You don't have to reply to this if you don't want. You don't even have to read it. I actually don't expect many of you to read it. I just need someplace to put this so it stops bouncing around in my head, torturing me. If you want to read it, though, here it is. I have an inferiority complex. There, it's on the table, out of the way. But not really, it's always in mine. It's caused a lot of issues for me lately. I feel down a lot more than I should. It's done everything from amplify my old issues to create new ones for me. My anger flares up here and there. My psychotic tendencies keep arising in my day-to-day life, mostly in the form of murderous thoughts and conversations about cannibalism. I've become at least 8 times more of an asshole than I was the beginning of last year. I'm constantly fighting with my self over whether I'm actually attractive, or if she just says that because she loves me. She being my girlfriend. I wonder if she really loves me, even though I can tell she does, and then I wonder why the hell she loves me. I'm just some ass-hatted loser from some hell hole in the middle of one of the largest, worst counties of the state. I have no talents, no life, and no hope. I'm not even sure why I keep going anymore, other than for her. The future is bleak to me. Yeah, it will probably get better. I'm just down at the moment. Another thing about the IC, I'm either really happy and not thinking, or I think a little, and it becomes a lot, and I quickly find myself wondering, "What the hell am I doing here, with these people? I don't belong here. I'm not a part of the group. I don't belong here. I don't belong anywhere." And it sucks, because I know the people around me are my friends, but I still feel like the outcast boy in middle school people only hang out with so they don't have to see him cry about being alone and hated by the world. But that's not true. And no matter how much my Light shows me otherwise, that I'm flawed, yeah, but I'm actually pretty damn great, The Dark counters with "At what?" And I fall silent. I can't respond. Nothing comes to mind. I offer something, but then I push it aside, questioning that. This is why I don't care about consequences much, anymore. I'm not going to amount to anything, anyway, so why should I have to do the same things kids who will do something with their lives do? I feel... less. Less than I should be. Less than expected. I've become the kid that everyone, all their life, has called super-smart, and thought so highly of, but suddenly finds that he's hit the level where he sucks at everything he tries to do, and wonders, "Maybe I'm not as smart as I've always been told? Maybe I'm a disappointment? Maybe I'm not going to be anything great? Maybe the bullies in elementary and middle school were actually right?" I don't know what to do anymore. I've lost sight of what I want for my future. It's getting harder to remember things. It's getting harder to make decisions. It's getting harder to view myself in a positive light. I'm sorry if I seem like I'm just being that whiny little teen who needs to suck it up and move on, kid. But the problem is I've tried that. I've tried that so many times it's broken me. What really sucks is I'm introspective. I know what's wrong with me. And I know I won't do anything about it because I hate burdening people with my problems. I actually feel bad that I've made this available for you to read. As I write this sentence, I consider deleting this altogether. But I won't. And it's here. And I'm sorry. I'm trying to word this as honestly as I can without thinking too much about what I perceive to be the psychological effects of my words. Hell, even the title. While writing this I considered changing it to "I'm sorry if you're reading this" but realized it would probably make people want to read it out of curiosity. But then, that's why you're looking at these threads, isn't it? Curiosity about others problems and hope that you can help? Like I said. Perceived concepts of human psychology. A subject I haven't actually learned jack shit about. Well, there you have it. The sum of what's on my mind right now. And all too often. I'm sorry I burdened you all with my problems, I know you have your own to deal with. I just needed to get this out.