Naruto - Rise of the Red Cloud - OOC

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Character Sheet:
Name: Shokuro Yuki
Nickname/Alias: Sho
Gender: Male
Age: 29
Birthplace: Kirigakure
Clan/Bloodline: Yuki
Rank: Left the Hidden Mist as a chonin rank shinobi
Chakra Natures: Water, wind, ice

Appearance:

Personality:

History:



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Weapons/Items: basic shinobi tools and weapons
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Kekkei Genkai: Yes
Name of Kekkei Genkai: Ice Release
Clan: the Yuki Clan of the Mist
Description: Comparable techniques to Haku (from the Zabuza and Haku arc)
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Jutsu:

1234567
*******(obviously this is not complete, I'll have to work on this little by little)
 
Its all good just waiting on people to finish up. I thought we had more people but I guess people dropped?
 
Since Wood is such an obscenely overpowered element, I tried to limit it as much as possible. Does this work?

Character Sheet:
Name: Kaya Sasaki
Nickname/Alias: (Derisive, only really used as an insult) The Senju's Red-Headed Stepchild
Gender: Female
Age: 27
Birthplace: The Hidden Leaf
Clan/Bloodline: Senju
Rank: (Regarding your rank, if you had one, before you left a village) Jounin
Chakra Natures: Wood, Water, Earth
Appearance: Kaya is fairly tall, around 5'9" (175 cm), though she's only about 100 lb (45 kg). This thin nature is reflected in her body structure, as her limbs, while well-defined, have very little muscle on them. Chakra-less, she'd be barely stronger than a genin, though the muscle definition allows for the chakra's boost to be more than usual for most. Anyway, she wears her bright-orange hair down to her shoulder-blades, and has piercing green eyes, the shade of the forest. Typically, she wears drab brown underneath her cloak.
Personality: Sedate and quiet, Kaya is a woman of thought before action and peace before bloodshed. Though she doesn't flinch at killing - she is a ninja - she is no fan of it either, and feels guilt over every death she's caused. Even as a missing-nin, she was famed for always providing an ear or a shoulder to those who need it.
History: Cadet branches are a messy affair for nobility; determining who was considered family was difficult at the best of times, and had triggered far too many wars. Cadet branches were worse for ninja. Ninja usually followed the nobility's tradition of the woman taking her husband's name, but genetics and chakra followed no such rule. Oftentimes, a clan would collapse after its monopoly on an element was broken by a daughter marrying a wandering nin; when your child can breathe fire, it's hard to keep her from a marriage of love. The Sasaki were one such example of this. Kaya's father, Chiaki Sasaki, was a minor noble's son who - much to the shock of his kin - chose the dishonest life of a ninja, joining the young Hidden Leaf. While there, he met one Ryuko Senju, one of the many members of the large Senju clan. It was love at first sight, and marriage at two thousandth - they met at nine years old, after all. The Senju were, unsurprisingly, displeased, but could do little; Ryuko had befriended several high-ranking ninja in the Leaf's other clans, who would use any attack on her or her husband as an excuse to declare the Senju kinslayers, which was ground for wholesale execution. In that sense, at least, Kaya didn't take after her mother; the younger Sasaki was no manipulator, preferring to be upfront like her father (a vestige, of course, of his noble upbringing).
Alas, all good things must come to an end, and for Ryuko, that was in the Leaf's fledgling medical division. It would take several more years before childbirth of babies stronger than their mother in some way would be safe. In Kaya's case, she'd inherited the Wood Release genes that had skipped over her mother. Without his wife, Chiaki was dead; indeed, though no culprit could be found, he was found dead in his room with a slit throat and bruises befitting a fight, and the Senju name was on everybody's lips. The infant Kaya, miraculously, found defenders in the same opportunistic clans as her mother did, with the same threat of "kinslayer" being her only shield. As such, these defenders cared very little for her health otherwise, and she was forced to grow up quickly; token donations "in honor of your mother, taken too soon" only got a child so far. Instead, the edges of the village, where the great walls shaded populations, was where she could be found. An expectation that any act of kindness would be payed forward was the way that anyone survived there, and she was no exception.
Eventually, she entered the ninja force, and quickly rose the ranks, eventually surpassing both her parents in achieving the Jounin rank. There, however, she was put in jeopardy. Suicide missions were, while uncommon, a possibility for Jounin, who were trusted above all others for such crucial missions. Almost immediately, such a mission, one that stank of her family's influence, found its way to her, and she accepted it after some deliberation. She demanded a significant portion of the pay beforehand, and immediately gave it to those who had given to her with no expectation of benefit from a small child, those on the village's edge. Neither the clan nor the Hokage had any time to get suspicious, as she vanished off into the night right after.
After leaving, she sought out every monastery from the Land of Rock to the Land of Demons, searching for a method to bring about a world where nobody suffered; one where all acted like those she still cherished back in the village. It was to no avail, alas; she found no answer that satisfied her, though the troubles her mother's clan suffered did bring a smile to her face when she heard. However, after witnessing a nation in the farthest east find peace after a ninja forcefully united it, she saw a solution. Being an S-ranked missing-nin - the Senju were affluent, and did not joke around - she had of course heard rumors of the Akatsuki - a group that might be able to accomplish for the world what that one ninja had for his nation.
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Weapons/Items: (optional however if you don't have something listed that isn't basic then you can't just magic it up mid fight.) Kunai, Shuriken, etc.
Various tree seeds/acorns
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Kekkei Genkai:
Name of Kekkei Genkai: Wood Release
Clan: Senju
Description: Wood Release allows her to control and create plants. Though she did not get it from a parent, Wood is nevertheless deeply embedded in her genes and her chakra. However, it is a chakra-hungry element, and she is not particularly affluent with chakra, thanks to her father's civilian ancestry, though she has more than most ninja. Thus, her use of it is slightly limited. However, this constraint has caused her to think outside the box, causing her to create techniques that the main-line Senju never conceived of.
===
Jutsu:

Canon Jutsu
Wood Release: Cutting Technique
Wood Release: Smothering Binding Technique
Wood Release: Four-Pillar House Technique
Wood Release: Four-Pillar Prison Technique
Wood Release: Transformation
Wood Clone Technique

Custom Jutsu
Name of Technique: Wood Release: Fruit of the Everlasting Fragrant Tree ("Mokuton: tokijiku-no-kaku-no-konomi")
Type of Jutsu: Ninjutsu
Rank: D
Range: Close
Nature Type: Wood
Description: Creates a single fruit-bearing tree. The fruit doesn't match exactly with any known, though it is similar to a peach. The tree is immune to most disease, and bears fruit far more often than a normal tree.
Weaknesses: Has no use in combat, for obvious reasons. Also is quite heavy on chakra for Kaya.

Name of Technique: Wood Release: Illusion Technique: Middle Country of Reed Beds ("Mokuton: Genjutsu: Ashikara-no-nakatsukuni")
Type of Jutsu: Genjutsu
Rank: B
Range: Close
Nature Type: Wood
Description: Vines sprout out of the ground, and grab onto enemy nin. Though not particularly strong, they are tough enough that it takes a C rank Wind jutsu or comparable force to break them. After touching the ninja's skin, it pulls them into a plant-themed variant of the Hell Viewing Technique. A normal chakra disruption does not break the genjutsu, though; it must be broken via cutting the vine that connects them to Kaya. If they are under long enough, this difficulty to escape can allow her to even overpower the nervous system and stop their heart.
Weaknesses: The vines are connected to Kaya just as they are to the enemy, so a far stronger genjutsu user, with much more chakra, could overwhelm her and use the technique against her. On top of that, she is physically bound to the vines just as the enemy is, so she's very open to attack while using it.

Name of Technique: Wood Release: Secret Technique: Distant Land of Roots ("Mokuton Hijitsu: Soko-tsu-ne-no-kuni.")
Type of Jutsu: Ninjutsu
Rank: A
Range: Close
Nature Type: Wood
Description: A root of each of the surrounding trees merges together into one large one that grips Kaya's leg and connects to several tenketsu. Via this connection, she can drain chakra from the surrounding trees, taking their life-force and often killing them in the process. This chakra is a stabilized form of Nature Chakra, and can be used to rejuvenate herself, power techniques, or heal and rejuvenate others.
Weaknesses: It takes a few seconds for her to get free of the roots, which provides ample opportunity to attack her while she can only block with ninjutsu. As well, if the trees are corrupted, infected, or otherwise abnormal, she takes those diseases into her chakra system as well, though usually not permanently.

EDIT: Leaf-nin version.
 
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Well once again Hashirama didn't exist in this timeline. I told Mytzonia this earlier but I've eliminated canonical characters in order to allow players more freedom/please people who don't like to mess with canon. Wood Style on Hashirama's level of potency wouldn't be a thing because in story his cells are literal mcguffins. More over simply having his blood I doubt would allow the Waterfall, in their stupidity of even attacking a friendly village, to make a Kekkei Genkai. Maybe if they did some research it might've given them some more stamina for some ninja but its doubtful Yamato was the only successful ninja given Senju Cells for Wood Jutsu. Dozens of other children died in Orochimaru's experiments. And they had his actual dead body to use for research. Of course this is all irrelevant because of the aforementioned.

So I can't go along with grading this further without major revisions simply because it doesn't match the format that the roleplay is set in. If you need help you're free to ask.
 
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Well once again Hashirama didn't exist in this timeline. I told Mytzonia this earlier but I've eliminated canonical characters in order to allow players more freedom/please people who don't like to mess with canon. Wood Style on Hashirama's level of potency wouldn't be a thing because in story his cells are literal mcguffins. More over simply having his blood I doubt would allow the Waterfall, in their stupidity of even attacking a friendly village, to make a Kekkei Genkai. Maybe if they did some research it might've given them some more stamina for some ninja but its doubtful Yamato was the only successful ninja given Senju Cells for Wood Jutsu. Dozens of other children died in Orochimaru's experiments. And they had his actual dead body to use for research. Of course this is all irrelevant because of the aforementioned.

So I can't go along with grading this further without major revisions simply because it doesn't match the format that the roleplay is set in. If you need help you're free to ask.
Hmm. Alright - sorry, the history change wasn't quite clear, so I assumed - being as the Uchiha and the Sharingan exist - that it was just the present day canon characters that don't exist. Would keeping the general history I have, bar the Hashi stuff, work? Like, mother dying in childbirth drinks HW, and dies, but Kaya survives and has Wood because the Water comes from a magic tree, and gaining Wood is a side effect nobody's gotten before her since they've died from the Water? I was just trying to justify it in a way that isn't "because magic!"
Also, is she weakened enough? I was concerned she was too powerful, even with all the limits, because Wood in canon is ridiculous.
 
I don't believe that is a solid case to give her wood style. In my opinion the only reasonable thing to do would be to make her a senju from the leaf but that's revising the whole character. The main filler point in the movie is that the tree in the village produces Hero Water which just makes their chakra incredibly more potent in exchange for shortening the user's life. There is no case to be made that the tree would give her a wood style kekkei genkai. If anything it would be a water based one.

As for the questions regarding her current jutsu they're fine but once again it makes little sense in context and I'm inclined to deny it based on that. I'd like you to keep in mind that the village Hidden in the Waterfall produes highly talented ninja so even just coming from the village means your character can be a standard heavily skilled shinobi like our grass village ninja. If you want my opinion and you want to keep your backstory then remove the wood style, keep the hero water stuff, and give her a large pool of powerful chakra.
 
I don't believe that is a solid case to give her wood style. In my opinion the only reasonable thing to do would be to make her a senju from the leaf but that's revising the whole character. The main filler point in the movie is that the tree in the village produces Hero Water which just makes their chakra incredibly more potent in exchange for shortening the user's life. There is no case to be made that the tree would give her a wood style kekkei genkai. If anything it would be a water based one.

As for the questions regarding her current jutsu they're fine but once again it makes little sense in context and I'm inclined to deny it based on that. I'd like you to keep in mind that the village Hidden in the Waterfall produes highly talented ninja so even just coming from the village means your character can be a standard heavily skilled shinobi like our grass village ninja. If you want my opinion and you want to keep your backstory then remove the wood style, keep the hero water stuff, and give her a large pool of powerful chakra.
So change backstory or change element? Alright. I'll have to give that some thought, then. I'm leaning towards changing the former, but I haven't decided yet. Once I've ironed out the kinks in all this, I'll edit my original post - it'll probably be two hours or so. Sorry about all the confusion!
 
Its fine I'm the gm its my job to sort of continuity, and make sure everything makes sense. I'm a hardass because I want to make sure nothing nonsensical gets through. I'd prefer not having more leaf ninja because then half the group would be from one village at that point even if I remove Shina which might mess with Myt.
 
Its fine I'm the gm its my job to sort of continuity, and make sure everything makes sense. I'm a hardass because I want to make sure nothing nonsensical gets through. I'd prefer not having more leaf ninja because then half the group would be from one village at that point even if I remove Shina which might mess with Myt.
Whoops. That last part probably would've been a good thing to know about fourty minutes ago - I just finished working through a new backstory as a Leaf-nin. Should I scrap that, or put it up anyway, just for your opinion on it? If I should scrap it, what village would you like a ninja from?
 
Its your character not mine I just would prefer not to have a surplus. If you want my opinion then I'd put someone from a minor village like the waterfall/Waves, or Hidden Cloud/Stone villages. We have one coming from Kiri, I'm from Suna. and Elder is from grass.
 
@JB Any progress soon?
 
Its your character not mine I just would prefer not to have a surplus. If you want my opinion then I'd put someone from a minor village like the waterfall/Waves, or Hidden Cloud/Stone villages. We have one coming from Kiri, I'm from Suna. and Elder is from grass.
I just updated the post from earlier with the new version of Kaya. If you like it, great! If not, I'm more than happy to make a different character (from Stone/Cloud or one of the minor villages) just tell me so, but that'll have to wait until I've gotten some sleep. It's near midnight for me, alas.
 
The character's history is hard to follow and disjointed. First off the village is at its 4th Hokage at this point its safe to say they'd have a solid division in terms of medical by the time the third was established. There have been two ninja wars in this universe just like in canon the only difference is the removal is story important ninja because of reasons I have already explained.

Another thing is the leaf village's rather blood thirsty depiction in your version. While conflict does happen in the leaf most of the time we haven't seen much of a political feud that didn't include the Uchiha. Its safe to say relatively that the Leaf would sanction such blood thirsty attempts at blatant political maneuvering. As the bio says any attempt/excuse was given for the branch clan to get spit on basically. If you have an argument to counteract this you're free to state so. But this isn't the village hidden in the mist were clans openly were left to their own devices, and there were often bloody coups, or uprisings from clans discontent. She also has surprisingly little to do with anything that happened in the leaf as there is no mention of the Sky Ninja's incursion against the leaf during the chunin exams ten years ago of which she should be a chunin, or genin at this point. I have stated this to be a plot point for the leaf in the previous page.

Also there is scarcely any actual info on her bio regarding her at all. She was raised on the outstretches of the leaf, and then she rose through the ranks but you give little information on how, and why. Conversely Kaito, my character, had been held back for years due to his sensei's ill intentions, and then rose through the ranks by hunting down enemy shinobi, and making his name through not only being a part of a prominent clan, but also for his ability to hunt down rogue shinobi. His honing of skill brought by his lack of ability to actually effect the sky ninja incursion of which he participated during that exam period but failed.

And finally regarding the akatsuki my intention is for us all to already be a part of it being either recruited by Shina, who at this point had failed her part in the attempt to remove the ANBU Root by assassination, and had joined with Kaito who had likewise been in a similar political situation but was not the initial instigator of it. The two of them have recruited the current members. Otherwise we'll need to go through the arduous process of 'I'm here to join the newly formed rogue ninja association' 'Ok how do I know you're not a spy?' deal.
 
@Impudimp Are you almost done editing your character?
 
The character's history is hard to follow and disjointed. First off the village is at its 4th Hokage at this point its safe to say they'd have a solid division in terms of medical by the time the third was established. There have been two ninja wars in this universe just like in canon the only difference is the removal is story important ninja because of reasons I have already explained.

Another thing is the leaf village's rather blood thirsty depiction in your version. While conflict does happen in the leaf most of the time we haven't seen much of a political feud that didn't include the Uchiha. Its safe to say relatively that the Leaf would sanction such blood thirsty attempts at blatant political maneuvering. As the bio says any attempt/excuse was given for the branch clan to get spit on basically. If you have an argument to counteract this you're free to state so. But this isn't the village hidden in the mist were clans openly were left to their own devices, and there were often bloody coups, or uprisings from clans discontent. She also has surprisingly little to do with anything that happened in the leaf as there is no mention of the Sky Ninja's incursion against the leaf during the chunin exams ten years ago of which she should be a chunin, or genin at this point. I have stated this to be a plot point for the leaf in the previous page.

Also there is scarcely any actual info on her bio regarding her at all. She was raised on the outstretches of the leaf, and then she rose through the ranks but you give little information on how, and why. Conversely Kaito, my character, had been held back for years due to his sensei's ill intentions, and then rose through the ranks by hunting down enemy shinobi, and making his name through not only being a part of a prominent clan, but also for his ability to hunt down rogue shinobi. His honing of skill brought by his lack of ability to actually effect the sky ninja incursion of which he participated during that exam period but failed.

And finally regarding the akatsuki my intention is for us all to already be a part of it being either recruited by Shina, who at this point had failed her part in the attempt to remove the ANBU Root by assassination, and had joined with Kaito who had likewise been in a similar political situation but was not the initial instigator of it. The two of them have recruited the current members. Otherwise we'll need to go through the arduous process of 'I'm here to join the newly formed rogue ninja association' 'Ok how do I know you're not a spy?' deal.
No worries! I'm sorry about all this confusion. Could you summarize the changes from canon? They aren't abundantly clear, so if you could put them up and in chronological order, I'd be very grateful. I'd rather not make another character wholesale that doesn't work either (Lady Luck isn't with me on that, apparently.)
 
Everything is relatively the same: No canon characters from the first shinobi war forward are in this roleplay: Meaning Hashi/Tobi Senju, Madara, Onoki, The Raikages, Zabuza, Kakashi, etc are in this roleplay. The Frogs at the mountain can be replaced by whoever once/if they become relevant. The Sage of Six Paths, and Kaguya did but their story ended conclusively there.

The villages are all existent except the sound village due to orochimaru not being a thing.

The tailed beasts were either hunted, and captured by their individual villages.

There were two great ninja wars. The conflicts were the same as if they had happened in canon.

Clans that long died out such as Kaguya's aren't around but Uzumaki, Senju, Kimmimaro's, and Uchiha are around.

The Uchiha massacre hasn't happened, and the leaf is currently under the command of a Nara Hokage, with a large influence from the Root by back door politics.
 
@VanceXentan. I'm about done with Makoto. Could you give the history a read and let me know if that fits in with the narrative you have in mind?

Also I gave myself Madara's Uchiha fan. I don't see anything about that being against the rules, but let me know if it is.
 
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@Impudimp Are you almost done editing your character?
I am indeed! I've gotten a bit caught up lately but I'll definitely finish him off this evening. I'm going to have him hail from Tori if you want the heads up.

All done! Let me know. I'll probably update his jutsu a bit more, but other than that. I'm done editing for now unless you want something else tweaked?
 
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