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A
Aleksander
Guest
I love being a smart ass. Unfortunately for me, there is no such thing as a one-liner. And ten sentences is way below the standard for me.
But, here goes.
One line:
Upon his waking, Axel couldn't help but notice the multitude of contusions along his arms, shoulders and chest given that it was all he could see.
Ten sentences:
To his observation, he noticed the multiple differences in each of these blemishes. Few were wide, and covered more space among his mocha skin. Others were small, more pin-pointed, as if they were implemented by fists. Unbeknownst to the man were the lacerations covering his thighs, calves and ankles, only having noticed the bout of excruciating pain when he had sat up. Removing the blanket, he came to the realization that - this must have happened while he was under the influence. What happened last night? Did he get into a fight, an accident, who had witnessed this tragic event? Most importantly, he wanted to know how all of this had occured in the first place. Well, may as well take the time for some recovery. Without bothering to get up, Axel laid back down in bed before reeling the blanket up to his shoulders, and then over his face just before his attempt to go back to sleep.
Now, can anyone tell me where they see an error in this post?
But, here goes.
One line:
Upon his waking, Axel couldn't help but notice the multitude of contusions along his arms, shoulders and chest given that it was all he could see.
Ten sentences:
To his observation, he noticed the multiple differences in each of these blemishes. Few were wide, and covered more space among his mocha skin. Others were small, more pin-pointed, as if they were implemented by fists. Unbeknownst to the man were the lacerations covering his thighs, calves and ankles, only having noticed the bout of excruciating pain when he had sat up. Removing the blanket, he came to the realization that - this must have happened while he was under the influence. What happened last night? Did he get into a fight, an accident, who had witnessed this tragic event? Most importantly, he wanted to know how all of this had occured in the first place. Well, may as well take the time for some recovery. Without bothering to get up, Axel laid back down in bed before reeling the blanket up to his shoulders, and then over his face just before his attempt to go back to sleep.
Now, can anyone tell me where they see an error in this post?
- Invitation Status
- Not accepting invites at this time
- Posting Speed
- Speed of Light
- Slow As Molasses
- Online Availability
- It varies a lot depending on my schedule, unfortunately.
- Writing Levels
- Advanced
- Adaptable
- Preferred Character Gender
- Primarily Prefer Male
- Genres
- Psychological horror
Body horror
Supernatural
Giallo
Splatterpunk
Dark fantasy
Historical
Low fantasy
Magipunk
Weird West
Noir
Thriller
Gothic horror
Southern Gothic
Gaslamp fantasy
Cyberpunk
Space saga
Clockpunk
Space Western
Space opera
Paranormal
Modern fantasy
Dieselpunk
Post-Apocalyptic
Crime drama
Medieval fantasy
Just FYI! Your first attempt is not actually ten sentences! Those are sentence fragments at best. ;D
In your second attempt, your one-liner is a bit awkwardly phrased. Schools of grammar argue about whether a comma in a list preceding "and" is necessary, so I won't harp on that. It did look almost like a run-on sentence (or more specifically, a comma splice) at first glance, before I realized it was a list. You're also being extraneously verbose; if it's all that he can see, we don't really need to know the first thing that he noticed. I'd suggest rephrasing for a better flow. E.g.; "Upon waking, all that Axel could see was the multitude of contusions along his arms, shoulders, and chest."
Then- once again- you are repetitive with "To his observation" and "he noticed". You don't need to keep telling your readers the same thing twice in one sentence!
Next, you begin a sentence with "Few". Which few? The way your sentence is constructed indicates that you mean few contusions in general out of all the many contusions in the world, when you really mean "A few" in particular. :]
You use the phrase "implemented by fists". I think this may be a case of verb confusion, as it is a very odd way to say this. The word you were looking for was probably "inflicted".
"Unbeknownst to the man were the lacerations covering his thighs, calves and ankles, only having noticed the bout of excruciating pain when he had sat up." This is another awkwardly phrased sentence. It meanders as if you weren't sure where you were going when you wrote it. You might want to give an indication that these are different lacerations, perhaps by inserting "additional" before "lacerations" or the phrase "as well" after the list of lacerated body parts. You also give no indication of when exactly he sat up. You use "had" as if it were before the point at which you're narrating, but in the same sentence he was unaware of those lacerations!
That hyphen is not used correctly and should be removed. You don't particularly need any sort of punctuation there; it would be fine as simply "he came to the realization that this must have happened while he was under the influence".
"Did he get into a fight, an accident, who had witnessed this tragic event?" THIS is a run-on sentence/comma splice! You are smushing independent clauses together! "Who had witnessed this tragic event?" should be its own sentence, or at least be properly separated with correct punctuation such as a semicolon.
(I'm also not sure if you are using italics for emphasis or for indication of the character's inner dialogue. If so, does he think in third person?)
"Most importantly, he wanted to know how all of this had occured in the first place." You misspelled "occurred"! This also feels a little wordy. I'd suggest rephrasing.
In fact, a lot of these sentences feel a bit stiff and wordy! When you write a paragraph, you should read it over and question what you've written. Is this word or phrase necessary to your sentence? Are you using this word instead of a more common one because it paints a better picture, or because you were trying to avoid the common term? Does this sentence roll off the tongue, or do you stumble? Does this paragraph stick to one cohesive point or should it be broken down into two paragraphs? Are you using enough adjectives for descriptive effect?
Well, you get the idea! I hope that helped. :]
In your second attempt, your one-liner is a bit awkwardly phrased. Schools of grammar argue about whether a comma in a list preceding "and" is necessary, so I won't harp on that. It did look almost like a run-on sentence (or more specifically, a comma splice) at first glance, before I realized it was a list. You're also being extraneously verbose; if it's all that he can see, we don't really need to know the first thing that he noticed. I'd suggest rephrasing for a better flow. E.g.; "Upon waking, all that Axel could see was the multitude of contusions along his arms, shoulders, and chest."
Then- once again- you are repetitive with "To his observation" and "he noticed". You don't need to keep telling your readers the same thing twice in one sentence!
Next, you begin a sentence with "Few". Which few? The way your sentence is constructed indicates that you mean few contusions in general out of all the many contusions in the world, when you really mean "A few" in particular. :]
You use the phrase "implemented by fists". I think this may be a case of verb confusion, as it is a very odd way to say this. The word you were looking for was probably "inflicted".
"Unbeknownst to the man were the lacerations covering his thighs, calves and ankles, only having noticed the bout of excruciating pain when he had sat up." This is another awkwardly phrased sentence. It meanders as if you weren't sure where you were going when you wrote it. You might want to give an indication that these are different lacerations, perhaps by inserting "additional" before "lacerations" or the phrase "as well" after the list of lacerated body parts. You also give no indication of when exactly he sat up. You use "had" as if it were before the point at which you're narrating, but in the same sentence he was unaware of those lacerations!
That hyphen is not used correctly and should be removed. You don't particularly need any sort of punctuation there; it would be fine as simply "he came to the realization that this must have happened while he was under the influence".
"Did he get into a fight, an accident, who had witnessed this tragic event?" THIS is a run-on sentence/comma splice! You are smushing independent clauses together! "Who had witnessed this tragic event?" should be its own sentence, or at least be properly separated with correct punctuation such as a semicolon.
(I'm also not sure if you are using italics for emphasis or for indication of the character's inner dialogue. If so, does he think in third person?)
"Most importantly, he wanted to know how all of this had occured in the first place." You misspelled "occurred"! This also feels a little wordy. I'd suggest rephrasing.
In fact, a lot of these sentences feel a bit stiff and wordy! When you write a paragraph, you should read it over and question what you've written. Is this word or phrase necessary to your sentence? Are you using this word instead of a more common one because it paints a better picture, or because you were trying to avoid the common term? Does this sentence roll off the tongue, or do you stumble? Does this paragraph stick to one cohesive point or should it be broken down into two paragraphs? Are you using enough adjectives for descriptive effect?
Well, you get the idea! I hope that helped. :]
A
Aleksander
Guest
Actually, that was an honest mistake. I wasn't paying attention to the spelling. I usually go back over and scan for spelling errors. But when it comes to the rest, I knew what I was doing and what I was aiming for. If you want my personal opinion, it's absolutely grotesque.
It lacks depth, there are multiple punctuation errors, especially that hyphen, there's many bouts of repetition, and it's overall a bad account. Bland and blotched, to say in the least.
I thank you for being so nice about it. As you can see, I'm not, so much.
P
Pattern
Guest
One line:
'Well fuck' were probably his last words.
Ten Sentences:
He was running as fast as he could, cursing himself for taking this route on his own. The others would probably survive this onslaught, he thought gloomily. It was too late for him to turn back now; he has their attention, whether he liked it or not.
"Shit, shit, SHIT."
He could hear their footsteps nearby, wet feet running on cemented floor. They were laughing monotonously, he heard, as they continued their pursuit.
They were getting closer.
He turned into the first open door to his left, and found himself in an empty room.
The only exit was through the door he had just used.
"Well fuck."
Despite being in paragraphs, we would like to believe that the lines still count.
Ten in total, as requested.
If semicolons were treated as commas dividing sentences in different sections instead of a line, then it is ten in total.
It could have been better.
I know.
'Well fuck' were probably his last words.
Ten Sentences:
He was running as fast as he could, cursing himself for taking this route on his own. The others would probably survive this onslaught, he thought gloomily. It was too late for him to turn back now; he has their attention, whether he liked it or not.
"Shit, shit, SHIT."
He could hear their footsteps nearby, wet feet running on cemented floor. They were laughing monotonously, he heard, as they continued their pursuit.
They were getting closer.
He turned into the first open door to his left, and found himself in an empty room.
The only exit was through the door he had just used.
"Well fuck."
- - - - -
Despite being in paragraphs, we would like to believe that the lines still count.
Ten in total, as requested.
If semicolons were treated as commas dividing sentences in different sections instead of a line, then it is ten in total.
It could have been better.
I know.
- Posting Speed
- 1-3 posts per week
- Online Availability
- I have a shifting work schedule, so My online times will be random.
- Writing Levels
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- Advanced
- Prestige
- Adaptable
- Preferred Character Gender
- Male
- Female
- No Preferences
- Genres
- Fantasy, scifi, futuristic modern, fantasy modern, Action/adventure, Mystery, Fan-based,
One line:
Adel looked over her shoulder through the aft view-port, eyes wide in horror, the panic stricken clamoring of the bridge crew assailing her ears with each member working rapidly at their consoles trying to get the ship just an ounce more power, as the sun went supernova.
Ten Lines:
"What? you want me to what?" Christine stared at the man at her hotel room door eyes wide in shock not quite believing that such a request had just been made of her. "Of all the insane things-" she paused, eyes widening as she comprehended the exact meaning of the plan that had just been laid before her. Oh this was brilliant! This might just work after all. "All right," she agreed. "I'll wear the high heels, I'll wear the little black dress, I'll seduce the guard, but you had better make it into that vault and out again in one piece. I expect to be paid, Mister." without another moment's hesitation Christine grabbed the offered outfit and disappeared into the bathroom to change. This was going to be the heist of the century.
Adel looked over her shoulder through the aft view-port, eyes wide in horror, the panic stricken clamoring of the bridge crew assailing her ears with each member working rapidly at their consoles trying to get the ship just an ounce more power, as the sun went supernova.
Ten Lines:
"What? you want me to what?" Christine stared at the man at her hotel room door eyes wide in shock not quite believing that such a request had just been made of her. "Of all the insane things-" she paused, eyes widening as she comprehended the exact meaning of the plan that had just been laid before her. Oh this was brilliant! This might just work after all. "All right," she agreed. "I'll wear the high heels, I'll wear the little black dress, I'll seduce the guard, but you had better make it into that vault and out again in one piece. I expect to be paid, Mister." without another moment's hesitation Christine grabbed the offered outfit and disappeared into the bathroom to change. This was going to be the heist of the century.
L
LogicfromLogic
Guest
One liner: "I can give you the power you so desire, but you must be ready to pay the price for it, and my prices are no at all...cheap."
10 sentence paragraph:
Slade looked down at his feet for a split second, as if he were troubled by the genie's proposition. He thought of all the things that could go wrong, but then, he remembered why he was here. He had wanted the power of a god so that he might rise up and rule this world with an iron fist, and watch those he hated burn to hell as he watched from a throne. "Just think," a chilling voice cooed in his ear, "you'll be a prince of men; a savior." An evil smile spread across Slade's face as he thought of being worshiped by others. He turned to the genie and held his hand out. "I accept your offer; my throne is growing cold at every waking minute we stand here," he said greedily. The genie grasped the human's hand and gave it a harsh squeeze, and as black mist filled in Slade's mouth, he realized that he had made a mistake. Slade crumbled to the ground screaming in pain. The genie stood over him, glaring down at him she whispered, "Generosity saves lives, greed takes them."
10 sentence paragraph:
Slade looked down at his feet for a split second, as if he were troubled by the genie's proposition. He thought of all the things that could go wrong, but then, he remembered why he was here. He had wanted the power of a god so that he might rise up and rule this world with an iron fist, and watch those he hated burn to hell as he watched from a throne. "Just think," a chilling voice cooed in his ear, "you'll be a prince of men; a savior." An evil smile spread across Slade's face as he thought of being worshiped by others. He turned to the genie and held his hand out. "I accept your offer; my throne is growing cold at every waking minute we stand here," he said greedily. The genie grasped the human's hand and gave it a harsh squeeze, and as black mist filled in Slade's mouth, he realized that he had made a mistake. Slade crumbled to the ground screaming in pain. The genie stood over him, glaring down at him she whispered, "Generosity saves lives, greed takes them."
I
IcarusV
Guest
One Liner: He flung the searing spear at his attacker, aiming for the heart as he hissed his would-be last words at the assailant. "Catch!"
Ten sentences: Spindal ran as fast as he could to reach the bottom of the erupting mountain side. The hunting party was on his tail, but if all went according to plan, that wouldn't matter soon. Straight ahead he saw his goal. The bright orange glow of flowing lava. He smirked as he slowed to a brisk trot down to the shore line. He could hear the footsteps close behind him stop and at once he knew that he was surrounded. The leader of the manhunt came forward and addressed Spindal.
"This is where it ends, traitor. Any last words?"
"Of course I do!" He replied as he spun on his heel to face the hunters. The flow of lava reacted as if it were an extension of his body, forming into thin tendrils that surrounded their master. The fearless huntsman charged forward with his sword and shield as one of the tendrils fell into Spindal's hand and took the shape of a lance. He flung the searing spear at his attacker, aiming for the heart as he hissed his would-be last words at the assailant. "Catch!"
Ten sentences: Spindal ran as fast as he could to reach the bottom of the erupting mountain side. The hunting party was on his tail, but if all went according to plan, that wouldn't matter soon. Straight ahead he saw his goal. The bright orange glow of flowing lava. He smirked as he slowed to a brisk trot down to the shore line. He could hear the footsteps close behind him stop and at once he knew that he was surrounded. The leader of the manhunt came forward and addressed Spindal.
"This is where it ends, traitor. Any last words?"
"Of course I do!" He replied as he spun on his heel to face the hunters. The flow of lava reacted as if it were an extension of his body, forming into thin tendrils that surrounded their master. The fearless huntsman charged forward with his sword and shield as one of the tendrils fell into Spindal's hand and took the shape of a lance. He flung the searing spear at his attacker, aiming for the heart as he hissed his would-be last words at the assailant. "Catch!"
E
E-Claire
Guest
After all the zombies, fights, and tears, I thought I might do a... lighter theme. *Update* Um, maybe I should have stuck with zombies. My post turned into some syrupy mess :/.
One Liner: With trembling hands, Ellis held his the love letter, stuttering, "I-It's for you, Camilla..."
Ten Lined Paragraph: Ellis shoved some a rosy envelope into Camilla's hands, before running off. Inside of the envelope was a letter that read:
Spring time has always been known for the time of new beginnings, and following that tradition, people still make new beginnings in Spring. When the air is just warming up; flowers are growing once more; and little animals are being born, people seem to be filled with some kind of magical energy, that makes us all want to try something new. Some people just sigh, moan, and titter at such words, as if their worlds will end if they accept such joy. But not you, Camilla. When I sing out to the world, instead of laughing like everyone else you smile. It is with your kind, accepting smile, I have fallen in love with. Please, if by some miracle you feel the same way, meet me under the willow tree at midnight tommorow. If not... I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors, and that you find a new friend, after I've left, this Spring.
One Liner: With trembling hands, Ellis held his the love letter, stuttering, "I-It's for you, Camilla..."
Ten Lined Paragraph: Ellis shoved some a rosy envelope into Camilla's hands, before running off. Inside of the envelope was a letter that read:
Spring time has always been known for the time of new beginnings, and following that tradition, people still make new beginnings in Spring. When the air is just warming up; flowers are growing once more; and little animals are being born, people seem to be filled with some kind of magical energy, that makes us all want to try something new. Some people just sigh, moan, and titter at such words, as if their worlds will end if they accept such joy. But not you, Camilla. When I sing out to the world, instead of laughing like everyone else you smile. It is with your kind, accepting smile, I have fallen in love with. Please, if by some miracle you feel the same way, meet me under the willow tree at midnight tommorow. If not... I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors, and that you find a new friend, after I've left, this Spring.
T
Time-Out
Guest
One Liner: Despite his attempts to cheer her up, her lips form a grave sunset - to his dismay, she finally breaks down.
Paragraph:
A fat bead of sweat rolled down his temple, plunging towards his chin. As he tilted his head to get rid of a crick - hearing his bone relax with a satisfying pop - he swiped at the salty drop with the tip of his tongue. He was aware that the woman beside him would make a face and even offer unwelcome speech about hygiene, but he didn't care. Sometimes, he just wants to be messy and break away from his confining life. His OCD was slowly ebbing away and he was glad. Even if this woman jogging beside him (reluctantly) was beautiful, he couldn't be happy with her. He knew it then: I have to break up with her as soon as possible.
Paragraph:
A fat bead of sweat rolled down his temple, plunging towards his chin. As he tilted his head to get rid of a crick - hearing his bone relax with a satisfying pop - he swiped at the salty drop with the tip of his tongue. He was aware that the woman beside him would make a face and even offer unwelcome speech about hygiene, but he didn't care. Sometimes, he just wants to be messy and break away from his confining life. His OCD was slowly ebbing away and he was glad. Even if this woman jogging beside him (reluctantly) was beautiful, he couldn't be happy with her. He knew it then: I have to break up with her as soon as possible.
E
ElBell
Guest
One-liner:
With her hair covering her eyes and a depressed smile painted on her lips, she let the boy's arm go for the last time, knowing she couldn't fight to keep him any more.
10-sentence/line Paragraph:
Dancing around the room and singing loudly, the girl was quite distracted from her original task of cleaning her room. A pile of clothes had grown into a mountain near her bed, and various magazines and art supplies were scattered around over her dark hardwood floors. But rather than pick the items up, the girl was pulling out a bunch of nice dresses. Her school's senior prom was that night, and the girl was determined to look and feel like a princess for the four hours of the dance. A loud knock sounded at the door which pulled the girl from her daydreaming, and the girl walked over and opened it, not caring about being in a sports bra and shorts. "You know, if you don't clean your room for real, you won't be going to the dance tonight." Her mother says, crossing her arms as she looked into the room that was just as messy as before. Eyes widened, the girl quickly began cleaning. She hadn't realized that losing the dance was the consequence for a dirty room! With a new determination, the girl started picking up her mess, her heart set on making sure she had her one perfect night with her boyfriend.
With her hair covering her eyes and a depressed smile painted on her lips, she let the boy's arm go for the last time, knowing she couldn't fight to keep him any more.
10-sentence/line Paragraph:
Dancing around the room and singing loudly, the girl was quite distracted from her original task of cleaning her room. A pile of clothes had grown into a mountain near her bed, and various magazines and art supplies were scattered around over her dark hardwood floors. But rather than pick the items up, the girl was pulling out a bunch of nice dresses. Her school's senior prom was that night, and the girl was determined to look and feel like a princess for the four hours of the dance. A loud knock sounded at the door which pulled the girl from her daydreaming, and the girl walked over and opened it, not caring about being in a sports bra and shorts. "You know, if you don't clean your room for real, you won't be going to the dance tonight." Her mother says, crossing her arms as she looked into the room that was just as messy as before. Eyes widened, the girl quickly began cleaning. She hadn't realized that losing the dance was the consequence for a dirty room! With a new determination, the girl started picking up her mess, her heart set on making sure she had her one perfect night with her boyfriend.
- Invitation Status
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- One post per week
- Slow As Molasses
- Writing Levels
- Intermediate
- Adept
- Advanced
- Prestige
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- Preferred Character Gender
- Male
- Female
- Primarily Prefer Female
- Genres
- Fantasy, Magical, Romance, Dystopian, Religious, Post-Apocalyptic, Zombies (but the plot has to consist of more than just mindlessly murdering the undead), Steampunk
One Line:
As the flames spread, and Analise felt the heat charring her skin, she knew she was out of options, her final pleading scream pierced the silence of the night.
Paragraph:
The night air held a bitter chill. Vivienne shivered as she leaned against the dilapidated building, her breath revealing itself in visible puffs before her face. Jay has five minutes to get here, or I'm going home. She hoped Jay would show, honestly, but whatever information he had wasn't worth losing her nose to frostbite. Closing her coat tighter around her she began to pace. Walking back and forth over the cracked sidewalk. This neighborhood was rough, but on a night like tonight, not even the worst criminals dared venture out onto the frost ridden streets. It was just then she saw him. His skin completely covered from the cold. Jay trotted up to her and stopped, the cold look in his steely eyes made Vivienne's heart clench.
As the flames spread, and Analise felt the heat charring her skin, she knew she was out of options, her final pleading scream pierced the silence of the night.
Paragraph:
The night air held a bitter chill. Vivienne shivered as she leaned against the dilapidated building, her breath revealing itself in visible puffs before her face. Jay has five minutes to get here, or I'm going home. She hoped Jay would show, honestly, but whatever information he had wasn't worth losing her nose to frostbite. Closing her coat tighter around her she began to pace. Walking back and forth over the cracked sidewalk. This neighborhood was rough, but on a night like tonight, not even the worst criminals dared venture out onto the frost ridden streets. It was just then she saw him. His skin completely covered from the cold. Jay trotted up to her and stopped, the cold look in his steely eyes made Vivienne's heart clench.
S
Somniator
Guest
One liner:
It was a warm, familiar sense of calm that first greeted him as he crossed the threshold of his childhood home.
Paragraph:
The floor creaked under his first hesitant step into the front hallway, disturbing a carefully confined silence. Streams of dust danced brilliantly through rays of sunlight that stretched across the room from the window behind him. To the right, ashes lay restful in the living room fireplace that had warmed his family through many cold winters. Across the hallway was a spiralling staircase that led up to the second floor. Taking a deep breath, he made his ascent, past walls with fading wooden trim and peeling wallpaper. There were more stairs than he had remembered as a child and was quite out of breath by the time he made it to the top. Collecting himself, he walked straight towards the door to his old bedroom at the end of the second floor corridor, fighting a growing sense of unease that built with every footstep. He was a foot away, reaching towards the handle when he suddenly stopped; the hairs on the back of his neck raised. "Derek," a voice growled from behind him with menace. He barely had a chance to scream before his body was lifted into the air and thrown through the bedroom door in front of him into blackness.
It was a warm, familiar sense of calm that first greeted him as he crossed the threshold of his childhood home.
Paragraph:
The floor creaked under his first hesitant step into the front hallway, disturbing a carefully confined silence. Streams of dust danced brilliantly through rays of sunlight that stretched across the room from the window behind him. To the right, ashes lay restful in the living room fireplace that had warmed his family through many cold winters. Across the hallway was a spiralling staircase that led up to the second floor. Taking a deep breath, he made his ascent, past walls with fading wooden trim and peeling wallpaper. There were more stairs than he had remembered as a child and was quite out of breath by the time he made it to the top. Collecting himself, he walked straight towards the door to his old bedroom at the end of the second floor corridor, fighting a growing sense of unease that built with every footstep. He was a foot away, reaching towards the handle when he suddenly stopped; the hairs on the back of his neck raised. "Derek," a voice growled from behind him with menace. He barely had a chance to scream before his body was lifted into the air and thrown through the bedroom door in front of him into blackness.
M
Mistress Dizzy
Guest
One Liner: Exhaling a slow, shaky breath, Chance spoke the six words that would change their relationship forever.
Short paragraph:
Sometimes Chance felt like the universe had it out for him. His best friend was a goofball, a joker, a smartass - but he wasn't really smart. He wasn't dumb, not really, but he just seemed generally unconcerned with brilliance. In a way, it was a relief, not to have to keep up a facade around him. The years before Bart had suddenly showed up at his school, and in his life, Chance had been faking his way through existence. Bart rescued him from all of that: his false joy, his fake smiles, his foundation to cover the weekend bruises, his father...
Now their senior year was almost over, and Chance knew he had to tell the truth. At lunch, he went to the quietest part of campus, and silently prayed before he spoke.
Exhaling a slow, shaky breath, Chance spoke the six words that would change their relationship forever.
"Bart, I'm in love with you."
(I think that's ten.)
Short paragraph:
Sometimes Chance felt like the universe had it out for him. His best friend was a goofball, a joker, a smartass - but he wasn't really smart. He wasn't dumb, not really, but he just seemed generally unconcerned with brilliance. In a way, it was a relief, not to have to keep up a facade around him. The years before Bart had suddenly showed up at his school, and in his life, Chance had been faking his way through existence. Bart rescued him from all of that: his false joy, his fake smiles, his foundation to cover the weekend bruises, his father...
Now their senior year was almost over, and Chance knew he had to tell the truth. At lunch, he went to the quietest part of campus, and silently prayed before he spoke.
Exhaling a slow, shaky breath, Chance spoke the six words that would change their relationship forever.
"Bart, I'm in love with you."
(I think that's ten.)
- Invitation Status
- Posting Speed
- 1-3 posts per day
- One post per day
- 1-3 posts per week
- One post per week
- Slow As Molasses
- Online Availability
- (EST) Tues-Sat: 4am-6am, 10am-11am, 5pm-7pm. Sun-Mon: It depends. I don't follow this schedule strictly though, but to give you an idea...
- Writing Levels
- Elementary
- Intermediate
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- Advanced
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- Preferred Character Gender
- Male
- Female
- Primarily Prefer Male
- Genres
- [----- CRAVING FOR -----]
~ Band Roleplay
~ Pokemon Roleplay
~ General Fantasy Roleplay
~ University Roleplay
All of which that are listed above can be mixed with: Romance, Adventure, Yaoi, Yuri, Furry (sometimes), Humanoids, or Mythical creatures (could be part human)
Trying this >.<
Re: Writing Exercise: One Line of Inspiration.
One-liner: The leaves on the seasoned branches grew and fell, crumpled and dried, just as fast as the wrinkles of old age growing under the Akita's eyes as he sat and waited - not knowing that his master have long died.
Ten sentences:
Slowly padding towards the entrance of the train station were two pairs of paws, owned by a furry canine with two small eyes, both of which were almost covered by the thickness of his golden brown coat. A soft sound of a horn drifted in the air, signalling the arrival of those who walked on two feet, each making their turn in exiting the premises. His heartbeat doubled its pace, his tail swished left and right, and his chest tightened to his excitement. This was and will always be his most favorite part of the day. Looking ahead from a distance, he sat and sniffed the air, eyes closed as he attempted to search for that woody cinnamon scent he grew to love. Pictures of roses, watermelon, smoke, lemon, honey and a few more things appeared in his mind as the wind invaded his wet nostrils, but there was no cinnamon. Shifting his paws around so that he may lean his weight on his left thigh, the Akita opened his eyes and calmed the movements of his tail. The station was empty. Perhaps his master - the wielder of that cinnamon scent - travelled slower than the others? Oh well, he can always try to wait for his arrival tomorrow.
Re: Writing Exercise: One Line of Inspiration.
One-liner: The leaves on the seasoned branches grew and fell, crumpled and dried, just as fast as the wrinkles of old age growing under the Akita's eyes as he sat and waited - not knowing that his master have long died.
Ten sentences:
Slowly padding towards the entrance of the train station were two pairs of paws, owned by a furry canine with two small eyes, both of which were almost covered by the thickness of his golden brown coat. A soft sound of a horn drifted in the air, signalling the arrival of those who walked on two feet, each making their turn in exiting the premises. His heartbeat doubled its pace, his tail swished left and right, and his chest tightened to his excitement. This was and will always be his most favorite part of the day. Looking ahead from a distance, he sat and sniffed the air, eyes closed as he attempted to search for that woody cinnamon scent he grew to love. Pictures of roses, watermelon, smoke, lemon, honey and a few more things appeared in his mind as the wind invaded his wet nostrils, but there was no cinnamon. Shifting his paws around so that he may lean his weight on his left thigh, the Akita opened his eyes and calmed the movements of his tail. The station was empty. Perhaps his master - the wielder of that cinnamon scent - travelled slower than the others? Oh well, he can always try to wait for his arrival tomorrow.
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S
SlamifiedBuddafied
Guest
One liner.
"I must apologize sir. But I am simple a the matradee of Hell's Cafe. Please, take your complaint to my supervisor Mephisto, the Lord of Hatred with your complaints."
Ten lines.
This soup. This soup is utter shit! I had just arrived in Hell but a fortnight ago and this place sure wasn't what I expected to arrive into after the bright light at the end of the god damned tunnel. No pun intended of course. I find myself falling through fire, bile and what appeared to be a pool of Tapioca pudding; I quickly discovered upon my terminal velocity landing that the pudding was liquefied people who came down just a little too hard. There was a little meeting of the damned, the Lord Satan showed up and branded us all and gave a surprisingly pleasant introduction to our eternity unto oblivion. Well, I find myself now beginning to go mad. I haven't had a decent bite to eat for two weeks and the soup I was served, of all things, I find minced human genitals in what I can only imagine is "cream de'la people." Well, I went and had a talk with the matradee only to find myself complaining to one of the Lords of Hell about the quality of the damned food in this disused realm of oblivion. Well, it beats going for a swim in the lake I suppose.
Note.
This was amusing.
"I must apologize sir. But I am simple a the matradee of Hell's Cafe. Please, take your complaint to my supervisor Mephisto, the Lord of Hatred with your complaints."
Ten lines.
This soup. This soup is utter shit! I had just arrived in Hell but a fortnight ago and this place sure wasn't what I expected to arrive into after the bright light at the end of the god damned tunnel. No pun intended of course. I find myself falling through fire, bile and what appeared to be a pool of Tapioca pudding; I quickly discovered upon my terminal velocity landing that the pudding was liquefied people who came down just a little too hard. There was a little meeting of the damned, the Lord Satan showed up and branded us all and gave a surprisingly pleasant introduction to our eternity unto oblivion. Well, I find myself now beginning to go mad. I haven't had a decent bite to eat for two weeks and the soup I was served, of all things, I find minced human genitals in what I can only imagine is "cream de'la people." Well, I went and had a talk with the matradee only to find myself complaining to one of the Lords of Hell about the quality of the damned food in this disused realm of oblivion. Well, it beats going for a swim in the lake I suppose.
Note.
This was amusing.
D
dragonesper
Guest
One-liner:
As she clung to ledge her grip was failing, she had no other choice but to trust it would work and let go.
Ten lines:
There were times he thought back to happier days, the days were he was with kin. His only worry had been his incapability, how the others grew to worry as he couldn't seem to do it. How he longed back to those days, where it was fun, games and joy, not the embittering emptiness he was battling now. He huddled deeper in, away from the harsh winter wind. He was alone now and too afraid to go back home to show his greatest failure. They wouldn't judge him, but he knew they would feel sorry for him. Sticking to the meager shelter from the wind he closed his eyes, refusing to see the truth in front of him. Just once had he managed to reach out, to shift, but he took on the wrong form. His uncertainty gave him feathers so inky black, a color so omnious to humans. He was a crow now and there was no going back, he was stuck.
As she clung to ledge her grip was failing, she had no other choice but to trust it would work and let go.
Ten lines:
There were times he thought back to happier days, the days were he was with kin. His only worry had been his incapability, how the others grew to worry as he couldn't seem to do it. How he longed back to those days, where it was fun, games and joy, not the embittering emptiness he was battling now. He huddled deeper in, away from the harsh winter wind. He was alone now and too afraid to go back home to show his greatest failure. They wouldn't judge him, but he knew they would feel sorry for him. Sticking to the meager shelter from the wind he closed his eyes, refusing to see the truth in front of him. Just once had he managed to reach out, to shift, but he took on the wrong form. His uncertainty gave him feathers so inky black, a color so omnious to humans. He was a crow now and there was no going back, he was stuck.
K
Killjoy
Guest
1. "Quit whining, nobody needs both of their arms."
2. The cantankerous young vampire stumbled back, fingers trying to stem the thick shadows that spilled from between them like old blood. He leveled a furious gaze at the elder creature across from him; his master smiled with frustrating tranquility. She was doused in gore and let her apprentice's severed arm drop into the inky pool at her feet as if to make a point. It stuck there rather than splashing. He scowled, deadened eyes sliding away while silvery reprimands assaulted his ears-- he should've been faster, tried harder, and oh, was that all he could do? He should feel bad; his failures broke her heart. And his arm. The fledgeling reluctantly drew his hand away from the stump that had until moments ago been a forelimb, trying not to watch in morbid fascination as the shadows wrought themselves into a new appendage. It was a feeling he'd never grow used to, though at least the right number of fingers regenerated this time. Nerves steeling, the young vampire braced himself for a counterattack.
It turned out meh. But I tried, darn it.
2. The cantankerous young vampire stumbled back, fingers trying to stem the thick shadows that spilled from between them like old blood. He leveled a furious gaze at the elder creature across from him; his master smiled with frustrating tranquility. She was doused in gore and let her apprentice's severed arm drop into the inky pool at her feet as if to make a point. It stuck there rather than splashing. He scowled, deadened eyes sliding away while silvery reprimands assaulted his ears-- he should've been faster, tried harder, and oh, was that all he could do? He should feel bad; his failures broke her heart. And his arm. The fledgeling reluctantly drew his hand away from the stump that had until moments ago been a forelimb, trying not to watch in morbid fascination as the shadows wrought themselves into a new appendage. It was a feeling he'd never grow used to, though at least the right number of fingers regenerated this time. Nerves steeling, the young vampire braced himself for a counterattack.
It turned out meh. But I tried, darn it.