Jorick's Terrible Smut Fanfic: Round 2 (NSFW content maybe)

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Jorick

Magnificent Bastard
Original poster
LURKER MEMBER
FOLKLORE MEMBER
Invitation Status
Posting Speed
  1. One post per week
  2. Slow As Molasses
Writing Levels
  1. Adept
  2. Advanced
  3. Prestige
  4. Douche
  5. Adaptable
Preferred Character Gender
  1. Male
  2. Female
Genres
Fantasy is my #1; I will give almost anything a chance if it has strong fantasy elements. Post apocalyptic, superhero, alternate history, science fantasy, some supernatural, romance, and a few fandoms (especially Game of Thrones) are also likely to catch my eye.
For those of you who haven't been paying attention, there was a fundraiser in February and one of the terrible milestone rewards I foolishly agreed to was to write some smutty fanfic of pairings suggested by the community. I completed the first one (Sonic the Hedgehog x Princess Elise from Sonic '06, obvious NSFW content warning), suggested by Kagayours.

Now I need suggestions for the next one I'll have to write. Below is a copypaste of the suggestion guidelines from the previous thread. Give them at least a cursory glance before making suggestions, yeah?

Here are the guidelines for how this mess will work.
  1. This is not a poll. I'll pick whichever suggestion catches my fancy when I go to write this nonsense. I may be swayed by popular support for a single idea, but I am a fickle little shit and I never said the public would get to do more than make suggestions, so deal with it.
  2. Suggestions for these trashy fanfic pairings must be only two people. The "people" don't necessarily have to be human or even humanoid. They can be either characters from existing media or Iwaku members; HOWEVER, Iwaku members will only be used in these terrible stories if they give permission for the horrible things I will do to the caricature of them, and I will only accept posts from them in this thread as proof of permission. "Existing media" does not include your roleplays and whatnot, so don't suggest your own characters because you'll just be wasting your time.
  3. Please don't just throw names at me. I am not omnipotent, I don't know all the movies and books and whatnot that exist, nor do I know everyone on Iwaku. If it's a character from existing media, tell me what they're from and link me to a wiki page or something if you can, or give me a brief overview of what they're like if you want to ramble. If it's an Iwaku member, give me a basic overview of what they're like, and also be sure to get them to post in this thread to prove they're okay with this being done. These things are going to be fucking messes, so I don't mind butchering characters or people I'm not familiar with, just throw shit at me... but if you choose things you know I'm familiar with then you'll have a better chance of your idea being picked if I want to write something half decent this month. Just putting it out there.
  4. Feel free to suggest certain kinks or themes or whatever you want to go along with your suggested pairing. Just naming the things is fine, but if you for some reason feel the need to get detailed throw that shit in a spoiler tagged NSFW so I don't have to slap you for posting NSFW stuff without a spoiler. I know there's a warning on the thread, but shut up and do it anyway. I may not use your suggested stuff even if I pick your pairing, but then again I might; as I said in point #1, I'm a fickle little shit. As with the character stuff, things I'm actually interested in will have a higher chance of being used if I feel like making something of decent-ish quality, but weird shit will have a good chance of being used if I want to do crazy troll shit. It's a gamble, do whatever you feel like doing.
  5. I am most likely to choose hetero pairings because that's almost exclusively what I've written for smut thus far. Yes, I know, I'm so very boring. However, I'm going to aim to do at least 2 non-hetero pairs over the course of this year of awful fanfic, but we'll see what happens. Just giving you nerds fair warning so you don't get your hopes up for tons of steamy man on man action.
  6. There is only one kink/theme that is totally off the table: pedophilia. Not only is it against site rules, I'm just flat out not gonna write it ever. Literally anything else is within the realm of possibility, because if I decide to write ridiculous nonsense then I'll totally use kinks and such that I normally wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.
  7. The lucky(?) winner of this round of suggestions will maybe be announced in advance, or maybe I won't say anything until I'm posting the fanfic; again, fickle shit, I do what I want. If for some reason I decide I like more than one suggested pairing enough to write both/all of them, I'll let you guys know in this thread when I post the fanfic for this month and I'll skip doing suggestion threads for whatever months I decide to write the extra ideas.
  8. The terrible fanfics will be posted in a thread in Showcasing, and I'll announce in the fundraiser thread in the Events section and also in this thread when that goes up.

If that excessive list of bullshit didn't cover anything important, feel free to ask questions in this thread.
 
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Tree. Ecks. Fungi.

I mean, you did say they never had to be even humanoid.
 
Excited rainbow man x Rainbow
 
oooooh I just got a fabulous idea.

Red Sonja x Conan the Barbarian (whichever iteration, comic books or the actual book series or the movie(s), up to you)

After a savage battle against monsters, both covered in the blood of their enemies, Sonja and Conan cannot resist each other 8D

Sonja of course wears her chainmail bikini.
 
Is this the best Iwaku can come up with? I am disappointed.
 
Is this the best Iwaku can come up with? I am disappointed.
I had assumed that, if a member's pairing suggestion gets chosen in an earlier round, then that person's suggestions wouldn't be usable in future rounds, in order to give other members a chance. But, if no one else is coming up with anything good, I might be able to throw a few more ideas out there...

I hope for the rest of Iwaku's sake that it doesn't come to that, though. I might start suggesting ponies next.
 
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The atmosphere x the Earth x outer space

Crust x mantle

Roots x soil

Phagocytic cell x bacterium

A literal spoon x another literal spoon

A photon x two slits

The pushy part of a piston x the container part of a piston

Stop me
 
Jorick knows he wants to do my suggestion. I will attempt to coerce him into it >:[
 
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I had assumed that, if a member's pairing suggestion gets chosen in an earlier round, then that person's suggestions wouldn't be usable in future rounds, in order to give other members a chance. But, if no one else is coming up with anything good, I might be able to throw a few more ideas out there...

I hope for the rest of Iwaku's sake that it doesn't come to that, though. I might start suggesting ponies next.
Nah, there's nothing in the rules about that. Whatever amuses me when I go to write it will get chosen, doesn't matter who suggested it. :P
 
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Koolaid man keeps coming to my mind... but I don't have a partner for him :'D

Also... Pyramid Head (Silent Hill) and Nemesis (Resident Evil). The Inspiration for that is below, lol. 4:54.

 
*Gasp*

Waluigi.
x.
uuh, idunno. Sans or something?

Edit: WALUIGI x SHREK
 
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You mean to tell me The Internet has rule 34, but not a mashup of the Waluigi Pinball theme and All-star by Smash Mouth.
 
Luigi and Princess Peach ( Mario)

Mario and Princess Peach ( Mario)

Princess Peach and Bowser ( Mario)

I can't think much else for the moment.
 
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Steve Buscemi and Edward Cullen.
/hits on Astaroth in a not subtle fashion

Runnerup choices on my part include: Cullen+Littlefinger and Buscemi+Littlefinger. Or all three, go wild.
 
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Link in Gerudo disguise (Breath of the Wild) and Link from Ocarina. Just play it and have Ocarina Link go into the future and meet Gerudo Link. Two strong, silent swordsmen with pointy ears and dazzling blue eyes. 8)
 
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