So, it's come to my attention that I have the social skills of a pre-epiphany Grinch. I've been shunned by people or told point-blank to just shut up, I've had to leave my old forum out of shame, and I've gained a reputation as one of the most unsociable, hate-filled people in the school. Most of what comes out of my mouth is either a sarcastic, condescending remark, an insult that was never needed, an opinion that was never wanted, or a fact that people refuse to accept. There's only so much I can blame on low blood sugar levels and the inability to sleep properly. The people I'm surrounded by are incredibly shallow-minded, and trying to make myself socially acceptable would only invoke further mocking. So I've concluded that if I don't speak, nobody can get angry with me. And I'm fine with that. I work best on my own, and the only person I've ever really needed to speak to about anything is myself. Venting things at myself makes me think on things, and come to a logical conclusion. I don't need to laugh, or smile, or cry, if I'm on my own. I don't have to share my thoughts, I don't have to worry about showing my weakness, and I don't have to worry about people judging me. My friends won't have to worry about being judged either, and they won't have to stick up for someone they shouldn't even talk to. If I'm alone, I don't have to worry about humiliation, because I've already lost all sense of pride - my desire to be better does not come from a desire to better myself, but from the most basic of human instincts - survive. I don't want to worry about such frivolities as love, hate, anger, kindness and basic humanity. If I'm all on my own, then I won't have to worry about black and white, because I'll see everything as grey. I've done some thinking, and I've settled upon the mindset that I only need to know what I'm supposed to feel - and that actually feeling it is an unnecessary use of my time and energy. It may be boring to the outsider, but I will have no concept of boredom. I can finally be who I really want to be - a simple person, with a simple life, just blending in with the masses, never being noticed or cared for. If I feel nothing, I need nobody, and independence is something I strive for. It doesn't matter what people think on this - to me, I just want to survive, and live without any obstacles. I want to abandon my humanity, and become something that is detached form the world, and is left to its own devices. If I do that, maybe I can finally find some sort of peace.