Make a wish!

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Granted, but someone comes along and thinks of a more perfect wish. Somehow.

I wish I could sing extremely well.
 
Granted, but after landing the 39 foot jump, you get hit by a truck and can never use your legs again.

I wish Law and Order:SVU stopped showing on TV. It's literally on for hours and it's insanely boring.
 
Granted, but a new Law and Order replaces it.

I wish for the NiJiMe to be in my possesion.
 

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Granted, but it stops functioning properly after a day

I wish i wish with all my heart that i didn't have to fart
 
I wish I would get the job I interviewed for last week
 
Granted, but later you realize you actually hate that job and decide to quit.

I wish that neutering cats wasn't so expensive.
 
Granted, but the Government releases a new tax on owning neutered cats. Bastards.

I wish I didn't have the flu.
 
granted. instead, you get its common complication, post-influenza bacterial pneumonia.

i wish not EVERYONE in this fuckin' town got admitted to the hospital
 
granted. instead, you get its common complication, post-influenza bacterial pneumonia.

i wish not EVERYONE in this fuckin' town got admitted to the hospital
Granted. You have been selected as one of few who is under no circumstances allowed to be given medical aid, even self-administered. If evidence ever comes to light of so much as a single stitch or band-aid, you—as well as anyone who aided in your recuperation—shall be executed by firing squad.

I wish I could be more emotional.
 
Granted, but you now have your period (no matter what your gender is) 24/7 for the whole entire month for the rest of your life as a way of making you more emotional.

I wish I could pass all of my classes.
 
Granted, but you fail at everything else.

I wish I knew how to fix everything that breaks in my house!
 
Granted! The Government repossesses your house. Sucks to suck.

I wish The Colbert Report wasn't ending tonight.
 
granted. it starts to suck.

i wish my call night hadn't stopped me from seeing Hobbit 3 on opening night. so sour about that. I SAW EVERY LOTR MOVIE OPENING NIGHT UNTIL THAT ONE.
 
Granted. You lose your medical license.

I wish I had a lightsaber.
 
Granted, it's starting all over again the minute that it's finished.

I wish aspirin did not take so long to kick in.
 
Granted, but the aspirin effect only lasts for 5 seconds and you can't take more than one aspirin per year. c:

I wish I could be better at learning new languages.
 
granted. it only applies to fictional ones.

i wish i had seen hobbit 3 on opening night ;__;
 
Granted, but you couldn't hear a thing!

I wish I could retroactively unchange the future.
 
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