Motivation vs. Self Defeatism

Aerico

Perpetual Emotional Chaos Agent
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FOLKLORE MEMBER
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  1. Multiple posts per day
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  4. 1-3 posts per week
  5. One post per week
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After 6PM US Central Time
Writing Levels
  1. Intermediate
  2. Adept
  3. Advanced
  4. Adaptable
Preferred Character Gender
  1. Male
  2. Female
  3. Nonbinary
  4. Transgender
  5. Agender
  6. Primarily Prefer Male
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Genres
LGBTQ+, Man vs. Self, Man vs. Man, Fantasy medieval, Suspense, Noir mystery, Horror, Romantic comedy, general romance (There really needs to be some driving plot other than two lovebirds. Character development is desired to make investment.)
I’m more than sure the majority of the folks here have experienced some variety of motivation stunting when it comes to writing and productivity. Upon a bit of lurking with an account I’d forgotten and revisited, I’ve seen plenty of threads, advice, chatter about the often seeming insurmountable mountain of motivation. I've enjoyed and even gone on to employ a lot of what I’ve read.

A thing I see less of--and not just at Iwaku, rather the wide trench of the zeitgeist in general--is the significance of self defeating behavior. While I’m more than ready to believe the two issues frequently hold hands, I don’t think them mutually exclusive.

I’ll bring a familiar scene to mind, being that you’re staring at our collective worse enemy: an empty, placid stretch of input prompt. Only glaring, blinding white staring back with little but the occasional blip of the cursor to remind you that you’ve yet to set your pace.

You begin typing and for a split, blissful moment you find a tempo. Enough to put a few sentences in the space so stark before.

But it’s not good enough. Whatever you’ve laid down is mediocre, if tolerable. It disappears and you’re back to the horribly familiar stretch of empty space.

Sometimes I’ll do this for something in the ballpark of an hour, maybe longer if I’ve felt particularly determined and motivated to get something written. Only to strike myself down over and over to no avail.

So here’s where I ask for feedback; how do you combat this? How do you punch through self defeatism long enough to produce enough content that could ostensibly combat the self inflicted drag?
 
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But it’s not good enough. Whatever you’ve laid down is mediocre, if tolerable. It disappears and you’re back to the horribly familiar stretch of empty space.
My writing process nullifies most of what you're referring to. Before I begin my first draft I create a roadmap—an outline for where I want the story to go. While creating said outline I'm also researching anything I suspect I'll need to know. As you might imagine, the research process often sparks plot and character ideas which I'm happy to include in the outline.

In terms of how much I include in a typical outline, the answer is as much as possible. Because I'm not worrying over prose I can really let loose here and focus on storytelling, as opposed to writing. When I'm finally ready to begin writing I determine if the scene I'll work on will have dialogue. If it does that's where I start.

The dialogue just pours from my imagination at that point. I know what information I need my characters to say, because that's in my outline; so it's just a matter of hearing it in their respective voices. With the dialogue finished and my outline to guide the way, I won't feel like I have "empty space" to tackle. At that point I would characterize what I need to do as translate the outline, and connect the lines of dialogue.

That takes work, mind you. But it's more akin to working through a math problem than to finding my way.
 
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That takes work, mind you. But it's more akin to working through a math problem than to finding my way.

I've been told to outline more than once, most definitely, and I admit I've always been the sort to kick back against it. I'm much more partial to letting it flow as it may, but it's becoming more obvious as time goes on that it's tripping me more than it's inspiring me. I can definitely see how simply outlining can take a lot of the self judgement out of the picture, as once you have the skeleton down it's just a matter of filling it in. My current method relies on a lot of instant gratification flow and expectation that seems unfair to expect from myself like I used to as a kid.

Could this apply with roleplay? I mean it of course depends on how much content you're pumping out, but for someone with an output of roughly two to three paragraphs, it can seem a little silly to take the time to outline. At the same time, I can see rough bulletpoints still being pretty beneficial.
 
Could this apply with roleplay? I mean it of course depends on how much content you're pumping out, but for someone with an output of roughly two to three paragraphs, it can seem a little silly to take the time to outline. At the same time, I can see rough bulletpoints still being pretty beneficial.
For three paragraphs or less I wouldn't bother with a proper outline, but I would have a bulletpoint or two for what I need to communicate.

Do you often struggle to crank out two paragraphs worth of character action and dialogue? Because that's unfamiliar territory for me.
 
I've been told to outline more than once, most definitely, and I admit I've always been the sort to kick back against it. I'm much more partial to letting it flow as it may, but it's becoming more obvious as time goes on that it's tripping me more than it's inspiring me. I can definitely see how simply outlining can take a lot of the self judgement out of the picture, as once you have the skeleton down it's just a matter of filling it in. My current method relies on a lot of instant gratification flow and expectation that seems unfair to expect from myself like I used to as a kid.

Could this apply with roleplay? I mean it of course depends on how much content you're pumping out, but for someone with an output of roughly two to three paragraphs, it can seem a little silly to take the time to outline. At the same time, I can see rough bulletpoints still being pretty beneficial.
I bulletpoint outline all the time when I rp. I tend to sit down, read over the previous posts, get a rough idea in my head for what my character would do, and then I write it down in bulletpoint form, with each separate action as a bulletpoint. I generally write the actual post out either after I've had a quick break or on the next day. I used to hate outlining anything, but I've found that outlining RP posts works really really well for me because it helps me get down those initial thoughts, and then writing the post itself becomes that much easier.
 
Do you often struggle to crank out two paragraphs worth of character action and dialogue? Because that's unfamiliar territory for me.

Unfortunately, pretty often. When I find my flow, I'm off for sometimes masses of text of 500+ pages. When I'm off my flow, I can barely squeeze out a paragraph of reactable content. I know a lot of other different issues are at play when it comes to my output, some that I can't change in this moment and time. So I'm very interested in streamlining my process in a way that will be conducive to a more consistent writing experience.

I used to hate outlining anything, but I've found that outlining RP posts works really really well for me because it helps me get down those initial thoughts, and then writing the post itself becomes that much easier.

I think I'm stepping into that part of my writing experience where I realize I can't do as I used to and that outlining doesn't have to be the boring trudge that I'd always interpreted it to be. Rather it can be an opportunity for inspiration and direction instead of just expecting myself to come up with long term narrative decisions on the fly.

Granted I'm very used to, at least lately, roleplayers who show up with a plot bunny and apparently a fire under their ass to start with litte to no brainstorming or get-to-know-you discussion. So jumping in and getting it done has been the general expectation. (And part of the reason I'm gravitating more towards forums again.)
 
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