My brother is dead.

L

Lee-Lee

Guest
Original poster
We knew he was going to die.

I tried to believe I wouldn't care when he did die. I told myself that he wasn't even worth tears. He hurt me too many times, physically and mentally, for me to care.
He died two weeks ago. Only now can I allow myself to even talk about it. I want to tell everyone once and that's it.

He was shot selling drugs. Even now I can't find anymore words to type about it. I just want everyone to know.

Go hug your family. Apologize to someone. Love them. When they die...no matter what it'll hurt.
 
My Condolences Lee-Lee,

Its always a shock to our systems when someone passes away, but when their life is taken by an act of violence there are so many emotions that run through our heads. A few years ago a friend of mine was shot during a home invasion for the same reason and it takes a while for things to sink in.

You can expect to feel a number of different emotions in a time of crisis like this; anger at the son of a bitch who shot him, grief over the loss of someone who you cared deeply for, quite likely even relief knowing that no further harm can come to him.

Whatever you may be feeling right now, I hope you understand that you should not be afraid to express it. There were times where I just needed to talk it out, but there were also times when I just needed to express the most raw form of emotion and scream at the top of my lungs to get it out.

I'd strongly recommend that you seek out additional support if you feel that your typical methods of coping aren't working, this is a common effect of emotional trauma that can seriously affect your functioning if it goes unchecked. Bereavement counsellors are often available at minimal cost through employee assistance plans or if referred to by your doctor.

Please know that my heart goes out to you and if there is anything any of us can do for you, don't hesitate to message us. Even if its completely unrelated and you just want to shoot the proverbial shit.

Both you and your family will be in my prayers.

-Jamie
 
I wish I could say more than I'm sorry, Lee-Lee.
 
I'm so sorry Lee-Lee, you have my full support.
 
Make your own life all the stronger for this.

Some are here to teach us and some to be taught.
 
Thank you everyone for the kind words.

I quickly realized that the only place, other than my fiance, I could go to was Iwaku. I'm thankful that I did.

Immediately after typing that short, sickeningly apathetic post, I realized how much better I felt. An inner peace came over me, and all of the pain washed away. I don't see the terrible big brother that I didn't even claim as family when I think of him. I see the brother who used to chase me around with a water hose when we were kids. Although he is gone, and I can't take back any of the nasty things I last said to him, I am truly happy.

Thank you Jamie for your prayers and support. I found out that screaming did help quite a bit. I let myself express the sadness and anger I had pent up and, although my neighbors hate me for it, I could actually feel everything leave with each scream and yell. I am seeking additional support now.

Elyd, just those words helped me out a lot. Thank you so much.

Phoenix, thank you for the support and care. It really means a lot when I have a community I can go to.

Asmo, your words hit me very hard. I can't express how much I've learned from my brother. All the pain he made me go through, made me the daughter/girlfriend/sister I am. My brother alone, helped shape most of my life. As cliche as it sounds, I cannot let his death be in vain and go by without learning from it. Thank you for putting what I've always felt in words that I can read and cherish.
 
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