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Needing to rant bad.

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Askastraza, Jul 1, 2014.

  1. Hi! I'm new sorta, never posted before I just... Lately things have gotten the better of me. Wanting to just throw everything away because I have no faith in anything I do or my writing abilities, I feel as if I'm annoying everyone including in real life. I hermit myself in my room to avoid getting into trouble, I have it in my head I'm over weight when I'm not, I hurt all the time but it's all in my head according to my Aunt....

    The fighting in this house drives me and my parents crazy, it's hard to get started in life to get things taken care of when bad things keep happening or you have to stay around to help with your sick parents whom I love dearly... Bad enough I can't even cry properly I recently lost a really good friend this month and miss her every single day, I miss my grandmother too...

    Talking about sexuality in this house and stuff is hard because for some reason my Aunt has to argue with the fact when I say I'm asexual it's not a real thing or the fact I'm transgender ftm (Not going to do the full transition) To her I have to have everything done... I'm straight because I like girls? No, I'm Queer-romantic or whatever and have a romantic attraction towards all in some strange way just happens to be a lot of females lol...

    It was hard even playing a game on the ps3 last night Borederlands 2 ya know, Mic and all that, some guy asked me if I was a girl gamer and it was so hard to answer I said Biologically yes... Do I feel like one? not really, I try to have as boy of a voice as I can without taking anything but it's hard. Then I got called an Asshole for even being honest, I woke up this morning wanting to cry because it's just all so hard to cope with things. Bad enough depression and anxiety are scaling up higher than normal, I am surrounded by negativity in this bloody house, called lazy all the time.

    I am trying to do something about it but it's hard, it really is. Trying to get your education again and stuff... I don't have friends I can hang out with near me so that's impossible to escape... I even dread going to my pagan group because my cousin goes... me and her never get alone. Hell I don't even enjoy the stupid pet game thing called Flight rising anymore... I'm just ranting I guess and have a lot of pent up anger because I hold everything in if I even try to feel better I get shoved back down in the hole of regret and disgust for myself.

    I don't even eat much anymore due to the overweight comments or I'll get fat comments, I want to just sometimes run out into the street you know. I get told those who want to die never talk about it they just do it. No, this is me trying to reach out to make sure that there's something anything that I can grab onto and not do something foolishly stupid and then hurt others... I have friends that care and my parents that's the only reason I stick around. Plus stories to write and unwritten tales....

    Man I miss role-playing it was like a therapy for me, I might have to start doing that on here. Also I apologize if this is in the wrong place, I'm still getting the hang of things around here.
  2. The world can be a very unfair place indeed, only the ones who choose to see both the good and the bad might understand this. I've felt your pain, and it's still there, but only when it's "called" you could say. The environment you're in isn't probably the best in the world at the moment, but the true triumph is the day you finally break free one way or another. Now I'm not gonna say that's certain, but as long as you're here, I'll be here to talk if you want to, it's not me to stand around and watch someone else suffer without at least trying to intervene...
  3. Yeah, the world is an unfair place. I'm only twenty-one and I know I could have it worse but I was thinking I'd grow up without having to worry about much you know without the bullying in schools and stuff so I could start myself a good life but sometimes life likes to turn things around on you so it's a crappy thing... I hate it. Thank you for leaving a message here, it's nice to know that there's other people I can talk to besides stressing over trying to explain things to my family or dumping it all on my close friends who have enough going on... There's a lot of folks that just stand around and not help even when someone truely needs it, I try my best to help out others the best I can of course.
  4. We all see the world in our own way, that's what I believe anyways. It's just the result of having alot of time to think to myself really, being an introvert and a realist isn't the easiest thing in the world. Life tends to turn ugly at the worst times, often becoming a living nightmare in no time at all. Often times most people would cope with this by drowning themselves in posotivity, ignoring or all together denying the situation, but in reality, what's happening is happening, and as hard as it might be, the key is to find a solution. One way or another, a way will come to you somehow, even if it takes forever to do so, as someone that caes, I'd say it's good that you were at least able to talk about all this, hopefully it helps.
  5. I'm an introvert! 8D! My aunt doesn't understand that so I have a hard time talking to people face to face... a lot... I view the world differently as well, I want peace and acceptance for all but that's just a dumb dream isn't it? I used to get into fights when I thought it was good for everyone to have equal rights, even the people at the game store here I've gotten into fights with over bloody video games all because it's from japan? To tell you the truth, I'd rather be in a fairy tale than have to deal with the reality of the world for the time being since it's turning so sour.... And yeah a way will come one of these years. I have to take it one step at a time, now if only i could stop getting mad at my own art I'd be good.
  6. XD In the meantime, if you want, I guess we could RP or something to pass the time? (You don't have to if you don't wanna o-o)​
  7. Ahhh! I wouldn't mind xD I love writing although I don't have any profiles up at the moments or anything...
  8. Meh that's fine, I guess message me or something if an idea comes up? (I'm a little dried up when it comes to new RP ideas)
  9. Ah yeah sure! I've been in the works on making some new little characters, I'm terrible at coming up with plots... Need to flesh out my Orc lady some more since I've never had one then I can write with her too.... Must make note to get bios written and posted up sdkjgn.
  10. XD Dangit I noticed I typed something wrong; definitely not short on new RP's to join, but I'm short on RP ideas (I rarely get good ones)