Jokes 3: Revelations (possibly nsfw)

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Minibit, Jan 13, 2015.

  1. It's been long enough, I think. Tell me your favourite jokes!


    Most of mine are going to be offensive to some or all of you, so take a chill pill before reading any of my posts in this thread n_n



    What is the difference between cancer cells and blood cells?
    Cancer got Jobs

    How do you get a Jewish girl's number?
    Roll up her sleeve

    What's the worst part of being a black Jew?
    You have to sit at the back of the oven

    What is the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?
    Eric Clapton would never throw a bag of cocaine out the window

    Why do all the ladies love Jesus?
    Cause he was hung like this! *holds arms way out*



    ...


    OK I guess I'll throw you a couple clean ones

    Two muffins are baking in an oven, one turns to the other and says "We're both going to die and no one will hear us screaming."

    What do you call a Dutch man?
    Peter pan, because he comes from Neder Neder land!

    A blond is looking for some work, she is approached by a neighbour who says his porch needs painting. She agrees to do the job, and an hour later, knocks on the door announcing she is done.
    "You finished in just an hour?" the man says, incredulous
    "Yeah, it's not that big" the blonde replies, "and by the way, it's not a porche, it's a ferrari"

    And a belated holiday otaku joke because none of my IRL friends get it...

    What is Light Yagami's favourite christmas carol?
    No L, No L, No L, No L...
     
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  2. I have two main kinds of jokes I like: stupid ones and offensive ones. I'll throw out a few of each kind.

    First, the stupid ones:

    What's brown and sticky?
    A stick.

    Where do you find a dog with no legs?
    Right where you left him.

    Why was the math book so sad?
    It had a lot of problems.

    Now, the offensive ones:

    What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?
    Fitting in.

    What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
    It only takes on nail to hang the picture.

    What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
    Nothing she hasn't already been told twice.

    How do you circumcise a redneck?
    Kick his sister in the chin.
     
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