Officer, I can explain!

"Yep officer, this is what I bought from the grocery store. Oh, what's that? Turn around... Holy s***! What the h*** is that!? Officer, I have no idea there was such a thing in the back of my car! Thanks officer, I'll take it to the local zoo immediately. Oh, that? That's my sister's. She forgot it in the car. Yep, have a nice evening, officer. Bye."

Next person gets-
A bloody horse head
A sack of dead flies
A screaming chicken
 
"Ah, good afternoon officer. Could you shaddup for one goddam second! ya dumb chicken. So what seems to be the problem? Oh, that? Yes, that is indeed a horse head, Im just moving it to another location because something about the festering smell is driving the chicken insane and the population of flies ridiculously high. You know how it is with these spoiled chickens, just one severed head and already they all 'eww' about it. Anyways, sorry about the misunderstanding, I'll just let you carry on with your day."

Next person gets:
-a fur suit
-an entire 5 gallon jug of pcp
-your boyfriend/girlfriend having the worst trip-out of his/her life
 
Why hello Officer. A pleasure to meet you. What can I do for you? Oh, the suit? I'm in a play. The Jungle Book, actually. They wanted a female actress for Baloo, and, well, here I am! Heh, heh. That PCP? Oh no, sir, that's not real. It's actually water. I needed it for my boyfriend back there *indicates to boyfriend* To, you know, sober im up. I'm taking him to a drug addiction help group. Yes, yes, it's very sad. OH NO! *fake a spasm attack* I'm going to be late! *drive off*

You get:
An unconscious Tom Hiddleston, wearing a Loki costume, gagged and tied up tightly with rope in the passenger seat.
An uncanny amount of Tom posters, all signed.
A video camera, along with several video tapes marked with things such as, "Me and My Tom :couple:", "Tom Loves :lovefirstsight::lovestruck:" and various other things, all concerning Tom.
 
well you see... *Drives away from the officer*

A Deadpool Blow up dull
A half eaten taco
A naked Deadpool in the back with a burrito in his hand
 
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(Written by Silver. Prepare yourself. XD)

*Tennessean Accent* Officer! Wait! Let me explain! This is my cousin. His name is Stewart, and he and his wife are a couple o weirdos. They have a what I do believe is called a fet-ish. They are very strange. Yeh see, Stewie 'ere is Mex-i-can, and thus, the burritos. May I in-ter-est y'all in a taco, maybe? *noms on taco while handing officer one* Well, Bobby here is intoxicated. He stumbled into my car as I stopped outside his house. He and his wife, are, well, major Deadpool fans. I'm taking Alf-Stewiee here to the hoe-spi-tal. Ye know, make sure he's ok. G'day, Officer.


You get:

Three bottles of strong alcohol. One is half-empty (Half-full?)
Four litres of gasoline in a tank.
A pistol, loaded with bullets, in your hand as you drive.
 
Heeeey officceruh...I'mmm gled yur hurr...I cudnt diiiiiieee alune...*shoots gasoline and explodes*

Stuff:
Detailed explanation on how to Charizard
A lady in a ferret costume, wearing a strap on
All of Canada
 
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POKEMAAAAAAHHHHNNNN!!!!! CHARIZARD RUUULLLLEEEESSSS *starts singing the Canadian national anthem (badly, with a Canadian accent)* OH CANADA! DON'T YOU JUST LUUUUURRVVEEE CANADA, OFFICER? I KNOW EMMA HERE DOES! *points to the woman* AND MEET CANADA. *laughing* HEH, HEH. HETALIA. SO COOL. Uhh, officer? W-what are you do- DAMN YOU. YOU HATE CANADA. JUST BECAUSE JUSTIN BIEBER COMES FROM MY HOMETOWN! I AM A PERSON! I AM NOT AN ALIEN!

A ballerina doll
A drunk man with a bushy moustache
A box of stolen Google products, mainly Google Glass
 
This guy is the future prime minister of Canada and I have to get the materials for his time machine so he can go back and fight the mutant beavers. Ignore the smell of beer please. Google items have the necessary power and materials to build a time machine so that's why there's a big box of them back here. And the ballerina...fucked if I know that just appeared her.

Your items are:
-A wolf pelt
-Your best friend
-A dragon
 
"Oh, officer, have you not seen How to Train Your Dragon? Well, I'll be dressing my friend here up like a Viking with this wolf pelt and putting her on this mechanical dragon. Nothing illegal going on here, no siree."

Your items are:
-Twelve empty containers of ten-piece chicken nuggets
-A species of small, cute rodent with a questionable place on the endangered species list
-Boxset of Japanese snuff movies
 
"Well you see officer, I work at an endangered animal rescue hospital and we just had a big party watching these Japanese movies and eating nuggets, to celebrate the rescue of this little rodent right here. I am now taking her home with me, because she is too weak to be left without 24 hours of surveillance."

Person below, I shall now give your items.
- A large suitcase of money
- A Benelli M4 Super90 / M1014 (shotgun)
- Several addresses of important people
 
"Hello, Officer. Currently, I'm a guard at the bank. Yes, yes. See that gun? Like yours, it is solely for protection. I am currently delivering money to these people. The boss picked me! I feel so honoured! *points gun at his head* Now, I'm going to drive away."

Dove Cameron, beaten up, in the back seat.
A rabid, mutant, squirrel-bunny-horse hybrid eating Nutella
About three thousand Spanish euro as well as thousands of English pounds
 
"Sorry Officer, this must look so strange! What actually happened was I was walking along then suddenly I saw this raving, rabid and mutant thing leap into Dove Cameron, who was also going for a walk! I managed to distract it with this Nutella jar which I carry around daily. I rushed forward to try and help, when suddenly her mother came down screaming. She paid me these, (she recently came back from France recently) to take her to the hospital. So right now, I am driving to the hospital, then to the pound for this creature."

The next person must now fathom (why does this word exist) what do say with these three items
-Nuclear bomb
-Multiple horse bodies
-A bloodstained wig
 
giphy.gif


"Officer, I can explain! I was observing these horses grazing in a field when suddenly, an explosion went off in the middle of the pasture. I ran over to see the cause of death, and found this nuclear bomb buried deep within the earth, as well as this bloody wig! I think whoever this belongs to has something to with this!"

The person below must deal with these next three items:
- A bloody, dirt-covered shovel.
- A severed hand.
- Manual that says "How to Bury Someone Alive & Get Away With It"
 
"Oh, Officer, this is just comedy material! It's not really a manual. That blood is just fake, by the way. I'm on my way to a twisted Christmas house. No, the severed hand isn't real either. Thanks, Officer. Yup. Goodbye!"

Next person gets-

A bloody sonic screwdriver
A Dalek "sitting" in the passenger seat crying "EGGS EGGS EGGS"
A Cyberman in the backseat wearing an elegant dress

(I'm a total DW weirdo)
 
"DUDE! I'm kinda on my way to NerdCon! We're cosplaying, and as I sowed the dress for my friend Steven back there, I cut my finger. It went all over my screwdriver, good Gallifrey I nearly cried. I'm going to- JEREMY, WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP! NO. BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH WILL NOT BE THERE! Sorry Officer. He's a massive Sherlock fan, God, as well as my last choice. I have to get going sir, Steven will be getting a wee bit stuffy in that su- JEREMY, CALLATE LA BOCA! Maldita sea.. ESTOY HARTO DE TI!"


Next person shall recieve:
Logan Lerman, desperately trying to escape his bonds which he is tied up in.
A drugged woman holding her stomach
A large machete, held in your shaking hands covered in a suspicious white powder
 
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"Officer, I can explain! I am a waitress at the local cafe, and I saw these two walk in together. I think Logan Lerman is hot! I saw him with this girl and she was getting too cozy with him, so I poisoned her drink. She passed out, and to prevent my new lover Logan from escaping, I tied him up so he wouldn't run away and get lost! And by the way, this substance on the machete is NOT donut powder, it's cocaine! Wait, officer.. what are you do- no, PLEASE, don't arrest me!!"

The person below must deal with these 3 items:
- A dead cow in the backseat, stomach cut open.
- Glowing red eyes coming from inside the cow's body, growling at you.
- A guy in the passenger seat, covered in strawberry ice cream, eating a rock.
 
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"Now, I really shouldn't have an explanation for this...... *waits for ten seconds* But I do. I am a demon hunter, and you see that cow? It was possessed by- MOTHER OF PEARL! THE DEMON CHILD WAS- OH GOD! Fred! We need- Wait. You aren't.. Where's.. Oh for.. *slams head into wheel* I- I just.. I need to call Sam and Dean. Officer, do you have- AAHH!! THE DEMON CHILD IS- *pulls out 'Ruby's Knife' and stabs the demon child who was just leapt out the cow* Yeah, take that! Sucker! Officer, I am- Oh. You fainted. Well, time to find the Winchester's!"

If you got the Supernatural references then you get a tackle hug.

NEXT UP SHALL FACE BUT NOT PASS:
Tom Felton, with a sign around neck stating "I shall not call the driver a filthy mud-blood."
Emma Watson, trying to strangle you but being held back by restraints,
And the Winchester brothers, obviously EXTREMELY confused as to why they are in the back seat of your car.
 
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"Hello, officer. No, no, I'm just heading to Comicon. Yep, that's all. Yeah, he's not really Tom Felton. Just my friend... Greg! Greg, stop whining, right now! And you too, Lizzy! Stop it! Seriously, you can cosplay when we get there! John, Jacob! Help me calm Lizzy down real quick! What? Of course those are your real names! How drunk are you? Sorry Officer, gotta go! Yep, goodnight. Uh huh. Ok. I got it. Lizzy! For goodness sake! Let go of me, you filthy Mudblood!"

Next person gets...

Harold Saxon, who has an incredibly frightening look on his face and keeps saying, "I'll get you, Doctor"
The Elder wand, snapped in half and excreting a mysterious drug like smell
Merlin (from BBC) chained up in the back seat.
 
"Cut me some slack, deal? I am just making my living driving a taxi. These two flagged me from the club down yonder. Figured it can't be any harm cause they ain't the violent drunk. You got that? Ah good. Thanks!"

(Wow are we on a celebrity kidnapping spree?)

Next person gets:

A Japanese speaking Ronald McDonald
8 cans of spray paint
A bucket of KFC fried chicken...
 
"What? Local orgy and we needed lubrication and something to paint targets with officer!"

Next person gets:

The corpse of Jim Varney.
A bloody A-cup brassiere.
Three pounds of vanilla pudding.
 
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