Monsters in the Closet

"...I know you're getting over your addiction a-and I probably shouldn't ask, but I-- I need drugs. I'm not sure what drugs my father used on me but they-- I need them. They made me drowsy and tired and-- and that's good; it's really good for me. For us. You need to get some for me," he declared quietly, cringing at how vague he sounded-- though he was mostly annoyed by how he knew his words would be interpreted. He was in no way addicted to the drugs fed to him and, if he really had a choice, he would be glad to be free of them. However, they did help with preventing his transformations. Since he was injected with the drugs, whatever drug it was, he hadn't transformed in years. One day without them and he had to physically knock himself out to prevent the change happening. He didn't want to have to continually knock himself out each time a change was coming on, and nor did he want to resort to begging Josef to knock him out for him.

It was better for all parties concerned if he had the drugs on hand to stop the changes in a much less violent way, even if he knew he just sounded like an addict for all but begging Josef to help him.

"I'm not addicted, it's not that; I just physically need it, Josef. I... can't explain why, b-but you have money, you can buy some and... and it'll be fine, we can live normally and... and it's what I need, s-so-- you said you'd help me, and this would help me out the most."
 
"River, I can't get back into that business," he quickly replied in horror, his muscles tensing. "I can't - I don't have any contacts anymore, for starters. I cut all ties when I came to the lodge, I wanted to get away from the whole 'drug' thing, I can't get back into that. I... I was a horrible person while I was on coke, I don't want to get involved in anything like that again. You don't understand how difficult this has been for me, River. I can't fall back again." He firmly decided, grimacing.

"I'll get you some antiemetics, or maybe some alcohol, but I'm... not getting into anything illegal," he decided, giving the other a firm glance before pulling into a cozy looking diner. Adjusting himself, he offered an apologetic smile. "Please understand, River. I'll... figure this all out if you really need it, I guess."
 
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However difficult he knew it would be, he had assumed that Josef would agree. It was a naive thought, but naivety was never far away from River. He was naive to a lot of things, so asking an addict if he would fetch drugs for him didn't seem like a plea that would be rejected. Thus, when it was, he fell silent in horror, biting his lip hard to stop himself from pathetically begging for what he knew he needed. It made things a lot easier when the changes kicked in, but he also knew from his experience in the bathroom the prior evening that he could stop them himself if he really had to.

It just meant hurting himself enough to knock himself out, and that was hardly a painless experience to go through.

"...Fine," he murmured with surprising calmness, turning his eyes back onto the other once out of the car. "Just know that you've made things far worse for me by saying no. I understand your reasons but... you're asking for trouble. Whatever happens next is-- it's your fault. T-That's all I'm saying on that, so-- so let's have pancakes and forget about it for now."
 
Cringing at the surprisingly cruel and cold words coming from River, who he saw as very innocent and childish. Hiding his discomfort, he instead pulled into the diner and offered River the door to help him out.

“Eat as much as you want,” he urged before slipping into the diner, offering an awkward smile to the waitress who looked both men over, especially locking on River with concern. She led them too booth nonetheless and handed a menu over.

“I don’t, ah... mean to be mean, River, but how well can you read? I don’t want this to be frustrating for you,” Josef explained, his eyes scanning the other.
 
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"I know how to read. I-- It's writing I suppose I struggle with. But I can read, I was taught to when my parents were nice to me," he smiled, seemingly forgetting about the brief moment of tension that had taken place in the car park - or simply chose to ignore it because of how horrible it made him feel. He didn't want to be like that; to act like a monster when he could choose otherwise. He had no chose when he transformed;he had absolutely no control over what took place, but he had a choice when he was normal, like this. It was why he tried to stay upbeat and cheery, to create that distinction between him and his transformed state. Acting horrible when he wasn't transformed just blurred the lines and he didn't want to do that - but apologising for his behaviour would only draw attention to it, and he much preferred forgetting about it altogether.

"...Just order me some pancakes. And bacon, I've heard bacon is delicious-- and some eggs. My mother used to say scrambled eggs with butter was her favourite thing before she moved to the lodge, I've always wanted to try it," he admitted, pushing the menu away in defeat. He could try as hard as he liked, but he didn't know any of the words and pretending he did was useless.

"Just order me whatever you want, I'll eat anything," the boy continued as he examined the diner, smiling to himself at how cosy it all felt. Sure, the worried glances in his direction didn't go unnoticed but he could easily block those out. "This is cute, I like it here. It's a shame we have to leave, huh? I'd love to come here every morning for breakfast."
 
"It's okay if you can't read it, River. You were in a basement for 14 years, you didn't have the chance to do anything like that," he reassured quietly once the waitress left, having ordered them both pancakes with bacon with a cup of tea for himself with water for River. He didn't really know how caffeine would affect him since River seemed to be super excited by simply waking up. It was energy that gave him whiplash.

"So the plan is that we go to the store after this to buy you some clothes and necessities, like a toothbrush and stuff like that. Then we can go back to the motel, get our things and we'll head out. I kind of want to go to Maine if that's alright with you? Then we can go to Florida, somewhere hot. I'm not a huge fan of the heat, to be honest."
 
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"We can go wherever you want, I'm not going to argue. I'm just glad to get out of the state, you know? Anywhere else is a new experience for me-- and anywhere is bound to be warmer than the basement, so-- so we can go wherever you want," he nodded firmly, resting his hands flat on the table in front of him, his eyes lighting up at the sight of the food finally arriving to the table. He vaguely remembered being taught to use a knife and fork and fortunately, unlike the reading, he hadn't forgot how to do so. Sure, he wasn't handling them all that well but he was doing well enough not to embarrass himself and ask for help, anyway.

"...You can tell me what you're running from, you know," he murmured after a moment's silence, having been too engrossed in shovelling food into his mouth to acknowledge anything else. He might have said otherwise, but he was intrigued about the other and what was so secret. The best outcome was to hear what he had to say and be accepting of it, which he hoped would help him when it came to revealing to Josef his own secret. "I mean, even if it's real bad, I'm not going to hate you or anything. You're nice to me and that's all I care about-- I just think it might help if you talk? I can tell you whatever you want to know-- I've told you lots already about what my parents have done to me."
 
“Even if I told you, you wouldn’t comprehend the severity and danger it could put both of us in,” Josef countered as he ate, moving much slower than the other as he absently took a sip of his tea. He wasn’t a big eared but he figured he had to lead by example with River and show that eating breakfast was important. The other’s insistence of knowing what was wrong made him far less hungry, though.

“I... used to make something called cocaine,” he explained cautiously, deciding to only give a few tidbits. “It was a big deal and that’s how I made my money. It’s not legal to do so... yeah. Some dumb shit happened and now I’m in trouble.”
 
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"I know what cocaine is-- or I've at least heard of it. My father would always say that some of our guests had problems with drugs. He told me when I was young, I remember that stuff. If that's your problem, then that's not that bad, is it? I mean, I... suppose it's bad if it's illegal, but... I thought you were mixed in with something worse, that's really okay with me," the boy nodded casually. How could he possibly get unnerved by it when he had done a lot worse? He had a valid excuse -none of it was under his control- but he felt guilty for it nonetheless, so anything Josef had done was minimal in comparison.

"I hurt a few people when I was a kid. I... didn't mean to, it was accidental-- I didn't realise I'd done it. My folks got scared and I guess they did what they thought was best. So that's why they did what they did. I mean, that's not the whole story-- like I guess you're not telling me the full story either," he pointed out as he glanced up from his breakfast, smiling shyly. "It's fine, you don't have to tell me the details. I... would never want to tell you the full details of my life; not yet, anyway. You'd just leave me."
 
“Well, You’ve piqued my interest now,” Josef replies, his brow raised as he took a bite of the bacon. “I won’t press but I’m definitely curious now. Hm... we can talk later, like you said. Just focus on getting fed,” he urged quietly before offering the other a sip of his tea.

“Try it. I imagine you haven’t had many new experiences with food,” he noted, waiting patiently for his reaction. “Your mother had me hooked on it. It’s pleasant, you know? Not too flavored but not just hot water.”
 
"I haven't had tea in years. I always had it as a kid, my mother was pretty insistent upon it. Water and tea only; no sugary drinks," he murmured in response, imitating his mother's voice with a faint grin. He could happily speak about his parents without getting upset, despite what they did to him. He didn't see them as bad people and he still had five years of good memories to call upon regardless of the horror that happened during the last 14.

"It's lovely," he nodded as he slid the cup back across to him, polishing the rest of his breakfast off in little time. "I haven't had new experiences, sure. They fed me soup a lot of the time, which was... fine, I guess? I can't remember much of it, I was out of it a lot of the time."
 
“It isn’t, like, fancy oolong or anything. It’s just black tea with some honey so... not a very complex flavor palette,” he explained with a chuckle, only to sigh when his joke didn’t seem to really hit. Taking a bite of the toast, he offered a small smile.

“Well, we’ll be having a lot of new experiences,” he reassured, taking River’s hand in his affectionately. “Just... take your time eating, okay? You’re so skinny, you need to gain some weight.”
 
"I'm naturally thin - you've met my parents, yeah? Fast metabolism runs in the family," he smiled with an awkward shrug, the references to his weight -which he already knew was below what it perhaps ought to be- only causing him to withdraw again. He didn't necessarily mind the other offering help, it showed he cared, but he didn't really want it mentioned out in public. Not when there were people around who could overhear - he was already putting up with them glancing over at him, he hardly needed them listening in for more details.

"...I'll just shovel food in, I kinda need to do that or I won't put any weight on. I have a huge appetite anyway so-- this is fine, you don't need to be so worried. You're too protective, really. I appreciate the help but-- but hey, I'm fine," he nodded firmly, though refused to move his hand from his, the contact making his cheeks flush red. He hadn't experienced genuinely caring physical contact in years, so to receive it now made him more emotional than he cared to admit. He was also well aware that the blush wasn't solely because of that. He was no expert in attraction -he didn't even really know what sex was- but he recognised that the feeling that had suddenly stirred in him wasn't completely platonic.
 
"That is true, though I'm sure their diet doesn't help with putting on pounds," he added before pushing away the rest of his plate. There were a few bits left over through the rule he was told by his father never to waste food always rang in his ears. If he was going to buy food, he needed to eat it, not just let it sit idle. Just a few crumbs wouldn't have him scolded and that's what he kept in mind. Moving his hand away, he instead grabbed his wallet.

"That being said, eating just garbage won't be very good for you. I'm no cook but I'm sure I can at least get us food that won't clog up our arteries," he teased quietly, leaving quite the heavy tip for the waitress as he watched River eat. "We can go to Walmart and pick up some of those instant 'healthy' meals while we're there, they'll stay good in the car with this ridiculous weather."
 
"Oh-- Oh that'd be great! I'd like that. Maybe we can buy some books, too? So I can practise reading," he mumbled beneath his breath, lowering the volume of his voice the moment the waitress appeared to collect the plates, offering the woman a smile that he was delighted to have quickly returned to him. His social skills weren't the best, understandably, so to have a positive interaction felt like a huge step in the right direction.

"I know you said you don't have friends but I'd like to make a few-- I know people talk online. My father had an old computer, used to send emails-- I think that's what they're called. I'd like to do that," he declared as he slipped out of the booth, offering a quick wave back to the waitress. "You're obviously my best friend, Josef, but... a few online friends would be cool."
 
“I would rather we keep our internet presence to a minimum,” murmured Josef, his accent thick as he led River from the diner, avoiding the other customers’ gazes. He was incredibly bashful in normal situations, having always been a social outcast, and the fact that he was certain eyes were on him as opposed to it being in his head, Josef only grew red.

“The police are after me, River. They can track satellite transmissions and track my activity. If your parents file a missing persons, they could find you online and we’d be in trouble,” he murmured once in the car, holding his head against the steering wheel briefly when the surge of a headache hit him.
 
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"They're after you for selling some drugs? I... And that's seriously going to stop us doing something normal like having a computer? I... didn't realise it was that serious," he murmured as he slipped into the backseat, having decided that the front only made him feel nauseous. Buckling his seatbelt in, he leaned on the window with a contemplative frown, his enthusiasm for his new life slowly ebbing away. It was never fully enthusiastic to begin with, not when he had the constant dread of transforming on his mind, but only now was he realising the full extent of what they could do really wasn't as wide-ranging as he hoped.

"...We'll make it work, right? It'll be fun! And if the police find us, I... I'll say you rescued me from my parents and that'll at least keep you out of more trouble. But we won't get caught, I know we won't," he confirmed with confidence he really shouldn't have because he couldn't promise their protection, but the sentiment was at least there. "I, uh-- I'm not feeling so good. Can I just go back to the motel? I'd be a drag on you if we went shopping."
 
“You sure? We can go back to the hotel if you want, yeah. I would suggest even leaving you back there while I get you clothes but I don’t know if your parents would find you there, even if my car isn’t parked there,” He tries to explain, often becoming hard to articulate when he was particularly nervous. After all, English wasn’t his first language so to try and speak properly became difficult when nervous. So much so that he added something in Russian only to pause and awkwardly laugh.

“Sorry. Its just... I’ve never had to Protect someone like this before,” he admitted once the car had started back up and they were on the way to the motel. “It’s... weird. I don’t know if I’m doing this right but I just... ah, I just feel inclined to help you so I’m doing my best.”
 
"You shouldn't feel inclined, I'm not your responsibility. I... just like you being around. I'd probably be dead by now if I had to survive on my own-- you can leave me whenever you want, I just... selfishly like being around you. You make me feel safe and happy and warm and... I dunno. It's corny, huh? But you're nice and the only friend I've had in years," he shrugged, acting as casual as he could despite the overly emotional words. A smile fell on his face nonetheless at the nice atmosphere between them - which made it the worst possible time for that feeling to hit him, knowing precisely what the lurch in his stomach and faint tingles in his limbs meant.

For a moment he naively let the feelings continue, hoping, by some miracle, that they would disappear without action needing to be taken to prevent a transformation. He only spoke up when it became abundantly clear that the changes weren't going to go without intervention, and it was either ask Josef to do something he'd consider maddening, or allow his new friend to witness why his parents were so scared of him.

"...P-Pull over and-- and punch me. Just do it, don't ask why-- Josef! Pull over, now," the boy demanded as he held his stomach tightly, doing anything he could to prevent what was the inevitable - unless he got knocked out before then, at least. "O-Oh god-- j-just pull over."
 
“Oh, a-ah, okay!” Josef’s replied quickly, his face growing red nervously as he obediently pulled over. Thankfully the highway was practically abandoned so it at least refused a small bit of his anxiety. Once pulled over, he watched River with clear discomfort.

“Punch you? I’m - I’m not going to punch you, that’s ridiculous,” he snorted in disbelief, his hands shaking. “Are you having a panic attack? What is happening, River?! Did I do something wrong o-or...?”