Iwaku of Thrones: House Douchebringer

[Holmishire]

One can dream.

 

[Ser K+]

You also run the risk of your daughters being given to the guards for their amusement for a fortnight before I dismember them and send them back to you one piece at a time.

Hmm, something about this seems.....
Illegal.

Careful! you may get bashed! On the head! Of your stationary Dick Empire!

 

[Razilin]

You also run the risk of your daughters being given to the guards for their amusement for a fortnight before I dismember them and send them back to you one piece at a time.

you dare not!

or i shall reveal your true parentage to all of Iwaku!

 

[Jorick]

I don't feel like Jorick makes for a just leader. Effective, perhaps.

I say we throw him out.

Pfft, the fuck do you think this is, a democracy? I am the Lord of House Douchebringer, and no mere peasant can change that. Gather up your pitiful belongings and schlep it to some other lord's domain if you have a problem with my style of rule.

Hmm, something about this seems.....
Illegal.

Careful! you may get bashed! On the head! Of your stationary Dick Empire!

I am the lord of the land, so I make the laws here, and I say nothing I do is illegal. Fuck yeah feudal governance.

you dare not!

or i shall reveal your true parentage to all of Iwaku!

You barter for the lives of your daughters with what would amount to a petty inconvenience for me at worst?

Interesting tactic. Do you want their arms back first, or their legs? Or maybe a chunk of torso? I'll probably keep the heads as decoration.

 

[Razilin]

Pfft, the fuck do you think this is, a democracy? I am the Lord of House Douchebringer, and no mere peasant can change that. Gather up your pitiful belongings and schlep it to some other lord's domain if you have a problem with my style of rule.

I am the lord of the land, so I make the laws here, and I say nothing I do is illegal. Fuck yeah feudal governance.

You barter for the lives of your daughters with what would amount to a petty inconvenience for me at worst?

Interesting tactic. Do you want their arms back first, or their legs? Or maybe a chunk of torso? I'll probably keep the heads as decoration.

minor inconvenience?

truly it must be minor to lose your ennobled status, titles, and powers when your bastardry is revealed!

 

[Holmishire]

when your bastardry is revealed

you just used your bargaining chip

now what

 

[Razilin]

i didnt say WHOS bastard he was

 

[Jorick]

minor inconvenience?

truly it must be minor to lose your ennobled status, titles, and powers when your bastardry is revealed!

See, the problem with this is that I'm not stupid. I killed off the legitimate line of the house when I rose to power, so there's nobody left to actually contest the fact that I am a member of House Douchebringer. I rule by right of conquest as much as any other claim, and I dutifully pay my taxes to the king, so he won't give half a shit because that motherfucker took the throne via conquest so why would he care about the fact that someone else did the same on a lesser scales many years ago?

You've really got nothing on me, and your kin will pay for your insolence. I'm going to start by cutting off their feet so they can't run away.

 

[Ser K+]

I'm going to start by cutting off their feet so they can't run away.

Oh my, that's some harsh tribal stuff you have going on my friend.

 

[Gowi]

I am nothing but a mere dutiful baron to my lord, the fact you lot are conspiring frightens me and it frightens my goats! Think of the goats!

 

[Cpt Toellner]

@Razilin
YOU STARTED THIS THREAD!
YOU POSTED IN IT!
YOU RECEIVED LIKES FROM IT!

WHO GAVE YOU THE ORDER?!?!

 

[Razilin]

the king, His Grace, the king of the iwakuals and the first geeks, lord of the billion-plus threads, and protector of the realm