Magical Vending Machine

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You get a drunk male underwear model

I insert miles of smutty fanfic
 
You receive a nosebleed.
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I insert science fiction books.
 
You get a Stormtrooper, covered in slug-like robots.

I insert an unfinished school essay.
 
You get an even less finished school essay on a completely different topic.

I insert a pachinko machine. Somehow.
 
In a loud, dense cloud of smoke, a pinball machine appears in front of the vending machine.

I insert three blueberry pies in a pile.
 
The machine burps and then tosses out three blueberry stained pie tins.

I insert a letter to some girl's senpai that I found.
 
You get Buff! GET MANLY!

I insert a Robert Cop figurine.
 
You get a Robocop figure.

I insert a Norwegian science magazine.
 
You receive a time traveling viking. Who is also a Navy SEAL.

I insert a pair of soggy jeans.
 
You get a pair of slightly torn up but dry jeans.

I insert a Jaegar from Pacific Rim
 
You get a broken Gipsy Danger and four ultra rare kaijus.

I insert an untranslated Korean song.
 
The machine freezes, stutters, and then begins printing out North Korean propaganda.

I insert a copy of Hamlet and a copy of A Midsummer Night's Dream.
 
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The machine spits out a mysterious liquid. It gets in your eyes and, when you finish rubbing at them, you are in love with the machine

I insert preteen drama
 
The vending machine spontaneously jumps up and leaps out a window to avoid it. How a vending machine grew legs, you'll never know.

I insert a half-eaten hot pocket.
 
You get half of a set of gums, scalded.

I insert MO' DAKKA
 
You get a delusonal orc, asking you for the nearest arms dealer.

I insert a common pepe.
 
You get back a DVD full of clips of pepe le pew

I insert my favourite Konata figure
 
Out comes a shapeless pile of colorful, warm plastic.

I insert all The lord of the Rings books.
 
A dragon's claw breaks free and steals the coin before the machine can process it. Probably Smaug.

I insert the Hawkmoon, buffed to the max.
 
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