Mind Games

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After kicking the door for a few times, she stopped, sitting down on the floor. She looked at the door, as if she thought that she would be able to see right through it. She listened carefully, expecting Drejan to walk in any moment now. That he didn't do that though, made her feel a bit relaxed, realizing that he actually was giving her some privacy. She bit her lip, thinking of what had just happened. She wondered what he thought of her - was she as crazy to him as she was to everyone else? She felt embarrassed - she couldn't understand that she had actually had those thoughts. Well, what surprised her was thinking about those things with Drejan in the room. The thoughts weren't new to her, she knew them, but what was new to her, was someone being able to hear them. She stopped thinking about it as she heard a knock on the door, looking up at the door, wiping some tears away from her face.

She nodded slightly, although she knew that he wouldn't be able to see it. She was quite relieved that he didn't think of her as a psycho or anything like that, especially after what had happened, but just admitting that she was a bit weird. She didn't mind people calling her weird, but psycho was something totally different. The fact that Drejan himself had said that he was, too, weird, made her smile. As he started talking about self harm, Hailey got a bit anxious and nervous. What he said though, made her loosen up some - he still didn't call her a freak, he actually said that it wasn't abnormal, which made her quite surprised, and relieved.

Remembering her food being out there, she stood up, took a deep breath before opening the door. She looked at him for a moment before closing the door behind her and sitting down, leaning towards it. She took her sandwich and ate some of it, not really looking at Drejan, still feeling a bit embarrassed about it. "Thank you", she said after some time, taking a sip of her coke, "for... understanding", she said, a bit hesitant at what words to use, and shrugged slightly. "At least not... freaking out", she said, glancing at him for barely a second before looking away again, eating some of her sandwich.

When she had eaten all of her sandwich, drunk most of her coke and eaten four or five chips, she stood up, taking the plate and walked to the kitchen. She washed the plate slowly, as if she didn't want there to be a single crumble left on it, and then put it away. She walked back to the doorway, stopping there and looking at Drejan. She looked away then, biting her lip thoughtfully. "What about the urge", she said quietly, hesitantly. "...is that also..." she shook her head, smiling slightly. "It's just... it's... hard to resist sometimes", she said, shrugging, trying to look calm and relaxed, but it sure wasn't that convincing - she had never really had to pretend in front of anyone before.
 
Drejan had remained quiet as Hailey ate, letting her have time and when she spoke, thanking him, he only nodded, his own mouth full at the time. He looked after her when she took her plate to the kitchen and listened carefully as she washed her plate and put it away. He'd said it was normal to think of hurting one's self - he hadn't said it was okay to DO so and if she'd started, he would have stopped her. And Drey wasn't like most people, oblivious to the signs of cutting. No, he didn't even need mind reading to know about that and how to spot it.

He felt some relief when Hailey came back, unharmed and he looked up at Hailey when she paused at the doorway, not interested in getting up at the moment. The blond seemed more comfortable when he was stationary and she was the one moving around anyway. Though, she was still tense even if she tried to hide it and the wisp of thought that he caught from her mind proved his point before Drejan brought his shields up again. The fact amused Drey and let his head tilt back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling. He really needed some paintings up there. He DID look at it enough...

"I know. I feel it too, believe it or not. Pretty much every time I have a nightmare or the pain in my head becomes unbearable, hell, just when I'm having a bad day. For people like you and me, the pain seems like a good idea, like it will distract or help us let things out we might not otherwise, but in truth it causes nothing but trouble. Self-loathing, insecurity, habit, danger of infection, blood loss and those are just obvious things. Too many complications to be worth it."

Drejan brought his gaze back to Hailey, his piercing gray eyes holding her own like he could look right through her...and then he looked away again, realizing once more that most people didn't like that. "If you feel like you can't fight the desire, just...get my attention. I'll help you." A slight smile graced his lips then and Drey stood slowly, taking his coke can and plate with him. His taller height dwarfed Hailey's slight stature, but the male was careful not to get too close to her, not wanting to intimidate her. Things were going well. He didn't want to change that, at least not today.

"And Hailey, if you decided that you were going to have a screaming, raging fit in the middle of my living room, I still wouldn't think you were crazy. You don't have to hide or be fake with me. I'm not going to be that way with you, which, honestly means you're probably not going to see me at my best sometimes, but at least what you'll see will be real."

He moved away then, heading toward the kitchen to take care of his dishes.
 
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Hailey listened to him, what he said made sense. She knew what he was talking about. In a way it made her uncomfortable, no one had understood her as much as Drejan did, talking as if he was her. In a way it felt good though, she felt less lonely. It was an unusual and a slightly scary feeling, but at the same time, she liked it.

As she felt his eyes, him looking right through her it seemed, she realized that she was looking into his, as well. She looked away, feeling exposed. She glanced at him as he spoke, surprised at his words, but feeling calm as well, knowing that he wanted to help her. No one had really helped her through one of those urges, or, some had tried, but it had never succeeded. She had always ended up hurting herself, usually with more anxiety building up because of the way they would restrain her, trying to prevent her from hurting herself. She took a deep breath at the thought, she didn't want to think about that. Thinking that it would probably be different with Drejan, if it got to the point where she wouldn't be able to handle it on her own, calmed her down some. It was different. He was different.

Hailey sat down in the room, closing the door behind her. She could hear Drejan doing the dishes, listening to the water. She laid down on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. It would be better to try to distract herself, she knew that, but she didn't know what to do. Go for a walk, maybe. She thought about it, realizing that it would be better to stay inside - that way Drejan would be there, being able to help her, and honestly, she felt safer inside. With him, maybe?

The urge wouldn't leave. Hailey didn't understand, what was so triggering? She didn't want to think, she just wanted it to stop. In a way she'd like to hurt herself in the room, without him there, but she knew that he'd want her to tell him. Now, she didn't like the thought of it, though. She wasn't that comfortable exposing herself like that, vulnerable. She wasn't used to it. It was all overwhelming, it really was.

Hailey found Drejan in the living room. She bit her lip, not really looking at him, his eyes, but down at her hands, playing with them. "I need some help", she said, hating the fact that she was asking for help, in a way, but knowing that she needed it. She glanced towards the hallway as if she'd like to run away from there, but forced herself to sit down on the floor, leaning against the wall, shaking slightly from anxiety.
 
Drejan had been looking over the painting that was drying on the floor when Hailey walked in. At her words he looked up, hair mostly hidden behind his hair, but he could see her clearly enough, could see the way she shook and the look on her face. She wanted to run. He knew that feeling, knew that look and the male approached her slowly so she could see every single move he made, approaching her like she was an abused animal. In a way, Hailey was. They both were.

"It's okay."

His voice was soft as he lowered himself to the ground in front of her, his legs crossed in a familiar position and this time he was close enough to touch Hailey. Tilting his head in a wolf-like manner, mostly to get his brown hair out of his face, Drejan reached forward without hesitation but slowly like before and he calmly took Hailey's hands in his own. His touch was gentle, applying no force and if she wanted to jerk away she could. His thumbs found her palms and he started rubbing circles over her skin, applying a light pressure, soothing. His hands were much bigger than her smaller ones and yet Drejan displayed a restraint of power that was comforting. He truly didn't want to hurt Hailey.

"Sometimes, when we start to feel safe or like we're going to receive the help we need, something in your minds wants to sabotage it. By the time we get to the point where we want to hurt ourselves, we've convinced ourselves that we deserve it or that we're not worth anything so when someone tries to help us, when someone tells us we are worth being helped, we try to prove both to ourselves and to them that they're wrong."

Hardly understanding what drove him, why he felt so completely adamant about this, why he was so determined to help the slight blond before him, but also knowing he WOULD no matter what the reason, Drejan let go of one of Hailey's hands and his own came up to lift her chin with a soft touch, only his fingertips moving her chin. His gray eyes found her blue-gray ones. "I am going tell you again and however many times you need to be told; you are worth helping, Hailey. You are worth being cared for and you're not crazy. You're not going to drive me off, no matter what you do. I promise."
 
Hailey watched Drejan as he took a gentle hold of both of her hands, watching him as he rubbed circles over her skin. She kept looking at their hands as he spoke, listening closely to what he said. It was as if he was putting her thoughts down in words, at least some of it, making it clearer and easier to get a hold of. Hearing his words, uttering those thoughts that he, she assumed, also had had at some point, made it feel more real. She was thankful that she didn't have to say anything, that she didn't have to make an effort trying to put her thoughts down in words - Drejan was very good at doing that himself, and he was probably good enough for both of them. As he let go of one of her hands, touching her chin softly, she grew tense for a matter of seconds. Looking into his eyes and not finding anything that made her feel uncomfortable or scared in any way, but maybe even slightly calm, she relaxed some, reminding herself that he was there to help her. She looked away then, when he had finished speaking, not wanting to get caught for too long. Hearing that she wouldn't drive him off no matter what she did was a relief to her. Maybe he wasn't going to run away or freak out, no matter how weird things got. Thinking about it, she realized that he had seen her having her one of her visions, and what could be worse than that?

She was scared, scared of getting close to someone, admitting the need, having to rely on someone. She had always done things by herself, being independent. That way, having no one close to her, she wouldn't have to risk being let down or hurt. She wasn't sure whether that mattered any more, as she had gotten closer to Drejan than she had gotten to anyone before. She had always expected the worse out of people - that way she wouldn't be disappointed. If she didn't expect anyone to do anything for her, then she wouldn't be disappointed as she found herself alone, no one by her side. She couldn't think like this with Drejan though. She wanted to believe him so badly, but she knew that believing in anything would only cause more pain and disappointment in the end. She tried to ignore those thoughts as the urge was still there, telling her that if she just made that little, easy cut, all of those negative and hard feelings and thoughts would magically disappear.

Maybe it would have been better if she had just hurt herself in the first place, she thought. She wasn't sure of how willing Drejan was to stop her - would he just try to talk her out of it, letting her do it if she wished, or would he physically restrain her, so that she had no chance of doing it? Even though the thought of being restrained scared the shit out of her, making her heart race even faster, she knew that in the end it would help. At least, that was what she had heard, something about the body calming down if it wasn't able to move around, some hormone would be released and calm the body down. She didn't know if it'd actually work though, she remembered being exhausted - or maybe just calm? - after being restrained, but before that, the panic and fear, she wasn't sure if it was worth it or not.

She knew that he could do it though, he had even said it himself: "It's not like you could fight me off either mentally or physically." Looking at him now, all she could think of was how he'd restrain her. She was pretty sure that he was able to see the fear in her eyes. She tried to calm down, thinking about it. No, he wouldn't do that. In a way she wanted him to, even though she felt terrified by the thought of it. She had really mixed feelings, which made her pretty confused, thinking of hurting as the natural solution. Her breathing wouldn't do as she wished - it was fast, deep breaths didn't really work. She closed her eyes, thinking about either giving in to the urge and walk to the kitchen - if she was able to, considering her anxiety - or to stay with Drejan. She looked towards the kitchen, knowing that she'd find relief in there. She swallowed and glanced at Drejan. "Don't let me hurt myself", she said quietly, hoping that he'd hear it anyway - or maybe her thoughts were enough for him to understand - "please", she said, not really believing that she was actually saying that. She would probably panic. Maybe Drejan didn't even feel like doing it, helping her. All of sudden she felt selfish for expecting, or hoping for, him to help her, knowing, or guessing, what it would all end up with. "I'm sorry, I don't even know what I'm saying", she said as she jerked her hand out of his. She would like to run, but she knew that she'd just fall. And so she stood up, walking as fast as she felt was possible without falling, towards relief.
 
Drejan found himself watching Hailey a lot - he had to; the girl didn't speak all that much - and now he did the same as he'd done before, reading her like an open book. He didn't even need to use mind powers to do it, though, his empathy power was pretty much at full blown alarm mode, feeding him nearly everything the girl felt, wanting him to help her. He didn't know how to manipulate emotions, though, and even if he did, Drejan wouldn't do it to Hailey. She'd never trust him if he did and right now, he needed to gain her trust.

When she spoke, he didn't respond, only watching as she rose and started to walk quickly - if unstably - toward the kitchen. Drejan rose soon after her, but while her walking was quick, his was calm and he still arrived in the kitchen more quickly than she'd had time to do anything. The male went about then, getting every knife and any other obviously sharp thing he could find and he placed them in a drawer before reaching up to the place above the cupboards and taking down a set of keys. He locked the drawer and then leaned back against it, crossing his arms.

His gray eyes met Hailey's again, firm, but not unkind. "I'm not going to let you hurt yourself if I can help it, Hailey, but I'm not going to restrain you, either." His eyes searched her face, this time taking a quick scan of her thoughts, just to make sure he was on the right topic. Seeing that he was, Drejan continued, making no move toward the blond this time, but fully prepared to beat her to the sharp things in the bathroom if he had to.

"Tying you into a bed or a chair, restraining you that way is not going to help you. It's not going to teach you self control or how to cope with the things happening to you. Just like me filtering your visions for you isn't going to help you long term. You're going to have to find a way to do these things on your own. You're not helpless, Hailey, and I will help you, but not in the way the people who've hurt you or will hurt have done. I'm not them."

Drejan sighed, brushing his hand through his brown hair, looking at the floor for a moment as if in thought. "The only time I will restrain you will be if you are truly endangering me or yourself and even then, it will be with my own hands, not any kind of ties, and I won't hurt you." Gray eyes looked up again, finding Hailey's face, hoping to find her eyes. "When I feel out of control or when I just need to relieve some pressure, I paint. I take everything I've seen or heard or have felt and I put it to a canvas. It doesn't make it go away, but I feel I've made some sense of it, have unburdened myself of some of it. It's a way to express what I feel about everything without having to talk about it. I had someone...like me, like you, teach me that. He took me under his wing and helped me to cope in the best way for me. I used to show him everything I painted and even if I didn't tell him what it meant, just knowing someone else had seen it, knew something about what was going on with me...it helped." The male shook his head, feeling tired but still determined.

"Maybe you can find something like that for you. I can help you learn to control your power, Hailey, but I can't teach you how to control your emotions. I can't make you control YOU. If you ever want to be stable, you're going to have to think long and hard about finding something that will work to help you release the stress and pain you feel. Maybe singing or writing, painting, exercising, something. And if you want, you can share those things with me, like I did with my mentor, if you feel you need someone to know about them. It's your choice, but I can only help you as much as you'll let me."
 
Hailey wasn't, thinking about it, surprised that Drejan made it to the kitchen before she did. That he took all sharp things that he found locking them up in a drawer made her a bit anxious, but in a way, relieved. She needed this, it was good, it was for her own good. She tried to think of it that way, and that she had actually asked him to not let her hurt herself, which was what he was doing, in a good way, a way that didn't make her freak out. Hearing that he wouldn't restrain her but that he'd not let her hurt herself if he could help it, made her feel a bit calmer, or maybe safer, even though the anxiety was still there. So, there was still a possibility that she would be able to do it, but of course Drejan wouldn't want that to happen. Knowing that the sharp things were locked up made her feel anxious, as she realized that the relief she got from hurting herself by cutting couldn't be compared to anything else - nothing else got her that feeling. Hitting and scratching, yes of course, she had done that too, but cutting was different. She glanced towards the door, knowing that there would be sharp things in the bathroom, as well. She bit her lip, realizing that she wouldn't make it there in time to do anything, either. She sat down on a chair, taking a somewhat deep breath, at least she tried to, although her breathing still wasn't even. It was going to be okay, she was going to make it.

Listening to Drejan, about how he had been able to find something that worked for him, made her feel a bit hopeful - maybe there was something for her, too. She smiled slightly at the thought of showing him, even though he might not understand. Hailey hadn't shared things in the past, not thoughts or feelings, at least not in the way you do when you trust someone. She looked at him, thoughtfully, before looking down in her lap, playing with her hands. He was right, what he said made sense, she thought, hating her hands for not calming down. She didn't feel like talking, or anything else that would make the feelings go away, she just wanted the urge gone, to hurt herself.

She looked towards the door again. No, it wouldn't work. In a way it felt better knowing that at least they - the sharp things, the relief - were still there, not locked up somewhere. He wouldn't restrain her, she reminded herself, but he'd probably lock those things up too, if he got there first, which she knew he would. She rested her forehead in her palms, her elbows on the table, trying to think of another way, something else to hurt herself with, that was sharp but not in the bathroom. Realizing that Drejan was probably aware of every thought she had, she sighed, frustrated. No way of coming up with some plan on how to hurt herself without him being able to take whatever she was going to do it with away, that meant.

"Cutting is different, you know", she said, ignoring the way her hands would scratch themselves briefly, glancing at them for a moment before putting them on the chair, sitting down on them. Then she looked out the window. "Hitting, scratching, burning... whatever, it doesn't give you... that feeling..." Imagining herself cutting, maybe too deep, made her close her eyes. "I just want to do it right now", she said, opening her eyes and looking at him, frustrated, upset, knowing that there was no chance for her to get to the bathroom before he did. She took another shaking breath, glancing towards the cupboards. "It's just that I've never really fought an urge like this before... on my own... well, I mean..." she said, shaking her head, not wanting to think of those who hurt her.

After thinking about either using something from the cupboards in the kitchen, such as glass or plates, or something from the bathroom, she sat down on the floor. She went through all of the sharp things, or things that could be made sharp fairly quickly, such as a glass or a plate, she could think of, in her mind. "I'm not asking you to lock everything up, just... just so you know", she said, hoping that him knowing what things she was thinking of using, would help him somewhat. She lied down on the floor, curling up hugging herself, facing the wall. "Sometimes they put me in a room with nothing in it, not even the floor or walls were hard", she said after being quiet for some time. She swallowed, knowing that it was because of herself not being able to hit her head against the hard surface that a wall would normally be. "And then I'd lie like this, facing the wall... just... wanting it all to be over", she said, almost as quiet as a whisper.
 
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Damn, this was going to be difficult.

Drejan had let his shields down, letting every thought Hailey had into his mind when he saw how often she looked at the bathroom door. The girl was smart, persistent and if he was going to have any kind of chance of keeping her from harming herself, he'd need to know how her mind worked about such things. What he found surprised him and as the thoughts came into her head, he found his eyes following every cupboard that had the objects she named. Bloody hell, he'd not thought about those things. The male took a deep breath, telling himself that HE could get through this with HIS sanity intact. Maybe.

He watched Hailey, listened to her with both his ears and as a Reader and he sighed quietly, approaching her as she curled to face the wall, having watched her movements escalate to this point. Drejan didn't hesitate to sit by her head, his back against the wall and his fingers came down slowly to brush against her temple and then back through her blond hair, soothing her like a parent might a child, though, Drejan was well aware that she was NOT any such thing and neither was he. The male had this sneaking suspicion, though, that despite her aversion to touch, that was exactly what Hailey needed. She just needed a gentle touch with no other intentions behind it but to comfort. It seemed all she'd known was pain when it came to touch, to being near people and Drejan suspected that if she could truly feel like she wasn't alone, that she didn't have to fear at least ONE person, she might start to be able to function in other ways, too.

So he carded his fingers through her blond hair and his nails brushed over her scalp with a light touch, and his voice was quiet and deep. "I am sorry for what you've endured, Hailey, but you're not alone anymore. You're not alone, little sunbeam, and I'm going to help you. I promise."
 
Hailey let Drejan brush her hair and scalp, surprised that she found it rather comforting, and after all, not scary. She smiled at his words - little sunbeam. She liked those words, it sounded good, hopeful. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, reminding herself of that things were different now. She wasn't alone and there was someone who wanted to help her. She opened her eyes, realizing that she was thinking of him, Drejan, what he'd feel like if she hurt herself. She fought the urge, but why? Would it be any different if she was alone? Yes, it would. Realizing that the only reason why she was trying not to hurt herself was because of him, made her a bit confused, maybe even scared. Since when did she care about anyone but herself, thinking about what others might feel? Fighting the urge because of someone else, doing something because of someone else, wasn't anything she had done before. Thinking about it, she realized that if she was alone, she would have done it a long time ago, and that the difference was Drejan - with him, there was a reason to fight the urge. It wasn't like anyone had cared whether she hurt herself in the past or not, she could do whatever she liked, and knowing that someone cared about her, made things feel complicated.

Cutting herself with anything from the bathroom or kitchen wasn't an option, and knowing that she couldn't even keep her thoughts to herself made it impossible to figure out something else, a plan. Did she need a plan, couldn't she just say it out loud? He'd know it anyways. Was there really a place to lock the things in the bathroom in? She tried to think about it, if she had seen something to lock things up in, but couldn't think of any. Feeling pretty sure that Drejan knew what he'd do if she went to the bathroom made her feel annoyed - he was still ahead of her. Maybe she would be able to get a plate or something from the kitchen, throwing it and using one of the pieces, she thought, he wouldn't be able to collect all the pieces before she had done it, would he?

She had hoped for the urge to go away, lying on the floor hugging herself, and with Drejan touching her in a comforting way, but it didn't. It was still there, just as stubborn as before. She stood up, in a way wanting to go to the bathroom, but at the same time, she didn't. Maybe getting to the bathroom, having Drejan taking all things and then running back to the kitchen? No, he was faster than her. Besides, her anxiety made it hard for her to move the way she wished - she was still shaking, and having her heart racing didn't make it any easier. As she got to the bathroom, she leaned against the wall, swallowing. This was wrong. Glancing at herself in the mirror, she quickly took a step towards it, hitting it with her fists as hard as she could, feeling the mirror breaking. Done. Seeing pieces of glass lying on the floor, she quickly sat down, grabbed one and held it in her hand.
 
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Drejan sighed, listening to her rambling thoughts, but when he rose, he didn't stop her and when she went to the bathroom, he followed behind at a reasonable pace. He heard his glass shatter - he'd have to get that fixed now, wonderful - and when he got to the bathroom door, he leaned against the doorway and crossed his arms, merely watching as she grabbed the glass, as she held it, not yet doing anything with it. It would be easy to, though. He knew how easy it would be. He wore long sleeves for a reason.

The male came into the bathroom, but he didn't approach Hailey or try to take the glass from her, knowing that if he made a move toward her like right now she'd cut herself just to prove to him in some twisted way that she could, to prove to him that he couldn't stop her. And she was right. In all reality, he couldn't stop her. If she was that determined to hurt herself, she would and there was nothing he could do about it unless it be restraining her - something he'd already said he wouldn't do and had meant.

But there were other ways to discourage self-mutilation...if she cared enough. That was the big question, but Drejan supposed he'd find out now, wouldn't he?

He lowered himself down to the ground with Hailey again, sitting opposite her. Their knees could have been touching had they been stretched out in front of them, but he wasn't touching her. Drejan calmly picked up a piece of glass and with that same eerie calm he rolled up the sleeve of his shirt, revealing countless white scars from various sharp objects. His piercing gray eyes met Hailey's blue-gray and the depth of stubbornness and care in his own gaze would probably be startling to the blond.

"If you want to cut, then cut, but know that for every single one you put on yourself, I will mar my own skin and I will make sure that it's deep and painful for me. I know how to do it without bleeding out. You might feel temporary relief, Hailey, but I won't." She didn't want to listen to talk, didn't want to acknowledge - not really - that if she hurt herself it would hurt someone else - inside - so he was going to give her a physical reminder of it, something she couldn't toss aside so easily.
 
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Hailey watched him as he sat down, not feeling as panicked as before, as he seemed rather calm. As he rolled up his sleeve, she could see the stubbornness and care in his eyes, making her look away almost immediately, although she had seen it already, how much he seemed to care for her. As he started talking she looked at him again, surprised, maybe even worried. She couldn't really believe what he had just told her, but seeing those scars on his arms, made her realize that he'd actually do it, as he had done it before. Looking at them, she thought that they weren't new, at least, she knew that the new ones were red or pink, and then with time, it would fade. Unless it was very, very deep, one of those that remained slightly pink and wasn't even with the skin, even though it had been years.

Knowing that he would hurt himself as well if she did it, made everything much more complicated to her. She couldn't just sit there watch him hurt himself, even though she did it too. He hadn't deserved this, he shouldn't be punished. She felt a bit confused, why he would hurt himself if she did, but soon she realized that it was a clever way of making her not do it. She bit her lip. Maybe he was ahead of her, maybe this was something that she wouldn't get away with - at least not easily. She shook her head slightly, she didn't want him to hurt himself.

She looked at the piece of glass she held in her hand, letting it lay in her palm, then she glanced at the one Drejan was holding. It made her think of a mirror - if she did it, he would too. The thought of that disturbed her, a lot. Realizing that she, obviously, cared about him enough to try to resist the urge, made her feel pretty scared. Didn't that mean that she was actually getting closer to him? In a way it felt good though, although it was scary. It was hard to trust, to care. Everything was hard.

"You're so mean", she said annoyed, playing with the piece of glass in her hands. It would have been so easy, if he didn't hurt himself as well. "I hate this!" she said, throwing the piece of glass away. "I hate this shit", she murmured, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her forehead in her hands. It only lasted for a couple of seconds though, before her hands would start touching each other, almost scratching. "Stop it!" she yelled, frustrated, hitting the floor with her hands. "I don't know what to do", she said, her voice breaking as she was almost crying, soon feeling the tears streaming down her face.
 
The relief he felt startled him. He would have done it - Drejan didn't make threats he didn't keep - but he didn't want to. He didn't like pain and when Hailey threw the glass away, he let the glass in his own hand drop, his fingers trembling. He took a deep, shaky breath, suspecting Hailey wouldn't even hear it she was so wrapped up in her own thoughts and struggles, and forced himself to steady so he could help her.

She'd stopped. He knew, only knowing each other for a day and half, that he'd taken a risk in using that tactic, but it had paid off and now he knew he had a method she'd respond to. It was relieving even as it was scary for him as well as her. Now that he'd made the ultimatum known, if she screwed up and gave in, he'd have to keep to his end of the threat and the thought didn't appeal to Drejan. He'd do it, though.

"It's not mean to care about you enough to make sure you don't do something stupid, Hailey." Drejan replied back evenly, softly and he moved then, getting into the cabinet behind him and pulling out the first-aid kit. He didn't ask before reaching for Hailey's hand, the one she'd used to hit the mirror with and looking it over, starting to treat the cuts on her knuckles. They'd be bruised later, but there wasn't much he could do about that. As he worked, he spoke calmly, not angry, exasperated or disappointed....just tired, not looking at the blond. "I know you don't and that's why I am here to help you. Now shush."

On those last words, he stood and bent down, picking the blond up in his arms as if she weighed almost nothing, knowing she probably wouldn't like it but not about to leave her in a bathroom full of broken glass. He exited said room and took her into the living room again, setting her gently on the couch. He gave her a stern - but not angry - look and held up a finger. "Stay."

Whether she'd obey or not, he didn't know, but Drejan took the risk - he was pretty sure she wouldn't move at the moment - moving back down the hall with long, quick strides. He went into Hailey's room then and a brief glance at the bed showed him what he was looking for. He grabbed the journal and the pen beside it and came back out. He handed both items to Hailey and then crouched down to her level. "You're going to write. You're going to keep those small hands busy and you're going to write anything and everything that comes into your mind. At least try it, Hailey. You need an outlet and this is one you already use. It's the only way both of us are going to remain clean of blood."

He stood then, starting to move away. "I'm going to make dinner. I will be within calling distance if you need me."
 
As Drejan picked her up, feeling her feet above the ground, she immediately felt like hiding somewhere, getting away. Before she knew it though, he had put her down on the couch. She felt with her fingers on the couch, looking towards the door where Drejan had left. She didn't like people picking her up, - not like people did that often - it made her feel out of control, defenseless. But most of all, it reminded her of things, not being sure whether they were past or future. People picking her up since she wouldn't walk on her own since she didn't want to go there. She looked at Drejan as he crouched down, listening to him. "Okay", she said as he went to the kitchen.

I never thought that he would do something like that. Threathening with him hurting himself if I did. I can't believe he did that. In a way it's good I guess, that he did, because in the end - well, at least not yet - I didn't hurt myself. I did hurt my hand a little hitting the mirror, but that doesn't really count... and besides he took care of that, too. He's so caring.

I didn't like it when he picked me up though. It makes me feel scared, out of control. I hate the flashing images and sounds that I don't know anything about, that comes and goes as they like, it seems. Sometimes it's triggered. I managed to get through this without anything like that, which is good. I think it's hard for Drejan to help me when I get like that... I think he got really tired, exhausted or something, when that happened the other day. I have to learn how to control it myself, he said that and he's right. I can't rely on him all the time.

Kind of feel like going to the kitchen, just to see what he's up to. Thinking that maybe it's not such a good idea though. I'm pretty sure the glass is still in the bathroom... I'm not going to, though. Not today.

Putting the pen beside her and closing the journal, it felt, to Hailey's surprise, better. Keeping her hands busy like that had felt good - they were calmer now. She took the journal and the pen with her to her room, putting it back where it had been before. Thinking about whether to go into the kitchen or to stay, she sat down, looking out the window. Maybe Drejan needed some time on his own, she thought. And thinking about it, she did, too.
 
Dinner passed uneventfully and after cleaning up the glass in the bathroom - a nearly hour long process as Drejan proceeded to find all the scattered pieces among the sink and its items and then on the floor, oh and the blood - the male announced he was going to bed. His headache was back and it was his hope that going to bed early and giving his body that time to recuperate would ease away the pain entirely by the next morning.

He locked the front door and checked every window before retiring. Drejan woke the next morning without pain and it put him in a good mood as he got up and showered and then proceeded to the kitchen to make breakfast. After eating - and Hailey had gotten up some point during this - and cleaning up, the male moved to the living room, calling the blond after him. "Hailey, come here. I want to try and teach you something."

Drejan sat on the couch, glancing out the window. It was about 10:00 in the morning and he made a mental note of that, wanting to gauge how long this lesson would take and how much Hailey would learn before they were done. He wasn't sure if it would work, but one had to start somewhere and this seemed like a good place to start to him. When the blond sat a good distance away from him on the other end of the couch, Drejan let her. This lesson wouldn't require touch....he didn't think.

His gray eyes met her blue-gray and Drey smiled reassuringly. "It's okay. It's not going to hurt and it's not terribly difficult. If you don't get it today, we'll just keep practicing." Having assured her that this wasn't some type of test or punishable lesson, he ran his hand back through his hair and thought about how to explain what he wanted her to try. "Hailey, have you ever tried to erect a wall in your mind?"
 
As Drejan called for her, saying he wanted to try and teach her something, she followed him, although she didn't seem that eager about it. Rather slightly suspicious, even. She sat down on the couch, glancing at him somewhat as he glanced out the window, waiting for him to say something. What did he want? As he started speaking, she listened, thoughtfully, but still not seeming like she cared that much. Well, she was interested, but still, she didn't know exactly what he wanted, and so, she was being careful.

When he finally explained to her, at least a little, what it was all about, she gave a sigh, thinking. Knowing - at least he said so - that it wouldn't hurt made her feel a bit more relaxed about it. Thinking about it was hard, she wasn't really sure. She didn't think so... usually she'd just let it come to her, not having any thoughts of trying to keep it away other than hurting herself or something like that, which was more like panicking, to her. She shook her head after thinking some.

"I'm pretty sure I haven't", she said, looking thoughtful, trying to remember a time where she could have at least tried to do it. Thinking about it, she felt stupid, that she hadn't tried it, or even really thought of it. Just panicking and acting crazy - as other would describe it - made her feel immature, or, unexperienced. Thinking of Drejan and how far he'd come controlling his abilities, made her feel rather stupid. Having had her ability for almost as long as she could remember, and not having the slightest control over it? Hailey looked away, at the ground and then at her hands, in embarrassement. "You must think I'm stupid... not having the slightest control even though it's been such a long time... I'm just panicking like an annoyingly child or something", she said, sounding a bit irritated herself.
 
Drejan couldn't help but chuckle at her words and he shook his head, drawing his knees up and wrapping his arms around them comfortably. "I don't think you stupid at all, Hailey and you hardly strike me as being a child. I was nineteen before I got any kind of control on my power and it had emerged when I was seven, so that was twelve years of no control for me. I'm twenty-four now, so in reality, I've been stable for five years....on and off. I didn't have any idea how to harness what I could do and stop it until someone taught me and there isn't any shame in that. What we can do, what we have, is not common. There is no guidebook or step-by-step instruction manual and what might work for one person might be completely useless on another."

He shrugged, far more relaxed than he'd been yesterday now that the pain was gone and he was more sure Hailey wasn't going to bolt. She was still nervous and on edge, but Drejan was not anymore and he was learning as went that if he opened up a little bit at a time to Hailey, she seemed to become a bit more receptive to him. It was worth giving a real try. If he wanted her to trust him, he needed to be willing to risk trusting her, too.

"My parents sent me to a mental home when I was nine. I was...a terror to be completely honest. I was a boy who could read thoughts and plant things into people's minds, make them do what I wanted. I could get my way with nearly everything I wanted. I was dangerous and I didn't even realize it. Of course, they had no idea what I was actually doing, but they knew something was wrong so they sent me somewhere they thought could help me. Over the course of six years I put a lot of medical professionals and psychiatric workers into their own mental institutions. As I got older, my powers got stronger and the more I effected those around me, the more I started to terrify and hurt myself. No power comes without a backlash and I didn't know how to STOP using mine."

Drejan looked at his hands then, remembering those years with guilt, but he took a deep breath and went on. "I escaped when I was fifteen and I lived on my own for a year, getting into drugs and alcohol, cutting...anything and everything for a year to try and ease the pain and temper my power. Nothing worked for long and I drew a lot of attention to myself, resulting in my capture at sixteen. I spent three years in the hands of those people and it messed me up really badly. I was helped by the man who mentored me when I was nineteen and it took me nearly a year of constant help to gain control of what I could do. Since then I have been learning as I go, but even at my worst moments I am nothing like the person I was four or five years ago."

The male's piercing gray eyes finally looked back up into Hailey's then and he smiled a little, though, his tone was serious. "I know you can do this, Hailey. I got through this and you will, too. You're not alone anymore and sometimes that makes all the difference in the world. Now, would you like to me to teach you how to a make a wall in your mind?"
 
Hailey looked a bit surprised as Drejan started taking about himself, she hadn't expected that. She listened, quite interested, in what he had to say, though. As he spoke, she didn't look at him, only glancing now and then, keeping her eyes on her hands. When he stopped talking, she looked at him, thoughtful about what he had told her. Getting a sort of summary of what had happened to him felt strange in a way, but it also made her feel good, in a way, knowing more about him. After all, she still had had the feeling of him knowing much more about her than what she knew about him, but after him telling her some of what had happened to him, she felt like it was more even now. Knowing more about him made her feel more like a friend to him than some kind of victim - not like she had thought of him as someone who would hurt her, but she had always had the feeling of being weaker, or not having as much control as he had. Having someone sharing things - anything, actually - was a quite new experience for her, and thinking about it, she realized that before, she'd probably not care that much - maybe that was one of the reasons why no one would share anything with her? - as she cared about herself. Now, maybe that was about to change, she thought, at least with Drejan.

At his words, she nodded slightly. Thinking of what he had been through, she thought that maybe it'd be possible for her to make it, too. She still found it odd - too good to be true, in a way - that the two of them really had so much in common. At least that was what it felt like to her, as she had never imagined anyone being able to understand anything of what she had been - or was going to be - through. She looked at her hands again, a quick glance at her knuckles that were still injured, as expected of course, but for some reason Hailey felt a bit surprised, or maybe even sad, about it. There wasn't anything that could be done about that, though, she thought, looking at Drejan again, his hands, as if she expected to see the same wounds on his knuckles.

"I guess so", she said, shrugging, looking pretty thoughtful and a bit hesitant. It sounded like it was going to be hard. Reminding herself of what he had told her earlier - if she didn't get it today, they would just keep practicing - she thought that at least she could give it a try. And, she needed to learn how to control it, at least somewhat, both for her own, and Drejan's, sake. "Try to explain it as... easy... as you can", she said, looking away for a moment, "in case I don't... get it", she said, shrugging. She smiled slightly as she looked back at him. "I'm sorry, but I... I think I'm just... nervous... I don't want to do anything wrong, you know", she said, sighning, but feeling good about being able to tell him what was on her mind.
 
Well, she was smiling again. That was a good sign and he rather liked seeing it. Drejan smiled back at Hailey and he moved his legs down again, better able to teach when he could clearly see his pupil...well not really, but it would be easier to help Hailey if something unplanned happened. Hopefully nothing in her mind would be triggered by this, but there was always a possibility with mental powers and Drejan wanted to be prepared.

He was calm, though, as he spoke to the blond and the very truth was that he wasn't worried. Even if this went horribly, it would have been worth a try and Drejan knew they had to start somewhere. "Don't worry, Sunbeam. If you do something wrong, we'll try again. I didn't get it on my first try, but that doesn't mean I didn't eventually master the technique and for all we know, your mind might be far more receptive to it then mine was."

Drejan flicked his hair out of his eyes and he gave Hailey a reassuring look before speaking again, a bit firmer now, a teacher. "All right. Close your eyes. It helps to not have too many distractions when you're first learning and sight is very distracting when you're trying to visualize. Now, you've seen a wall before. Try to imagine the strongest wall you've ever seen, imagine how tall it was and how thick. If you can do that, imagine your mind is a room or anything else that can be put behind a wall, a safe place. It can't be scary or somewhere you wouldn't want to go. Imagine that wall protecting that safe place, as high and thick as you need it to be."

The male went quiet then, waiting for he knew these things - if she accomplish it this time around - took time. His voice was soft when he spoke next. "If you feel like you've got a good wall up, trying thinking something very, very hard, just one word or an image. It doesn't have to be important, but I want you to try to keep that wall up so the thought can't get out of the safe place." As he explained, Drejan extended his own power toward her, not pressing into her mind yet, but just barely brushing against her consciousness, just enough that if the thought escaped, he'd know it.
 
Hailey looked quite uncertain at first, hesitant, as he told her to close her eyes. She knew that it would leave her with less control, not being fully aware of what was going on around her, and so, it made her feel a bit anxious. She closed her eyes though, thinking of what he said, that he was probably right - sight would be distracting if she was going to visualize something. The strongest wall she has ever seen, when was that? All she could think of was white concrete walls, remembering how thick and strong they were. As she didn't want to think about those walls since she associated them with bad things, she tried to think of another wall. When she couldn't think of a wall that she had seen that was strong, except from the white concrete ones, she decided to make one up.

Imagining her mind being a room, or something else that could be put behind a wall, was a bit difficult for her. She hadn't thought of her mind being something like that, something to see, something that would fit behind a wall. She tried to imagine the wall she had made up protecting that place, the safe place, as he called it. She thought of her mind being a room, her bedroom, she thought was a good idea. She liked her bedroom at home, in her own apartment, and thinking about it, she realized that she hadn't been there for some time now.

A thought to keep inside the room, right? She thought of a book that she had read once, a long time ago, about a rabbit. She didn't remember much more than it being a children's book about a rabbit, but she knew that the book didn't remind her of anything bad, at least. Keeping the thought from getting out from the room was difficult, although she tried to think of that strong wall protecting it. It was almost as if the thought raced at first, trying to find some sort of exit, and in a way, it made Hailey feel bad for it - the thought wanted to get out and she wouldn't let it. She tried not to think about it that way, as she knew that the thought itself didn't have any emotions, it was just a thought. Hailey almost felt as if she was chasing it as it wouldn't stop moving, and then, it was out. As if there had been a hole in the wall, the thought got through. What a clever thought, she thought, smiling slightly.

She opened her eyes, immediately glancing at him, then down at the floor. Well, at least she knew what it was like, now that she had tried it. "I'm sorry", she said, slowly feeling a headache being on its way. "It's just a headache, right, from doing this", she said, glancing at Drejan. She didn't like headaches as they usually was associated with her visions, but she tried to remind herself that this was an ordinary headache, not having anything to do with visions.
 
Drejan had watched Hailey as she tried this first technique with both his physical eyes and mental ones. Her wall was sturdy, which was good, but she seemed to have a hard time keeping it from showing hints of weaknesses. It kept wavering a little, there was a crumbling section at the top and a definite hole at the bottom. Certain bricks were loose, but for her first time, it was actually a very stable mental image and Drejan's mind circled it gently, observing how long she could keep it up.

When he finally sensed a thought behind the wall, the male smiled a little, not pressing against her wall, not trying to break in or pressuring her. He just waited and when the thought finally got through the aforementioned hole, he found himself chuckling out loud at the content. A rabbit? No wonder the thing had been jumping around! He opened his eyes as Hailey did and when she apologized he shook his head, but before he could speak, she was mentioning a headache and Drejan reached to the coffee table and grabbed the ibuprofen there, a glass of water already available.

He handed both things to Hailey and spoke gently. "Don't be sorry. You actually did very well. You got your wall up in about ten minutes and kept it up for about fifteen and your thought hidden for around five minutes. That's good for your first time, Hailey."

The male leaned back against the couch, watching the blond carefully, but with a proud look in his gray eyes. "Don't worry about the headache. It's normal and as you exercise your mind, it will get easier."
 
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