Squee
I'm one of those "details and implications" guys.
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- 1-3 posts per week
- One post per week
- Online Availability
- I work swing shift, schedule changes daily.
- Writing Levels
- Adept
- Adaptable
- Preferred Character Gender
- Primarily Prefer Male
- Genres
- Medieval Fantasy. Or pirates. Pirates are always good. When it comes to reading, however, a good steampunk is always great. Above all, however, I would definitely have to say my favorite is Dark Fantasy.
2 years ago I broke up with what could have and probably should have been the love of my life. I'll try to give the big picture...
We met when I was in high school. I was 17, dating this other girl. That relationship was one I liked, we were together for a year until she cheated on me and left me on my birthday. Through that hard time, my friend was there for me. We lived close by so if I ever felt lonely I would go to see her. Before we were dating we'd hold hands, both playfully saying it was platonic. But we both knew it wasn't. We had agreed to go to prom as friends, but we both knew we wanted more. We just didn't want to say anything. But young love is hard to fight, so one night we kissed. That was when we made it official. I was happy as I could have ever been. We went to prom as boyfriend and girlfriend. We graduated together. This was one of the best times of my life.
But after high school, my parents moved out of state. They invited me to go with them, but I chose not to, so I found a place on my own. She went to college in a town that was a little far for us to see eachother. But we decided to try to make long distance work. We used Skype to video chat and she'd come to see her parents every other weekend, and I was close to them so we would see eachother then, too. This was a little hard because I was working a job I hated and she was so far away. But summer came, so she came home and finally I was with her every day again. I loved it. Things weren't always amazing, every relationship had ups and downs, but we were happy together. I hated my job. So I quit and moved up to the town in which she was attending college.
It was pretty hard to find a job and I had a problem with gaming, it was all I ever did. This put a huge strain on our relationship, but I did my best to take responsibility for my actions. It took longer than it should have, but I got my job. We decided to move to a new apartment because our current living situation was less than ideal, but the choice we made in the end was a little worse. The neighbors were loud and verbally abusive towards their kids, mice were in the walls, and there turned out to be bed bugs in the apartment that our landlord refused to recognize. I wasn't happy, and I let that weigh heavily on the relationship, which was foolish.
So with our living conditions having me upset, I went to a party with a co-worker. We kissed. That's all we did, but I knew it was wrong. I had to tell my girlfriend, we were together for 5 and a half years. She needed to know. So I told her the next morning. It was the worst I'd ever felt in a long time. The guilt paired with a brutal hangover. Pretty sure the guilt was the part that made me feel the worst. We wanted to work on the relationship, but in that apartment I was miserable, so I carried that misery into the relationship. I was an idiot. 2 months after I kissed that other girl I broke up with my girlfriend. At the time I thought it was the right decision. I was a fool.
A few months later the girl I kissed and I are talking. We hook up. We decide to get serious. But in truth, I didn't really want that. I felt like I had to. If I were to date her seriously then the mistake I made was one I made for my feelings of love, not my negative feelings from home. That was my justification, but that's not how life works. I was with this girl for a year and a half, but it was terrible. She neglected my emotional needs, she always picked something else before me, and that thing usually being either weed or alcohol. I never restricted her freedom but if I ever said I wanted to take the relationship further she'd go on about not wanting to be tied down. But I wanted something that would last forever. Something I came to realize I could have had.
I'm single now, but I think about my highschool sweetheart a lot. I talked to her very recently. I told her that breaking up with her was a huge mistake. She was always nice, kind, forgiving, and overall amazing to me. I was an asshole a lot of the time and generally just a shitty boyfriend once we moved in together. I should have been a better person, and two years later I find myself praying for a second chance. But she has moved on. She's not seeing anyone but I asked her if she'd want to meet up and chat sometime. While she has forgiven me and does not hate me, she doesn't think that's a good idea, and I can'd say I'm surprised or angry. I was wrong and I did something terrible and even though she was willing to forgive me I still threw it all away.
Now I sit here, wishing I hadn't done any of that. Having wasted over a year with someone who wouldn't even give me a date. Praying to a god I don't believe in for a second chance. But I know I won't get that second chance. I know I need to move on. I know I have to learn from this mistake and put it behind me. But with a mistake so huge, how do I do it? I lay awake at night wondering why I had to be so bad to someone that was so amazing. I sit down thinking about all the amazing memories we have. I can't help but feel terrible, but I don't want to anymore. I want to be happy again. I have trouble dealing with the fact that I threw away what could have been the best thing to ever happen to me over something so small and easy to overcome if I had only tried.
We met when I was in high school. I was 17, dating this other girl. That relationship was one I liked, we were together for a year until she cheated on me and left me on my birthday. Through that hard time, my friend was there for me. We lived close by so if I ever felt lonely I would go to see her. Before we were dating we'd hold hands, both playfully saying it was platonic. But we both knew it wasn't. We had agreed to go to prom as friends, but we both knew we wanted more. We just didn't want to say anything. But young love is hard to fight, so one night we kissed. That was when we made it official. I was happy as I could have ever been. We went to prom as boyfriend and girlfriend. We graduated together. This was one of the best times of my life.
But after high school, my parents moved out of state. They invited me to go with them, but I chose not to, so I found a place on my own. She went to college in a town that was a little far for us to see eachother. But we decided to try to make long distance work. We used Skype to video chat and she'd come to see her parents every other weekend, and I was close to them so we would see eachother then, too. This was a little hard because I was working a job I hated and she was so far away. But summer came, so she came home and finally I was with her every day again. I loved it. Things weren't always amazing, every relationship had ups and downs, but we were happy together. I hated my job. So I quit and moved up to the town in which she was attending college.
It was pretty hard to find a job and I had a problem with gaming, it was all I ever did. This put a huge strain on our relationship, but I did my best to take responsibility for my actions. It took longer than it should have, but I got my job. We decided to move to a new apartment because our current living situation was less than ideal, but the choice we made in the end was a little worse. The neighbors were loud and verbally abusive towards their kids, mice were in the walls, and there turned out to be bed bugs in the apartment that our landlord refused to recognize. I wasn't happy, and I let that weigh heavily on the relationship, which was foolish.
So with our living conditions having me upset, I went to a party with a co-worker. We kissed. That's all we did, but I knew it was wrong. I had to tell my girlfriend, we were together for 5 and a half years. She needed to know. So I told her the next morning. It was the worst I'd ever felt in a long time. The guilt paired with a brutal hangover. Pretty sure the guilt was the part that made me feel the worst. We wanted to work on the relationship, but in that apartment I was miserable, so I carried that misery into the relationship. I was an idiot. 2 months after I kissed that other girl I broke up with my girlfriend. At the time I thought it was the right decision. I was a fool.
A few months later the girl I kissed and I are talking. We hook up. We decide to get serious. But in truth, I didn't really want that. I felt like I had to. If I were to date her seriously then the mistake I made was one I made for my feelings of love, not my negative feelings from home. That was my justification, but that's not how life works. I was with this girl for a year and a half, but it was terrible. She neglected my emotional needs, she always picked something else before me, and that thing usually being either weed or alcohol. I never restricted her freedom but if I ever said I wanted to take the relationship further she'd go on about not wanting to be tied down. But I wanted something that would last forever. Something I came to realize I could have had.
I'm single now, but I think about my highschool sweetheart a lot. I talked to her very recently. I told her that breaking up with her was a huge mistake. She was always nice, kind, forgiving, and overall amazing to me. I was an asshole a lot of the time and generally just a shitty boyfriend once we moved in together. I should have been a better person, and two years later I find myself praying for a second chance. But she has moved on. She's not seeing anyone but I asked her if she'd want to meet up and chat sometime. While she has forgiven me and does not hate me, she doesn't think that's a good idea, and I can'd say I'm surprised or angry. I was wrong and I did something terrible and even though she was willing to forgive me I still threw it all away.
Now I sit here, wishing I hadn't done any of that. Having wasted over a year with someone who wouldn't even give me a date. Praying to a god I don't believe in for a second chance. But I know I won't get that second chance. I know I need to move on. I know I have to learn from this mistake and put it behind me. But with a mistake so huge, how do I do it? I lay awake at night wondering why I had to be so bad to someone that was so amazing. I sit down thinking about all the amazing memories we have. I can't help but feel terrible, but I don't want to anymore. I want to be happy again. I have trouble dealing with the fact that I threw away what could have been the best thing to ever happen to me over something so small and easy to overcome if I had only tried.