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Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Myrnodyn, Jan 28, 2010.
photo insert just like a normal post ^^
Myrn I did enjoy reading your work and I will comment on a couple :]]
In this work I really love how you tie back to the original line and slightly changing it. Doing that brings the reader back to something familiar they can relate with and allows them to better ponder the questions being asked. Secondly all of the questions asked are some people should ask themselves everyday. In the end you wrap it up nicely by making the questions not a priority and not ruling your life but rather something in time to think about.
This would have to be my favorite one out of the bunch as it is similar to an epic love poem I've been writing that is 23 pages long so far. You're use of adjectives and verbs giving inanimate objects life and joy of this person can only bring the utmost happiness. With you as the seagull I want to dive right in and become immersed in the love that this person provides.
Now I'm not sure what message you are trying to get across as it could be taken a variety of ways. YOur rhyming scheme works well and flows fluidly (ha pun) from line to line. I enjoy your use of satire in the end of the work encompassing God and hell and being thirsty (as I'm sure it's sweltering down there). It's short and sweet and leaves the reader with the ability to derive their own message.
Sometimes we don't get enough comments on poetry even though we pour our being into it. Keep writing!
Wow, "Elements," gave me this anti-gravity feeling of gliding like the seagull through a prettypretty canyon. And wow, it was beautiful! I love it because it's so sensitive and gives a feeling in the words. Although I can't remember the exact verse, I'm left with a 'feeling' once I've read the poem.
That really touched my heart <3
Thank you DynDynkun :)
The Theif is my favorite because you gracefully depict the things gold coins can't buy. Loved it the mostest.