JOKES

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Archwar, Mar 31, 2015.

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  1. This is a thread we share jokes. Either ones that we made up or by another person. This might contain offensive content so... YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

    In the meantime, I have a joke. What do you call a group of brown people?

    Brownies. :D

    Let the hate pour from the crackers.
     
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  2. How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    Only Juan.

    (I'm Hispanic. It's okay for me to make this joke. No hate please.)
     
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  3. What do you call when there's three Mexicans standing around?

    Mexican standoff.

    :D
     
  4. Why did the two Mexicans cross the border?

    It only said No Trespassing
     
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  5. I'M ALLOWED TO TELL OFFENSIVE JOKES IN HERE?


    Ohohohohohoho

    How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?
    Tape a bit of toast to the ceiling

    Well, have you ever HAD Ethiopian food?
    ...Neither have they

    What's the difference between a black man and a park bench?
    A park bench can support a family

    How does a black woman know she's pregnant?
    All the cotton is picked out of her tampon

    What does a black kid get for christmas?
    Your bike (thanks Gonzo :3)

    What's the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?
    Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out the window

    What's the worst part of being a black jew?
    You have to stand at the back of the oven

    How do you get a jew girl's number?
    Roll up her sleeve

    A genie is talking to his friends about the wishes he's granted.
    "Once," he says "I got summoned by this guy who wished first to be the wealthiest man in the world, so I worked my magic and he found himself in a room with golden coins piled wall to wall around him. He then wished to have multitudes of beautiful women, who would desire no one but himself, so I granted it. A door appeared before him and beyond it were throngs of beautiful women, who threw themselves upon him. But..." the genie scratched his head. "His next wish confused me. I granted it, of course; a door appeared before him and he stepped through it, then instantly found himself strangling in space from a length of rope around his neck."
    "What?" the other genies chorused
    "I know! I understand why he would want to be wealthy. I further understand why he would want throngs of beautiful women throwing themselves at him, but I cannot for the life of me comprehend why he would want to be hung like a black man"

    The other day I saw a black guy running down the street holding a (clearly stolen) flatscreen TV; I got worried so I went home, but it was all right, mine was at home polishing my shoes.

    And finally . . . What do you call a black man who navigates a plane?
    A pilot, ya racist!


    I'LL BE BACK
     
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  6. I'm gonna have to punch you in the face for that pun.

    Edit:*Slowly backs away from thread and grabs popcorn*
     
  7. Why are asprins white?

    Because they work!

    What's the difference between a Mexican man and a park bench?

    A bench can support a family of 4!

    Now, that last one was a joke.

    Because we all know Mexicans have twice of that in their homes!

    Edit: Hah, look at me use their. Like I'm not one myself.
     
    • You Get a Cookie You Get a Cookie x 1
  8. I did Nazi this thread coming.
    It makes me furherous.

    And no one here better make a 911 jokes.
    That's just plane wrong.
     
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    • Go Home, You're Drunk Go Home, You're Drunk x 1
  9. So, something jumps onto your face and hugs it. What do you do?

    Your chest will burst from laughter.
     
    • You Need a Hug You Need a Hug x 1
  10. What's the difference between an elevator and a Mexican?

    An elevator can raise a child.

    How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Who knows? They just beat the room for being black.

    How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

    50. One to hold the bulb, and the rest to drink until the room spins.

    A catholic priest and a rabbi are walking down the street together, and a little boy passes in between them. The priest looks at the rabbi and says, "let's screw him." The rabbi replies, "out of what?"

    What's long and black?

    The unemployment line.

    How do you start a riot in Mexico?

    Roll a penny down the street.

    How do you find the richest Mexican in Mexico?

    He's the one with the penny.
     
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  11. Dropped the soap in the shower and I had to bend over to pick it up.

    Thankfully, a kind man picked it up for me.
     
  12.  
    • Like Like x 1
  13. I am often asked, "Is google a man or a woman?"

    My simple answer is:
    It's a woman because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a suggestion.

    (Offense jokes are my favorite. No race/sex is off limits.)
     
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  14. You can't see a black person without a black coffee in the morning.

    (I'm terrible)
     
    • You Get a Cookie You Get a Cookie x 1
  15. How do you blindfold a Chinese person? Put floss over their eyes.

    What did God say when he made the first black man? "Damn, I burnt one."
     
  16. [​IMG]
     
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  17. What do you call a group of stoned mexicans?
    Baked beans

    Did you hear about the two car pile-up in the Walmart parking lot?
    50 Mexicans died

    What do you call a Mexican with a new car?
    A felon
     
  18. Must not make brown joke. Must not make brown joke. Must not

    I'm gonna eat a brownie! Plus have some 'crackers' with it to!
     
  19. So I'm holding the door for this Japanese guy... And he looks over to me and says "Sank you!" Can't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor like that...

    Jesus Christ fed 2000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.

    (One of my favorites because I was a Boy Scout)
    What is the difference between a Boy Scout and a Jew?
    The Boy Scout comes back from camp.

    So Hellen Keller walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair... and a wall
     
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  20. How many Freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    Two. One to screw it in, and the other to hold the peni- I mean ladder! Ladder!!
     
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