"When we experience a sudden loss, we are robbed of so much more than a husband or a wife, a father or a mother, a best friend or a secret crush. An unexpected loss also robs us of our sense of security, our plans for the future and even our joy in life. The fears and emotions you are feeling today are natural to those who lose a loved one so unexpectedly. It is natural to ask "why her?", "why me?" and "why now?". After such a shocking loss, it is natural for life to seem without direction and even without purpose..."
Rebeka recalled those words spoken by the pastor of her boyfriend's church. The service was nice, simple, just like Tony was. At least, she was able to attend, but she wasn't sure if she was really there. Physically, yes. Her still damaged body sat in the back pew with her parents and sister; eyes still and glazed over with the same mournful stares as all the others in the crowded church. But, she wasn't quite all there. Her mind repetitively rousts her about that day at the university – the one week hostage stand-off between eight disgruntled students and 18 unrelated victims. If it wasn't for Theo's presence that day, she would be packaged right beside him right now, like the final scene of Romeo and Juliet. But he was there. His body shielded her from bullets and fire. Like always, he took it all for her.
She felt like such a hypocrite, sitting there feeling the grief of his loss in her life; yet, grateful to be alive. How can she be when such thankfulness comes at such a painful loss to her?
"Why not me?" That was one of the natural questions the pastor did not mention, but it ran the same depressing path: her life lost its direction and whatever purpose she once felt belong to her was gone. Tony was the keystone that held her together…
******
After two months in the hospital, and a month of rehab, Rebeka was able to return to her apartment she shared with her roommate Harper. She would have returned to her childhood home right then, but her parents' refused to allow her to stay there knowing she would only hurt more being away from Tony's family and her friends at this time. Her older sister who lives in New York, only a few hours away, took her in only if she agreed to return to college and finish her degree – not allowing the tragedy she'd gone through to hold her back. That was three months of hell, and she hardly made it through. But thanks to a tiny wonder med her Psychiatrist prescribed to her, she was able to mellow out enough to ignore pain, sadness, shamefulness, guilt… That was all Rebeka needed to make it through life now, cause Tony was no longer there to man his post. This was why she returned to college – the meds made it easier to manage. But, when the wonder pills were gone…
Harper saw what was going on, and decided to rally their friends together for an early group trip to Canada. Their annual ski trip can come a few months early. Rebeka needed a vacation away from the campus. The idea was perfect, but this mysterious trip to some unknown castle in some far away country had reached Rebeka first. Free of charge and everything she needs will be provided. Too good to be true Harper told her over and over again as she rushed all the ski trip plans.
"Look, I know you mean well, but I just can't." Rebeka continued to read over the information that came months ago about the overseas trip. More and more her friend's discouragement awakened a rebellious streak in her to actually go through with this vacation just to show Harper how wrong she was.
"What! You mean you're going with that fake vacation package rather than heading to Canada with us? What's the deal, Gia? You know how dangerous that is!"
Rebeka jumped up with her laptop, knocking her stool over, and left her friend in the kitchen as she rushed to her room. Harper did not miss a step, and caught her bedroom door before she could shut her out. "There's no way I'm going to allow you to go on that strange trip. The whole point was to give you a 'safe' vacation with people you know."
"That's just it… I…I don't want to be with people I know. You all are my best friends and I love you dearly – but, you all remind me of all the great times we had with…"
Harper realized then that her friend was just not one hundred percent over Tony's loss. Still, she just would not stand down on this one. "No, you can go! I won't let you be alone right now. That's the worse thing you can do!" Harper had no clue how to stop her friend from making the biggest mistake of her life. It was hopeless – she saw a maddening determination appear in Rebeka's eyes. She was set on this… She was set on staying away from her. "Throwing caution to the wind is not going to get Tony back, Gia." Harper closed the bedroom door lightly and left her friend alone to think about what she said.
*******
Rebeka had most of her belongings packed, and a lot of her travel plans prepared. Her photo backpack was filled with all the essentials she needed to document her entire experience. She figured her means of peace will also communicate to Harper that she's fine – once the shit hits the fan and everyone realizes her deceit. She told her parents that she was heading to Canada with her friends for the ski trip. But, told her friends she changed her mind about traveling overseas and opted to stay with her aunt in Washington for a while – just to get away from the familiar. Lies kept them ignorant of her plans. Another nice lie cleared any offers to drop her off at the airport, then she left behind her suffering self in hopes to regain the old Rebeka.
"This trip could possibly be all the medicine I need," she thought to herself during the long flight to the unknown destination unspoiled by the obscure ticket she's gained in the mail. "I get a change to get out of town, out of the country, and far FAR away from the idea of returning to college; someplace where no one knows anything about me...
The flight was ludicrously boring and before too long, but Rebeka slept through most of it before they landed. With a stifled yawn, she gathered up her things from the baggage carousel and headed towards the street exit when she was met by a driver holding a sign with her name.
"Mrs Pargac, we have transportation to the residency for you."
Impressed that the driver knew how to pronounce her name, she handed him her bags and followed him to the midnight black sedan sitting securely outside. The windows were heavily tinted, and the valet park attendants stood around it securely, as if they were the Secret Service protecting the President's vehicle. Rebeka slipped into the back seat, feeling almost like royalty and forgetting about what she left behind. Still, her sorrows were quickly replaced by caution and a sickening case of doubt. What if Harper was right about this adventure?
"What's with the windows?"
The driver slid a window down between the front and back seats and looked back at her through the rear view mirror. "Privacy." With that, Rebeka just enjoyed the ride…ignoring the discomfort running up her spine. She had a feeling all the other questions she held inside was not going to be answered by that guy. So, to take her mind of off uncertainty, she rolled down the window and grabbed her camera. The countryside was breathtaking and easily swayed her fears into a better mood. Sometime between here and there she'd fallen asleep. When she awoke, the car had stopped and the driver was removing her bags from the trunk and placing them on the ferry boat sitting off the pier they've stopped at.
Rebeka forgotten all about a ferry ride. She's never been on one, or on a ship, a boat, or even a flotation device. Water and Rebeka really didn't get a long with each other, but she's has proven her determination to defeat her fears by taking swimming classes at the Y whenever she could.
That still didn't help her reluctance to step onto the ferry, but she did regardless. And, surprisingly, she wasn't as scared once the ferry ride began. Instead, her hands rose with camera in hand and began to nonchalantly snap picture after picture of amazing images she would never had captured off the mainland.
"Miss Pargac, we've arrived." A gently voice broke her concentration to her lens and she turned to witness Camelot's reincarnation. Without a sound, Rebeka's eyes spoke amazement over the view before her. The castle was miraculous, far better than the photos from the simple brochure in the mail.
"I..I can't believe this… It's amazing!" Without a second thought, her camera raised to her eye, capturing several shot of the her vacation spot from the water. When they landed, she continued to shoot as she was escorted to the imaculant double front doors of the estate.
Already, she was feeling more like the Gia she once was. Somehow, creative beauty acted more like her prescriptions; medicating her soul from all ailments bothering her. Her meds had already cleared her system after the plane ride, and the idea of the next dose didn't phase her. Rebeka's eyes rose with delight at the intricate carvings and rich wood…unaware that her escort had already dropped her luggage at her feet and left her there alone.
"You got to be kidding me?" she turned to find herself alone. Returning before the door, that sudden urge to bury her head in the dirt began to rise in her heart. Taking a deep breath, she stepped forward. "Well, it's not like I can go anywhere else…" With that, Rebeka entered.
She kept quiet in the pristine foyer, watching as a few other guest were standing before a reception desk deeper within the building. The receptionist was warm and charming as she explained to the others about the meal schedule. It was just like a five star hotel. The uneasiness about this mystery trip was all but lost now. Something felt nice and toasty there, comforting. Taking a deep breath, Rebeka rolled her luggage further inside, stepping behind the other guests as the receptionist continued to speak.
