Moving Out or No?

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Vio, May 8, 2015.

  1. So I don't think I can clearly express all my reasons for it but I am thinking about moving out of my parents house. I'm only 19 years old and my family thinks I'm not old enough or matured enough to handle such a thing. Granted I understand their reasonings for some of the things they say about it. Unfortunately, I feel if I stay in that house much longer I'll do something drastic (as I'm not in a good place mentally). My family makes me miserable. They say and do things to me that puts me in such a bad place and I don't want to be around them anymore. Its not recent I've been feeling this way either. Its been going on for six to eight years now. When I was I'm highschool I actually HATED leaving school because it means I had to return to a place I didn't think of as home anymore. School was my escape away from them, but now that I graduated there isn't a place for me to go anymore. Thus the only logical way to be away from them is to just remove myself completely.

    At first I was determined to move out, I even have a place to rent now for only 200 dollars of rent each month, but when I told my parents they turned it into something bad. They said things like it was a bad choice, that I'm only doing it so I wouldn't have to follow their rules anymore, that it was just a way for me to continue living the way I do (ie: lack of freinds and to much time on the computer). They threatened to cut me off completely if I moved out, saying that if I moved out then that means I am no longer family. Scared I wouldn't get any moral support I ended up stepping down from the idea of moving out.

    At first it was fine, but there is always a calm before a storm. Yesterday....well I guess I would call it a fight with my parents? My mother came home yesterday and I told her that I did the dishes (because she constantly bitches about dishes being in the sink when she comes home so I started doing them so we wouldn't have to listen to her anymore. Of course it wasn't enough as she always has to find something to get pissy about.) To which she snarkily responded with " Oh you mean YOUR dishes from today because there were not any in the sink before I left this morning." As if implying that I'm the only person in the house who puts dirty dishes in the sink and then leaves them there. Of course I went on to calmly tell her that there were dishes in the sink when I woke up this morning and not all of them were mine. To which she started to get even more frustrated over. I was genuinely confused as to why she was getting upset over the dishes in the sink so I told her "I don't understand why you are getting made over me doing the dishes for you."

    Apparently I hit a nerve because she slammed the mat down in the sink and blew up on me. She started shouting that I didn't do it for her, that I do it because its part of living inside "this" house. Most of it I don't even remember because it happened so fast, but it was bad. So of course I left the room and went upstairs. Like clock work my dad comes up and he lectures me for twenty minutes about it, then started raising his voice and swearing at me.

    I was really confused though to why it even escalated to that point. Having an empty sink is something SHE has a problem with, so I thought doing them would be nice you know?

    Regardless the whole ordeal really shook me up. I cried for like two or three hours after that, and of course thought about killing myself. The room I had found was being given to someone else so now I was literally trapped in a place I hated, thus the only escape I could think of at that point was to just kill myself and be done with it. When a tiny miracle happened, my friend Nik (the son of the people who were going to rent me a room) sent me a FB message saying that the room opened up for me again.

    Thus my question for you. Should I take the opportunity and move out?
  2. I am going to be blunt because that's how I am.

    Your parents sound emotionally manipulative and even immature. They sound like they are working off their fear of lack of control and even when you do the things they want they lash out in anger because they know it will keep you tied there. What parent doesn't want their child to succeed beyond them? What parent doesn't prepare a child by the time she's of a certain age? Bad ones, I'm afraid.

    I would say that you should move out because you're an adult now and if you want to stay in your room and be on the computer all day, then that's entirely your decision as an adult. Is it a smart one? No, because sitting down all day is bad for you. But do I or anyone else have a real say in it? Fuck no. If your parents want absolute control, tell them to get a dog. Otherwise, you're your own woman and you do what you feel is best for you.

    Hope that helps. Apologies for coming off too strong.
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  3. You are right. It is a bad way to live your life. I thought that not only will moving out allow me to be free, but the change of environment might snap me into living the right way. Going out, meeting people, getting jobs, ect. Moving out was MY WAY of becoming a responsible adult, but my parents don't see it that way.
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  4. The Butterfly said it best. You should definitely move out and a change in environment can definitely go a long way and help you get on your feet. Also I think you need to stand up to your parents and tolerate their abuse no longer. If you stand up to them and get everything off your chest, it'll prevent more self-destruction and help the healing process. Let it go, let it go, can't hold you back anymore! Let it go, let it go, turn away and slam the door! Sorry about that reference XD
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  5. I am in entire agreement with Butterfly, moving out would be the best choice for you, especially if that's the environment you're trying to get away from. In my personal experience, your relationship with your parents tends to improve when you move out, although in your case it might not be a bad idea to steer clear of them for a while. Being able to live and make decisions on your own is a very important part of really hitting adulthood and I think you definitely know what's best for you. And I know it can be difficult not to contemplate suicide when things seem so crushing and bleak, but please try to remember that we don't make the best choices when we're under duress, and you definitely have a bright path ahead of you! I think having independence from such a hostile environment will do wonders for you.

    Plus, on a less serious note, buying your own groceries and making your own meals / setting up your living space how you want it is totally worth the freedom. If you need somebody to talk to or vent to, feel free to hit me up! The good thing about Iwaku is there's always somebody looking out for you, even if it's online. You aren't alone.
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  6. ^This bit right here honestly makes it obvious (in my mind) more than anything else in that post what you should do.

    Move out. You're parents have just showed that they're willing to bully, threaten and abuse you when clearly you are already suffering.
    That's is not a good environment to be living in, and if you're able to get away from that then you should be.
    And that's only amplified by the Sink case, which seems to show even attempts to help out are met with hostility.

    And like Dervish said, if you ever need anyone to talk to my Inbox is also open.
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  7. I had a dad (he's still alive, though I haven't seen him in years) that was a wretch to deal with as a person. Fortunately, my parents were separated, so abandoning my dad to live with my mum was much easier than what you will have to do. But even so, let me tell you that cutting him loose was probably the best decision I ever made in my entire life. Life's not perfect, but I can just imagine how bad it would be with my dad still breathing over my shoulder being the aggravating bastard he always is.

    So yes, move out. Heck, I would go as far as to say if they cut you off, they will be doing you a great service, and as you leave, you should profusely thank them.

    Mostly kidding there. But I do believe it's absolutely for the best that you leave that house ASAP.
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  8. My dear, lovely Vio. There are so many times I wish I could be there for you, just to sit down and hug you, help you as more than just someone who gives advice and is there for you digitally.
    My personal answer and opinion to this question is: absolutely, yes. There is a chance here to better yourself for the future, and it may seem scary to know your parents are going to lay in a pool of of their own greed and disregard of your presence in "their" household, but I believe it's for the best you move out. Plus, living alone opens up a lot of options you wouldn't have had before with your parents, and I believe it will also prove to aid in your mentality of suicide -- because I never want to see you come to that resort.
    Anyways, that's my take on it. It's ultimately up to you, so do what you believe you want and are ready for.
    As always, I'm here for you, love you to death, and wish you the best~
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