Hi! I'm new sorta, never posted before I just... Lately things have gotten the better of me. Wanting to just throw everything away because I have no faith in anything I do or my writing abilities, I feel as if I'm annoying everyone including in real life. I hermit myself in my room to avoid getting into trouble, I have it in my head I'm over weight when I'm not, I hurt all the time but it's all in my head according to my Aunt.... The fighting in this house drives me and my parents crazy, it's hard to get started in life to get things taken care of when bad things keep happening or you have to stay around to help with your sick parents whom I love dearly... Bad enough I can't even cry properly I recently lost a really good friend this month and miss her every single day, I miss my grandmother too... Talking about sexuality in this house and stuff is hard because for some reason my Aunt has to argue with the fact when I say I'm asexual it's not a real thing or the fact I'm transgender ftm (Not going to do the full transition) To her I have to have everything done... I'm straight because I like girls? No, I'm Queer-romantic or whatever and have a romantic attraction towards all in some strange way just happens to be a lot of females lol... It was hard even playing a game on the ps3 last night Borederlands 2 ya know, Mic and all that, some guy asked me if I was a girl gamer and it was so hard to answer I said Biologically yes... Do I feel like one? not really, I try to have as boy of a voice as I can without taking anything but it's hard. Then I got called an Asshole for even being honest, I woke up this morning wanting to cry because it's just all so hard to cope with things. Bad enough depression and anxiety are scaling up higher than normal, I am surrounded by negativity in this bloody house, called lazy all the time. I am trying to do something about it but it's hard, it really is. Trying to get your education again and stuff... I don't have friends I can hang out with near me so that's impossible to escape... I even dread going to my pagan group because my cousin goes... me and her never get alone. Hell I don't even enjoy the stupid pet game thing called Flight rising anymore... I'm just ranting I guess and have a lot of pent up anger because I hold everything in if I even try to feel better I get shoved back down in the hole of regret and disgust for myself. I don't even eat much anymore due to the overweight comments or I'll get fat comments, I want to just sometimes run out into the street you know. I get told those who want to die never talk about it they just do it. No, this is me trying to reach out to make sure that there's something anything that I can grab onto and not do something foolishly stupid and then hurt others... I have friends that care and my parents that's the only reason I stick around. Plus stories to write and unwritten tales.... Man I miss role-playing it was like a therapy for me, I might have to start doing that on here. Also I apologize if this is in the wrong place, I'm still getting the hang of things around here.