Anya was still smiling and stroking her and found that it was very nice to have company on a day when she would surely be totally alone otherwise. The small girl didn't move much, for she wanted to keep the mother cat comfortable. If she shifted around too much, her friend could go find someone else to beg for attention. Again she wondered if this a cat had an owner. She hoped so, because giving birth would surely be more beneficial in a controlled environment rather than the bushes. Anya was contemplating the idea of maybe bringing her to the vet, but before she could choose a solid decision, someone spoke. A human.

Anya lost her smile immediately and looked up at..at Elliot. Her eyes widened and a million thoughts flew through her mind in that moment. Her fingers stopped in the cat's fur and she kind of froze. She never expected to find him of all people in this park so early.
"S'cuse me ... " He muttered, scratching the back of his neck nervously. Had she ever seen Elliot act nervous? Wait, did he mean 'excuse me' as in, "what are you doing here? This is my spot.'?
She grit her teeth and vehemently hoped not. Maybe he was doing what everyone at school seemed to think was appropriate for the pair. Separation. But this wasn't school.
Either way, why did he seem to want to stay with her? Was she not annoying enough yesterday?
Elliot asked about the cat, who was complaining in her lap because of her sudden pause in her ministrations. Surely if neither of them said anything at school, there would be no reason why someone at school would get mad if they interacted. Besides, it probably wouldn't last long. Would it? Why was he here? To enjoy the park?

She should really stop the shocked and silent look. Anya struggled with her thoughts for a moment, and finally came up with an answer that she thought was appropriate. "Uhm. No." The cat meowed and pawed at her until she started stroking her again. But I kinda wish she was. "Why? Do you know the owner? A-are they looking for her? Should I go and find them?" Anya unloaded a string of questions, glancing down at her companion every so often and hoping she wouldn't have to go and find her real family. But then again, why would Elliot come all this way for a cat? Of course Anya would, but she didn't think others were much like her. Did the cat perhaps belong to a neighbor of his? Anya was honestly wondering about the creature in her lap rather than the boy probably looking at her weird by now. She was used to that look though. So she kept her eyes averted, feeling small while he stood tall and looking down at her from a few feet away.
Maybe her little friend knew how to get back home all along. Most cats do, don't they? They explore, and then head back home. Can you get back home by yourself, beautiful? Anya asked the soon-to-be mother with her big, green eyes. She would a have asked aloud, but Elliot was there and talking to animals might seem dumb to him. She hadn't smiled since he made his presence known.
 
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When she suddenly stopped smiling, and looked up at him with that expression of shock, he felt a small pang of guilt in his gut. I'm sorry that school did this, he thought to himself, wishing he could say the words, but knowing that it would more than likely sound weird for him to say it out loud. As selfish as the words sound at first, the impression that school gave to other people about Elliot seemed very distorted and ... and ruined. Even outside of school, the people still seemed to have an impression on her that he was a person only the highest of the high could speak directly to. It sucked, and it hurt him slightly to come to this awkward realization.
But after this came to his mind, he felt a push of something dredge up and come to his attention - a push of determination. He felt a very strong need to prove the school wrong about him, to rebuild himself into a person who people that aren't snooty, high-and-mighty popular kids could talk to. Outside of school, the Cahill girl and he had every god damn right to speak to each other without getting prosecuted for it. He felt a rush of persistence in getting that shocked expression off of her face whenever he approached her.
This sudden rush of emotions swept over him and nearly pulled him away from the moment. But hearing the Cahill girls' voice again pulled him back onto the grassy ground, and he blinked, hearing her respond that the cat wasn't hers in a quiet, slightly awkward tone of voice. Oh. He wasn't expecting a 'no' to that question at first, but he couldn't say he minded it.

When she suddenly went on a small spree of questions, all said in a rush of nervousness, he found himself surprised. His hand dropped from the back of his neck and idly back to his side as he tried to concoct an answer to these questions, even though it was pretty obvious already. He came to his senses again and said quickly, "N-no, no, that's - no, it's fine." He felt a small, awkward grin come to his lips, and his hands instinctually slipped into his pockets as he brought words from his mind to his mouth, "I just - I just like cats. I was curious." He shrugged, gaze tilted towards the ground slightly. He felt a tad uncomfortable just standing there without a word, so he tried to form an explanation to his sudden appearance, a valid one.
After a brief pause, he grinned and glanced back up at her, trying to remain composed. " ... Sorry. That was a bit of a weird question, wasn't it." He spoke in more of a statement than inquisitively on that part. "I, uh, sometimes come here to hang out, actually. And I was wondering if you'd be comfortable with me ... well, hanging out here." He paused again before going on, "I ... know that people have made me out to be intimidating, but - " he did a dry laugh, " - I promise, I'm really not. I, uh ... " He was digressing at that point. "But, I'm not asking you to leave or anything, not at all. I just ... hoped you wouldn't be uncomfortable with me being here."

Good job rambling there, idiot. He knew he had dragged on the point of what he wanted to say, and felt slightly embarrassed by it. It was just then that he seemed to notice how bashful he was acting. He felt like he was making himself look stupid, which was weird to feel. Maybe it was because he hadn't really spoken to her a lot? And he wanted a good first impression, but wasn't making one in his mind? That seemed to make sense to him. Aside from that, he waited quietly for her reply to that, expecting her to stand and walk away in a kind of disgruntlement.
 
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Elliot seemed surprised by her response and for the first time ever, she heard him..stutter. Elliot stutters? Why would be be nervous in the first place? Anya's brow furrowed as a small awkward smile adorned his thin lips ad his hands were buried in his pockets. She was pretty sure she had never seen the tall, popular boy act this way. And there was no hint as to why he would be. It isn't strange that he likes cats is it? Why would he tell her that? He shrugged and she was a bit confused, so she just stared at him through the awkward silence. Why was he bothering to speak to her at all. Was he just trying to find a way to get rid of her? All he had to do was ask. She was already feeling nervous, so the only reason she didn't flee was the cat in her lap that she was now stroking to keep her hands occupied. otherwise she might be scratching at her wrists now and that would be very bad. She didn't respond to his declaration of the 'weird question'. Instead, she wondered again why the heck he would feel nervous around her. Maybe it was something else entirely. Maybe something had happened at his house before he came here. That would make more sense right? He wouldn't be this nervous about people from school seeing them talking would he? Was he that preoccupied with what his friends would think if they saw him?

"I, uh, sometimes come here to hang out, actually. And I was wondering if you'd be comfortable with me ... well, hanging out here." He paused again before going on. Why was it harder for him to talk to her now than it had been in the computer lab? "I ... know that people have made me out to be intimidating, but - " he coughed out a dry laugh, " - I promise, I'm really not. I, uh ... "

He definitely wasn't very intimidating now, despite him standing so tall over her. But earlier, when he had stood up for her...it seemed so long ago..his eyes had been so dark, so angry. He had been defending her for some reason and she still found him scary. He could be intimidating if he wanted to, she knew. So what was he trying to be now? Awkward? Maybe he was trying to get her to leave again? She would go if he asked. But he did the opposite.

"But, I'm not asking you to leave or anything, not at all. I just ... hoped you wouldn't be uncomfortable with me being here."


Anya blinked. She would be extremely uncomfortable if he stayed here. She would be watching every move she made, afraid to do something wrong or seem stupid. She wouldn't want him to have another rumor about her for the mill at school. If he started conversation every word out of her mouth had to be vague and nonspecific so that he wouldn't have any real information on her, but it still had to be good enough that he wouldn't suddenly snap. She couldn't trip some invisible wire that would cause him to give her another bruise.
Of course, she couldn't say any of that, so she would let him stay of course. Though she was unsure why he didn't send her away. Maybe some of his friends were coming. Doesn't 'hang out' usually mean he's doing so with more than one person? Unfamiliar with most teen lingo since most don't talk to her, she wasn't quite sure. But she would make sure the cat would stay safe. So she had to stay.
Anya looked down at her lap, where the cat continued to snuggle against her jacket. "Um, no. It's alright. If you want to stay...stay." Anya shrugged and hoped she hadn't said the wrong thing. She bit her lip and blinked up at him again, trying to hid behind a few strands of her shoulder-length hair.
 
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She remained quiet for longer than what was necessarily ordinary to him, and he felt his stomach do a small twist. The realization occurred that she might just say no, and that would leave him to have to find another place to go to escape the popular kids. The only place he was assured he'd be away from them was the tree, not to mention it was definitely one of the more peaceful areas of the town. At least she hadn't stood immediately and scurried away though. That probably would have stuck with him for the entire day. He glanced at the grass in between his feet and where she sat, hearing sharpened, waiting for her reply.
And frankly, he wasn't expecting her to reply with a yes. Or something along the lines of a yes, he thought. There was a slightly uncomfortable edge to her voice, one that he picked up, even if it was low {he seemed good at noticing those things}, but she seemed relatively sure about it. He stood there dumbly for a moment, processing the words, before he replied with a surprised "Oh." After another second, he blinked, his tone lightening and becoming a little less awkward, "Oh, awesome." He felt the left corner of his lips pull up into a half grin, some of his calmer composure returning. Get yourself together, he thought scornfully, and be some good company. He knew that she probably wouldn't exactly ... enjoy his company at any point, but he heeded his mind's voice anyways. He brought back a little more tranquility in his aura, the slight tenseness that appeared to have crept into his shoulders loosening.

He walked a couple of steps, and turned, sitting down a couple of feet next to her. He would have usually climbed the tree and sat on one of the branches, but that probably would have made a weird situation form, so he just went with the other option. He felt a little more confident at that point, having regained some better composure, and didn't feel nearly as uncomfortable as he probably could have felt sitting near to her. He had reminded himself that they were just normal people, that school wasn't surrounding them and that talking to each other wasn't a crime. It helped to think those reminders over for him. His hands slipped out of his pockets and folded in his lap, his legs sprawled forward on the grass.
After he got comfortable, there was a lot of silence. He didn't seem to immediately realize that she was probably extremely nervous. The peace and quiet had come to his attention first, but eventually, the tension inched back into his awareness. Crap, his mind hissed. He really hated the edgy feeling that it gave him. How could he shift the mood, even if only a little?

It was right at that second that his thoughts stopped on a soft, lulling noise. It was the cat in her lap. It was purring, and he came to notice it was pretty loud and satisfied. With a blink and an abrupt clearing of his head, he tilted his head to the side and glanced down at it. Examining in a desperation to get his emotions and attention occupied with something, he actually noticed that the cats' stomach was bulging out, and it wasn't with fat. His eyes brightened a bit. The cat was a girl, and he deduced that she must've been pregnant. That was his only actual guess, and the cat didn't look sick or anything.
There was a moment of silence at this thought occurring before a small, thoughtful "Huh" slipped out of his mouth. One of his hands freed and slowly was held out in the space between himself and Cahill. "I see she's got a litter coming," he said in an equally thoughtful voice, referring to the cat, his eyes now trained on it. He clicked his tongue, effectively getting the cats' attention. It's bright eyes turned up to gaze at his.
He didn't realize that she probably wanted to keep the cat in her possession. He let the fingers of his open hand beckon slightly as he said in a low, calm tone, "C'mere, sweetheart, I won't bite." He meant what he said when he told Cahill that he liked cats. He loved them, actually, as long as they were nice and not the vicious type. The eyes of that cat told him she wouldn't scratch at him; he had a feeling, at least. The cat glanced up at Cahill before standing and slowly slinking onto the grass, carefully approaching him. It leaned it's head towards his hand, and he turned it over cautiously and slowly, not wanting to frighten her, an offering for a pet. The cat seemed to approve, and touched the top of it's head to his palm.
This made him grin. He found that the opinion of animals mattered very deeply to him. An animal rejecting his offers to pet them probably hurt him more than his offers of dating someone being rejected hurt him. It was a funny thing about him. He smoothed the fur on it's head with his thumb gently and rubbed it's ears, running his hand down it's back. It laid down right in between himself and Cahill, allowing free game for either of them to show her attention. Smart girl, he thought wistfully.

He glanced back up at Cahill again, realizing that she saw and probably felt the admiration in his actions. With another slightly awkward half grin, he said, "Where did you find her?" That seemed like an appropriate thing to talk about, since the cat didn't appear to be hers. He let his hand rest on the cats head again as he softly scratched it's ears and felt it's soft fur, hoping for not quite as nervous of a response as he had gotten from her before. She seemed to like animals, or cats, at least.
 
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Elliot seemed slightly surprised at her answer, though again why this was would be another mystery. Why would she say no? Was that even what he seemed to be nervous about? Well whatever it was, it was fading, for he smiled a little and sat close to her by the base of the large trunk. His distance didn't really bother her as much as she thought it would. She watched him silently as he moved to sit down, letting his long legs stretch out on the grass, slowly losing its morning dew. Golden Boy enjoying a golden morning. There should be a poem about that. But she didn't dwell on it, instead letting the breeze tug it away as the purring in her lap became louder. Or maybe it just seemed that way because neither of the humans spoke. Anya should have been okay with that, but sometimes it was worse to be anxious than actually hear what he had to say. Kind of like when you're nauseous and you always feel better after vomiting. IT wasn't pleasant, but it was over. At least for a little while.

So, just like a motion sick cruise passenger, Anya focused her attention on something else ad tried to stop thinking about the silent barrier that prevented the perfect popular guy to talk so politely to the girl on the lowest rung of Oakson High's social ladder. The timid teen looked back down at the black cat filling the awkward pause in conversation with the vibrations giving proof of her delight. Anya was glad that her fingers gave the mother joy, but she was too anxious around Elliot to show it in any way. But then he broke the quiet that had grown thick for a minute. By the tone of his voice, she could tell something had interested him. So her green eyes flicked toward him and found his trained on the mother in her lap. His hand stretched out towards the cat and Anya bit her lip a little nervously, though she was a bit surprised that he knew she was pregnant and not just overweight. The tall boy called the kitty and sweetly beckoned her to him. He had been telling the truth when he said he likes cats? Well the feline in her lap seemed to think he looked honest enough when she flicked her emerald eyes up to Anya's and slowly ventured toward his outstretched palm. Anya's fluttery heart sped up and her stomach knotted when the cat was no longer touching her at all. Her green eyes flashed with anxiety, wanting to protect her from any harm, whether Elliot intended to hurt her or not. A soft intake of breath could be heard when The kitty laid down between them, purring once more thanks to Elliot's gentle ministrations. After analyzing his eyes and the force behind his hand on the animal, Anya thought he seemed to genuinely care about the furry creature whether it was true or not. She blinked when he spoke again, looking up at him shyly. Her hands missed having something to do as they fidgeted with each other in her lap, where the cat had kept her legs warm.

She recalled how the pregnant feline had licked her tear away and asked for the food in her hand ever so sweetly. How her beautiful eyes shimmered in the early morning sunshine. Anya's eyes kept flicking from Elliot's eyes down at his hand on the cat. "Um...here." Should she say more? Just for the sake of not creating another weird pause? She hesitated then whispered, "She wanted the rest of my sandwich, so I gave it to her." She said softly.
Anya wanted to reach out and touch her again, which was obviously what she wanted by sitting between both humans, but Anya was too nervous about accidentally touching Elliot's hand as well. That would be even more awkward.
 
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She took a small pause after he asked her where she found the cat, glancing up bashfully at him. He was taken by surprise at her direct gaze. Her eyes were, frankly, a really pretty color of green that he thought he wouldn't get over quickly. They seemed darker than they could be, though, which did sadden him slightly. He remembered feeling the same way the other time he saw her eyes directly; the lively sparkle wasn't there, that other people seemed to have. He pushed the feelings aside for later thought as she took her pause and then replied, telling him that she had found the cat in this very field. That was a little odd. He decided not to question it, but found it intriguing himself. He didn't see stray cats or dogs wander out near the tree often, not at all, in fact. She must be special with animals, he thought wistfully. It was a bit silly, but she did seem like the type to enjoy animal company more than human company. The smile he had seen when she was alone with the cat was what gave that away.

She paused again before continuing in a much quieter voice, saying that she had given the cat the rest of her sandwich. There was a sudden thought that crossed his mind, one that he could have slapped himself for even thinking. I'm not sure that you're in a good enough position to be giving away food. It was a mean truth that he was sure some cynical side of him had conjured. She was very skinny, he could tell; he could remember the comparison of Matt's hand to her thin wrist. She seemed fragile physically, not only because of her weight, but her height made her look even smaller and more easily breakable. It honestly did concern him slightly at first, after that thought whispered in his head, but he quickly doused it out considering the utter kindness of the act. If she loved animals enough to give her own breakfast to them, she must have a very good heart. It was a sweet gesture on her part.
He blinked, eyes brightening a tad. He spoke in a thoughtful voice, " ... That's ... that's really good of you to do. Not everyone is so willing to - " he paused for a second before continuing with a crestfallen edge, " - to help animals like that." There was a silence after that which he broke, clearing his throat and continuing with added, honest warmth, "I'm sure she appreciates it." The cat was purring in deep approval to his gentle stroking, and he glanced down at her for a moment, fingers trailing down her back.

A small look up at Cahill beside him took him by surprise. She was looking almost longingly down at the cat, as if she wanted to pet her, but something was holding her back. It took him a moment or two to process why she had that look, but he eventually felt the prod that told him to pull back his hand to his lap. He didn't have to think very hard about why he had to; she was probably uncomfortable enough with him sitting so close. He glanced down at the cat and gave it one more rub behind the ears before he withdrew his hand, causing the cats' eyes to flicker to his face in surprise. His hand, feeling tingly from the soft fur, rested on his other in his lap. He glanced forward, staring out along the grassy field, the quiet returning.
In the silence, he searched for something to bring up. He obviously didn't know her well, and the only thing he knew she liked was animals, but there wasn't a lot to talk about that wasn't generic or awkward with that. He searched fervently within, despite his tranquil exterior. And suddenly, a topic came up that his curiosity began to rampage about.

Her name.

He knew it was a very, very weird and probably offensive question to ask, but he wanted to know. It was a personal mission of his. He knew he'd probably look rude and dumb asking it, but he felt it was right to call her and know her by her actual name, not just by her last name, like he'd been doing all that time. He took in a deep breath and spoke slowly, in hesitance, " ... I, uh ... I actually have another weird question to ask you." He paused awkwardly, unable to look at her, and he instead looked down at his hands as he continued, "I don't know if it's personal or whatever, so if you'd rather not tell me, then please don't." He paused again, still staring down at his hands as he asked:
"But ... what's your first name?"
There was a very uncomfortable silence after it that he felt an urge to fill, "I mean, I've never heard you be called by your first name. And ... I really would rather know what to call you." He glanced to the side at her, feeling intrusive for asking. "If you don't wanna tell me, though, I won't push it anymore."
He regretted asking. He felt like he was touching on a personal subject, for some reason, and it made him very uncomfortable to feel that way. He struggled to maintain a steady atmosphere as he waited for a reply, or no reply at all, if she chose that.
 
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She could tell he considered her words for a moment before he blinked and voiced his thoughts carefully, at one point changing his tone as if he wasn't really talking about the present situation. Did he remember a sad memory? But why? She looked concerned, even though he had just complimented her altruism before lapsing into a silence he broke soon thereafter with a sweet mention of how the cat must have appreciated her gift. She liked the way he saw the cat for what she was. A 'she', not an 'it'. It nearly made her smile. But she wasn't nearly at ease enough for that, even though Elliot's fingers were gentle along the ebony fur. She blinked when he glanced up at her and tilted her head just slightly when he pulled away from the kitty who seemed confuzzled as to why he would stop. Anya watched him pull his hand away with a sweet rub to her ears before the silence returned. Too caught up in the moment, Anya didn't even think about thanking him for voicing his complimentary opinion of her kind gesture to the kitty. So she just let the silence reign. While he seemed uncomfortable wading through it so early in the morning with two others, Anya didn't mind it so much. She was used to it and not even the cat between them was purring anymore. She must have her own thoughts to attend to.

Anya Cahill didn't spot Elliot's expression when his curiosity suddenly spiked. She was looking up into the branches and leaves of the tree, searching for her favorite color. A sort of orangey-green that only appears when sunlight shines perfectly through a healthy leaf. There! Oh how beautiful...
Until she felt Elliot's uncomfortable gaze on her while he took a deep breath. Her eyes returned to his hesitantly before he spoke again, obviously anxious while she hid her nervousness behind a neutral face.
Another weird question? Had the other one been all that weird? Curious now, Anya cocked her head, waiting for him to continue. Instead, he fidgeted with his hands. Funny. She does that when she's nervous too. He looked down and Anya wondered how strange this question could be to turn the tables as he turned into the shy one and she just watched him expectantly. If he had a question, she had to answer. For dread of what would happen if she didn't. What was he feigning nervousness for then? To make her more inclined to give him an answer? He didn't seem all that manipulative. Well, animals are the best judges of character. If the kitty she just met likes him, maybe she shouldn't assume the worst...
Besides, he said that she didn't have to answer if it was too personal. But while she expected something about her wrists that everyone knew about, he finally voiced his question and took her completely by surprise.

Anya blinked, eyes wide when he asked for her first name. Her lips parted just slightly and her mind reeled. Part of her knew he started talking again, but she was no longer paying attention. He had asked for her first name. He wanted to know her name! Nobody ever cared to ask what her first name was. They just used my surname and turned it into something ugly! Anya's face darkened when a sudden realization brought her shock and slight giddiness to a quick standstill.
Which could be exactly what he wants my first name for...
Anya bit her lip and her eyes lowered down to the grass in front of her criss crossed legs. The cat, sensing her dilemma, once again crawled into the little maiden's lap, which was a warm cradle that held the feline nicely.

Anya's nails dug into her palms while her mind waged a war.
What if he's being honest and I won't be so invisible anymore?
Are you crazy? Nobody likes you. He's just doing this to find a new way to ridicule you.
It seems that way, but has Elliot ever really directly hurt me? And the cat likes him.
It doesn't matter the details. He's the most popular kid in school. YOU CAN'T TRUST HIM!

Anya winced. It killed her that she had built such walls against people who might actually want to know her, in fear of the possibility that it'll hurt her more in the future. Why would she have any reason to believe that telling Elliot would be any different?

Because miraculously, Anya might still have the courage to hope. The truth is, she didn't talk much. But not because she was shy or overly secretive. It's because no one ever asks. No one ever wants to listen. If given the opportunity to speak up, why shouldn't she say something? Her feelings might not be worth anything, but they were killing her all bottled up between her lungs.
So Anya closed her eyes and did something impulsive.
"Anya." She whispered in the tiniest of breaths and moved her right hand to stroke the cat in her lap for moral support. Her lips hardly moved, but at least he could probably hear her the second time around.
"My name is Anya."
 
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She plunged into silence. It was calculating and indecisive, and when he felt the emotions stirring, he knew that the question probably wasn't a fantastic one to ask. Especially since that was the very first time that Elliot had held a conversation with the girl. He looked away from her, back forward, taking a slow breath in and releasing it with a quiet huff. He waited in the silence, patient, yet anxious. For a second, he thought that his second assumption would be correct, and that she just wouldn't answer him at all. However, something broke the silence - a small, almost inaudible whisper. It was short, and he didn't quite catch what it said. It came from her. His head tilted up a tad. The silence returned for another few seconds before she spoke again, voice risen in tone so that he could hear what she said.
"My name is Anya."

Anya.

He glanced to the side at her. His eyes flashed with a personal intrigue at her name. It fit her nicely. He was, in truth, slightly surprised that she decided to respond to him, and he also felt like he had just achieved a long-awaited milestone. Although, she looked incredibly tense, like her saying what she said would bring dire consequences. He blinked. The quiet had returned between them. After a minute of thoughtful silence, he broke it, saying, "Anya." He turned his head back forward and spoke it again, his tone turning as thoughtful as his mind, "Anya." He liked saying it. He grinned very softly, and spoke in a thankful tone, "That's a nice name." His hands held one another in his lap as his gaze trained itself forward, taking in the wide field of pretty green. He had something to know her as then. No longer was she the Cahill girl or just Cahill. She was Anya. The tension of asking the question released and he relaxed again, hoping it would spread and she might relax a little, too.
Almost the second after he had released the tension, the nasty little voice in his head said something unspeakably rude. What names can you get out of that? No doubt was it his reputation, at it's dirty work again. He wanted to kill off that part of his conscious, so badly. Isn't she tormented enough with her last name being shit all over? God, just shut the fuck up.
As he scolded his own mind, he realized then that he wouldn't be able to call her by her first name at school. If he thought of bad names for it, he was sure that the popular clique at school would too, and worse, they'd probably act upon it. Having to note that, having to recognize the fact that she couldn't even be called by her own name, hence it be soiled and turned into a weapon against her, was disgusting. He couldn't even believe how cruel kids could be. He couldn't believe how cruel he once was, to stand by and let things like this happen, and even laugh as they did. It made him feel sick to his stomach.
And so, in light of this thought, he spoke again.

" ... I'll keep it to myself."

He didn't exactly know why he said it, but he did, and it was directed to Anya. His tone was grim, but it also sounded kind of ... understanding. Empathetic, if you will. He knew what situation that could put her in, and she was tortured quite enough at school. He wasn't stupid, or blind. He wished that there was a way to convince not only her, but everyone that he wasn't a mean person. Not anymore. He might've been at some point, and he wished he could take that all back and apologize, but what can you do when it's either live being feared, or live being bullied for your entire duration of high school?
He allowed himself a deep sigh to release the heaviness of his heart, and his fingers came up to rub his temples lightly. He felt a need to straighten things out with this girl. It was more than a need, actually - it felt more like an obligation. But how to go about it without freaking her out? He knew that then probably wasn't a good time, but there was something else that he wanted to say.
" ... I'm ... not that cruel."
And after he spoke that in a softer voice, he went silent, staring forward, hands going back to his lap. He didn't know what else to say after that, so he just waited if she reacted at all to it in silence, after which he would think of something else to bring up. Everything had suddenly gotten a lot less light-hearted, for some reason. He'd find a way to get things back to a positive note.
 
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Though he had turned to look at her, she was too intimidated to meet his eyes. She felt so afraid, like she should suck the words right back inside her and ull her name out of his memory, but alas, what's heard cannot be unheard. She knew that all too well. The silence was unsettling, for she was sure he was thinking of a hundred different ways to turn that into a weapon, another knife into her heart. Her own identity would finally match what she was. Something to ridicule and mock. Something to hurt. Sensing the darker atmosphere, the nameless kitty in her lap meowed and pawed at Anya's leg just as Elliot spoke. What did he say? Anya stroked the cat almost robotically, finally meeting his gaze before he spoke again, breaking the silence with her name. His tone wasn't mean or scary when he said it either. He...he even seemed to like it, based on the fact that he said it was nice. Though most would have said thanks, she didn't take it as a compliment. She hardly ever took any statement as a compliment these days. It's not like she chose her name, or even used it very often. So why was it nice to hear that he liked he name? Maybe because that way, he wouldn't change it into something like her? Ugly and annoying.
She looked down and returned her gaze to the stray in her lap while Elliot relaxed beside her and trained his eyes on the beautiful view. She wasn't in the clear though yet. She was still nervous.
Up until recently, Elliot wasn't so kind. Sure, he hadn't taken the initiative when hurting her at school, but he had stood by. He had seen. So surely he knew why she would be so suspicious of someone who had so suddenly acted kind toward her. Why would he do that? Why would he stand up for her? Why would he even talk to her?

Having seemed to have realized that Oakson High would turn her first name into a laughingstock, he decided to keep her first name a secret. Or at least he said he would. He hasn't lied to her yet has he? Anya looked up and their eyes locked. He wanted to show her sincerity, and as far as she could tell, there was no hint of deceit in his warm brown eyes. Of course she wasn't going to trust him completely, but he was making good progress. That's dangerous, but..almost..exciting?
Oh who are you kidding? The first thing that you'll hear once you get back to school will be some offensive variation of both of your names and the mocking laughter of a whole student body that feeds off of your humiliation.
Anya winced. Why was his tone so empathetic if his intent is so cruel?
Elliot sighed and Anya just bit her lip while steadily covering her hand in cat fur. She's given herself a headache with all the voices and hunger. But she didn't show any signs of such pain. She suffers in silence until a soft phrase distracts her.

" ... I'm ... not that cruel."


Anya blinked as her mind raced to prove him wrong, using every embarrassing scenario in her past that he was present for. But then she reached the present. He defended her, his looks of concern, he talked to her, the cat likes him, heck he's still talking to her. He is not cruel. He is not like all the others despite his social standing. At least not anymore. But why? What changed? Was he acting?

"W-Why? Is there...something that you want from me?" Anya wondered with anxious, curious eyes hiding hints of pain. She was tempted to rub at her temple, but that would give her away. There couldn't be any other reason for why he would want to be nice to her besides a desire for...something. Right?
 
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His search for words was interrupted by her voice. She asked him something. He came to attention, yanked back into the moment, and he caught on to her question. She wanted to know if there was ... something that he wanted from her. Her tone was inquisitive and nervous. And to be honest, he found himself confused at how to answer that question. He thought it was obvious that talking to her was just ... talking to her, but at that moment, even that was unclear. Maybe there was something that he wanted from her. I mean, not in the physical, material sense, and not something like a favor. It was something harder to obtain, a thousand times harder, something that held much deeper meaning. He took a while longer than he wanted to come up with a reply to that. He had to consider the factors, what it would bring in response. His gaze was on the hands in his lap, and he thought hard on his words.
However, words for Elliot weren't exactly pre-planned, and he found himself speaking before he could control his own voice.

" ... It's so stupid, isn't it?"

His eyes tilted up, staring out at the grass. " ... This whole social status thing." He paused without reason, taking a second before continuing, "And I used to want to be a big part of it. And now ... I am." He smiled wryly. "It's just this whole leader system filled with brainwashed idiots, who order people based on how many kids wanna kiss their feet. And that is just absolutely fucking insane."
"Before, with what happened with you and Matt - " his tone faltered a bit on that part, but he continued without stop, " - it opened my eyes. I don't even know how exactly. It was wrong all the time, in any case, at any point, to see a kid be bullied by someone, but I was too much of a coward to step up and do something about it until I saw you being bullied. I was - I was, and still am, a part of that petty leadership, and how can you attempt to step out of line when it means you'll be ridiculed for the rest of high school?"
His tone was growing slightly distressed. He was starting to rant more than explain. "I just went with the crowd. And now people don't even wanna talk to me, 'cause they think that I'll - " he paused, " ... that I'll start wailin' on them with one wrong word. That I'll make them a fucking joke, set them up to be a piece of meat to people like the kids I have to sit with each day."
The anxiety was melting into something else. He felt less constrained at that point. More confident in his words. He paused before he glanced over at her, a slight fierceness in his eyes. "My situation - it isn't anywhere even close to how bad yours is. I'm not some blinded kid anymore. I never wanted to be a bully, I never wanted to be seen as a bully, but I'm realizing that that's exactly how I'm being looked at. I've started seeing how much of an absolute idiot I was, and - and I - "
His eyes softened again, his gaze turning back forward, expression calming a bit. He had gotten so much out. He wasn't thinking about anything else, about how stupid or weird he may sound, or anything, as he continued.

" ... I ... I just want your forgiveness. I want the forgiveness of every kid who's ever seen me as a bully, but that's never gonna happen. It's ... it's too late to fix that, I can see it." He stopped talking for a moment, taking a second to close his eyes and pull in a deep breath. "But - but now, I have a chance to really say something, and you deserve an apology more than most anyone in that whole damn school."
After that, silence ensued for a full several seconds. He broke it again.
" ... So I'm sorry, Anya. I'm so sorry for looking and for acting like such a mean kid. I'm sorry for ever calling you that horrible, horrible name. And it would put me at so much peace if you could find it in your heart to forgive me for it all, and give me a chance to be myself instead of some 'king of the school' asshole that I've been all this time."

He went very quiet after that. He couldn't even look at her. That was a very drawn-out rant, and he felt very ... strange to have said all of that. It was an anxious feeling twisting his stomach, but getting those words off of his chest allowed such a wonderful sense of release that he could barely describe it.
He decided to say one last thing, in a small voice, before falling completely silent.

" ... But ... but I can understand if it's too late for that. It's much more than understandable."
 
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It clearly took a moment for her question to sink in because Elliot seemed confused before he started talking. At first he seemed off topic, but what he said... He didn't immediately look at her, but he spoke about school like it wasn't his favorite place in the world. He was king there and he knew it, but Anya was surprisingly inclined to believe him when he spoke about how much he disliked it. She looked away slightly embarrassed every time he cursed, but then again, it seemed to show her just how much he meant his words. That he wanted to put foul emphasis on the the way Oakson High ranks its teenagers. But when he mentioned Matt, she flinched. Having the pregnant cat in her lap with her soft fur... she really missed Tigger. She misses everyone she cared about that left. and if she ends up trusting Elliot, he will probably leave her too.

"It was wrong all the time, in any case, at any point, to see a kid be bullied by someone,..

Bullied? No she's not...Anya blinked. The others simply bully her? It that what he calls it? Is it really bullying when she deserves it?

"...but I was too much of a coward to step up and do something about it until I saw you being bullied. I was - I was, and still am, a part of that petty leadership, and how can you attempt to step out of line when it means you'll be ridiculed for the rest of high school?"


Then don't step out of line. I don't want you to end up like me. I don't want anyone to end up like me. You weren't being a coward. Self-preservation is a strong force.

" ... that I'll start wailin' on them with one wrong word. That I'll make them a fucking joke, set them up to be a piece of meat to people like the kids I have to sit with each day."

Anya frowned slightly, but still paid close attention. To be honest, she had been afraid to talk to him for that reason exactly. If she had known she was offending him, she...well, it might have been hard not to be scared. He's still the top of the food chain while she's well, at the bottom.
Wait. The kids you have to sit with? Why do you say it like it's a bad thing? Aren't they your friends? Don't take them for granted, because losing friends hurts. Too much.

Then he turned to her and she stared back, wide eyed, shocked and slightly confused. He was confident though and he seemed so so honest that she really wanted to reach out of her empty shell and trust him. Every time those brown eyes stared straight through her... Could she resist? Could she protect herself from the vulnerability that comes with caring about someone or something else? With every word he said, it became harder.

"My situation - it isn't anywhere even close to how bad yours is. I'm not some blinded kid anymore..."

But aren't we all blinded kids in one way or another?

"...I never wanted to be a bully, I never wanted to be seen as a bully, but I'm realizing that that's exactly how I'm being looked at. I've started seeing how much of an absolute idiot I was, and - and I - "

Did he even know her situation? How many rumors are spread about her? How much of her does he think he knows and how much of it is lies? Why did he ever think he was a bully? He's Elliot, charismatic love of the school. He's popular for a reason. He never physically or directly hurts anyone. He's what everyone wants to be. A joker with a moral compass. Sure he laughed with his friends at her accurate nickname, but that isn't bullying is it? Would she do it if their roles were reversed? Could it really be called bullying? Don't be so hard on yourself Elliot. I don't want you to hurt.

Now why did you look away? Why are you asking me to forgive you with your eyes forward? I can't see you.

So that's it then? He wants to feel better. He wants from her three words that he can walk away with feeling lighter somehow. Like a confession in church, he came to her to forgive him but she she was no saint. She couldn't do what he wanted. Not with his eyes facing away from her. She knows it could be hard to look at her for too long, but...if you really want her to give you three simple words..at least give her dull green eyes the privilege to see yours. She doesn't need an apology. She doesn't need to forgive anyone. She...needs a friend. But he clearly had quite enough of those...and he only wants her..'forgiveness' for a crime he never committed.
And as soon as she gives it to him...he'll go away, feeling so at peace. Getting a chance at being himself... How could she deny him that? How could she withhold something that seemed to mean so much to him, even if the first real conversation she's had in awhile ends?

Why are you so sooo naive?! He can't even look at you!

ow ouch ow ow no.. give him his peace and let him go, he'll hurt you anyway...

Anya turned away so he could only see the back of her head. Soft sniffles and hiccups were the only noises she made before she realized she was crying. NO. She can't show him this weakness. She lets it go in blood. Cutting sounds like a really good idea right now. The pressure builds.

"...You're..f-forgiven. It's-s okay..Y-you never rea-ally hurt me..." She whimpered and swiped her arm across her eyes. One tear dripped on the cat and she slipped out of Anya's arms, cocking her head curiously. Anya wanted to run. So she stood up, wobbling only slightly without looking in Elliot's direction at all. "S-sorry..just..if-f she doesn't find her way home, please make sureshe'llbeokay?" Anya mumbled before turning her back on the pair and trying to take in enough oxygen while her lungs were clogged with the smoking bomb in her chest. Time to let off some steam. Walking quickly, she headed for the sidewalk, cheeks tearstained and dripping before she even hit the pavement, praying Elliot wouldn't come after her. You're sooo stupididiotuglydumb. her hands twitched and one was dying to scratch the inside of the other's wrist, but the fingers were too occupied wiping traitor tears away.
 
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