WRITING Kui's Pocket Dimension! (Needs Alpha Readers!

Discussion in 'SHOWCASING' started by Kui, May 29, 2016.

  1. Hi, this is Tai!

    While on Iwaku I have had the opportunity to meet RPers of many kinds, mostly well adaptable roleplayers giving one, two, three paragraphs. Though I have met With one person giving one liners, it brings me back to the days of when I first started RPing. I have enjoyed the community while I have been here and look forward to meeting more RPers.

    On topic though, I RP a lot! But that isn't the only thing I do for fun, I also write very often! I have finished my first book in the alpha stage, ending at 102 chapters! I expect to end the book around 130 chapters after entering the beta stage, but the only problem is that I only have 2 alpha readers! And so, this doesn't help give me too much insight, I enjoy a vast majority of diversity. Correcting grammar (where it is obvious, olden speech is often times used during the book- it represents my syntax error quite well. ^_^)

    Would you like to alpha read for me, viewer? The job would include:
    -Giving insight on the book in general
    -Making comments on the document
    -Making suggestions and corrections to logic
    -Correcting grammar where it is necessary (The book will often times ignore grammar, watch out for this! Also watch out for made up words! XD)
    -Being okay with mature content
    -Being okay with taboo content
    -Looking at drafts for logical improvements

    I may have forgotten something! It happens haha, generally the alpha reader reads for adding more content, more chapters and just overall adding and removing things. Then comes the beta stage, very unlikely anything will be added or removed but edited to the point that it should be okay to release the book. Thanks! I am open to questions, below is the overview of the book.

    A young adult with an interesting set of personalities enters a new continent without any apparent motives. With the vast amount of possibilities, greed, war and rumors offer a massive amount of opportunity. Clymer is a world of ninja, magic, alchemist and mysterious questions that have no apparent answers. While the constant question pointed towards this young adult who seemingly has no place or motive nor an apparent last name to call her own, she is tasked with teaching combat skills as well as displaying skill and power for the factions who employ her.
  2. Lost me there. That's pretty incomprehensible. And not the least engaging. And repetitive.

    I say, if you want ppl to put time and effort into alpha reading or even picking up the damn book, at least polish the blurb and make it as riveting as your abilities allow.

    Not to be an asshole, but yeah.

    Good luck with it, anyway.
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  3. Your blurb has tons of potential, tons! However, and I do apologize, it kind of hurt to read. I think you should go over it a few more times and edit it much like Icy said make it as riveting as possible. Think of different ways to organize the phrasing of your sentences as well as taking things out that aren't necessary.

    This blurb is your hook and if I were a reader in a book store I would put it back down. I'm really not trying to be mean and I am terribly sorry if I come across as such. If you can pretend this is not your book and rewrite the blurb in such a way that if you were that reader in the book store you would have to own this book.
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  4. Hi, thanks for the feedback, though because it is Alpha and everything is still in the workshop, things like that will happen and I hope that those willing to help me will give me feedback and assistance. The point of looking into an alpha reader for me is so that corrections can be made, like the overview. Thanks for taking the time! ^_^
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  5. Thanks for the feedback! I will definitely look into fixing the overview, would you be okay with taking a look at it when it is finished? Cheers!
  6. Feel free to pm it to me.