Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by ShirubaDangan, Apr 4, 2013.

  1. If you ever met me personally you would never have guess I would be a person who was lonely. I frequently smile, help others, try to be courteous and try to keep others morale up but just consistently I feel lonely. I don't feel like I click at all with people. It feels much more forced than I believe it has to be. I just feel awkward and uncomfortable and I work at retail with people who are crazy and I can usually keep my cool there! I just don't understand why I can't seem to get friends. I usually spend many nights alone and I see numerous amount of my friends going to parties and hanging with multitudes of friends. Sometimes I join in but I just don't feel truly happy or at ease there. I've had very little to no contact in the past couple of months beside work with people. I usually just walk at the park, play video games, eat and sleep. I just don't have much people to talk wth and if I do it is very few and they eventually leave and we don't talk again.

    I've had multiple bad relationships with people but I don't want to stay reclused like this. I try to get more friends it just doesn't seem to work out. It is causing my depression to just worsen and I try to avoid it by eating healthily and constantly going to therapy but I just feel like it is all pointless when I am generally not happy with my social life.

    I just find it odd I can approach numerous people in store and strike up a conversation and yet I have nothing to show for it outside of the environment.
  2. Retail is mentally and emotionally exhausting. You are always trying to please someone else. At the end of the day you have little to give, and that can cause the disconnect. You want to give, maybe more then you really need to, and as a result you "fail". Give yourself some slack. You are human. Also try to get together with friends in small groups. It might be parties are too much of an overload, so don't force it. Also you don't have to DO anything with friends. Just hang out. Watch TV. Help clean the kitchen. Little things and chit chat is better emotionall then trying to be the end all be all of socializing.

    And, it DOES get better.
  3. It is just can't help feel there is something wrong with me that causes people to leave. Makes me feel stressed and causes me to plan every action. I really don't have friends though and the ones I do I only speak few words. Feel I bother them more if I continue to discuss things. I'm not trying to be negative! I dislike that but it is just how I feel and I do hate parties. They just seem to annoy me.

    Thanks though I appreciate it. Just have had this feeling for a long time and haven't really confronted it. I usually just try to buy a lot of things to make me happy and fill that void like video games for example. I have a lot of impulse buys not because I need them I just feel they will make me feel better and they do sometimes but sometimes even things I find enjoyable are simply not. Try to move to other things but need to find something I can get involved with that includes others.
  4. If you have a community center they tend to have fun cheep classes and events. Joining clubs that involve any of your interest are also good. And you know express your self doubt to those few sorta friends. If they're good people they can be honest about if you "annoy" them ever or if they miscontrue your shyness for aloofness or whatever.

    As awesome as I am online, in real life I suffer from very serve SAnD (Social Anxiety Disorder). I once stayed in my home for six months without leaving. Even though you don't have it the same as I do I understand the concept of being lonely, and feeling like you're so enclosed compared to the rest of the world. I'll go have a smoke with my buddy, or go to school, but even that makes me paranoid, which makes me want to be alone, which makes me lonely. For me I typically choose loneliness over paranoia, but I'm beginning to realize better now.

    So if I can beat the lonely feeling, anyone can.
    Don't worry, anytime you feel like you're cut off from the world, there's a bunch of us who feel the same.
  6. Sounds like its time to sit down and find out what makes you happy. What makes you glow? If its helping people, then how can you regularly help people and still work on that awkward feeling of being in social settings? Have you thought of volunteering in your community? (Man it sucks sounding like an infomercial. I really didn't mean for it to come out like that!) But doing something you enjoy doing might help you overcome any fears, doubts, or insecurities brought on by uncomfortable social situations.

    Also, I don't know it this applies to you, but another post had me think about it. Spending more time on the Internet than physically socializing with people can sometimes hurt your ability to communicate with others easily. Back when I first discovered RP forums and MMORPGs (SWG was my life for over a year!) I lost touch with how to talk with other people physically. I lost the ability to read physical and facial communication (since talk is only partially what comes out of our mouths). It took over two years and a lot of courage to get comfortable enough to just be myself and talk with people. What helped most was weening myself off of games and the Internet. Playing every now and then is fine, but it took me a while to learn that 4+ hours a day on the Internet is not always healthy. Especially when life was happening all around me.

    Anyway, sorry to rant. Hope this helps you or anyone else in any way. And I pray things get better with you and you grow confident with who you are as a person. I don't know you, but you were brave enough to share your problems with someone. That's more courage than most people have!
  7. YES, THIS.

    Hi, my name is Elyd and I spent many many years being very polite and nice around people but only having friends online because I did not know how to open up to them offline.

    I also work retail right now and am noticing how I am striking up lots of conversations with customers, but I still have trouble with small talk with new people. I just get quiet because I don't know what I should talk about.

    However! I have actually made friends in the last two years outside of the internet! I'm not really sure how this happened, except that somehow I lowered my barriers enough that I made myself feel comfortable around other people. It's the "fake it til you make it" policy. I faked being comfortable around people I liked and suddenly they are my best friends. That policy usually works with all things, because you fake it until you realize you're doing well at it and then you get comfortable.

    So it sounds like you DO have friends already. One thing that they sometimes don't realize is that you want to be included in things. How do you get them to know you want to go to things? Ask them to hang out with you. Make plans with them. I realize it's hard, but being proactive about going out with friends is the way they know you're interested in them, too. Now, if they don't reciprocate at all over a few months, then you can drop it. But if you start asking people to do things with you and go to parties, then they'll realize you want their friendship, too, and they'll start asking you to do things with them as well.

    It gets a lot easier with practice, I'm learning. I have a group of friends I was very slow to actually start hanging out with and doing things with, but right now I have a new friend that I started hanging out with maybe a month and a half ago and already I'm really enjoying her presence in my life. It's hard but it's worth it to reach out to people. Lots of luck!
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