IWAKU – THE FUNERAL OF THE LEGACY Pirogeth: You join us at 'The King Gabriel Cemetary For Things and Individuals People Aren't Going to Shut Up About for the Next Five Years', where the funeral for the recently completed 'Legacy RP' is underway. *The camera shows Pirogeth standing in front of the ongoing funeral; a coffin is laid out and open, with a large gathering of people sitting in front of it. Palonis stands on a pedestal behind the coffin, adressing the crowd as Pirogeth moves to the side.* Palonis: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of The Legacy RP, whose story came to a climatic, dramatic and slightly egotistical conclusion two weeks ago. Before we properly begin the committing of the RP to the vault, we shall first bury the many characters, players and noobs who died during the progress of the RP. *With the repetitive peeping noise announcing it's presence, a truck backs into the cemetery, stopping in front of a huge mass grave. The container is raised, and a huge load of bodies slide out of the truck and into the grave. As the truck drives out of the cemetery, a hand rises from the grave, and Wolfie climbs out part-way.* Wolfie: FUCK YOU ALL! YOU AIN'T KILLED ME YET! YOU BUNCH OF FUCKS, I OUGHTA-- *ISAF Security forces rush forwards and kick Wolfie back into the grave, surround it, and unload two full clips into the pit before returning to their positions.* Palonis: And now, we shall commit the Legacy RP to the Vault. Would anyone care to put forward any last words-- *Asmodeus, sitting at the front of the crowd and clutching a tissue to his eye, suddenly launches himself forwards, sobbing and clinging to the casket.* Asmodeus: WHY?! WHY ARE THE GODS SO CRUEL?!! TAKEN FROM US IN IT'S PRIME, A VICTIM OF INDIFFERENCE AND POOR ATTENDANCE! THE LAST SPARK OF LIGHT IN THIS WORLD HAS BEEN SNUFFED OUT, NEVER TO BE LIT AGAIN! OTHERS WILL COME, IN TIME, BUT... THEY JUST WON'T BE THE SAME!!! Kitti: Someone get that pansy FUCK off the FUCKING cofffin!! *Asmodeus collapses into fits of tears and is dragged back to his seat by Vay and Megane, who sit back down next to each other* Vay: Dude, why the hell are we even here? We didn't even know this RP! *Megane stares at the coffin apathetically* Megane: Why do we even do anything, really? Vay:...I really want to hit you, right now. Palonis: The ISAF will now fire an honourary volley, in memory of the Legacy RP, as the coffin is lowered into the Vault. *Carl McCarthy stands, holding what looks like a detonator* Carl: Actually, we had a change of plans. *Carl presses the button, and half the city behind the cemetary is vapourised in a mushroom cloud from a nuclear device. The force from the explosion hits the assembled mourners, knocking many of the chairs over. Overhead, Diana, clutching the sides of a chair and grinning madly, whizzes by* Diana: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! *Diana collides with a tree and lands on the ground to the right of the mass grave, giggling* Carl: WooooooooooooHAH!! IT'S BEAUTIFUL! OH SHIT, IT'S MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN I EVER IMAGINED!! Pliskin: Sir, we did this just yesterday too, if you remember... Carl: YOU'RE RUINING THE MOMENT, MAN! AH, WHAT A GLORIOUS SIGHT! I CAN PRACTICALLY SMELL ALL THAT COOKED FLESH!! *Palonis recovers from the shock quickly, and attempts to keep the funeral going* Palonis: So...ah...uh, we will now lower the coffin-- Hey! What the hell are you two doing?! *Torsty and Darkness, as the rest of the funeral attendants were distracted by the nuke going off, have seized the coffin, and are carrying it away to a Longship sitting on top of a pile of recently cut trees* Torsty: Anime-TARDS! This isn't how you do a funeral! Darkness: Shit, dude, that weed was fucking crazy... Can you see that cat, over there, dude? It's got fucking weird eyes..... *ISAF Security forces chase the pair, as Carl falls to the ground and begins to frantically masturbate in front of the mushroom cloud. Pliskin sighs and looks away. Amongst the funeral attendants, WMD and Grumpy are passing a whisky flask between themselves, and over at the food table, Porg has his head shoved under the tea machine, and is pouring the liquid into his mouth. TK and Psychosis are staring at Carl on the ground, and the pair simultaneously pull out a sketch pad and a notebook respectively. Kitti and Fluffy sit at the front of the chairs, and begin throwing rocks at Palonis* Kitti: Can you hurry the FUCK up, you FUCK?!! Fluffy: I have FUCKING places to FUCKING be, you FUCK-- Wait. *She turns to Kitti* Fluffy: Why the hell are we doing the exact same thing? I mean, we're both completely different people, with our own styles, hobbies and writing methods. Why are we doing this? *Kitti points towards Asmodeus, who is now rolling around on the grass, still sobbing* Fluffy: ...Oh. Yeah, I remember now. *JackShade watches Asmodeus as he rolls about on the floor, then begins to copy the movement. He pauses briefly to look up at Rory and Chaos* Shadey: ...Am I doing it right? *Chaos and Rory give him the thumbs up. Over by the Longboat, Torsty and Darkness are fighting for the coffin, the other end of which is being held by the ISAF Security Forces* Torsty: Go fuck yourselves! This is OUR coffin now!! *Palonis stares at the chaos around him for a moment, then throws the Bible down and begins to walk out of the Cemetery* Palonis: Oh bollocks to this. I should have expected this to happen, by now. *The majority of the attendees follow Palonis out of the cemetery. TK and Psychosis are still watching Carl and scribbling away at their pads, Grumpy and WMD are still drinking from the hip flask, and Paorou and Orochi are too angry to have noticed everyone else has left* Paorou: THIS CEMETERY NEEDS MORE HOOKERS!! Orochi: FUUUUUUUUUUUUU-- *In the front of the seats, Vay looks around at the chaos, whilst Megane continues to stare glumly at the grave* Vay: Seriously, why did we come here? Megane: Why do we do anything...? *With a growl, Vay grabs a chair and starts beating Megane with it. Over at the food table, two ISAF security members are attempting to drag Porg away from the tea machine, who is clinging to it desperately* Porg: No! It's MINE! I NEED MORE! MOOOOOOOOOORE!! *Diana suddenly runs past them, holding the coffin and with Torsty, Darkness and the remaining ISAF members in pursuit* Diana: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!