Mrs. Victoria’s Bad-Tempered Tale about Czarina in the Age of Steam and Occasional Magical Occurrenc

Blind Hemingway

Ancient Iwaku Scum from 2006.
Original poster
Posting Speed
  1. Slow As Molasses
Online Availability
Writing Levels
  1. Adept
  2. Douche
Preferred Character Gender
  1. Primarily Prefer Female
Surrealism, Surreal Horror (Think Tim Burton), Steampunk, Sci-Fi Fantasy, Spaghetti Westerns, Mercenaries, Dieselpunk, Cyberpunk, Historical fantasies

[BG="black"]Date: July 2nd. Time: 10:20 AM

At long last the rain stopped. However, the skies still remained a bleak grey in color. I have always hated to wait for the steam engines that the people of this island have become so attached to.

I have been waiting around for the train for well over three hours. I thought that such machines were supposed to move faster than a horse. I mean come on; there are no savages around these parts of the world to hold them up. As well, how could one forget that the Cornish countryside is sitting literally on a large coal bed?

To waste some time, I drew pictures of the random people that I saw. I ended up finishing a picture of a gentleman dressed in a grey frock coat. I really don't like waiting here by myself. Monsieur Tomas said that he'd get some food about a hour ago...Who am I kidding? He probably got distracted by some other woman's outlandish outfit....

“All aboard,” The conductor shouts.

Good! The train had finally come..... If only, I could have flown my airship over the country side of Great Britain! Then I wouldn't have had too call all the new crew from London on a military train ride from Manchester and then to Liverpool. The government has decided to fund my adventure to Eastern Europe. I don't really understand why.


Oh! Before I digress too much, my name is Victoria Blessington. I am the daughter of one of the members of the House of Lords. Unlike the House of Commons, members of the House of Lords are not democratically elected but attained by appointment. My father is close friends with the Queen, whom I was named after.

“Excuse me, little girl but do you have a ticket?” A fat inspector, wearing a naval cut wheel hat asked me as soon as the train pulled into the station.

I’ll admit, I am short but I really wish people would stop calling me a girl, I’m in my twenties.

“Well, I am not one to try and get myself into trouble, sir...” I merely said to the man, as I showed him my yellow pass.

Then I gave the baggage handlers my few belongings, which were nothing more than a few clothes and some drawing supplies. I tend to travel lightly, since I travel on airship.

I was currently being escorted by my charming First Mate, Monsieur Tomas Tailleur. He is also in his early twenties. He in good shape, with curly sandy blonde hair. I then walked to the first cabin of the train, hoping to find him after seeing his sickly pale look when I said we were going by train. Monsieur Tomas wasn’t a fan of trains; either.

I got no help from any of the crew on the train as where my seat would have been located. They had organized this entire mess. I don't even known when I'll meet the rest of my newly created crew. This is no way to start off an adventure. Headaches are no fun.

I found the crew to be to be rather rude, but as we all know most government crews are like that, though. As I attempted to find a seat in the meantime, I thought to myself, “Great, who wants to anticipate that I have to wait another ten hours until this train gets moving?”

Then in an ironic twist, the train started to move; at least the government crew know how to keep things on time. I then stared out the window, and saw the steam rising from the stacks located on the front of the infernal machine.

I have a very good understanding of how such machines works... My main interest, besides for adventure is the study of anthropology, a new form of science. I am self learned through my job; it makes me so happy to be smart.

“I wonder how I can waste time aboard this place. I wish that those peasant-trained baggage boys hadn't stuffed all of my drawing supplies inside of my bags. How simply rude, I guess there's always the chance that I can wander around the train cars.” I thought to myself as I curled my fingers in my blonde hair.
"THAT IS NOT VERY FASHIONABLE!" Tomas shouted as he chased the woman into the train car, shaking his fist after her. How dare she even walk outside in such a uniform! He charged after her onto the train and presented his ticket to the conductor before chasing after the woman, his duties to Mrs. Victoria long forgotten. After launching into a tirade about the proper fashions and applicable times to wear such fashions he realized that he had worn himself out, and that he was on a train, which made him a bit queasy just thinking about the bumping and rocking of the train cars, quickly finding his seat where he would wait for Mrs. Victoria and try to keep himself from losing his lunch all over the seat in front of him.

It wasn't terribly long of a wait before he was joined by his leader and he offered a weak wave, still trying to calm himself and distract from the train. When it started moving he closed his eyes and slumped back into his seat. "You know Madame, it is quite a ways to go, I'm sure you could wander about and find the other members of your team, unfashionable as they may be. I don't think I can help you with this..." he took a moment to swallow deeply, tasting a hint of bile, "...I think I need to sit and wait here." He grimaced and looked briefly out the window, finding it much to his displeasure.
"What do you mean I can't be aboard this train?! I 'ave my ticket, see?!" Myra Lightwind yelled, waving her bright yellow ticket at the inspector with an infuriated gaze. The inspector glanced at the ticket briefly, but still continued on to shake his head. "The weaponry you are travelling with is a danger to the other passengers on this train, ma'am. I understand that-"
"No you don't understand!" The woman barked back rudely, fixing her goggles that sat atop her fluffy reddish brown hair. "I 'ave people to be meetin', and I 'ave to bring this weaponry with me as examples of my work!" Myra hollered, patting the leather bag of which she held slung over her right shoulder. It was more than noticeable that the hilt of a sword poked out the bag, however that was not what must have caught any of the passengers' eyes at first. What would have been the center of attention was the extravagant design of the hilt, encrusted with the finest jewels and gold forged into an intricate pattern around it. Clearly this woman was no ordinary weapons master.

"When a woman from the valleys with a singsong voice yells, she's not going to get anywhere in the arguement." The inspector stated bluntly, fixing his glasses upon his nose.
Myra began to frown in response to his petty remark; how dare he remark about her distinctive voice. She watched as the inspector's gaze lowered nervously to the pistol she kept holstered to her right hip; if one was to look closely, it was noticeable that the firearm too, was of no finer quality. Her bright green eyes lit up as she registered this, and so she drew the weapon and pointed it at him. The inspector jumped back with a yelp, raising his hands. The other passengers began to grow anxious, murmuring amongst themselves and keeping their gazes fixed upon Myra.

"N-now, now ma'am. Let's not be rash about our actions here..." He spoke quietly, fear apparent within his tone. The woman cocked her head to one side with a smile. "Now, I suggest you leave me to my business. You should return to your job and check the other passengers tickets. I 'ave my ticket, there are no problems y'ere, are there?" Myra murmured ever so gently. The inspector shook his head nervously, trying to pass a smile that was more of a grimace if anything.
"W-welcome aboard, ma'am." He attempted to sound cheerful through the anxiety. And with that, he stumbled away, returning to checking tickets of the people aboard the train. Myra smirked as she placed the pistol back in its holster, amused by how little it took sort out the bothersome predicament. She returned to glancing around in search of two people she had been told to meet; Victoria Blessington herself, and someone else she was accompanied by. His name however, had slipped her mind.

Figuring that she would find them aboard the train in due time, Myra sat herself down, pulling the leather bag of weaponry into her lap as she put the ticket in her pocket. She unzipped it, peering into the bag at its contents. She smiled, the smile gradually becoming a grin. Myra felt as though she had outdone herself this time with the array of weaponry she had crafted as examples of her work; no doubt this Victoria Blessington would be impressed... or so Myra hoped.
[BG="black"]Miss Victoria Blessington [/BG]
[BG="black"]Date: July 2nd. Time: 10:30AM

"Alright Mister Tomas." Victoria said. "I will see, if the military did actually allow for anyone besides for ourselves onto this train." She then stood up, bowed her head to her friend and walked out of the small cabin room that been assigned to both of them.

Victoria then noted that there were lots of soldiers sitting down in the same car as them. Their uniform was rather dull compared to the scarlet Homeguard's uniforms. If one were to describe the uniforms; the coats and pants were all colored in a tan khaki and they all wore the same regulation sun helmet. She guessed that these simpletons were from the Regular Army; instead of the Royal Navy she loved so dearly. They had become a common sight out in the countryside of the nation of Britain. There were many wars happening around the world. Most of the forces were off in South Africa fighting against the Boers...


Just then, a skinny officer walked over to her; “Hello Miss Blessington, my name is David E. Wyes, how are you doing this fine day?”

She would have thought that this man’s face was rather aristocratic looking; except for that awful looking facial hair. This gentleman wore small spectacles that covered up his shark-like gunmetal eyes. His hair was coal black and he had muttonchops that covered up scars on his hollow cheeks. Since he was wearing a blue uniform, this clearly made him a member of the cavalry.

To shoe this man off, Victoria responded as politely as she could, “I am doing fine. If you wouldn't mind; I am going to look around. Maybe, we can talk later.”

She was not in the mood to be flattered by a man in uniform. Victoria's current mission was to find where her other crew members where. However, thigoal was not something Victoria could easily accomplish; many of the soldiers refused to get out of her way. How simply rude!

“Excuse me, could you please move? I am trying to find some of my belongings.” She said to try to sway the soldiers.

“Sorry lady, but there's way we are going to move. It's not our fault that you chose the car with all of us in it.” One of the soldiers rudely muttered at her.

“Why not? I have not gotten in your way. Please, I just need to get something...” She mentioned.

“Listen cunt, we aren't going to move for you.... .” The second soldier exclaimed. Victoria knew that the regulars were known to be rude beyond all hell, but she was thrown back by that last statement.

“What is the matter with you? Are you not from the civilized nation of Britain!” She scolded them.

“That’s quite a tone, you got Princess. We haven’t seen someone like you around here before. Your squeaky little voice is rather soothing.” The first soldier mentioned.

She thought that the soldier was about to grab her breast; however, another voice came in.

“Jones and Reedland step down! Now, why don't you just let the young girl pass? It's not worth; starting a conflict with the young woman, now is it?”
He stood out a bit more than the other soldiers, because of the fact that he was wearing his full-dress uniform.

“All right, miss you can go right on through, those two know better than to mess around with proper ladies.” Wyes mentioned, as he escorted her to the door.

When she was on the other side, Wynes rubbed his eyes. "Are you two daft!" He yelled at the soldiers.

"No, no sir!" They both rambled. "But there....there are rumors of Russian spies...."
"A little less civil than I would have handled it but a passable show of wordsmanship." The voice greeted Myra as she boarded the train. "Perhaps explaining that you were with Lady Victoria? I'm assuming you are." The man who spoke had a proud baring and a relined accent, not the type of man one would expect to be wearing a dirty brown coat or jumping aboard an airship that had no specific destination.

The man bowed to Myra stiffly before speaking again. "If you would allow me to escort you past these ruffian soldiers to avoid further incident we would be able to find seats." he turned his hands clasped behind his back and there was the sound of the sword bumping against the high boots he wore beneath the coat before he paused.

"Sorry to be so rude, I am Folke of Bickheath. Lady Victoria's new master gunner."
Leonard had decided to get some fresh air just as the train had started to depart. Standing on the tiny balcony at the back end, he lit his pipe.


He let out short, distinctive noises of satisfaction as he made the first couple of puffs to heat up the tobacco. Blowing out the smoke while putting his glance at the city their were about to leave. Manchester, the industrial city, as much as he hated the looks of it, he couldn't deny the important role it played for the wealth of the Empire.

'As if Liverpool was any better...'

Leonard turned around to look inside the train, this car was mostly empty, of people that is. He enjoyed the time of peace and quiet that he could get. There wasn't much space for such things on a train, not one with a military crew on it anyway. They would have to entrust Admiral Wyes to keep his men in order, something Sir Leonard was pretty confident he would be able to. A respected fellow, indeed.

And then there was Miss Victoria...


And Tomas.....


Plus some other crew members he hadn't had the chance to meet and greet yet. On that note, it was time to get back inside and take a look on how they were doing. He banged his pipe lightly on the balcony rails, he would have to clean it later. After that, he ended the sequence with a proper cleansing of his throat and nostrils, not very gentleman-like, very much humane.

Well back inside and some car-trains closer to his co-workers, Leonard made his way through narrow passages with soldiers crawling back and forth. He almost stumbled as he walked by a group who had taken their freedom to rest their buttocks on a bench.

"HMPF! Chin up, chest up, chaps!"

The soldiers reacted with a clumsy manner, realizing who was talking to them, they got their act together.

It wasn't so much as they knew who he really was. It was all about his appearance. You need a nice suit, a proper mustache, groomed hair and shoes of class. None of that sillyness Tomas keeps babbling on and on about. Proper elegance!

All the walking, shouting and pushing from the soldiers made Leonard dreadfully tired. The air and the smell, so thick. He'd be looking for someone to get him some tea.

"Tomas? TOMAS?! Tea-time!"
Monsieur Tomas nearly jumped from his seat as he heard his name being called out, but another wave of nausea caused him to force his head back down to stop his gaze from spinning.

"Non, monsieur! No tea pour moi! I am sick." He waved his hand dismissively and placed his head back down. It was all he could really do to keep himself from vomiting out the window as the train moved. "But maybe you can tell me how long it will be til our destination?" He managed to ask, raising his woozy gaze up to Mister Leonard for a moment before dropping his head back into the palms of his hands. He really didn't care much for the answer but at least he could seem personable towards one of Miss Victoria's other allies.

Myra could hear the distinct sound of yelling somewhere on the train, perhaps in another carriage. Some sort of bantering about tea. "Tea, ah... tea sounds nice about now, like." The woman made conversation with herself, twirling one of the pistols she had brought for Miss Victoria's examination in her right hand. Within the corner of her bright green eyes she noticed some of the uneasy gazes that the other passengers had cast her. Myra couldn't help but smirk. It wasn't like she was going to shoot anybody.

It was at that point as Myra sat gazing out of the window she felt someone tap her shoulder. She glanced behind her to see one of the passengers, his expression anxious. "Excuse me, ma'am... you wouldn't mind putting the weapon away, would you? A lot of us are getting a little uneasy here..." He spoke, fiddling with his silver pocket watch. Myra gave an exclaimation of irritation, falling back into her seat as she twirled the pistol absent-mindedly. "Bloody y'ell, like! What's with you but, not trustin' a professional blacksmith an' gunsmith with her own weaponry, ah?!" She exclaimed, shaking her head. The man yelped fearfully as the pistol was pointed to him unintentionally; Myra simply wasn't paying attention.

"Ai-aiyeeh! Okay, okay, I'll leave you alone! S-sorry to disturb you, m-ma'am!" He whimpered, returning to his seat at the back of the carriage. Myra glanced back, blinking surprisedly. She glanced around, unsure of how she had driven him away, but she simply shook her head and relaxed herself, resting her boots upon the table.
"Ah, I dunno," She talked to herself, closing her eyes briefly. "I suppose I should go about findin' Miss Victoria, but.. this seat sure is comfy."
[BG="black"]Miss Victoria Blessington [/BG]
[BG="black"]Date: July 2nd. Time: 10:34AM

Miss Victoria wasn't having much luck with finding her crew members, so she decided to find the nearest washroom for the time being. Upon entering the bathroom, she stared at the mirror and sighed.

"Rules of the Traveler, always know the whereabouts of your crew ahead of time..."

It wasn't unknown for her to talk to herself from time to time.

Just then she heard the voices of the two rude soldiers.

“Okay, we know that she went this way... This is the last car on the damned train. The Captain is a dolt...That woman is clearly one of the Russian spies. Besides, whoever heard of a woman airship commander? It's bloody ridiculous.”

"For the love of...These soldiers are beyond rude!"Miss Victoria thought to herself. She quickly popped her head out of the doorway. She saw the two men from earlier going in and out of various side cabins. It was clear that the train had been pressed into service since there a great number of civilian commodities on it.

“Come on out, little girl we won't hurt you. We just wanna talk to you. That's all.” One of the men whispered.

Victoria remained silent in the washroom and tried not to make a noise. However, just as luck would have it Victoria sneezed.

“Where'd that come from, it sounds like we are right near her.” The other man mentioned.

“Oh boy, you regulars don't know how to behave do you?” Victoria said as kicked the washroom door open with her right foot. The metal door rammed itself into the face of the scruffier of the two soldiers.

“BAAH." The soldier screamed in pain. Miss Victoria then placed her left hand on her hip, while keeping her right hand on her holster. Both soldiers were unarmed. She; however, was not. Victoria always kept her revolver handy. It was for self defense against fools such as these.

“You know should know the Unwritten Codes of Honor, you cannot harm a woman. Right?” Victoria mentioned. Both of the soldiers didn't budge. She said and drew out her revolver. It was a golden hue and a rather heavy caliber, enough to make sort work of the soldiers.

“So go leave already, you half-brained twits. It's not worth trying to get into a fight with me!” She growled. The two soldiers fled with fear deep in their hearts.

"They won't be back. But, I don't think that it is a wise idea to travel by myself any longer. Those two are trouble waiting to happen.”

Wyes then entered the scene again “Hello Miss Blessington...” He mumbled.

“Well, don't be all mouth and trousers. What do want, now?” Victoria rudely asked.
"Miss Victoria! Behave yourself!" Leonard had overheard the scene between the soldiers and the admiral.

"Show some respect for the Admiral!" Leonard ordered, walking up right next to the two.

"This is....not how you behave in your place!"


Leonard brushed his jacket, took out a small towel and cleaned his forehead for sweat, sighing, all at once.

His fears seemed to be true. There would always appear obsticles in the road when someone were taking on an adventure like this for the first time. That still didn't make up for how she was initiating a conflict with her own crew. And he had to put his foot down and tell her straight now.

"I'm terribly sorry for this episode to occurr. I hope we can keep our parties civil, at least until we reach Liverpool"Leonard said, turning his attention to Wyes.

"Have you seen a young miss in this car? No? Oh, alright, thank you."

"Excuse me sir, have you seen a young woman in white about yay high and... no? Short blonde hai-- oh, oh I understand I'm quite sorry to have disturbed you."

"Pardon me, I wouldn't suppose either of you have seen a young woman in a white uniform, blonde hair and... oh! Goodness, finally a sighting! She was where? Just a few cars over? Oh, I could not begin to thank you for the help! Yes yes, I've got it, thank you both so much!"

Geraldine Millicent Prudence Jenkins had chosen to ignore the crass way the two men answered her, they were obviously sullen about something, men were peculiar creatures in that way. She could have sworn she also heard the two men say some unsavory things about Miss Victoria but at the ripe age of 30 she really was not in a place to reprimand them. Doing her best to wriggle her way past other passengers with her luggage in tow, Geraldine nearly tripped on a small child on her way to the car the two ruffians said Miss Victoria was residing in. She hoped Miss Victoria wouldn't be too angry with her, Geraldine was never one for travelling by train and by the time she realized she boarded the train 15 cars down from where she was supposed to, she spent a good amount of time in the train's lavatory dabbing her face with cold water to lessen the embarassed redness of her cheeks.

Peering into the porthole of the door separating the car Miss Victoria was supposedly in, she did her best to spot her inside before entering but alas she could not identify one blonde hair from her head. Stubbornly, Geraldine squeezed through the door and spent some time dragging her luggage behind her from one car to the other. Almost exhausted from her trek through 15 train cars, Geraldine decided to take a rest on an empty seat, leaning back and using her train ticket to fan herself.

[BG="black"]Miss Victoria Blessington [/BG]
[BG="black"]Date: July 2nd. Time: 10:34AM

Miss Victoria crossed her arms. While, she found Mister Leonard to be an old fuddy duddy, she was relieved that he intervened. "Oh, don't worry about me now, sir." She addressed to Leonard. "I think that I'll wait to meet the rest of my crew anyways. Too many rude soldiers."

She then fluffed the side of her hair, as if taunting the Captain.

Wyes then spoke, "It is no problem, sir." The Captain didn't know who the old man was, but assumed that he was something like handler for the spunky woman. "I am going to ensure that Miss Blessington is kept safe. There are a few bad apples. The Generals assumed that this mission could use...Some of those bloody Irishmen. I'll make sure that those drunken soldiers are dealt with properly." He then bowed his head towards Mister Leonard. He then left the scene to look for the two soldiers that had been bullying Victoria.

As Wyes left, Victoria then fluffed her hair again.