On The Hunt For Cute Prey AkA Having A Open Relationship

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Marchosias, Dec 6, 2015.

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  1. So basicly I'm curius to see diferent stances and opinions on the subject; open relationships, are you in one or not, are they even possible or not? Their complexitys, viable or non-viable long term, how you feel jealusy might affect them, emotional impact, etc, etc.

    Myself, I'm a big advocate of them, being involved in one for over 5 years now. I'd say thats pretty long term, I wont lie and say my BF and me havent run in-to a few bumps while pursuing it, but we alvays managed to smooth out any rough pathechs and keep going vith it. Personaly, the main appeal of a open relationship for me, is the dynamic nature of it. Not being limited to just one partner all the time, tends to make life interesting! Not to mention unpredictable, which I like. In a way, it actualy makes me more apreciative of the chemistry my BF and me have - that we are able to keep our deeper romantic interest for each other, even with all the... off-channel shal we say... adventures we both have fairly often. They just add a litle spice to it all, but they dont afect our connection, being litle more then a quick fuck/one night stands. Jealusy dont even enter in-to it most of the time, since both of us are aware of the diference betwen love and simple lust. Which is good, to keep that perspective, since I can be a rather jealus woman vhen that mood strikes me! But I think that actualy makes it more fun for me. The competitive nature of it all, and the satisfaction I feel vhen he states how much more... intense... I am in bed, compared to some woman he took on a date on one of his frekvent business trips. Or the indignation I feel, vhen he - casually - implys I met my match hehehe! And ofc that goes both ways - he gets his own... motivation... to wear me out that much better in the sack, vhen I start comparing him to one of my litle conquests (more then a few to choose from, I'm quite the huntress vhen it comes to men XOXO ). Mutualy competitive motivation to keep the fire going, in a way! So in a sense, it actualy helps our own relationship to stay heated, thats the kind of logic I see in it. Ofc, I see the other side of the coin there, the fact that both of us are so comfortable in this arangement, means neither of us is quite ready yet for a real comitment. Vhich is true I supose.
  2. I'm all okay with it, but I'm a bit olde fashion and only want 1 mate. XP

    So why? No logical reason really, just mah feels on that subject for me. I know a few people who are in open. It's kinda strange to me to be honest. Almost may as well be friends with benefits, but the two are quite different still.
  3. Personally I don't think I'd do well in an Open Relationship myself, because I tend to get clingy with my partners and love the feeling of being 'the one'. If there's suddenly others, the bond just doesn't feel as close to me.
    It's illogical and a mindset I'm trying to kick mind you if for nothing more than that I fear such a mindset could be an unhealthy pressure on any partner I have in the future.

    As far as other's are concerned though. Go right ahead, it's not my business what others do.
    Just make sure that everyone's aware and consenting, this being anyone in the relationship itself and anyone they choose to partake in sexual acts with.
  4. I'm hypersexual, and one person isn't always going to be there or in the mood, so that factor alone opens the realm of possibility for an open relationship rather than me cheating due to impulsive behavior. I doubt I, personally, would feel any type of way seeing my partner engaged with another person, at least if this kind of relationship was established beforehand. My first reaction would be; "Learn any new tricks?" before anything else, so I'd be fine with it.

    That's focusing on the sexual aspect of it though. When it comes to the romance aspect I don't think I can do that. To give romantic attention I'd have to genuinely feel something for that person, and I don't get close to many people, especially in that way. So to then see my partner give that same kind of attention to someone else it MAY just put doubts in my mind of their appreciation for what I'm doing...saying that without trying to sound entitled and all. I don't want those doubts and insecurities swarming my mind as I know how they can affect a relationship negatively, based on past experience.

    So in a weird way...I'm fine with my partner giving up their body, so long as they exclude their heart. As for your first question, I am not in one. I'm single for the reason that I'm trying to work on the problems stated above.
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  5. I think open relationships are possible with proper framing and communication, but I think the couples who can pull them off are few and far between.
  6. Communication is everyting in a relationship and it becomes even more important with open relationships. It is also important to make sure it is on equal grounds. What goes for one, goes for the other. A common issue I see is that one partner only commits to the idea that He/she is the one sleeping or dating others. It is also not for everone, and that is perfectly fine. Just how mono isn't for everyone
    #6 Hellis, Dec 6, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2015
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  7. Personally I am an asexual, and I am very sex-negative when it comes to me being involved in sexual situations, but I am sex-positive when it comes to other people's sexuality. I just don't find any appeal in the thought of having sexual contact with anyone and body fluids kind of disgusts me. My brain doesn't put sex and romance in the same category, they are completely separated to me. Because I separate sex and love, I am completely okay with my partner seeking out a sexual relationship with someone else (or if they wanna change partners every time, that's fine too as long as they're careful and don't sleep around with strangers in unsafe environments. Stranger danger o_o).

    Of course it would depend on my partners belief too. If my partner is the type that thinks romance=sex and doesn't do such things outside of relationships, then I wouldn't encouraging them to seek something out. If they on the other hand has a history of sleeping with people while they're single, I would tell them that I am okay with them continuing doing so while in a relationship with me if they so choose. (I actually did tell my last girlfriend that. At first it was a big no, but later on it became a 'miiiight do it at parties if you're sure it's okay.' :p) As long as I am told that "I have (a) sexual partner/s on the side." I am totally cool with it. The only time it would piss me off that my partner has sex with others would be if they actively tried to hide it from me.

    I understand that people have sexual urges and since I don't feel comfortable satisfying those urges, I accept that they might seek elsewhere for that sort of things. As long as my partner can openly communicate with me about those feelings, I will be supportive of their choice.

    As long as people are open and communicative in their relationship and no person is overly jealous/possessive in the relationship, an open relationship is very possible. Of course it's not for everyone and it's important to tell your partner your limits so that you can see if there is some needs that clashes and if so, can you compromise and work around it. If you cannot find a compromise that both are willing to live with and are happy with, maybe it isn't the best relationship for you.

    TL;DR version

    Communicate your wants and needs with your partner, find good compromises that fits both/all partners, then yes, an open relationship can work.
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  8. And this is why you don't kiss girls in high school. :ferret:

    Real answer: You and your partner/lover/whatever should do whatever you want to do. Whatever makes y'all happy is really all that matters. Unless that involves sacrificing a goat to Satan while listening to death metal and fucking its entrails until you summon a super-demon. Then, you know, take a step back and reevaluate your life. :ferret:

    Seriously though, as my girlfriend would say, "you do you."
  9. Y'know, it's really helpful when people type out your thoughts for you. Thanks guys.

    EDIT: Oh, also, this should go without saying but being open about an open relationship is a good thing to do before sex. A couple people might not ask you to come in anymore, but holy fuck the bullets you dodge.
    #9 Kestrel, Dec 6, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2015
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  10. Agreed. Superdemons are such a fucking hassle to deal with. Start small!
  11. Thats it exacly. Love and lust are 2 separate things, and as long as that separation is kept, I dont care how many partners on the side my partner has.

    Lol, cliche overload detected! You shuldnt watch so many sily movies, they poison your thinking! XD Stil, a super-demon might be fun to fuck vith (literaly and metaphoricly)...
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  12. I wish I could have an open relationship. I have never found a girl who believes anything remotely similar to that.
    Though as a Christian, it is against my religious views.
  13. I think I am too much of a possessive and jealous person to have an open relationship myself. D: I am totally okay with them, if you're communicating and being honest about stuff. And if I were single I'd be okay with dating someone in an open relationship and giving it a whirl. (There's a lot of dating stuff I never tried before I met my OTL O_O) But I think after awhile I wouldn't be happy with it. I wouldn't like having to share my person with others and not being the center of attention. >:/
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  14. Well just from the fact that my girl can get impregnanted from someone other than me in an open relationship makes me dislike the idea of being in one. Hey but if someone else thinks that is a downside of little importance then chef don't judge...unless you not eating my ravioli xD
  15. My boyfriend and I tried an open relationship for a couple months. I believe eight. The reason for this is because I am Demisexual Panromantic, and more often than not it is kind of difficult for me to get in the mood for sex. My boyfriend is hypersexual, probably not to the extent as @Deuce, but I felt like a shitty partner for not being able to provide for my spouse. In order to fix the solution, and possibly make my boyfriend happy, I told him that I was okay with us having an open relationship. He can have one night stands, and I can do whatever I want in terms of RP. During this time in our relationship my boyfriend wasn't particularly fond of the idea of the possibility that I do role-play sex scenes in my stories. Several times I had to explain to him that it was just a character and not actually me. That I don't get off on it at all, but despite that he was still protestant over the idea. (Now a days I just tell him to get over it. lol) He also told me that I could only get involved with other girls and that he wanted to see it. So as you can see our open relationship was very one sided, and I didn't much appreciate that. So I handled the open relationship like how a normal one would be, and did what I wanted.

    Anyways, at first I was perfectly okay with the open relationship. Then my boyfriend started complaining about it, said he didn't like it because he only wanted me. He also told me that for the past eight months not once has he gone out of his way to find one night stands. So we agreed to halt the open relationship, much to my displeasure since that further puts me in a difficult position where I now have to force myself to do it. I mean I don't really care that I have to do it, sure its uncomfortable as all hell and kind of disgusting, but if it makes him happy then I dont see where the problem is. I've come to learn that relationships are all about compromise. Unfortunately, a few months after I found out that he lied to me about the fact that he hadn't gone looking. In fact he had asked multiple girls that he was friends with on facebook (some of which he is still in contact with), and then I realized just how manipulative my boyfriend was. When I confronted him about it he told me he expected me to find out for myself eventually and that he was to afraid to tell me himself. Though I'm pretty sure he was just manipulating the situation for a favorable outcome, and despite that I begrudgingly let it go.

    I think the reason it pissed me off so much was not only did he lie to make himself look like a saint, but in doing so he made me felt like shit. Particularly because during those months of an open relationship I got involved with other people, not physically in real life but online. I also told him that I was, since that was part of the arrangement. While he kept his side of things private. I don't take dishonesty particularly well, nor do I enjoy people that are manipulative, and have hidden agendas. I've found out multiple things that my boyfriend has kept from me over the three years we've been dating, but that's an entirely different story and topic all together.

    At the end of all this though I realized something about myself, and it might not be an actual thing but I don't understand why it wouldn't be. I am a Hyper Romantic. I have a lot of love to give, and I'm talking about affectionate attention giving and romance. Completely and 100% with out the sex. I love love love showering people with affections and then receiving it in return, and I can't have that with just one person. When it's just one person they come across as clingy, which is another thing I am not particularly fond of being an introvert. Not only do I need time to myself, but I need privacy. I also constantly seek new interactions, so being stuck with the same person with the same routine every day becomes literally nerve wracking. I feel like I can get the time I need to myself, but also experience new interactions with various different people is why I liked the lifestyle so much.

    In short. I like open relationships. I think they can be very beneficial to both partners, and beneficial for the many different types of relationships there are in the world. I personally would prefer to be in one, or a lifestyle kind of relationship (companionship). o 3 o
  16. Wel thats vhat contraception/protection is for. With proper use of both, the chance of conceiving is literaly non-existant. Especialy if its applyed on both sides. I routinly use both (mechanical more then chemical, I dont like taking pills of any kind), and demand the same from my partners. Practicing open relationships isnt something taken lightly, thats for sure.
  17. That's not compromise, that's you forcing yourself to engage in unwanted sex.
    You should be standing up for yourself and saying no in those situations.
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  18. To expand. There's a degree to compromise in relationships. Of course there are give and take elements, but if it's foundation is based on compromise you're doing it wrong. Compromise is the fairest way to give nobody what they want. A relationship should have acceptance and some compromise in it, sure, we're all different people and relationships are hard. However, what you want is consensus. Ways that make both parties happy without them having to compromise strong ideals or kill off strong feelings. You can clash sometimes, but you use that clash and work on your relationship to find both climb to a higher level, not to bring one party down for the other to stand on. As a relationship is not working if you see each other as anything but equal.

    Also, obligatory communication mention; communication.
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  19. If that's what you want to believe then I'm fine with it but I know in reality that that's not the case. I almost did an essay on it for my English Comm class so I know the chances are low but the very chance of it occurring is what gets me. When the future rolls in and protection makes things virtually impossible to happen then my opinion might be more malleable to change. But until then...nope...not happening...never in a million years.
  20. Thanks, I wasn't so sure how to word/explain it.
    And this does so perfectly.
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