Oh the Dumb Things People Will Say and comebacks

[LogicfromLogic]

Oh the dumb things people say.

'You don't look gay.'
Me: 'Funny, you don't look stupid.'

What are some of the dumbest things people have said to you and what was your reaction?​

 

[Greenie]

"Go back to where you came from!"

Me o__o "I was born here."

 

[Shelle]

Customer: How many timbits (mini donuts from Canada's Favourite coffee Chain Tim Hortons) come in a ten pack?
Me: *rolls eyes* 'I don't know twelve?'

How I wish we could really say what's on our mind and not get punished for it.

 

[Turtle of Doom]

"Was it hard getting a green card?"

"New Mexico is part of the US.... but of course you would have had to finish third grade to know that."

 

[Sidhe]

"You don't look like a lesbian"

"If I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I could fly to your house and fuck your sister"

 

[Cosmic Fey]

Okay, mine has a bit of a story to it, but it is the comeback I am most proud of, so I'm gonna share it.

So, context; I was born cross-eyed. When I was younger I had surgeries to help with it so that it wouldn't effect my depth perception and eyesight as much, however when I'm tired, I go cross-eyed again and one of my eyes (usually my right but not always) will always look like I'm looking off to the side a little no matter what I do. I've also had surgery on my hamstrings and quadriceps to make walking easier.

Anyway, one day my father and stepmom were yelling at me (again) for not putting in the effort after my hamstring/quadricep surgery because I refused to do my stretches in front of them (which is another story) and my dad said "We shouldn't have even let you have those eye surgeries when you were younger because you're obviously not even trying to work those muscles and look directly at things!"

After I stared at him for a minute, astonished at the sheer absurdity of that statement I shot back, flabbergasted and offended, "Well what do you want me to do? Blink rapidly?"

My stepmother lost her shit and laughed for a full five minutes and my father was speechless. I think that was the only time we ever had an argument that didn't end in me getting grounded.

 

[Kestrel]

"Look at that car, don't you hate it when guys are compensating like that?"
"I don't know, but if it makes you feel better I'm sure that if you ask nicely he'll take you for a ride."

And then this went way over their head.

gg

 

[Shiri]

Stranger: "Have you seen Jesus?"
Me: "Is he missing again?"

Stranger: "Typical Democrat, doesn't know how to shoot a gun..."
Me: *casually looks at person they are talking about* "It might have more to do with them being 10 than anything else."

About Syrian refugee newspaper article:
Stranger: "We should shoot them on sight."
Me: "You know they are mostly women and children right?"
Stranger: "Oh!"

I'm not particularly witty, but knowledge makes anyone sound like a smartass if applied right.

 

[Drakel]

Stranger: "Have you met Jesus?"
Me: "No, but I'm sure he's hanging around somewhere."

Person: "You're Jewish?"
Me: "Yes."
Person: "Oh, cool. So ummm... What do Jews do?"
Me: "Build pyramids for Egyptians, take showers in Germany. Get 8 nights of Christmas rather than one. You know, the fun stuff."

I'm not sorry.

 

[Kestrel]

Not mine but someone I used to know once had this happen:

"We've come to bring you salvation."
"Sure, just put it in the hallway."

 

[Summer Rain]

"You look 15." (I'm 22, around 100lbs, and have a lot of freckles, in their defense...)
My internal voice: "You look ugly."
My real voice: "Uh, thanks?"

Also, I sell my own artwork and dreamcatchers and sometimes hear "well I could make that for x amount" or "it can't be that hard to make." At first I used to be nice about it, now I'm just like "then go make it yourself."

 

[Razilin]

"You look 15." (I'm 22, around 100lbs, and have a lot of freckles, in their defense...)
My internal voice: "You look ugly."
My real voice: "Uh, thanks?"

Also, I sell my own artwork and dreamcatchers and sometimes hear "well I could make that for x amount" or "it can't be that hard to make." At first I used to be nice about it, now I'm just like "then go make it yourself."

On a related note, my friends and I had a discussion concerning "what would our ages be SOLELY based on our looks?"

Friend A is 22, Friend B is 19, and I'm 31.

We've concluded that Friend A looks 18 (because he looks like a leanly-muscular Chris Evans, who looks 8 years younger than he really is; I call Friend A 'Captain America' as a nickname). Friend B looks 25 (because he's tall, square-jawed, and buff as fuck).

We've concluded that -- based on my hair style and unique ability to grow a lumberjack-on-steroids-level man-beard despite being 100% full-blooded Asian -- I look 18 from the nose up and 35 from the nose down.

 

[Justin]

I got one XD

Person: "Oh my Gosh where did you get your lips done?" (I'm black and I have naturally full lips because of that... so yeah)
Me: "Oh I got them from Dr. God. Where did you get your brain done, I think you might need a new one."

And yeah they ran off, so yeah... like are you that dumb XD.