R
Rapping-Monster
Guest
(Forgive me for the spam. These are just ideas that I had which is stored in an app (called Notepad, duh.) I have for a long time. I copied and pasted these from Notepad.)
A yellow cat peeked out from the thicket to the side of the pavement.
It slowly stepped out of the swaying grass and into the road, waving its long tail as it turned its eyes in anticipation towards me. But its expression soon turned to alertness, and then to fear. The cat, having seen me skipping merrily down the road towards it, must have thought I was about to trample it. It escaped back into the bushes in panic.
But, I didn't care at all. I bathed in the light of the hot sun, let the wind flutter my skirt, and continued my obscene merry skip onward down the road. I was in Hope's Peak Academy's eastern quarter, near the courtyard. Many newly-built facilities were lined up around me, as well as several that were still under construction. As I skipped down the road that twisted between them, I took no special notice of any dirty cats or of my classmates, studying and fraternizing all around. Nor did I derive any happiness from the light touch of the sun after a long stay indoors. No, I skipped down the road with nothing but my destination on my mind.
Not that I'm the kind of girl who'd go skipping around thoughtlessly. I had a reason.
I'm going to meet the boy I like the best in the world!
That said, my reason may have been a good one, but no student in their right mind should go skipping down the road in a campus of a school of as high a pedigree as Hope's Peak Academy. Therefore, it wasn't surprising that other students who happened to walk by looked at me oddly, but… that really has nothing to do with me.
Nothing in the world could stop my skipping. Not a crying girl. Not a couple fighting. Not a student in a wheelchair that has come to a standstill. Not even an anemic student who has fallen down. One thought alone moved my body: I want to meet him, I love him so much. I skipped so obscenely that no one would probably find it surprising if I suddenly sprouted wings and flew up towards the sky.
I continued down the road, but…
"…Huh?"
I suddenly came to a stop.
"Which way should I go?"
I looked around in confusion, and realized I didn't recognize any of the landmarks around me. My heart started beating loudly.
No, everything's fine. I calmed myself down and removed a notebook from the backpack I was wearing. On the back page of the notebook, the following sentence was written:
"You're looking for the Neurology lab on the third floor of the Biology building in Hope's Peak Academy's eastern quarter".
I felt a refreshing wind of relief passing through my body. Yeah, that's right! The biology building!
…Um, but where is that biology building, anyway?
My heart went noisy once more.
Everything's fine. No need to worry. I nervously flipped through the notebook as if acting on instinct, and my eyes stopped on a page with a crude drawing of a map. Above it, the following was written:
"This is a diagram of Hope's Peak Academy's eastern quarter"
Well done, me! Without thinking, I struck a victory pose.
Soon, I was standing on the raised edge of the fountain that decorated the center of the courtyard, comparing the buildings around me with the map. Literature building, science building, physics building, arts building, math building, P.E. building, linguistics building, staff building… as cold droplets from the fountain kept hitting my thighs, I looked for my destination, the biology building, as if I've never visited it before.
"Ah, it's right over there!"
I finally found the square building, identifiable by its light-green walls. It looked exactly like the note about the biology building in my notebook described it.
"Right!"
I jumped down from the fountain's edge, and started running. Some boys in the area looked at me in surprise. Maybe my skirt flew up for a second during my vigorous leap – but that really has nothing to do with me.
Anyway, I must reach my destination before I forget!
My ferocious dash led me inside the biology building, where I soon discovered a flight of stairs at the back of the lobby. I didn't lose momentum for even a second as I ran up the stairs to the third floor. When I reached it, I ran down the corridor, checking the signs next to the doors lined on its walls. Finally, at the very end, I found the sign that read "Neurology Lab".
I hastily stopped in my tracks.
After a quick deep breath, I checked my hair and my smile in a hand mirror. Yep, cute as always! Flashing that same wonderful smile and shouting "G'day!" in my brightest voice, I opened the lab's door… and that's when it happened.
Something flew just past my ear, making a wind-cutting wooshing sound.
"…eek!"
I turned my head in panic, and saw a small blade embedded in the wall behind me, still vibrating from the impact. I jumped back. "W…Why is there a scalpel flying through the air?!", I screeched.
"Don't shout", A chiding voice answered back from inside the lab.
The moment I heard that voice, my heart started beating faster. Thump, thump, went my heart as I turned to look inside the lab. A boy was lying on top of a bed installed in the center of the room.
"…You're late. That's unseemly for someone as ugly as you."
A dirty white shirt was sloppily thrown over his body. He was lying face up, his face concentrated on a thick manga magazine he held in his hand. He didn't look at me once.
"You're also too loud for someone as ugly as you. Speaking of, someone as ugly as you being scared of flying scalpels is weird too."
"W…Wait a second!", I stopped him, my voice showing signs of panic. "I could report you for discrimination if you keep calling me ugly, you know!"
"…Who are you going to report me to? The National Japanese Ugly People Association? That kind of organization would be guilty of discrimination just by existing."
The manga-reading boy who kept calling me ugly was the person in charge of this neurology lab. The doctor in charge of my treatment. My childhood friend. The boy I like most in the world.
He's "Super High-school Level Neurologist", Yasuke Matsuda. I think.
"Oh, I see. You're a member of that association, aren't you. Is that why you're so angry?"
"I…I'm not! I'm not even ugly!"
"…On second thought, you're right. You aren't ugly."
My chest swelled in pride and I flashed a complacent smile. "Yep, that's right! I even checked in my mirror just now and –"
"You're super-ugly."
"Super-ugly?!!"
My shock was considerable, but it didn't take me long to recover enough to come up with a sharp response.
"L…Liar! I'm not super-ugly! If anything, I'm world-class cute!"
Matsuda-kun continued to ignore the fuss I was making, his eyes never leaving the magazine.
"I don't care what the world thinks. Ugliness is subjective and I am free to make my own judgment", he said, as if the matter at hand didn't concern him at all.
"So, so, tell me where you think I'm ugly! I'll go fix it up in surgery!", I said in desperation. "Is it my eyes? My nose? Maybe my mouth? How about my eyebrows?"
"You forgot to mention your heart."
"But I can't fix my heart in surgery!"
"Is that so? Poor you. Honestly, you're beyond help - both your face and your brain aren't any good. I think you can have some success if you make yourself an object of sympathy, though. Go stand in front of a train station and beg for change, or something. I'm sure you'll make lots of money."
I dropped my shoulders, crestfallen. Then I let my hands drop towards the floor and my body droop limply. I was beaten up.
"…By the way, who are you?"
"Eh?", I raised my head in surprise at his unexpected question.
"I can't really tell just by the voice."
"Are you saying you didn't know who you were talking to until now?"
"It's your fault. You never told me who you were."
"I…I didn't, but you can recognize me by my look, can't you? See? It's me!"
"I don't have time to look at you", said Matsuda-kun, still absorbed in his book. "I just got to the interesting part."
"Don't have time…? Isn't that just a manga magazine?"
"So what? If you're going to ask, 'What's more important? Me or the manga?', the answer's the same as always. It's the manga."
"I see! If the answer's 'the same as always', that means manga was always more important to you than me! That's cruel! I didn't wanna know that!"
"That's a fine observation, but please just answer the question."
"O…Okay…", Pressured, I took the notebook out of my backpack once more, and observed its front cover.
"Ryouko Otonashi's Memory Notebook". As soon as I saw that title, I remembered. I remembered my own name.
"Um… It seems my name is… Ryouko Otonashi?"
"I know only one person stupid enough to not be sure of her own name."
"…Ah. I think you're talking about me. Probably."
Matsuda-kun let out a big sigh. "Huh. So you weren't someone suspicious after all."
"…Are you trying to say you threw that scalpel earlier because you mistook me for someone suspicious… or something?"
"Exactly. I am not the kind of person who throws sharp objects at acquaintances, after all."
"Liar!", I pointed my index finger straight at Matsuda-kun. "I mean, before you confirmed who I am you told me I was late and that I was too loud for an ugly person! That's proof you knew who I was!"
Smack!
Matsuda-kun loudly snapped his manga magazine shut. He leveraged the bed's cushion to jump up out of it, and walked briskly towards me until there was almost no distance between us.
"Eh? What? Why?"
He looked straight into my eyes. My body grew hotter by the second.
"You… remember that?"
"…Huh?"
Matsuda-kun clutched my shoulders strongly with both his hands. He pushed his face close to mine. "Do you remember me calling you ugly when you got here?", he asked slowly.
Seeing Matsuda-kun pressing so close to me with such a serious expression on his face made my heartbeat increase tenfold. "Um… I think so? Heh heh, I guess my condition's a little better today."
Just as the tone of my voice started warming up, he released his hold on my shoulders and turned around to face away from me. Then, still looking away, he whispered as if talking to himself. "Is your condition really better, or is it worse…?"
"…Eh? What do you mean?"
"It's nothing", Masuda-kun shook his head, and began speaking in a commanding tone. "Go lie on the bed. We have to begin today's treatment."
With my mind still reverberating with the beats of my heart, I removed my backpack and set it aside. Then, I lay down on the bed occupied by Matsuda-kun until just a few minutes ago. As I let my body soak into the soft mat, my nose was filled with the scent of the sheets. Matsuda-kun's scent. I sniffed his scent as I felt the remains of his body warmth engulf my body, and felt as happy as if he was lying next to me, hugging me softly –
"Hehehehehehehe", I laughed an instinctive happy laugh. "hehehehehehe".
"…Is something funny?", Matsuda-kun grimaced and gave me a hard look. "I realize that's the way dung-beetles laugh, but even though you are one, it's just too gross. Can't you at least try to laugh normally?"
"Hyo hyo hyo hyo hyo"
"What's normal about that? That's even grosser!" Shocked, Matsuda-kun rolled a trolley noisily from the center of the lab. On top of it were several complicated, important-looking machines. He pushed the trolley up to the bed, said "here we go", and started operating one of the machines with a tense expression on his face.
I found myself staring at him work. Silky soft hair. Long almond eyes peeking through it. Long feminine eyelashes. A pointed jaw. Small pale lips. Long white fingers –
"Stop looking at me, Ugly. It's creepy."
…And a sharp tongue.
That's right. That's my Matsuda-kun. I rolled to my side and wrote a note in my notebook.
"…You don't have to write everything down, dung-beetle."
"But, if I don't write it down I'd forget it all!"
Matsuda-kun let out an exaggerated sigh. "…Honestly, your brain's like a bottomless bucket."
A bottomless bucket. It wasn't another one of his cruel jokes. It was true. I forget everything I see and hear after a very short time. I don't know the reason. If I ever knew, I've forgotten it.
But, whatever the reason may be, my forgetfulness is not normal. Of that I'm certain.
"But, it's not like I'm forgetting things because I want to. There's a sickness in my brain, right? I can't help it, so be nice to me!"
"No, I don't think we can just call it 'sickness' and be done with it", Matsuda-kun shook his head lightly. "The human memory is a complicated thing and there is much we don't know about it. It's still very much a black box. Your situation isn't just a simple sickness that can be dealt with like any other." As he explained, he stuck suction pads all over my head and my face.The cords running from the suction pads were attached to the machines on the trolley. "There's a part of the human memory that we call 'episodic memory'. It stores your personal experiences, what you see and hear. The area of the brain responsible for it is called the hippocampus. If something goes wrong there, the brain experiences difficulties in creating and storing new episodes. There's a famous old example about a patient who had the hippocampus removed in surgery and lost all ability to form new memories. After that happened, there has been much research done about the exact role of the hippocampus in relation to memory. That said, even if your hippocampus is malfunctioning, you won't lose your ability to remember or learn 'procedural memory' tasks such as riding a bicycle or using tools. You won't remember the episodes related to those tasks, though. For example, you may remember how to ride a bicycle, but you won't remember how you came to be able to ride them… That's it in a nutshell."
"I see… So that's why even though I am very forgetful, I still know how to read and write in my notebook". I held the notebook in question with both of my hands, and nodded thoughtfully.
"Ryouko Otonashi's Memory Notebook"
That notebook was memory itself for me. My one and only indispensable trusted item. As long as I have it, I can probably live a regular life, much like regular people. That said, it seems that this school is a little late in accommodating the memory-challenged, and that I am still facing many difficulties on that front. For example, during exams it's forbidden to look in notebooks, which caused my grades to plummet and got me suspended from –
"What? I've been suspended from the school?!", I yelled, looking up from the notebook. "Just because my grades are bad?! That's not fair!"
"You should be glad they haven't kicked you out completely. I had to negotiate with the school to make that happen."
"Eh? You stood up for me?". My heart skipped a beat. "I'm so happy! Heh heh. You really are fond of me, aren't you."
Matsuda-kun snorted. "…I just need you here as a research subject."
Nevertheless, Matsuda-kun went out and helped me, and that's good enough!
"Your case seems to involve a failure in the retrieval of long-term memory. I think something went wrong with the synapses connecting the neurons somewhere in your brain, but I need more time to investigate the problem more thoroughly before I can really understand what's going on."
"I didn't understand most of what you said, but… at least I haven't been expelled! If I get expelled now, where would I even go?" I don't have anywhere to go to outside this school. I've forgotten everything else. I don't even remember my family, or any old friends I may or may not have. "If I get expelled, I will also end up away from you, Matsuda-kun…"
Being separated from Matsuda-kun was the thing I feared most. My body shivered a little just speaking the words out loud.
"You shouldn't worry too much." Matsuda-kun turned to face me and spoke bluntly. "You are a valuable research subject and I don't plan to lose you… at least not at the moment."
"But, you might change your mind later!"
I'm happy, but I have to remember not to be too much of a burden from now on!
"Don't complain. You should be honored that you're participating in such important research." Matsuda-kun chided me, and then continued his explanation. "In order to understand why memory loss occurs, we need to understand the core elements of our brain's memory storage apparatus. Once we make advances in that field, it opens the doors to a wide array of possibilities, like improving the quality and longevity of human memory, or developing medicine to prevent memory loss. In the future, we might even be able to treat memories like we do data on a hard drive - we'll be able to create devices that back them up or destroy parts of them freely. There's already research going on that front abroad. They managed to erase lab rats' long-term memory by manipulating their M-zeta kinase enzyme."
"I see!"
In fact, I didn't see at all, but for the time being I had to be agreeable. "In any case, I'm just super-happy that I can be any help to my beloved Matsuda-kun!"
"Your brain is empty, and so are the words it produces. You really are an empty woman."
I didn't quite understand if he was serious or just making fun of me.
But, that's just how Matsuda-kun is.
He always insisted I should take care of myself. He may be cold to me and he may be blunt, but he doesn't treat me with fake sympathy. It's depressing when people do, so I'm grateful for his attitude.
"I may be empty but I'm still super-happy!" I raised my voice, refusing to be discouraged, but Matsuda-kun's reply was almost a whisper.
"Well, I can't deny you're helping me out here. One doesn't get his hands on such a rare case very often…"
"Did you say rare?! I like the sound of that word!" I felt as happy as if I was being praised. "So what's rare about me? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!"
"Stop acting like a child.", Matsuda-kun let out a big sigh. "I don't want to tell you. You'd just get annoyingly excited."
"What's so wrong with that? Tell me! Tell me!"
My insistence finally paid off. "…You don't often see someone possessing such a superb, brain-intensive talent as you do affected by memory loss. That's why you're such a rare case."
"…Talent? Brain-intensive?" Nothing came to my mind.
"It's fine if you don't remember it… It was really irritating when you used that talent of yours. I'm warning you - don't ever try to use it on me. You got that, dung-beetle?"
I didn't quite get what he meant, but his dung-beetle comment stung my heart a little bit so I couldn't help but nod in agreement. "Well, I don't really care as long as I get to spend these intimate moments with you, Matsuda-kun. I should be thankful that there's sickness in my brain!"
"I told you, it's not really a sickness…" Matsuda-kun stuck even more suction cups to my head, as if he was trying to hide my grinning face. "Nevertheless, It's admirable that you can take this so easily. Your condition is no laughing matter. Shouldn't you be at least a little worried?"
"…Eh? What is there to be worried about?"
"I mean", said Matsuda-kun in amazement, "aren't you worried whether these symptoms are ever going to go away?"
"…Eh?" His words surprised me. It wasn't like Matsuda-kun at all, asking a question like that in such a serious voice. "Ahahaha! I'm not worried at all!", I laughed, trying to lighten the mood. "I mean, the only me I can remember is the me that is lying here on this bed at this very moment. I can't remember anything from before I lost like memory, so it's not like I have anything to compare it too. That's why I don't see my forgetfulness as a disadvantage… it's just a part of who I am."
"You don't see it as a disadvantage… but aren't you even worried about how this memory loss started, or when it's going to end?"
"Not at all. In fact, I'm much more worried that if I suddenly get cured I wouldn't get to see you any more, Matsuda-kun."
The room suddenly turned quiet.
After the silence continued for a while, Matsuda-kun broke it with a whisper.
"You don't have to worry" He said, his voice suddenly dark. "I won't let this treatment end."
I looked up. The face peeking through his pitch-black hair was stiff, lost in thought.
"Matsuda-kun?"
As soon as I called him, he straightened up and turned back to me.
"No, it's nothing…" He shook his head, as if trying to smooth things over. Then, he returned to the machine and continued working it as if nothing happened. "Well, nothing good can come out of being too pessimistic about of your symptoms. That's one case where your natural cheerfulness is actually helpful."
"Yep! My thinking's very flexible, after all!"
"Your head is flexible, that's for sure. You can't even remember your friends or family before you lost your memory, and yet you aren't even slightly disconcerted."
"But, forgetting them is just like I never had them at all! That's why everyone I forgot – they really have nothing to do with me anymore!"
"Those words again." Matsuda-kun winked for an awfully long time. "If you keep saying things have nothing to do with you, you're going to end up with nothing left inside."
"Oh, I'll be fine! I will always have you, Matsuda-kun!", I stuck my chest in pride. "You're the only person I can remember, so as long as you're here, I won't get lonely."
"…You probably link me with the process of coming here to receive this treatment in your procedural memory. That's why you can remember me."
"No, that's not it at all –"
"Yeah, yeah. I know", said Matsuda-kun, trying to calm me down before I became too flustered.
He continued attaching suction cups to my face, stopping from time to time to scratch his chest, which I could catch a glimpse of through a gap in his dirty white shirt. Does he really know what I meant? He probably just said that to shut me up. I don't think he even believed me when I said I remembered him.
But it's true.
I don't remember him in the usual sense of the word "remember", of course. But I didn't lie when I said I do.
I remember Matsuda-kun.
I forget him, and yet I remember.
I'm not talking about our conversations, or what we did together. For these kind of memories I have to rely on my notebook. No, what I remember is something much more special and important!
It's not memories, but feelings. Not using my head, but using my heart. What I remember about Matsuda-kun is pure emotion. Every time I see him, I feel my the beat of my heart before my head even realizes what's going on. That beat tells me one very important thing.
For me, his very existence is precious. One-of-a-kind.
That's why, no matter how forgetful I become, I will never forget him. There's a connection deeper than memories between the two of us. For me, Matsuda-kun is special. He's extraordinary. He's a miracle –
"Shut up already, will you?"
"Eh?", I came back to my senses, confused. "Y…You heard me?". I was about to jump out of the bed, but Matsuda-kun pinned my head back down.
"You're going to get the cord disconnected. What are you, human waste?", he said cruelly, as if I tried disconnect his cord on purpose.
"B…But, I never said a word… Ah, were you talking about how loud my heartbeat is? I can't help that! If my heart stops, I'd die!"
"…I wasn't talking about you. I was referring to the noise outside."
"Eh? Outside?"
Matsuda-kun turned up his chin, and pointed to the window. When I listened intently, I could indeed hear an unusual noise coming from outside.
Jeering voices, angry voices, hooting voices. Reactionary voices full of anger. The kind of voices that could make the earth rumble. It was an assembly of unpleasant voices that could make your face frown instinctively.
"…What is that?"
"It's the 'Parade'. They're getting louder every day…"
"A parade? You don't mean, that parade?!"
"Liar. You don't remember it at all." Matsuda-kun pinched my forehead, and continued explaining. His face was grim. "It's essentially a demonstration. But the teaching staff, or maybe I should say the old geezers in the steering committee, didn't like the sound of that word so they decided to call it a stupid name like a 'Parade'".
"…But, isn't a parade the exact opposite of a demonstration?"
"That's exactly why they chose that name"
"But, why a parade…?"
"It's the guys from the preparatory school."
"Preparatory school…?" I've never heard of such a thing. Or have I?
"You don't remember, of course. Well, your head is oversized, so I guess it can't be helped."
"Wait! Calling a girl oversized is a sexual harassment! If this was the Edo period you would be beheaded by now – eep!" My head, which was on its way up from the bed, was pushed back down.
"Hope's Peak Academy is not a traditional learning facility like other schools. They provide education for the talented, but at the same time they research that talent. The teaching staff aren't simple educators. They're also scientists who research human talent. …But, scientists are a bothersome bunch. The more they research, the more they want to research even deeper. Therefore, there's something they never have enough of. Do you know what that is?"
"Um… It's probably…"
"It's money."
"Oh, right!" My chance to find the answer on my own was gone, so that's the least I could say.
"Up until recently, Hope's Peak Academy was a small-scale facility that could survive on a government subsidiary and graduate donations. Their research was often blocked by a lack of resources, though. But, the steering committee was not satisfied with the state of the research, so they instituted the preparatory school system in order to bring in more money."
I nodded enthusiastically to show I was listening.
"The gist of it is that us Super High-school Levels are affiliated with the main school, but there is now a separate educational facility attached to it, called a preparatory school. That school is located on the west quarter of the campus, while the main school remains here in the east quarter, so we don't actually intermingle much. I heard there's not much that's the same over there – they don't scout their students, and rely on a regular entrance exam to choose among applicants. Their teaching staff is chosen the same way. Our teachers are the scientists who work and live at the school, while they have regular teachers coming from outside."
"So, it's just a regular high-school, isn't it?"
"Exactly. Nevertheless, there was a flood of applications. A brand name is a powerful thing." Matsuda-kun almost spat the words out. "People didn't care that it was just a preparatory school. The prestigious Hope's Peak Academy had finally opened its doors to the public. People are sheep. They are drawn to a name, and the school took advantage of that to get more money. Thanks to that, the school went through a sudden growth sprout. We suddenly have research buildings that can make any university jealous. No one was prepared for that – in just a year or two Hope's Peak Academy became a school of an entirely different scale. The power of the steering committee also grew accordingly."
"But, that almost seems like a fraud…"
"It doesn't just seem like one." Matsuda-kun's mouth twisted in a bitter smile. "Right now, Hope's Peak Academy is set up like a third world country's pyramid class system. The multitude of students in the preparatory school exist only to support the few Super High-school Levels in the main one. It seems they have some kind of bogus system in place for exceptional students to transfer to the main school, but I've never heard of anyone actually succeeding. Our teachers probably don't think any of them deserve it."
"Eh? That's not how educators should behave!"
"You're right, but it's exactly how scientists do. They don't care about anything but their research subject. I'm just the same, in fact. It's just that their subject is 'human talent'."
"But, it's so unfair!" I puffed my cheeks.
"Of course it is. If it wasn't, there wouldn't be any need for a demonstration, would there? But, still…"
Matsuda-kun suddenly cut his speech short. His tone of voice changed to a cautious one.
"I don't think they could've set all this up on their own. This has to be the result of someone else's scheme. That's how I feel…"
"Eh?"
Matsuda-kun narrowed his eyes and looked outside the window. His look was so grim that I hesitated to speak.
"Hey, Ugly," after a short while he turned back to me, as if remembering something. "Write this conversation down properly in your notebook. Don't brush it off as having nothing to do with you. Those preparatory school students don't think much of us. I don't think they're going to attack you or anything, but… it's better to be cautious."
"Okay, I understand.", as I replied, I noticed the suction cups stuck to my head and my face were making it difficult to move my mouth.
"I need you to stay still for a while. I don't mind if you sleep." Matsuda-kun stepped away from my line of sight.
"But, I'm not sleepy at all…" I replied in an insecure voice. Matsuda-kun's voice answered from the other side of the room.
"I can give you sleeping pills. A dozen should probably be enough."
"Eh? Isn't that a lethal dose? Are you sure it's alright?"
As soon as my uneasiness grew even deeper, Matsuda-kun appeared in front of me again. He was now wearing a school jacket on top of his dirty shirt.
"If something happens to my machines while I'm gone, you're dead."
"…Are you going somewhere?"
"I have a little business to take care of. Anyway, if something happens to my machines, you're dead." He was serious enough to repeat the warning twice.
"I wouldn't mind being killed if it's you who kills me…"
"It would be troublesome for me. I hate gore."
I didn't think that was such a good quality for someone who studies the human brain, but I didn't say anything.
"Ah! In that case, if I stay here and wait like a good girl, let's go see a movie together later!"
"…A movie?"
"Um… You know, like that one…"
I flipped through the pages of my notebook, searching for memories about movies.
"Here's one! Um, it's about two robbers, Harry and Marv, sneaking into the McAllister household…"
"Are you talking about Home Alone? It seems you've forgotten, but you bugged me to see it with you before, and we did."
"Really? Um, in that case…" I continue flipping through the notebook, but couldn't find mention of any other movies. It seems I was particularly interested in that movie. I could blame myself all day, but it'd get me nowhere.
"W…Well, it's a masterpiece, so I'm sure it's still interesting even if you watch it again!"
"It's certainly not a bad movie, but it's not the kind of movie I'd want to watch again and again…"
"So, what kind of movie do you –"
"Please don't ask me questions fit for the diary of a middle-school girl"
I felt his distasteful stare glaring down at me. But, I didn't give up. "Let's do it! If you pretend you're watching for the first time, it's going to be fun!". I read a little more in my notebook. "Ah! According to this, I thought that the little boy who played the main character, Wacooly Culkin, is super-cute! There's a cute boy in this movie! Isn't this exciting?"
"And why, exactly, do you think that would excite me? Also, that actor isn't named as if he was a brand of lingerie. It's Macaulay Culkin."
"Ha ha, it says here that I thought he was so cute I wanted to adopt him!"
"You only say that because you don't know how he looks today. He underwent quite a transformation."
"A transformation, huh…"
Matsuda-kun narrowed his almond eyes even more than usual, and swiped his bangs away from his forehead.
"Just be a good girl and go to sleep."
It seems he was tired of me trying to postpone his departure.
"Wait! Don't go!" Nevertheless, now panicking, I tried to stop him again. "I don't want you to go! I'd be lonely! Don't leave me here alone! We haven't seen each other in a long time, have we?"
"…A long time?" Matsuda-kun stopped in his tracks. "Why do you think we haven't seen each other in a long time?"
"…Eh?"
"I'm asking why you think we haven't seen each other in a long time."
Matsuda-kun faced away from me as he spoke. His voice was tinted with pain, and made me feel anxious.
"Um… I can tell by the rate my heart was beating… I think…"
"So, if you see me every day your heart doesn't beat as fast when I'm near?"
"N…No! That's not it –"
"We did meet just yesterday, you know."
"…Eh? We did?"
"It's not surprising that you forgot…" Matsuda-kun's back curled forward, as if he was dejected. "I guess you were just lying when you said I'm the only one you can remember."
"W…Wait! I'll remember in a second!"
In haste, I flipped through the pages of my notebook. I went through them all from back to back, but I couldn't find any memories of me and Matsuda-kun meeting the day before. It was a complete failure.
When I looked away from the notebook, Matsuda-kun was already gone.
"…feh!" I've been had. And there was nothing more I could do about it.
Sigh. I guess there really is nothing I can do but sleep.
Not that that's such a bad thing.
At the very least, when I'm asleep I can lose myself inside my dreams. I can escape this lonely world that doesn't have Matsuda-kun in it. I can probably even meet Matsuda-kun in my dreams!
With that thought deep in my heart, I rolled to my side, careful not to disturb the cords all over my head, and sniffed the pillow that still had traces of Matsuda-kun's scent. I sniffed it as if I was a puppy, and rubbed my cheeks against it, purring happily. Then, I closed my eyes.
As my vision blacked out, my other senses sharpened. Before long, the only thing remaining in my world was Matsuda-kun's scent…
No, that wasn't the only thing.
I could also hear voices, interfering with my and Matsuda-kun's private world. An assembly of emotional, unsettling voices. Anxiety washed over my entire body just by listening to them, so I blocked my ears in panic.
…It has nothing to do with me, after all.
Nevertheless, I couldn't sleep. I felt like my body forgot how to.
I want to fall asleep.
I want to sleep and tide over this world that doesn't have Matsuda-kun in it.
I want to meet him again.
…Matsuda-kun Matsuda-kun Matsuda-kun Matsuda-kun Matsuda-kun Matsuda-kun Matsuda-kun Matsuda-kun.
And then, as I dreamed about dreaming about Matsuda-kun, I slowly fell into a blissful sleep.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A yellow cat peeked out from the thicket to the side of the pavement.
It slowly stepped out of the swaying grass and into the road, waving its long tail as it turned its eyes in anticipation towards me. But its expression soon turned to alertness, and then to fear. The cat, having seen me skipping merrily down the road towards it, must have thought I was about to trample it. It escaped back into the bushes in panic.
But, I didn't care at all. I bathed in the light of the hot sun, let the wind flutter my skirt, and continued my obscene merry skip onward down the road. I was in Hope's Peak Academy's eastern quarter, near the courtyard. Many newly-built facilities were lined up around me, as well as several that were still under construction. As I skipped down the road that twisted between them, I took no special notice of any dirty cats or of my classmates, studying and fraternizing all around. Nor did I derive any happiness from the light touch of the sun after a long stay indoors. No, I skipped down the road with nothing but my destination on my mind.
Not that I'm the kind of girl who'd go skipping around thoughtlessly. I had a reason.
I'm going to meet the boy I like the best in the world!
That said, my reason may have been a good one, but no student in their right mind should go skipping down the road in a campus of a school of as high a pedigree as Hope's Peak Academy. Therefore, it wasn't surprising that other students who happened to walk by looked at me oddly, but… that really has nothing to do with me.
Nothing in the world could stop my skipping. Not a crying girl. Not a couple fighting. Not a student in a wheelchair that has come to a standstill. Not even an anemic student who has fallen down. One thought alone moved my body: I want to meet him, I love him so much. I skipped so obscenely that no one would probably find it surprising if I suddenly sprouted wings and flew up towards the sky.
I continued down the road, but…
"…Huh?"
I suddenly came to a stop.
"Which way should I go?"
I looked around in confusion, and realized I didn't recognize any of the landmarks around me. My heart started beating loudly.
No, everything's fine. I calmed myself down and removed a notebook from the backpack I was wearing. On the back page of the notebook, the following sentence was written:
"You're looking for the Neurology lab on the third floor of the Biology building in Hope's Peak Academy's eastern quarter".
I felt a refreshing wind of relief passing through my body. Yeah, that's right! The biology building!
…Um, but where is that biology building, anyway?
My heart went noisy once more.
Everything's fine. No need to worry. I nervously flipped through the notebook as if acting on instinct, and my eyes stopped on a page with a crude drawing of a map. Above it, the following was written:
"This is a diagram of Hope's Peak Academy's eastern quarter"
Well done, me! Without thinking, I struck a victory pose.
Soon, I was standing on the raised edge of the fountain that decorated the center of the courtyard, comparing the buildings around me with the map. Literature building, science building, physics building, arts building, math building, P.E. building, linguistics building, staff building… as cold droplets from the fountain kept hitting my thighs, I looked for my destination, the biology building, as if I've never visited it before.
"Ah, it's right over there!"
I finally found the square building, identifiable by its light-green walls. It looked exactly like the note about the biology building in my notebook described it.
"Right!"
I jumped down from the fountain's edge, and started running. Some boys in the area looked at me in surprise. Maybe my skirt flew up for a second during my vigorous leap – but that really has nothing to do with me.
Anyway, I must reach my destination before I forget!
My ferocious dash led me inside the biology building, where I soon discovered a flight of stairs at the back of the lobby. I didn't lose momentum for even a second as I ran up the stairs to the third floor. When I reached it, I ran down the corridor, checking the signs next to the doors lined on its walls. Finally, at the very end, I found the sign that read "Neurology Lab".
I hastily stopped in my tracks.
After a quick deep breath, I checked my hair and my smile in a hand mirror. Yep, cute as always! Flashing that same wonderful smile and shouting "G'day!" in my brightest voice, I opened the lab's door… and that's when it happened.
Something flew just past my ear, making a wind-cutting wooshing sound.
"…eek!"
I turned my head in panic, and saw a small blade embedded in the wall behind me, still vibrating from the impact. I jumped back. "W…Why is there a scalpel flying through the air?!", I screeched.
"Don't shout", A chiding voice answered back from inside the lab.
The moment I heard that voice, my heart started beating faster. Thump, thump, went my heart as I turned to look inside the lab. A boy was lying on top of a bed installed in the center of the room.
"…You're late. That's unseemly for someone as ugly as you."
A dirty white shirt was sloppily thrown over his body. He was lying face up, his face concentrated on a thick manga magazine he held in his hand. He didn't look at me once.
"You're also too loud for someone as ugly as you. Speaking of, someone as ugly as you being scared of flying scalpels is weird too."
"W…Wait a second!", I stopped him, my voice showing signs of panic. "I could report you for discrimination if you keep calling me ugly, you know!"
"…Who are you going to report me to? The National Japanese Ugly People Association? That kind of organization would be guilty of discrimination just by existing."
The manga-reading boy who kept calling me ugly was the person in charge of this neurology lab. The doctor in charge of my treatment. My childhood friend. The boy I like most in the world.
He's "Super High-school Level Neurologist", Yasuke Matsuda. I think.
"Oh, I see. You're a member of that association, aren't you. Is that why you're so angry?"
"I…I'm not! I'm not even ugly!"
"…On second thought, you're right. You aren't ugly."
My chest swelled in pride and I flashed a complacent smile. "Yep, that's right! I even checked in my mirror just now and –"
"You're super-ugly."
"Super-ugly?!!"
My shock was considerable, but it didn't take me long to recover enough to come up with a sharp response.
"L…Liar! I'm not super-ugly! If anything, I'm world-class cute!"
Matsuda-kun continued to ignore the fuss I was making, his eyes never leaving the magazine.
"I don't care what the world thinks. Ugliness is subjective and I am free to make my own judgment", he said, as if the matter at hand didn't concern him at all.
"So, so, tell me where you think I'm ugly! I'll go fix it up in surgery!", I said in desperation. "Is it my eyes? My nose? Maybe my mouth? How about my eyebrows?"
"You forgot to mention your heart."
"But I can't fix my heart in surgery!"
"Is that so? Poor you. Honestly, you're beyond help - both your face and your brain aren't any good. I think you can have some success if you make yourself an object of sympathy, though. Go stand in front of a train station and beg for change, or something. I'm sure you'll make lots of money."
I dropped my shoulders, crestfallen. Then I let my hands drop towards the floor and my body droop limply. I was beaten up.
"…By the way, who are you?"
"Eh?", I raised my head in surprise at his unexpected question.
"I can't really tell just by the voice."
"Are you saying you didn't know who you were talking to until now?"
"It's your fault. You never told me who you were."
"I…I didn't, but you can recognize me by my look, can't you? See? It's me!"
"I don't have time to look at you", said Matsuda-kun, still absorbed in his book. "I just got to the interesting part."
"Don't have time…? Isn't that just a manga magazine?"
"So what? If you're going to ask, 'What's more important? Me or the manga?', the answer's the same as always. It's the manga."
"I see! If the answer's 'the same as always', that means manga was always more important to you than me! That's cruel! I didn't wanna know that!"
"That's a fine observation, but please just answer the question."
"O…Okay…", Pressured, I took the notebook out of my backpack once more, and observed its front cover.
"Ryouko Otonashi's Memory Notebook". As soon as I saw that title, I remembered. I remembered my own name.
"Um… It seems my name is… Ryouko Otonashi?"
"I know only one person stupid enough to not be sure of her own name."
"…Ah. I think you're talking about me. Probably."
Matsuda-kun let out a big sigh. "Huh. So you weren't someone suspicious after all."
"…Are you trying to say you threw that scalpel earlier because you mistook me for someone suspicious… or something?"
"Exactly. I am not the kind of person who throws sharp objects at acquaintances, after all."
"Liar!", I pointed my index finger straight at Matsuda-kun. "I mean, before you confirmed who I am you told me I was late and that I was too loud for an ugly person! That's proof you knew who I was!"
Smack!
Matsuda-kun loudly snapped his manga magazine shut. He leveraged the bed's cushion to jump up out of it, and walked briskly towards me until there was almost no distance between us.
"Eh? What? Why?"
He looked straight into my eyes. My body grew hotter by the second.
"You… remember that?"
"…Huh?"
Matsuda-kun clutched my shoulders strongly with both his hands. He pushed his face close to mine. "Do you remember me calling you ugly when you got here?", he asked slowly.
Seeing Matsuda-kun pressing so close to me with such a serious expression on his face made my heartbeat increase tenfold. "Um… I think so? Heh heh, I guess my condition's a little better today."
Just as the tone of my voice started warming up, he released his hold on my shoulders and turned around to face away from me. Then, still looking away, he whispered as if talking to himself. "Is your condition really better, or is it worse…?"
"…Eh? What do you mean?"
"It's nothing", Masuda-kun shook his head, and began speaking in a commanding tone. "Go lie on the bed. We have to begin today's treatment."
With my mind still reverberating with the beats of my heart, I removed my backpack and set it aside. Then, I lay down on the bed occupied by Matsuda-kun until just a few minutes ago. As I let my body soak into the soft mat, my nose was filled with the scent of the sheets. Matsuda-kun's scent. I sniffed his scent as I felt the remains of his body warmth engulf my body, and felt as happy as if he was lying next to me, hugging me softly –
"Hehehehehehehe", I laughed an instinctive happy laugh. "hehehehehehe".
"…Is something funny?", Matsuda-kun grimaced and gave me a hard look. "I realize that's the way dung-beetles laugh, but even though you are one, it's just too gross. Can't you at least try to laugh normally?"
"Hyo hyo hyo hyo hyo"
"What's normal about that? That's even grosser!" Shocked, Matsuda-kun rolled a trolley noisily from the center of the lab. On top of it were several complicated, important-looking machines. He pushed the trolley up to the bed, said "here we go", and started operating one of the machines with a tense expression on his face.
I found myself staring at him work. Silky soft hair. Long almond eyes peeking through it. Long feminine eyelashes. A pointed jaw. Small pale lips. Long white fingers –
"Stop looking at me, Ugly. It's creepy."
…And a sharp tongue.
That's right. That's my Matsuda-kun. I rolled to my side and wrote a note in my notebook.
"…You don't have to write everything down, dung-beetle."
"But, if I don't write it down I'd forget it all!"
Matsuda-kun let out an exaggerated sigh. "…Honestly, your brain's like a bottomless bucket."
A bottomless bucket. It wasn't another one of his cruel jokes. It was true. I forget everything I see and hear after a very short time. I don't know the reason. If I ever knew, I've forgotten it.
But, whatever the reason may be, my forgetfulness is not normal. Of that I'm certain.
"But, it's not like I'm forgetting things because I want to. There's a sickness in my brain, right? I can't help it, so be nice to me!"
"No, I don't think we can just call it 'sickness' and be done with it", Matsuda-kun shook his head lightly. "The human memory is a complicated thing and there is much we don't know about it. It's still very much a black box. Your situation isn't just a simple sickness that can be dealt with like any other." As he explained, he stuck suction pads all over my head and my face.The cords running from the suction pads were attached to the machines on the trolley. "There's a part of the human memory that we call 'episodic memory'. It stores your personal experiences, what you see and hear. The area of the brain responsible for it is called the hippocampus. If something goes wrong there, the brain experiences difficulties in creating and storing new episodes. There's a famous old example about a patient who had the hippocampus removed in surgery and lost all ability to form new memories. After that happened, there has been much research done about the exact role of the hippocampus in relation to memory. That said, even if your hippocampus is malfunctioning, you won't lose your ability to remember or learn 'procedural memory' tasks such as riding a bicycle or using tools. You won't remember the episodes related to those tasks, though. For example, you may remember how to ride a bicycle, but you won't remember how you came to be able to ride them… That's it in a nutshell."
"I see… So that's why even though I am very forgetful, I still know how to read and write in my notebook". I held the notebook in question with both of my hands, and nodded thoughtfully.
"Ryouko Otonashi's Memory Notebook"
That notebook was memory itself for me. My one and only indispensable trusted item. As long as I have it, I can probably live a regular life, much like regular people. That said, it seems that this school is a little late in accommodating the memory-challenged, and that I am still facing many difficulties on that front. For example, during exams it's forbidden to look in notebooks, which caused my grades to plummet and got me suspended from –
"What? I've been suspended from the school?!", I yelled, looking up from the notebook. "Just because my grades are bad?! That's not fair!"
"You should be glad they haven't kicked you out completely. I had to negotiate with the school to make that happen."
"Eh? You stood up for me?". My heart skipped a beat. "I'm so happy! Heh heh. You really are fond of me, aren't you."
Matsuda-kun snorted. "…I just need you here as a research subject."
Nevertheless, Matsuda-kun went out and helped me, and that's good enough!
"Your case seems to involve a failure in the retrieval of long-term memory. I think something went wrong with the synapses connecting the neurons somewhere in your brain, but I need more time to investigate the problem more thoroughly before I can really understand what's going on."
"I didn't understand most of what you said, but… at least I haven't been expelled! If I get expelled now, where would I even go?" I don't have anywhere to go to outside this school. I've forgotten everything else. I don't even remember my family, or any old friends I may or may not have. "If I get expelled, I will also end up away from you, Matsuda-kun…"
Being separated from Matsuda-kun was the thing I feared most. My body shivered a little just speaking the words out loud.
"You shouldn't worry too much." Matsuda-kun turned to face me and spoke bluntly. "You are a valuable research subject and I don't plan to lose you… at least not at the moment."
"But, you might change your mind later!"
I'm happy, but I have to remember not to be too much of a burden from now on!
"Don't complain. You should be honored that you're participating in such important research." Matsuda-kun chided me, and then continued his explanation. "In order to understand why memory loss occurs, we need to understand the core elements of our brain's memory storage apparatus. Once we make advances in that field, it opens the doors to a wide array of possibilities, like improving the quality and longevity of human memory, or developing medicine to prevent memory loss. In the future, we might even be able to treat memories like we do data on a hard drive - we'll be able to create devices that back them up or destroy parts of them freely. There's already research going on that front abroad. They managed to erase lab rats' long-term memory by manipulating their M-zeta kinase enzyme."
"I see!"
In fact, I didn't see at all, but for the time being I had to be agreeable. "In any case, I'm just super-happy that I can be any help to my beloved Matsuda-kun!"
"Your brain is empty, and so are the words it produces. You really are an empty woman."
I didn't quite understand if he was serious or just making fun of me.
But, that's just how Matsuda-kun is.
He always insisted I should take care of myself. He may be cold to me and he may be blunt, but he doesn't treat me with fake sympathy. It's depressing when people do, so I'm grateful for his attitude.
"I may be empty but I'm still super-happy!" I raised my voice, refusing to be discouraged, but Matsuda-kun's reply was almost a whisper.
"Well, I can't deny you're helping me out here. One doesn't get his hands on such a rare case very often…"
"Did you say rare?! I like the sound of that word!" I felt as happy as if I was being praised. "So what's rare about me? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!"
"Stop acting like a child.", Matsuda-kun let out a big sigh. "I don't want to tell you. You'd just get annoyingly excited."
"What's so wrong with that? Tell me! Tell me!"
My insistence finally paid off. "…You don't often see someone possessing such a superb, brain-intensive talent as you do affected by memory loss. That's why you're such a rare case."
"…Talent? Brain-intensive?" Nothing came to my mind.
"It's fine if you don't remember it… It was really irritating when you used that talent of yours. I'm warning you - don't ever try to use it on me. You got that, dung-beetle?"
I didn't quite get what he meant, but his dung-beetle comment stung my heart a little bit so I couldn't help but nod in agreement. "Well, I don't really care as long as I get to spend these intimate moments with you, Matsuda-kun. I should be thankful that there's sickness in my brain!"
"I told you, it's not really a sickness…" Matsuda-kun stuck even more suction cups to my head, as if he was trying to hide my grinning face. "Nevertheless, It's admirable that you can take this so easily. Your condition is no laughing matter. Shouldn't you be at least a little worried?"
"…Eh? What is there to be worried about?"
"I mean", said Matsuda-kun in amazement, "aren't you worried whether these symptoms are ever going to go away?"
"…Eh?" His words surprised me. It wasn't like Matsuda-kun at all, asking a question like that in such a serious voice. "Ahahaha! I'm not worried at all!", I laughed, trying to lighten the mood. "I mean, the only me I can remember is the me that is lying here on this bed at this very moment. I can't remember anything from before I lost like memory, so it's not like I have anything to compare it too. That's why I don't see my forgetfulness as a disadvantage… it's just a part of who I am."
"You don't see it as a disadvantage… but aren't you even worried about how this memory loss started, or when it's going to end?"
"Not at all. In fact, I'm much more worried that if I suddenly get cured I wouldn't get to see you any more, Matsuda-kun."
The room suddenly turned quiet.
After the silence continued for a while, Matsuda-kun broke it with a whisper.
"You don't have to worry" He said, his voice suddenly dark. "I won't let this treatment end."
I looked up. The face peeking through his pitch-black hair was stiff, lost in thought.
"Matsuda-kun?"
As soon as I called him, he straightened up and turned back to me.
"No, it's nothing…" He shook his head, as if trying to smooth things over. Then, he returned to the machine and continued working it as if nothing happened. "Well, nothing good can come out of being too pessimistic about of your symptoms. That's one case where your natural cheerfulness is actually helpful."
"Yep! My thinking's very flexible, after all!"
"Your head is flexible, that's for sure. You can't even remember your friends or family before you lost your memory, and yet you aren't even slightly disconcerted."
"But, forgetting them is just like I never had them at all! That's why everyone I forgot – they really have nothing to do with me anymore!"
"Those words again." Matsuda-kun winked for an awfully long time. "If you keep saying things have nothing to do with you, you're going to end up with nothing left inside."
"Oh, I'll be fine! I will always have you, Matsuda-kun!", I stuck my chest in pride. "You're the only person I can remember, so as long as you're here, I won't get lonely."
"…You probably link me with the process of coming here to receive this treatment in your procedural memory. That's why you can remember me."
"No, that's not it at all –"
"Yeah, yeah. I know", said Matsuda-kun, trying to calm me down before I became too flustered.
He continued attaching suction cups to my face, stopping from time to time to scratch his chest, which I could catch a glimpse of through a gap in his dirty white shirt. Does he really know what I meant? He probably just said that to shut me up. I don't think he even believed me when I said I remembered him.
But it's true.
I don't remember him in the usual sense of the word "remember", of course. But I didn't lie when I said I do.
I remember Matsuda-kun.
I forget him, and yet I remember.
I'm not talking about our conversations, or what we did together. For these kind of memories I have to rely on my notebook. No, what I remember is something much more special and important!
It's not memories, but feelings. Not using my head, but using my heart. What I remember about Matsuda-kun is pure emotion. Every time I see him, I feel my the beat of my heart before my head even realizes what's going on. That beat tells me one very important thing.
For me, his very existence is precious. One-of-a-kind.
That's why, no matter how forgetful I become, I will never forget him. There's a connection deeper than memories between the two of us. For me, Matsuda-kun is special. He's extraordinary. He's a miracle –
"Shut up already, will you?"
"Eh?", I came back to my senses, confused. "Y…You heard me?". I was about to jump out of the bed, but Matsuda-kun pinned my head back down.
"You're going to get the cord disconnected. What are you, human waste?", he said cruelly, as if I tried disconnect his cord on purpose.
"B…But, I never said a word… Ah, were you talking about how loud my heartbeat is? I can't help that! If my heart stops, I'd die!"
"…I wasn't talking about you. I was referring to the noise outside."
"Eh? Outside?"
Matsuda-kun turned up his chin, and pointed to the window. When I listened intently, I could indeed hear an unusual noise coming from outside.
Jeering voices, angry voices, hooting voices. Reactionary voices full of anger. The kind of voices that could make the earth rumble. It was an assembly of unpleasant voices that could make your face frown instinctively.
"…What is that?"
"It's the 'Parade'. They're getting louder every day…"
"A parade? You don't mean, that parade?!"
"Liar. You don't remember it at all." Matsuda-kun pinched my forehead, and continued explaining. His face was grim. "It's essentially a demonstration. But the teaching staff, or maybe I should say the old geezers in the steering committee, didn't like the sound of that word so they decided to call it a stupid name like a 'Parade'".
"…But, isn't a parade the exact opposite of a demonstration?"
"That's exactly why they chose that name"
"But, why a parade…?"
"It's the guys from the preparatory school."
"Preparatory school…?" I've never heard of such a thing. Or have I?
"You don't remember, of course. Well, your head is oversized, so I guess it can't be helped."
"Wait! Calling a girl oversized is a sexual harassment! If this was the Edo period you would be beheaded by now – eep!" My head, which was on its way up from the bed, was pushed back down.
"Hope's Peak Academy is not a traditional learning facility like other schools. They provide education for the talented, but at the same time they research that talent. The teaching staff aren't simple educators. They're also scientists who research human talent. …But, scientists are a bothersome bunch. The more they research, the more they want to research even deeper. Therefore, there's something they never have enough of. Do you know what that is?"
"Um… It's probably…"
"It's money."
"Oh, right!" My chance to find the answer on my own was gone, so that's the least I could say.
"Up until recently, Hope's Peak Academy was a small-scale facility that could survive on a government subsidiary and graduate donations. Their research was often blocked by a lack of resources, though. But, the steering committee was not satisfied with the state of the research, so they instituted the preparatory school system in order to bring in more money."
I nodded enthusiastically to show I was listening.
"The gist of it is that us Super High-school Levels are affiliated with the main school, but there is now a separate educational facility attached to it, called a preparatory school. That school is located on the west quarter of the campus, while the main school remains here in the east quarter, so we don't actually intermingle much. I heard there's not much that's the same over there – they don't scout their students, and rely on a regular entrance exam to choose among applicants. Their teaching staff is chosen the same way. Our teachers are the scientists who work and live at the school, while they have regular teachers coming from outside."
"So, it's just a regular high-school, isn't it?"
"Exactly. Nevertheless, there was a flood of applications. A brand name is a powerful thing." Matsuda-kun almost spat the words out. "People didn't care that it was just a preparatory school. The prestigious Hope's Peak Academy had finally opened its doors to the public. People are sheep. They are drawn to a name, and the school took advantage of that to get more money. Thanks to that, the school went through a sudden growth sprout. We suddenly have research buildings that can make any university jealous. No one was prepared for that – in just a year or two Hope's Peak Academy became a school of an entirely different scale. The power of the steering committee also grew accordingly."
"But, that almost seems like a fraud…"
"It doesn't just seem like one." Matsuda-kun's mouth twisted in a bitter smile. "Right now, Hope's Peak Academy is set up like a third world country's pyramid class system. The multitude of students in the preparatory school exist only to support the few Super High-school Levels in the main one. It seems they have some kind of bogus system in place for exceptional students to transfer to the main school, but I've never heard of anyone actually succeeding. Our teachers probably don't think any of them deserve it."
"Eh? That's not how educators should behave!"
"You're right, but it's exactly how scientists do. They don't care about anything but their research subject. I'm just the same, in fact. It's just that their subject is 'human talent'."
"But, it's so unfair!" I puffed my cheeks.
"Of course it is. If it wasn't, there wouldn't be any need for a demonstration, would there? But, still…"
Matsuda-kun suddenly cut his speech short. His tone of voice changed to a cautious one.
"I don't think they could've set all this up on their own. This has to be the result of someone else's scheme. That's how I feel…"
"Eh?"
Matsuda-kun narrowed his eyes and looked outside the window. His look was so grim that I hesitated to speak.
"Hey, Ugly," after a short while he turned back to me, as if remembering something. "Write this conversation down properly in your notebook. Don't brush it off as having nothing to do with you. Those preparatory school students don't think much of us. I don't think they're going to attack you or anything, but… it's better to be cautious."
"Okay, I understand.", as I replied, I noticed the suction cups stuck to my head and my face were making it difficult to move my mouth.
"I need you to stay still for a while. I don't mind if you sleep." Matsuda-kun stepped away from my line of sight.
"But, I'm not sleepy at all…" I replied in an insecure voice. Matsuda-kun's voice answered from the other side of the room.
"I can give you sleeping pills. A dozen should probably be enough."
"Eh? Isn't that a lethal dose? Are you sure it's alright?"
As soon as my uneasiness grew even deeper, Matsuda-kun appeared in front of me again. He was now wearing a school jacket on top of his dirty shirt.
"If something happens to my machines while I'm gone, you're dead."
"…Are you going somewhere?"
"I have a little business to take care of. Anyway, if something happens to my machines, you're dead." He was serious enough to repeat the warning twice.
"I wouldn't mind being killed if it's you who kills me…"
"It would be troublesome for me. I hate gore."
I didn't think that was such a good quality for someone who studies the human brain, but I didn't say anything.
"Ah! In that case, if I stay here and wait like a good girl, let's go see a movie together later!"
"…A movie?"
"Um… You know, like that one…"
I flipped through the pages of my notebook, searching for memories about movies.
"Here's one! Um, it's about two robbers, Harry and Marv, sneaking into the McAllister household…"
"Are you talking about Home Alone? It seems you've forgotten, but you bugged me to see it with you before, and we did."
"Really? Um, in that case…" I continue flipping through the notebook, but couldn't find mention of any other movies. It seems I was particularly interested in that movie. I could blame myself all day, but it'd get me nowhere.
"W…Well, it's a masterpiece, so I'm sure it's still interesting even if you watch it again!"
"It's certainly not a bad movie, but it's not the kind of movie I'd want to watch again and again…"
"So, what kind of movie do you –"
"Please don't ask me questions fit for the diary of a middle-school girl"
I felt his distasteful stare glaring down at me. But, I didn't give up. "Let's do it! If you pretend you're watching for the first time, it's going to be fun!". I read a little more in my notebook. "Ah! According to this, I thought that the little boy who played the main character, Wacooly Culkin, is super-cute! There's a cute boy in this movie! Isn't this exciting?"
"And why, exactly, do you think that would excite me? Also, that actor isn't named as if he was a brand of lingerie. It's Macaulay Culkin."
"Ha ha, it says here that I thought he was so cute I wanted to adopt him!"
"You only say that because you don't know how he looks today. He underwent quite a transformation."
"A transformation, huh…"
Matsuda-kun narrowed his almond eyes even more than usual, and swiped his bangs away from his forehead.
"Just be a good girl and go to sleep."
It seems he was tired of me trying to postpone his departure.
"Wait! Don't go!" Nevertheless, now panicking, I tried to stop him again. "I don't want you to go! I'd be lonely! Don't leave me here alone! We haven't seen each other in a long time, have we?"
"…A long time?" Matsuda-kun stopped in his tracks. "Why do you think we haven't seen each other in a long time?"
"…Eh?"
"I'm asking why you think we haven't seen each other in a long time."
Matsuda-kun faced away from me as he spoke. His voice was tinted with pain, and made me feel anxious.
"Um… I can tell by the rate my heart was beating… I think…"
"So, if you see me every day your heart doesn't beat as fast when I'm near?"
"N…No! That's not it –"
"We did meet just yesterday, you know."
"…Eh? We did?"
"It's not surprising that you forgot…" Matsuda-kun's back curled forward, as if he was dejected. "I guess you were just lying when you said I'm the only one you can remember."
"W…Wait! I'll remember in a second!"
In haste, I flipped through the pages of my notebook. I went through them all from back to back, but I couldn't find any memories of me and Matsuda-kun meeting the day before. It was a complete failure.
When I looked away from the notebook, Matsuda-kun was already gone.
"…feh!" I've been had. And there was nothing more I could do about it.
Sigh. I guess there really is nothing I can do but sleep.
Not that that's such a bad thing.
At the very least, when I'm asleep I can lose myself inside my dreams. I can escape this lonely world that doesn't have Matsuda-kun in it. I can probably even meet Matsuda-kun in my dreams!
With that thought deep in my heart, I rolled to my side, careful not to disturb the cords all over my head, and sniffed the pillow that still had traces of Matsuda-kun's scent. I sniffed it as if I was a puppy, and rubbed my cheeks against it, purring happily. Then, I closed my eyes.
As my vision blacked out, my other senses sharpened. Before long, the only thing remaining in my world was Matsuda-kun's scent…
No, that wasn't the only thing.
I could also hear voices, interfering with my and Matsuda-kun's private world. An assembly of emotional, unsettling voices. Anxiety washed over my entire body just by listening to them, so I blocked my ears in panic.
…It has nothing to do with me, after all.
Nevertheless, I couldn't sleep. I felt like my body forgot how to.
I want to fall asleep.
I want to sleep and tide over this world that doesn't have Matsuda-kun in it.
I want to meet him again.
…Matsuda-kun Matsuda-kun Matsuda-kun Matsuda-kun Matsuda-kun Matsuda-kun Matsuda-kun Matsuda-kun.
And then, as I dreamed about dreaming about Matsuda-kun, I slowly fell into a blissful sleep.