Iwaku Humor

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Flaremon, Apr 14, 2010.

  1. Vaughn grumbled and mumbled a little as he thought and rearranged the pieces on the board, nodding a little. "Right. Valeria I want you to go to position one and focus on overwatch for the rest of the Raven Retrieval Squad." The lieutenant said as he looked around. "You're going with Sarvis, Kara and Inigo." he said, nodding to the Corpsman. "Follow Sarvis' lead."

    "Lucetia, Reia and Lily, you're coming with me. We're going to go after Boar Squad. I want near total radio silence between the squads, once you complete your mission - or find it unachievable - we will return here." he stood up, checked his gun and then nodded to the rest of his team. "Good luck." he said before turning to leave towards Boar's position.

    "Right.. let's go." Sarvis said to the team he had been put in command of while going the opposite way of Vaughn. While he went out the front door, Vaughn led the way through the back door and the kitchens.
     
  2. A man and a child are walking through a woods in the dark of night.

    The child says "I'm scared. These woods are really spooky!"

    The man says "YOU'RE scared? I have to come back through here on my own!"
     
  3. Melissa nods.
     
  4. Melissa close her eyes slowly.
     
  5. i dun geddit
     
  6. Heard this one from someone else.

    HOW TO GET PERMISSION TO PLAY GOLF

    Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place:

    First Guy:
    'You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend.. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.'

    Second Guy:
    'That's nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.'

    Third Guy:
    'Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.'

    They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has Not said a word. So they ask him, 'You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?'

    Fourth guy:
    'I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it went off, I gave the wife a slap on the butt and said: 'Golf course or intercourse?' She said: 'Wear sun-block
     
  7. A bear walks into a bar and says "Can I have a beer and........................
    ................
    ...............
    ................
    ...............
    .... some pretzels."

    The barman says "Certainly Sir. But why the big pause?






    (Doesn't work on paper)
     
  8. duh duh tch. But I get it Asmo, (forced) lol.
     
  9. Anyways...I am going to move some stuff around today including my computer. So probably wont get any rping done. But I will spend as much time as you want tomorrow rping to make up for today/yesterday/etc. So basically if you have the time, I will make sure I am online to rp with you tomorrow. I am thinking Tuesday also.
     
  10. “Somethings I can be afford to be shallow.”
     
  11. Yeah the layout could be better o.o;
     
  12. Some local jokes to share with you all:

    Man: "Hey, mam, there are more seats at the upper deck of this bus. Why don't you head upstairs?"

    Old lady: "No, no! There's no one driving upstairs, yet the upper deck is able to move on its own!"

    ~~~~

    Guy 1: "Hey, I heard that Cindy recently married this guy. Damn, he's one ugly fag."

    Guy 2: "Huh. Talk about a stalk of rose in bull shit. Should had tried my luck myself. I would had won her heart immediately!"

    Guy 1: "Now that I think about it, you should had probably went for her, huh?"

    Guy 2: "Yeah! I'm no cow dung!"

    Guy 1: "Yeah. It's now a rose in dog shit."

    ~~~~

    Kid: "Mum, I want to swim there!"

    Mum: "No, no! There are sharks there!"

    Kid: "But Dad's swimming there, too!"

    Mum: "That's different! He's bought insurance."

    ~~~~

    Surgeon: "Okay, the operation is over."

    Patient: "Doctor, doctor, your knife is still inside my stomach."

    Surgeon: "Huh? Oh, never mind. I've got extra."

    ~~~~

    Woman: "Johnny, if you help me wash my car this week, I'll give you five bucks. And if you help me wash my car again the following week, I'll give you ten. Okay?"

    Kid: "Okay. I'll help you wash your car the next week then."
     
  13. This one is for Asmo:

    An Englishman is driving in the Irish countryside and notices a sheep with it's head in a fence and an Irishman thrusting into it from behind.

    The man parks nearby and walks up to the Irishman, "Can I give it a try?" he asks.

    The Irishman removes himself from the sheep and stands to the side. The Englishman removes the sheep from the fence and sticks his head in the fence.
     
  14. FOR THE SAKE OF LAME:

    What does China have in common with Japan?

    A large POPULASIAN.