C
Cry
Guest
ohhhhhh ok i get it now ok ok i get ok okniget i realy get it now lolz it tcok how many posts now 4 5 for me to undrrstand lols
LESSON Mary Sue Makeover
- Thread starter Diana
- Start date
-
- Tags
- character help
- Invitation Status
- Not accepting invites at this time
- Posting Speed
- 1-3 posts per week
- Slow As Molasses
- Online Availability
- 10AM - 10PM Daily
- Writing Levels
- Adaptable
- Preferred Character Gender
- Female
- Genres
- Romance, Supernatural, Fantasy, Thriller, Space Exploration, Slice of Life
And just to make sure people don't get too confused, you're not supposed to make a Mary Sue, but rather, take those traits that are accused of being Mary Sue, and then make them creative and interesting! Give them reasons so you're not just slapping a bunch of "of this is awesome!" stuff together without making sure it makes sense. >:3
I miss my thank you button, some of these posts deserve thank yous. o____o
I miss my thank you button, some of these posts deserve thank yous. o____o
I
Iron Men And Saints
Guest
- Invitation Status
- Not accepting invites at this time
- Posting Speed
- 1-3 posts per week
- Slow As Molasses
- Online Availability
- 10AM - 10PM Daily
- Writing Levels
- Adaptable
- Preferred Character Gender
- Female
- Genres
- Romance, Supernatural, Fantasy, Thriller, Space Exploration, Slice of Life
I
Iron Men And Saints
Guest
Well one more question, was there anything you think that I could improve on? Writing wise, creativeness wise and roleplaying wise?
J
Jennifer.exe
Guest
I'll try my best! I'm kind of new to these exercises, so if she is still acts like a Mary Sue character, i'm very sorry. ;-; Just a note, some of the Mary Sue text is actually from the tv tropes site.
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Fixing Mary Sue Traits
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I would appreciate feedback. Thanks!
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Fixing Mary Sue Traits
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- "Major Flaws" Stubbornness and a bad temper - MARY SUE - She's always right, so whatever cause she dedicates herself to with such stubbornness will be a good cause, and whoever she loses her temper with will deserve it. - FIXED - Mary Sue's major flaws are that she is stubborn and has a bad temper. Her stubbornness usually gets her into a lot of trouble when she doesn't get what she wants, which makes people see her as a spoiled brat. Her bad temper causes her to get into fights a lot, fights that she usually doesn't win. A lot of people, good and bad, don't like her because of this.
- Rapunzel hair - MARY SUE - She has long luxurious hair that trails behind her as she walks. Its a deep purple and is very elegant. - FIXED - She never cuts her hair because she never has time or the money to get it cut. She is always tripping on it and the dirt from the floor has made it a bit ratty.
- Crazy long-arse names -MARY SUE- Raven Fire Trinity Helena Hope Marissa Insanelylongandhardtopronouncelastname. - Fixed - Helena Hope Smith
- Purple Prose - MARY SUE - (When her love interest extends his hand out to her...) She slowly but confidently raises her slim, tender, yet dexterous left hand that has a ring on her index finger to hide a small birth mark, shifting her weight to her front stiletto adorned foot and causing her long, flowing aquamarine hair done with two front tails to ripple and her supple yet firm right breast to shift ever so slightly, rubbing against her slightly loose but supportive black lace bra and causing her heart-shaped face to gain a slight bit of blush underneath her sparkling emerald eyes. - FIXED - Mary Sue smiled and clasped his hand. She blushed slightly.
I would appreciate feedback. Thanks!
Last edited by a moderator:
P
Pattern
Guest
Alaistar (Demorine)
Born as a vessel for Armageddon, Alaistar was created by the gods as a way for them to observe the humans dwelling in the mortal world below. Should the gods enter the mortal realm, the world would not be able to comprehend their existence and would simply write them off as non-existent (ironic that for something as immortal as gods to be destroyed because a world they created could not comprehend their existence). Thus, a conduit/avatar in the likeness of a human being with a human personality/soul, was made for them to observe their creation at work.
Through Alaistar, they are able to see what she sees, feel what she feels, and understand the mortals through her perspective [sort of like the ending of A.I., with the aliens and the android, David]. Through her, they would be able to decide if humanity deserves immortality. In doing so, they also granted her immortality to see how she would cope with such a gift, and how others around her would react to it.
Alaistar is a beautiful woman of fair features, eternally eighteen years of age; perhaps the best way for the gods to discover growing pains and whatnot of a human at this transition age. Her hair black as night, yet her eyes shimmer in gold-brown, indicating something beyond human. (Originally, her hair DOES have violet streaks to it. Haha, purple power, eh? Changed it because it doesn't make sense) She started out as a blank slate, but her personality grows from the people around her. Alaistar was not made aware of what she is until she began to realise her...long-lived life, shall we say?
People whom she loved and lost over the centuries eventually turned her into a rather bitter person. It was said that when their avatar loses all sense of hope and turn to nihilism, the world will end.
Aside from that, she has no special power whatsoever. She may be immortal, but she's just an ordinary person with very average skills (probably improves with practice over the centuries). Perhaps one slightly special circumstance that she has is the fact that nothing of her physically changes; a gash on her arm? Heals instantly. Cutting her hair? Nope, it'll grow back instantly. Just the fact that nothing of her belongs to her just drives her deeper into depression-madness-borderline-nihilistic.
...I don't know what else to add. Well, tl;dr, emo as the darkest pit of darkness any depression-obsessed-character-creator can even fathom.
Well, what do you think? Still too Mary Sue?
Born as a vessel for Armageddon, Alaistar was created by the gods as a way for them to observe the humans dwelling in the mortal world below. Should the gods enter the mortal realm, the world would not be able to comprehend their existence and would simply write them off as non-existent (ironic that for something as immortal as gods to be destroyed because a world they created could not comprehend their existence). Thus, a conduit/avatar in the likeness of a human being with a human personality/soul, was made for them to observe their creation at work.
Through Alaistar, they are able to see what she sees, feel what she feels, and understand the mortals through her perspective [sort of like the ending of A.I., with the aliens and the android, David]. Through her, they would be able to decide if humanity deserves immortality. In doing so, they also granted her immortality to see how she would cope with such a gift, and how others around her would react to it.
Alaistar is a beautiful woman of fair features, eternally eighteen years of age; perhaps the best way for the gods to discover growing pains and whatnot of a human at this transition age. Her hair black as night, yet her eyes shimmer in gold-brown, indicating something beyond human. (Originally, her hair DOES have violet streaks to it. Haha, purple power, eh? Changed it because it doesn't make sense) She started out as a blank slate, but her personality grows from the people around her. Alaistar was not made aware of what she is until she began to realise her...long-lived life, shall we say?
People whom she loved and lost over the centuries eventually turned her into a rather bitter person. It was said that when their avatar loses all sense of hope and turn to nihilism, the world will end.
Aside from that, she has no special power whatsoever. She may be immortal, but she's just an ordinary person with very average skills (probably improves with practice over the centuries). Perhaps one slightly special circumstance that she has is the fact that nothing of her physically changes; a gash on her arm? Heals instantly. Cutting her hair? Nope, it'll grow back instantly. Just the fact that nothing of her belongs to her just drives her deeper into depression-madness-borderline-nihilistic.
...I don't know what else to add. Well, tl;dr, emo as the darkest pit of darkness any depression-obsessed-character-creator can even fathom.
Well, what do you think? Still too Mary Sue?
T
The TV Heads Cometh
Guest
W
Wanderfool
Guest
- Andromeda Cassiopeia Cloud - 15
In her world, everyone just gives her everything she wants and that she is just too charismatic for her own good. In reality, everyone including her parents, just feel bad for the girl. She can't have her sight so why not just let her have everything else she wants. Just agree with her, she hasn't much to begin with. Andromeda is happy living in her ignorant bliss, and no one has the heart to tell her that no she is indeed not a princess who was adopted by normal people. In fact she profusely believes that her parents are just stand in's for her real parents; King Jaime and Queen Milah. The rulers of the 4 realms, and Andromeda is the heir to the throne in which she will sit upon when she comes of age.
However, having a lot of time to herself as a child, Andromeda has learned a total of six different instruments. Cello, violin, piano, flute, guitar, and viola. Her mother started her on piano and violin when she was four years old. Since then the young girl has excelled at these many instruments, and she is exceptionally good as her hearing is almost unmatched with tones. This because of her blindness, her hearing has picked up the slack.
Her mother, who has always had a love for greek mythology and ribbons, constantly dresses Andromeda in the usual of very princess like attire. Andromeda would have this no other way, after all she is a princess. Andromeda does not realize that a few years back her father actually left her and her mother, but Remy White told her daughter that her father died looking for the King and Queen for their daughter. Remy has actually driven herself insane, and has become obsessed with treating her blind child as if she herself were Andromeda's lady in waiting.
B
Beprisque
Guest
Ooh, this is a really interesting exercise! I'll try it out when I have some time.
I think most Mary Sue archetypes, if played realistically, would actually be people no one would ever want to hang out with? I remember on another site I saw a character whose bio said she only talked to people when she felt like it (which was rarely) and only ever discussed her own interests, but also that she was friendly and loyal. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that doesn't work. At all.
I think most Mary Sue archetypes, if played realistically, would actually be people no one would ever want to hang out with? I remember on another site I saw a character whose bio said she only talked to people when she felt like it (which was rarely) and only ever discussed her own interests, but also that she was friendly and loyal. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that doesn't work. At all.