Magical Vending Machine

[IntrusivePenDesperateSword]

Out comes obliviousness personified.

I insert a character sheet for D&D.

 

[Minerva]

Out comes a Half Dragon, Half Human, Half Elf, Half Orc monstrosity with an angsty background who destroys anything because 'For teh evulz.' And acts like a generic anime character.

I insert the U.S. presidency.

 

[Grothnor]

I dunno what you get, but if you get Donald Trump, I'm smashing the hell out of that goddam machine.

I insert my crappy old 'stupidphone'.

 

[Minerva]

You get an Obamaphone!

I insert the God Emperor of Mankind!

 

[Grothnor]

The Adeptus Mechanicus follows hot on your heels taking the time to alternately worship and study the strange device the Emperor has been somehow inserted into and determine how best to retrieve their Omnissiah. Also, a Custodies shoots you.

I insert xenos scum.

 

[Minerva]

The machine starts shaking as the previously inserted Emperor begins fighting it, and the Adeptus Mechanicus begin to shoot you.

I insert a Small Loan of a Million Dollars.

 

[Grothnor]

The following scene unfolds.

I insert Steve Blum.

 

[Minerva]

And out comes Jeff Goldblum! You just traded one Blum for another!

I insert @Diana

 

[Mu]

You get angry @Vay!

I inserted a tsundere

 

[Minerva]

The machine begins to blush, and turn away, calling you 'Baka'.

I insert a UN Peacekeeper helmet.

 

[Mu]

The machines spits out a blue baseball bat, for some reason.

I insert a demon's soul.

 

[IntrusivePenDesperateSword]

The machine makes a few odd noises, then catches fire.

I insert Jack's forehead.

 

[Mu]

You get angry YIAY comments.

I insert an Asian drama.

 

[IntrusivePenDesperateSword]

You get large, wooden letters, painted white, eventually stopping to come out. Instead the machine starts spitting out metal rods. The letters spell "doowyllob".

I insert paint.

 

[Mu]

You get an iPad that only displays a webcam positioned in front of a painted wall, the text at the top says "Watching Paint Dry."

I insert Kcalb and Etihw.

 

[IntrusivePenDesperateSword]

Out comes eulb and dlog.

I insert a dress.

 

[Hana]

You get a little black dress

I insert Audrey Hepburn

 

[Mu]

You get a dead person.

I insert a kangaroo

 

[Hana]

You get Kanga and Roo.

I insert Showtaro Morikubo.

 

[Mu]

U GET A HOT SAMURAI BOY WITH DELICIOUS VOICE WHO UNFORTUNATELY DIES FROM AN ILLNESS BECAUSE GODDAMN PRODUCERS ARE SADISTS AND MADE THE HOTTEST LOOKING ONE THE ONE WHO DIES PREMATURELY ROFL CRI MYSELF TO SLEEP.

I insert a Hijikata.