Long Distance Relationships

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Malkuthe Highwind, Sep 5, 2012.

  1. We've all heard about it, we all know that someone in a long distance relationship and maybe some of us have been in long distance relationships. I know I've been and it was really hard and ended up not working at all. Trust issues and not having the person with you are just part of the hard part.

    Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? Do you know someone who has? What do you think about them?
  2. I just feel like answering questions, and I don't want to pay attention in class right now. SO! Yes! I have been in a long distance relationship, and I know several people who have been in one too.

    I think they have a chance to work. I think every relationship has a chance to work. It will be more difficult since its long distance BUT anything is possible, right? I've been in one that last almost two years. I feel like we would still be together if I wasn't stupid and wanted someone I couldn't have and just wanted to make myself available, you know? Anyway... they can work. They can't work. Its really 50/50. Right now, I don't want to be in a long distance relationship; I just got out of one. I feel like its time to reorganize my priorities SO life is kinda up in the air -nods- But when is it not up in the air?
  3. I've been in a long distance relationship. Well, my relationship has been a long distance relationship for ~2 1/2 years, I should say, because it didn't start that way. For one year, the distance was "only" about 100 km and we still saw each other every second weekend, but the other year my partner was in the US while I was in Germany.

    Anyway, as I see it... Long distance relationships are tough. Even if you're on the phone every day, you still feel like something's missing. For me, I'm someone who needs a lot of physical contact, hugging, cuddling, kisses, things like that. You don't get that in a LDR, really. That's something that can really have a negative impact, because, well, for me, a huge chunk of the relationship was suddenly gone.

    Also, even with instant messengers, I still felt like I couldn't talk about everything that I needed to talk about because there's really some things you can only discuss face to face.

    Of course honesty is also super important, even more so than when you're closer together. You have to be able to trust each other, always, otherwise it's just not going to work. I know that I, as a sixteen year old who has trust issues anyway, was near my breaking point more than once.

    So, judging from my own perspective... there's nothing wrong with having a LDR, but any time period over a year takes a *lot* of work and is super tough to get through, especially if the couple can't visit each other.
    You just have to stay positive and pull through.
  4. Long distance SUCKS ASS. Yes, they can work if both people are dedicated to each other and can put in the time and money to try and communicate and visit each other whenever possible.

    But they SUCK. Without that physical contact, it eventually becomes unbearable. It's depressing, demoralizing and awful. :/

    About half of my relationships were with people I met online and were long distance! And Gibs was the last. In fact, Gibs might not have happened at all, because prior to us dating I had gotten out of a 3 year long distance thing and I did NOT want to do that again. I went for him anyway with the promise that I'd get to see him in person as soon as possible to see if we worked. 8D The rest is history.

    If you don't have money, a car, a good job, etc and you're in a long distance relationship... you're pretty much boned. D: You either have to be fine with being alone and only talking via net, phone, etc. Or have a way to visit regularly. Cause the distance eventually kills it.
  5. I guess it's great for nerds what are too shy to form relationships with people within their actual vicinity (NOBODY HERE GET'S ME! lol kay). I dunno though, it seems like an awful lot of work. It's like having a relationship without having all the responsibility of having a relationship. Clearly it wouldn't be for me, but then, who knows what might happen? Each to their own though. It'd be boring if everyone was the same.
  6. Long distance relationships can work, but both parties have to be really committed to the relationship. Like Diana I had recently gotten out of a two year long distance relationship and I told Pheonix that I didn't see us lasting unless I got to see him in person. He ended up getting a job at Walmart for 6 months and paid for his plane ticket and hotel room for a weekend to see me. After that I knew we would make it. We ended up being able to see each other about once a year, and at one point I stayed with his family in Texas for a month during Christmas. We'd always talk to each other every day on Skype and early into the relationship he and I would fall asleep together on the mics.

    Yes it definitely sucks that there is no physical contact or affection. However I think it also makes you appreciate those things when you two finally do get together.
  7. Let's see!

    I've been in a super long distance relationship before. Now, it wasn't with someone I haven't met. I met him in high school and we dated for what...3 months? Then, all of a sudden, I had to move. ;___; I moved to a different state and everything! I felt so bad that I had to just leave him like that all of a sudden, that I really didn't wanna break up with him.

    So, I didn't!

    We continued to date for a year and two months, with me visiting him about 2 times during that time.

    It was hard as shit. No one said it was going to be easy. It wasn't! Some nights I wanted to be held. Some times I saw couples doing cutesy things that I wanted to do with him. Sometimes I just got really really lonely that all I could do was snuggle up to my pillow! BUT. Nothing compared with just hearing their voice everyday. I got to talk to them. I got to laugh when them and spend time with them every single day! I got to rant when I needed to, cry when I had to, scream if I couldn't hold it! All I wanted to do was to talk to them and know I was cared for everyday.

    Isn't that enough? He never had to be there! That was just a plus! I just had to feel the love they gave to me. Get those butterflies when they told me they loved me. Get all hot and feverish when they randomly busted out in song or sent me a card in the mail. It's not the presence that matters as much as the emotions does.

    And, eventually, I moved back and we were together again! So it was worth it! It's all about trust, perseverance, consistency, and love! Long distance relationships aren't for everyone, but you just have to be strong and push through it! It's all about you, your partner, and how much you two are willing to fight through time to get to one another!

    TRUE LOVE! <3
  8. Everyone else has generally summarized it, though my opinion is much closer to that of Diana's.

    The psychological requirements of a relationship need to be met, and this is possible through long distance, but it also holds negative factors. The foremost of which being the need see and feel each other, oh baby oh baby. But really, there are emotional and mental needs which can only be assuaged through physical interaction, and no this isn't vague dialogue for sex.

    But, before I make it sound infinitely important, this does -not- mean a daily, weekly, or even monthly requirement. The requirement is the FACT that you (#1) can actually physically see each other within some non-unrealistic means, and (#2) that there is the PROMISE it will happen. An example of the opposite of the latter being: Being in a long distance relationship at the beginning of highschool, out of driving distance, no means to get on a plane, and the parties are both not planning on moving/attending college/anything in the same area afterwards. In this regard, there is little to no hope for the relationship actually driving further, and should be avoided. The end result of infatuation on this mean is a prolonged longing which will cause unrest within the relationship, essentially breaking the hold you both had.

    As someone who has done this twice earlier in life, before my more normal relationships, I can say a few things.
    It takes either a strong sense of character and understanding of what this relationship entails, OR quite honestly, inexperience in real romance and emotional attachment. The latter because it is not known what is missing from a close-distance relationship. Now, I do not insinuate that ALL long-distance relationships are inexperienced, more so that if they move beyond it and still find it acceptable to be long-distance: they have developed a strength of character which may allow them to survive, but only with the promise of physical interaction.

    So, there's a lot to take into consideration, mainly being how well you work as people both together/apart, your requirements for a relationship, and quite honestly what plans you both hold within the near future, at least within the timeframe you can honestly comprehend being with your long distance partner. Myself, I learned that, not to sound shallow, but I need the physical presence to pacify any unrest, paranoia, and the like that would come with a long-distance relationship. Plus sex is a great bonus.
  9. Without the responsibility? How exactly do you mean? Aside from contradicting yourself that it's an awful lot of work.

    It can be hard, that much I actually agree with you on. I'm going to assume that you're speaking from experience with the "nerds too shy to form relationships with people in their vicinity" and give you the benefit of the doubt here.

    Ahem. That aside, I think that long distance relationships CAN work. It takes a real commitment on the part of both people, as well as a lot of trust. It can be lonely, frustrating, and upsetting at some times. There are a lot of obstacles, especially depending on the distance.

    However, I think that if both people put in the effort, they trust one another, and they actively work to overcome that distance that they can build a very strong relationship. It's harder than relationships where you see the person every day or something like that, but it shouldn't be about the distance.

    You should not choose to be in a relationship with someone because they're convenient. You should choose to be in a relationship with someone because you can't imagine wanting to be with anyone else. I think it's stupider to limit yourself to those people whom you happen to be close to if you don't feel the way about them that some people feel about their long distance relationship. Sure, if you find someone you care about deeply who lives down the block, congratulations! But long distance relationships, in my opinion, aren't about the distance and the ones that work plan to close that distance as soon as possible so that they can be together.

    I know people who've been in long distance relationships. I know ones that worked out and the couple are now happily married, living together, etc.
    I know long distance relationships that haven't worked.
    I've been in long distance relationships before and I know well that if both people aren't willing to put in their energy in making it work, it won't.
    I can also say for certain that this distance is only an obstacle, like any obstacle to any other couple. If you really care about the other person and they're who you want to be with, then you will try to make the distance work. It's about them, not how far away they are.
  10. Long-distance relationships are hard as hell. They are a lot of work, and that is precisely because you have all the responsibilities of a relationship- something that needs maintenance, and understanding, and commitment- with so few of the benefits or rewards. You don't get the physical contact, or the reassurances that come with that physical presence. You can't always reach them when you need them. You can't get a read off of their body language. You have to be able to communicate effectively, and that is so much harder over the phone or instant message.

    That puts a lot of extra stress and work on a relationship, and that's ON TOP of whatever other stress and work you've got going on. When you don't have a lot of extra resources or easy ways to overcome the problem of distance, it's even worse. It's little wonder that so many long-distance relationships don't work out. Over time, frustration and loneliness build up and eat at you and exacerbate whatever other problems might be there.

    However. They do work, if the people involved are able to make it work- just as with any relationship.

    Kitti is right; it's not about distance. It's about how much the other person means to you, and how much value you put on your relationship.
  11. Kitti and Osso word it pretty damned well.

    Sometimes, you're the one who's shouldering all the responsibility.

    I was in a long distance relationship for five years- on that fifth year, he'd gotten out of the service, done his time in the Navy, and I was thrilled- he actually lived less than 20 minutes away from me, so I thought we'd see each other more.

    Every single time plans were attempted, he had something he had to do. It was a bit of a covert relationship as well, hidden from the family- so I was shouldering the planning of the meet ups and would face the most trouble if it were discovered. But I loved him, so I wasn't too upset.

    Eventually, his attention started to drift more and more, and I could tell that he had grown past me.

    Didn't mean that there wasn't an ugly ending to it though- I had to do the breaking up part, that neither of us had wanted to come to- and suddenly he cared, suddenly he was making promises all over again. Seven year difference

    That was the longest- the shortest was when I was eleven.... eighteen year difference- I'd talked to him for a year or two, maybe three, and eventually, I think I misplaced the affection I wanted from others, and saw him as a person who could give that to me. That one ended uglier than any relationship I have ever freaking had- ever. We really started when I was twelve... or thirteen- he was my dark little devious boyfriend, very cynical and very negative, and I was the happy little sidekick, helping him find the silver lining, like only a child could.


    Yes, TK was in a lot of relationships when she shouldn't have been. Do you think I was born this screwed up?

    I'd advise people to follow their gut, but think realistically, and take the relationship with a grain of salt- they're hard to pull off and you have to face the reality that it could end the next day.

    When it works, it's awesome, when it doesn't- you're crushed- or relieved.
  12. I started off in a real relationship that went long-d .. it's going fine for the most part. I visit every few months and that certainly helps immensely. Not sure how one that started in long-d would work. I know a guy and girl who met over TF2 and are now living together; hell we have our very own pair on IWAKU that did it. The world's changing these days, and since I'm not there to keep up with how people are doing things I'm feeling stuck in old opinions and view points. I feel OLD and behind!

    What's this YOLO thing??? Is that already old and boring??

  13. I've never been in a long distance relationship, but I have a couple of friends who have and then I'm also a member on roleplaying forums, therefore I know a lot of people in long distance relationships haha Regarding my point about responsibility, I just figure it like "HEY, you're there and we get on great, let's be together... over this internet connection". It's very easy to just log off. To me, that's not the level of commitment that I'd be happy with. One other thing I have a problem with is that I think a lot of people enter long distance relationships and they haven't tried (or they've just flat out avoided) trying to connect with someone in their real life. Then they use the excuse of "Yo, this online person understands me. OTHER PEOPLE DON'T GET ME. THEY'RE STUPID". Well, not everyone uses that excuse haha But haven't we all heard vaguely similar descriptions of online relationships?

    Then there's the whole issue of intimacy. Like, if you had the option of having a) an online girl/boyfriend that you have a lot in common with or b) a real life girl/boyfriend that lives just around the corner and you have an equal amount in common; you're going to go with the one right around the corner, right? Maybe not. To me, I just find it a bit mind boggling that some people would be adamant that they'll choose the long distance relationship over an actual, fully realised relationship.

    However, like I said earlier, whatever works for people. Different strokes for different folks. I guess long term relationships work for some people... particularly roleplayers hah

    sensitive issue dot com.

  14. I admit, I have heard of this happening. I observed a close friend of mine (whom I also met online) and saw one by one each of her online relationships crumple because she truly could not love herself and had very little self esteem. And believe me, all of my friends have tried to console her about this but she couldn't see the truth behind our words.

    However - and I speak about this because this is a subject very close to my heart - I hope you don't see the internet as a place where only the closest introverts dwell. (And yes I'm a hypocrite for this statement because I will say I am an introvert.) I see the internet as a massive melting pot of different cultures and personalities. In a sense, the internet experience can be better than real life because of the fact that you're introduced to all of these different people whereas in real life you only meet the people you can come in contact with physically. The internet removes demographics, it removes culture restrictions, it removes a lot of things that real life imposes on us. As a result, it opens up a whole new world of opportunities for interactions and relationships. I've been in an internet/long distance relationship for almost 5 years and in that time span, I never met anyone in real life that could make me as happy as the person I'm currently with.

    Don't think of the internet as a place for people to hide, but for people to truly express who they are, whether they are good or bad people.
  15. Hmm I find it pretty easy to express myself out there in real life, and I've always had friends from lots of diverse backgrounds (city life wooo), but I guess I see where you're coming from. One of my best friends is someone I met on the internet yeaaaaars ago. Actually, we're moving in together (with other peeps) next month. Then again, we've been real life friends for yeaaaars now.

    yeaaaars looks weird. I've gone off topic. Yikes.
  16. Yeah sure, some peole hate talking, some people have issues, some people just decided to have a thing going with someone else a shitload of miles away because they have nice tits and you like talking with them just to see those tits.

    BUt did you just call ME a nerd? Seriously?
  17. I do not want a long distance relationship! It sucks. The person you want to be with is a million miles away. You can't go out just for the sake of going out, let alone go on a "real date" with them. There's no cuddling, there's no attempts to do nice things like cooking, there's just talking and talking and hoping you are both getting to know each other. I do not want!

    Yet I've fallen for people online more then once, mainly cause I do more social interaction with the opposite sex here. I'm not good at putting my self out there and never have had friends who would do mix parties, and now I do, but everyone is usually married.
  18. True love is tempered in the crossing of great distances.
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  19. I can certainly vouch for the fact that Long Distance Relationships can indeed last as long as both parties are dedicated to it and as long as trust isn't an issue. I personally am a very cynical person but for the sake of that one LDR I had, I stowed that away because I knew it would cause nothing but grief. Anyway, we lasted a good 8 months, though complications arose probably as early as the sixth.

    It wasn't anything pertaining to the distance though, it's just he suddenly became this controlling, time-hogging beast and no matter how much I told him off, he would keep insisting on something. Anyway, it was near the eight month mark when a remark I made to my best friend about staying in Canada because the courses I want to take have absolutely no market in my home country. Anyway, that started a fit that turned into a full-blown war.

    The climax of which was when he demanded that I give up the courses I wanted to take and take some course that would let me go home to the Philippines to be with him. Much worse was he gave an ultimatum for it and said he would break up with me if I didn't promise. Anyway, I pleaded and we put the matter to rest and we tried to keep it together, but the damage was already done and I decided I couldn't take it any longer.

    Anyway, I guess the moral of the story is, while LDRs may work with dedication and trust, there's still no protection from other things that can and will tear things apart.