Nooooooo!!! We can't let this happen!!!

I will not deny I am part of the problem....well, I was up until about 10 years ago. I'm a diabetic, so my chocolate consumption is extremely low, but I'm still addicted to the stuff. @_@ A bunker full of Mounds bars and Milky Ways would last me a lifetime, unless I decide to put myself in a diabetic coma. XD
 
Face it, bitches. Chocolate is rich folk food now.

People on Facebook will be spreading bars on their bed and posing next to it while making gang signs.

And they'll be hilarious Adam Sandler comedies where he stumbles into a tray of chocolate vol-au-vents and knocks them into a swimming pool. And his girlfriend's father will be all like "I HATE YOOOOOOOU!". And the audience will be like "Adam Sandler, nuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!"

Then James Bond will have sexy wordplay with a fat Belgian chick over a chocolate fountain.


It's the future. I've tasted it.
 
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*Worked in the chocolate industry for 3 years.*


*Has nothing to say on the matter*

OK, maybe one or two things.

A note to the Doomsday Preppers who want to stock up.

For chocolate to be classified as chocolate, it must contain at least (this is from memory, might be off a little) at least 50% cacoa solids/liquer.

White chocolate is not chocolate.

Chocolate keeps 6-8 months.

If the chocolate contains baked goods, nuts, fruits, etc. the shelf life will be for those products.

If you refridgerate chocolate for longer life, you will probably experience blooming, where the sugars and fats separate from the chocolate. Blooming is that white dust. It's not mold, just eat it you pussy. If you see an orange dust accompanied by small holes/pathways in the chocolate, throw it out, that's a parasitic worm, yo.

BTdubs, don't bother stocking up on Nestle (American versions), Hershey's or really most of the big name brands. They stopped using actual chocolate a long time ago. If it ain't at least 50% cacao solids/or liquer, you're wasting your time. If it is not a dark/or semisweet variety and it is diluted by anything other than milk or extra cocoa butter, you are wasting your time.

No Fair Trade sticker? Congrats, you are most likely contributing to child slavery in west Africa, asshole.

And chocolate was always rich folk food before the 20th Century, Asmo.
 
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Tegan said:
If you see an orange dust accompanied by small holes/pathways in the chocolate, throw it out, that's a parasitic worm, yo.
Click to expand...

O_O

THE CRUNCHIE BAR WAS WORM ALL ALONG???



Cadbury-Icecream-Bar-Crunchie-360ml.jpg



THOSE SONS OF BITCHES!
 
You two should like...get married or something.
 
Never!
 
*Over enthusiastic white girl voice* but you two would be totts adorbs. You are perf for each other!
 
No.
 
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You'd also get punched in the face.
 
*blows lifeguard whistle she found on a dead lifeguard*

No running off topic!

*Ignores drowning kid*
 
... I'm probably the only person who hates chocolate with all his heart. I knew the chocolate scourge would end one day, I just needed to bide my time.

Now only good sweets will remain!
 
..........




......define...............








......... good sweets?
 
Literally anything but chocolate!
 
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Nydanna said:
In your case? Anything that isn't the crushed glass and razor blades you eat for breakfast.
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Maybe if you ate a healthy breakfast of sharp objects, you too would be this ripped



p4pb3946479.jpg
 
Hey look, Demand is in an all time high and supply is low. YAY!!! Rise of Prices!

Now I'm going to fulfill a life time childhood dream and create my own chocolate factory and grow my own chocolate! *Goes to buy Cocoa-trees before it's too late*

Time to be a chocolateer! 8D
 
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