Just when I thought I was done with all this...



Original poster
I've been having a terrible day! No... More like, a terrible month. Some of you know I've gone through a lot of shit and honestly, I thought I was free from it for at least a while longer. But no! -__- Time for me to vent.

I moved to Bellingham, WA on September 15th. Everything started out rocky because Karl's (my boyfriend, for those who don't know) grants hadn't come in yet. So, we had to depend on family support and my mere $2k that went fast because of rent, pet fee, food and other items we realized we needed. Now that we're stable, BOTH our families have asked us for $200 EACH. We're short some money that could have gone towards SOOO MANY THINGS..... Fine, we owe Karl's family and my family needs water; my family's water was shut off because they couldn't afford the bill. Know why?

My fucking step-dad, that's why! If it weren't for me, my mom would still be living with that creep. To keep things short, I've been afraid of him all the 16 years I lived with him. I finally put my foot down exactly one year ago and told my mom "It's him or me." Although I brought an unfortunate decision on her, she chose me over him and kicked him out. He didn't even get invited for Thanksgiving. Time passed on...he's not paying child support. My mom is trying to finish college so she can get a good job that gets her good money that my family deserves. So she depends on financial aid and grants, as well as his contributions. That fucker's just asking for a swift kick to the balls........ He's putting himself before his 4 children. I'm beginning to cry the more I think about this... How can a father be like this? Looking back, I never truly had a father in my life. He treated me and my sister, Erin, like shit. He'd beat us and scream in our faces and sometimes starve us. He had my mom brainwashed; she thought he was doing things right.

So when she was ready to date again--by the way, she turns 40 on the 8th of November--she got on a dating site and made friends with some of the relatives or friends of the people in her domestic violence support group. I received news a couple of days ago that she's engaged... I have mixed feelings. The kids like him... As long as they are happy, I won't be disrespectful. But this bastard hit on my sister and I see him as a loser. He works at Arby's and has too many nerdy obsessions... Okay, it's fine to stay a nerd and have hobbies, but there comes a point where you need to grow the fuck up. ._. I am not accepting this guy into my life. I don't need anymore Dads, but my siblings do and my Mom needs a husband.

School is also a major stress weight, but who isn't stressed by it? Well... I have enough discipline to take all online courses for this quarter. It's for the best since I get sick constantly during this time of year; this way I have no absences. Two of these classes are really challenging for me, so I spend lots of time reading and learning in them. I'm even maintaining reasonable grades... But wouldn't you know it, my easiest one has an F. It's not because I'm neglecting it anymore, it's because the due date for an essay slipped my mind. I argued with my prof, mistaking this portion for a different essay section I already did for the mid-term. So now, I'm either going to have to withdraw or write this essay. I put a lot of work into this class and I enjoy it but I'm unhappy with how ritarded I was and how much of a bitch she is. I honestly don't think I deserve a second chance at taking this half of the mid-term.

What I always wanted to do was go to a tech college and get a degree as a veterinary technician or assistant. I brought this idea to my Mom.. She smiled, hugged me and said that would be a wonderful idea. I brought this news, happy as can be, to Karl's parents.. They shook their heads at me and said that a 4 year would be better. That crushed me. So now I'm working my ass off trying to get a science major to impress them and prove I CAN do this. Is this wrong? Probably. But I want them to be proud of me and love me because someday, I'll probably marry this man. His family's wonderful and kind to me, but have such high standards... It's not like my mother who approves of my decisions and supports me the whole way. She's, in fact, the one who encouraged me to get into the vet field because I take such good care of my cat and helped nurse hers back to health. Too bad for me... I need all the praise I can get because I have little confidence in myself.

They school isn't for everyone and that couldn't be more true. I'd be happier as a house wife... If finances weren't an issue, I'd just make a baby and be happy the rest of my life. XD I helped my mom raise kids most of my life so that may have something to do with it. I just hate classrooms and having knowledge crammed down my throat via books and lectures. I don't learn anything, really. :/ My poor stress management doesn't help much.

I've got insomnia so bad... I go to bed at 5 or 6 in the morning and then have to get up at 8 for work. When comes the weekend, I sleep for about 24 hours total. (My weekend is Friday to Monday). It's unhealthy, if you ask me. But I don't know what to do about it. Showers wake me up more, I hate warm milk, my libido isn't what it used to be, music only makes me more awake, my mind is so active no matter how hard I try... I got sleep aids today. Let's hope they help.

Stress stress stress... Always got it bad, but tonight it's awful. I am so fatigued and have a fever. v.v

My poor kitty has to get all her teeth removed, except for her canines, because she has intense gingivitis that medicine cannot treat. It's saddening to me because she's only 1 year and 5 months old. She was feral and exposed to many illnesses as a little kitten, so this is what happens sometimes. We need to get like $400 for this procedure which will hopefully happen in the wintertime. I don't want her suffering anymore pain when she eats and I don't want it to get worse... She means more to me than just some pet. I adopted her months after I miscarried my first child and since adopting her, I've been happier since I have a baby to take care of. I wanna do everything I can to care for her.

If you read all this, um..thanks and also I apologize. <3 There's no where else for me to type this out, though. My friends couldn't care less about me anymore or they're too busy for me and my boyfriend only hugs me and says it'll all be okay. He and I seem to be losing connection but I believe it's because we have studies to worry about. It's nice to have another place I can pour out my feelings and feel better. n_n
You know I love you, hun, and I'm always here for you.

Whatever happens, I know you can take it. I know you have it in you to hit life just as hard as life can hit you. Whatever decisions you make, I got your back; you know this.

Whenever you need to vent, you know how to find me, and you know I'm available 24/7 for you. I'm your Wookiee Sith Lord, after all. :)
Oh my, you've been under a lot of stress, haven't you?

I want you to know that you can always contact me should you need anything, if you need it, I'll give you my phone number too. You're a good person, Fluffers, and I know your life will turn out to be beautiful soon.
No need to apoligize fluffy, anyone who took the time to read obviously cares about you.

From what it sounds like you just have too much on your plate to handle and the people around you, with the exception of Karl, aren't doing a damn thing to help, not much I can say to help you there except that we're all here for you.

The biggest one that ticked me off was what Karl's parents said about your college. A 4 year degreee is General Ed + your major, where as a tech school is designed specifically to train you in your profession. The only reason I can see that they suggested a 4 year is because it can help you get a different job in the meantime.


Also, I thought I should include a song that's helped me keep going through the worst of times
Keep your head up.

Yo Fluffy, If anyone doesn't deserve to have so much stress and difficulties in her life it's you. Just make sure you keep your head up and both feet firmly entrenched in the earth, and you'll weather this storm too.

Y'know I care for ya, and I wish you ALL the luck in the world (despite the fact that tough little you probably doesn't need it.) Hit me up on Skype if you need to talk.
Thank you guys. It means a lot. <3

I love you all~