Monster With Poor Internet Connection Seeks Partner for Good Time

[Laggy Lagiacrus]

Hello Iwaku, and welcome to my thing. What am I dong? Why, I'm seeking a partner, of course. Interested? Look at my resume, then come back if you're still interested.
...
Wait, you're still here? Well, that's already more than I was expecting.
Now, I don't actually have any plots, strictly speaking. I tend to take what my partner likes, what I like, throw it into a blender, and serve up whatever the result is. But, there are a few things you should not about me.

1. I'm highly inconsistent with my replies. Sometimes I can go thirty times a day, sometimes it's once every five days. Don't ask, just keep it in mind.
2. I do my best to match my partner's post length and quality, but past 500 words, expect a steady decline in how good my reply actually is.
3. I don't play girls. I've got nothing against doing it, I just don't know much about how the female body works. And, at this point, I'm too afraid to ask.
4. I will try anything once, unless I mention otherwise. Or if it's a fandom I know nothing about and/or have to play canon characters in. Hell, I'll try being a sub if you ask politely. Or if you just bribe me with a bag of Jelly Babies. Either works.
5. I have no preference as to whether you ask for an equal balance of plot and sex, if you'd rather have a limited amount of it, or if you just want to do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. I'm just here because I'm trying to avoid doing actual work.

PM me if you feel you're up to the task. I'll post a notice here if I'm taking no more partners.

 

[Laggy Lagiacrus]

That's enough requests for me.