Letting it Out

[Cosmic Fey]

So I'm not sure where this goes. Its not a rant exactly, so I'm not putting it in the Ranting thread but it's not happy either, so I'm putting it here.

Here goes. *deep breath*

So my brother - very close friend technically, since were not related - got accepted into a couple colleges. Yay!! :D This is a good thing, I'm very happy and excited for him. I'm not going to say "Don't go" because that's not fair, but there all between a couple hours to days away from where we live and we're going to have to Skype to stay in touch. When he told me he was gong to be leaving, I burst into hysterical tears and cried for hours.

Here's the thing: I've had some serious issues in the past and pretty much right from the day we met that boy has been my rock and helped me through it; slowly bringing me out of my shell and helping me with my painfully low self-esteem and self-confidence. If it wasn't for him and another friend of ours (although he's staying put thank goodness) I wouldn't be here.

But my older brother, my twin, my rock, is leaving me behind and moving to another city. This might not be so bad if I didn't have all these abandonment issues due to my childhood, but my brother is leaving. He's going away and I'm so so terrified that he's going to find someone better than me and replace me and he's not going to want me as his sister anymore. Even though I've told myself it's not going to happen, that he wouldn't do that because he needs me as much as I need him, the fear is still there in the back of my mind telling me he will because that's what everyone else did. So I spent the early hours of the morning sobbing and almost having a panic attack all while telling myself that he would never ever do that to me.

I'm very much all over the place about this. On the one hand I'm happy for him, on the other I don't want him to go.

(...I feel better now)

 

[Fluffy]

That's right, girl. He needs you, and you need him. To think he'd replace you is just silly. <3

Be strong, all right? I understand what you're going through. I know exactly what it's like when someone you depended on for mental support moves away. It's heartbreaking and causes painful anxiety. He's not abandoning you, though. He's got big dreams for college that I'm sure you're a part of. :] Cheering him on from where you are will make you the greatest sister in the world. He'll love you for that.

I hope he'll keep communication with you through the Skypes and stuff. And if ever you need to, us people at Iwaku are available to cheer you up! I can honestly say that my friends at this forum have played a part in me becoming a stronger person.

 

[ThE_DeAd]

First of all I'd like to compliment you on being so forthcoming about your conflicted feelings about your brother leaving. It takes an incredible amount of self awareness to identify one's hang ups and alot of courage to reach out to other people, even if you just need a sounding board to clear your head.

I totally agree with Andi on this one; the bond that two people share when they support eachother the way you are describing is a unique relationship between those two individuals. Its not just him, and its not just you. If you remove one person from the equation the relationship changes. You're a unique individual and no one will ever be able to replace you. I'm sure the two of you have countless fond memories which will continue to bind you throughout the rest of your lives regardless of your distance from one another. I have a very close friend who lives on the west coast now, but I still manage to stay in contact with him.

Finally, I am a firm believer that the universe provides me with all of the supports I need in order to get by. At different times I needed certain people in my life to play different roles in my growth.Perhaps this is the universe telling you that you are ready to take the next step in your journey. Does this mean your brother will evaporate from your life? Not at all! It simply means that its your turn to put everything he has taught you about yourself into practice.