Lessons in Parenting

Kitti

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What is something that your parents did or allowed you to do when you were a child that you decided would be different when it came to any kids of your own? (Can be applied in reverse, too, for something not done!)
 
That's a hard one to be honest, because I feel the best parts of me are because of how my parents raised me. I'm truly grateful as well, because I know many folks can't say the same, unfortunately.

I guess the one thing I can point out is that they were very, very protective of their kids, and still are, to this day. I would probably be a little less protective, if only to save my own self the heartache I feel my parents going through because of some of my siblings.
 
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There were too many things done wrong, I think I will go with a done-right. 8D

My mom was a reader, and when I was a baby she read to me every night. She kept reading to me until I was old enough to start reading myself. (Which, as it turned out, was really early because she read with me so much!) She instilled this love of books and imagination in me, and if I ever accidentally had children, I will do the saaaame.
 
Pretty difficult for me, really. I think my parents were super awesome and did so many things right :D

One thing I kinda wish my parents would have done a bit more is to engage in some of my activities a bit! Don't get me wrong, they did have some interest in the things I did online, but it wasn't a whole lot. Looking back on it, I can remember a couple of times I tried to share my writing or talk about a few Roleplays with them and it ended up being a conversational dud :"D nothing wrong with that, just would have been nice!
 
My parents are amazing parents, and I love them with all my heart. However, one thing that they've always tried to do but can always be done better (especially in my case) is this: try your damnedest to understand your kids, their mental state, and their needs, and make sure they KNOW that you love them and will do what is best for them. I'm still recovering over a year later from some choices they made (putting me in a college-level online class) where they didn't realize until too late that it wasn't what I needed, that where it would get easier for most over time it was only getting worse and worse for me and making me sick from stress.
 
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I wish my parents let me choose my own course in life.

I don't regret working for my family business, as I have learned a lot and the money is good and it basically secures me financially for the rest of my life as long as my brother and I take good care of the business after my parents decide to retire.

But still, I wish they had let me make this choice on my own. There were so many things I wanted to do coming out of college. I wanted to bartend, I wanted to be a flight attendant, I wanted to be young and to do things not necessarily for the money but to experience the world.

I have a lot of experiences still, I suppose. We travel a lot and I'm incredibly lucky to have seen and learned so much. But in attempting to secure my future by forcing me into this job (essentially starting me on my career path at 22 or 23 straight out of college) my parents made me restless, which tempts me to leave. If I had gotten an opportunity to spend a year or two on my own, working tough jobs and shitty hours with shit pay and no benefits, I'd have a fuller appreciation of how good I have it here.
 
It'd come down to computer use, for me.

I've got top-notch parents, the envy of fiance and friends alike. For the most part I fully agree with people on this, but there's one particular topic I'd probably shift from my parents' model of parenting (and it involves the device you're sitting in front of now). Phones and computers are such an integral part of our lives now, in a way that they weren't back when I was growing up (yes hi I am part of the last generation that didn't have their whole lives documented and tracked by tech giants, you may now envy me). Computers (and it was just computers) were these strange, esoteric devices that could do shit, but neither my sister or I were entirely sure how the shit was done. My folks were also pretty distrustful of these new time-sponges and their offshoots, the dreaded games console. As such, my mother and father were more encouraging of other hobbies than they were of things that involved machines.

Looking back, I feel like this maybe wasn't the best approach (though far from the worst). A knowledge of computing and, more importantly, a knowledge of what makes them tick, would have been extremely useful skills to try and foster in children.

Moral of the story here is this: teach your kids that computers and the web are machines.

Applied properly, they lead to incredible things. Video games that take us to new worlds and experiences. Connections with like-minded people who might be a world away but you feel a closer connection with than you do with most people in your everyday life. IT education is better today than it was at it's peak when I was at school: children now have an opportunity to learn how these machines work in a way we just didn't when I was a kid, and we should teach our children to make the most of that.

But, as with many machines, they have their dangers. I worry that my contemporaries who are parents don't consider this enough.

My dearest hope is that any children I might raise are sceptical of the claims of social media, and have a good understanding of the information they put out there online (and how it can be exploited). The further down the tech revolution we get the more the darkest predictions of cyberpunk writers like William Gibson and Neal Stephenson seem to come true. I want to help raise a generation of Cases and Molly Millions, of Hiros and YTs: people who are aware of the potential of technology, but also know how to evade it's pitfalls.
 
I'd encourage them to read at a young age. Restrict their television and video game time. If I could afford it, I'd want them to learn to play guitar or another practical instrument. I say practical because the tuba is hardly something you just take anywhere. More over unless they've got a brilliant personality, they're not pulling off the tuba in high school.

I'd want to push them harder than my parents did. Even if it means we'd buttheads. Because life will headbutt you every step of the way. So you gotta be ready to throw some back and keep going. I also don't want them to approach life the same simple single minded way I did. To think differently, be mavericks, and takes risks. All the things I can't find in myself...
 
Make rules and actually keep them. My parents had a habit of coming up with inane rules for my brother and me (using 'merit coins' to watch TV or play games, being absolutely silent past 6:00) and then forgetting about them a month later. Sometimes our bedtime was 9, sometimes it was 8. We could never know for sure and it caused a lot of stress. Kids need something much more stable than that.

No physical punishment would be another big one. My parents weren't terrible, I love them both, but their parents were very physical with them and they were the same with us. The worst of it was a hard whack in the back of the head, but it still hurt. I don't plan on carrying that over to the next generation.
 
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My parents were great, and I miss my mom terribly. They weren't perfect, but no one is. They did the best they could for us and that's really all I could have asked of them. They taught me to be generous, caring and loving as well as showing me by example that hard work paid off.

The only thing I did different with my own children was to have fewer rules. The rules I did have were strictly enforced but I didn't have nearly as many of them. I've always considered myself a successful parent since I had 8 children living in a 3 bedroom house and no one killed anyone else. (thankfully we were able to move into a bigger house before that happened..lol) Still, I'm very proud of all my children and the men and women they have become.
 
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