Life works in funny ways.

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Nydanna, Jan 2, 2015.

  1. I have my high school crush on Facebook, and I realized today that I really missed a bullet by never confessing how I felt about him. But, it did get me thinking about how people who are young and in love are completely devastated when their first relationships falls apart, or their first love doesn't even acknowledge them. I know most people give the lame words of wisdom like 'Life works in mysterious ways' or 'There's plenty of fish in the sea' during those times, but they don't really do much. So, I thought I'd give a bit of insight to how things can work out for the best, even when you think it won't.

    I met my crush freshman year. It was my first day fresh out of Catholic School and straight into the wonderful public school system, and I was completely shell shocked. I don't even think I said a word to anyone unless one of the teachers asked me a question. He was in nearly every single one of my classes, and thanks to alphabetical seating arrangements, he sat either beside me, or behind me in every class. For four years we flirted back and forth, hell, he even wrote a poem about me for an assignment and read it in front of our English class. (I still have no idea how I didn't melt into a puddle afterwards!) On our graduation day, I rode with him to the college where the ceremony was, and thought for sure that day was going to be the day we both fessed up and started dating. Turns out it wasn't. He joined the army, and I moved in with some friends, and that was the last tie we ever saw each other. For years I thought that he was my 'One that got away' and always regretted that nothing ever happened between us.

    Skip to five years ago and I get a friend request from none other than my crush at a time in my life when I was not exactly the happiest in my marriage. I'd be lying if I said I didn't flirt with him a bit, and that there wasn't some temptation there. I mean, come on! I was unhappy in my marriage, he was unhappy in his relationship. It was kind of the perfect set up for something to happen. But, I didn't. Like the good little wifey that I am, I stopped talking to him and focused on trying to make things work with my hubby, which they did.

    Skip another year down the road, and I see that my crush is in a new relationship and expecting a baby. I was happy for him, but in my mind I still wondered what it would have been like if we had gotten together. After a while I see baby pictures, and little love messages to his girlfriend, and felt the green eyed monster poking at me. Thankfully, I ignored it and didn't go back to my flirtatious ways because only a year after his daughter was born I see the same man who I thought was a complete sweetheart, and who in my mind was Mr. Perfect trash talking his girlfriend on Facebook. Every little problem he had with her, he broadcasted for all of his Facebook friends to see, and when he wasn't belittling her, he was cussing her out for taking his daughter away from him. I soon learned that the boy who I always considered my Prince Charming wasn't even worthy enough to be called a frog.

    I know by now most people are probably wondering 'What the hell is your point with this?' and I do have one. The truth is, your heart doesn't believe what's in front of your eyes. It sees what it wants to see, and ignores the glaring flaws that make a person less appealing in favor of clinging to a dream. Love isn't all romance and fuzzy feelings. Sure, someone may make you feel that way now, but when the going gets tough and you're plummeting to rock bottom, does that person still make you feel the same way? If you say no, than it isn't a question of whether the person is right for you or not. THEY AREN'T!

    Love means sticking together through the shit life throws at you and making each other stronger during the storm, not weaker. It's knowing that when you feel like crying for no reason at all, you can hug them and know that they'll try to make you feel better, not question you. It's not all dinners, dancing, and flowers. Sometimes it is, but what it always is, is sitting in the same room and knowing that you can say whatever is on your mind and they're listening. Yes, a person who loves you can make you feel like complete and utter shit at times, but what pulls them apart from the person who doesn't love you is, they do their damnedest to pick you back up again, dust you off, and try not to do it again.

    So if you find yourself depressed about your relationship, and wondering if you really should be with the person your with. Ask yourself this. When you're depressed, are they there with you? Or are they off trying to make themselves happy and leaving you to wallow in your misery?
     
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  2. I often look back on moments of my life and think about how different things could have been if I had made better choices, and in that I realized something incredible. In life, there are many paths to choose from, none of them are wrong, but none of them are right either. There's practically no way to know for sure where the other paths would have lead, so you might as well just forget about it and make the best out of the path that you did choose.
     
  3. It's crazy how our lives teach us, huh?
     
  4. Here's a funny thing to add to that. Not so much about love, but.

    I made a bunch of poor choices in my education. Heck, at some point I decided to think fuck-all and became a mailman for a couple years before I even made it to 20. I've always felt bad about not being able to graduate at ~21 just so I could get a job following the trajectory we're supposed to. I mean, I'm a pretty smart guy, I like to think, I should be able to do that. Turns out though, nothing I did felt right and my highschool years of doing jack-all and still passing tests were beginning to haunt me because at uni you actually need to put in work.

    But now a bunch of experiences and actually disciplining myself to finish things later, I'm working in teams (leading a couple of 'em), solving problems and everything, it turns out all those years of switching majors (and also a year of backpacking) rewarded me with a pretty broad mind- and skill-set. I can apply concepts I learned elsewhere to my tasks today. I also have a far better idea of who I am, which is nice for my confidence, but also gives me the tools to stand up to unreasonable bosses and win, not to mention being one hell of an asset during job interviews. I bring things to the table my peers who did graduate at 21 don't, which is pretty cool.

    Winning all the time doesn't teach you anything, it's your failures that contain the best lessons.
     
  5. I'm not so old/ahead in life yet that I can look back at friends, ex's etc. having children, marriages and families.
    But I do still have to agree with the OP. Love blinds, it is very important that you are looking at your relationship from a logical and rational standpoint.
    And from said standpoint agree that your relationship is working, making you happy etc. If find yourself falling back on "I'm happy because I love them" that's just a sign that your emotions are clouding your judgement, so you should be getting out of that relationship asap.
     
  6. Disclaimer: This is my opinion on the matter.

    I find myself conflicted every time I see a story about love. And the question you ask is a pretty good one at the end.

    I start off by saying one thing; I don’t perceive love as you perceive it, so my opinions changes. A lot of what I see/feel is today’s way of loving is “completing” each other. This, I find, is a fatal mistake by a lot of people. What does it have to do with the question? Well, see, people mention “your significant other is supposed to help you cheer you up and get back up”. A lot of people misinterpreted this. Yes, you are supposed to help the other, help them get through shit, but you can’t rely on the significant other to do everything. You have to start by helping yourself before others can help you. If you “need” you significant other to get cheered up or to go through shit, then you are going to go through a world of pain. In the end, your significant other can only help you so much. If you can’t help yourself, you have to face the fact that, eventually, you are gonna drag down the one you love to the point that the other will rely on YOU to get back up OR simply leave, because there is so much the human being can take.

    Also, you can rely on your significant other to be there ALL THE TIME. You must remember that this other person is also a human being, with flaws and qualities, with their own time and schedules as well as time and schedule for you. A lot has to come from yourself.

    Your significant other is supposed to be a crutch to your injury, not the cure of it OR the painkiller than relieves it temporarily. He supposed to be that great addition to your life, not an important piece of your puzzle.

    My vision of love is this: It’s people you can be happy with. That’s it. It’s not this special feeling you get from being with this one, chosen being. That is fooling yourself and letting this addicting feeling getting the best of you. If, in your life, you NEED this special person to be happy, then it is not love, it is dependence. If this person ADDS to your already happy you or HELPS to make you a happy you, then you have found someone you can love. I personally do not believe in this “This is the one” type of love. I love some people more than others, yes, but there isn’t a true one for anyone. Just people that can bring you joy in happiness.

     
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