It's Just Me Letting Go

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Laggy Lagiacrus, May 27, 2012.

  1. So, I've done it.
    I've finally let go of whatever makes me care about humanity.
    I've finally decided not to give a two-bit damn about life any more.
    Because you know what? To hell with it. The good outweighs the bad to the point where it just doesn't seem to matter what happens.
    Whenever I try to do something to fix my life, it falls flat on its face.

    Have higher powers deal with bullies? They've got more friends than I care to count, who will hunt me down, and beat my spotty face in.

    My rapidly-falling grades? I'm at my limit. I revise as much as I can, I do what I can in lessons, but my brain just doesn't want to know. I'm in the top sets for all my subjects, but let's see how long that lasts when people find out I'm unable to actually cope with any of the pressure heaped into me. You all expect too much of me, and you all do a crap job of hiding your disappointment in me when I screw up.

    Smile? SMILE? Why the bloody hell would I smile, when I haven't smiled out of anything more than politeness in years? Stop pestering me, I look like bloody wackjob when I even smirk, it's only natural I scowl as much as possible.

    Not to mention my sleeping problems... No, I will not see someone about them. I have my reasons.

    I don't want your advice, and I don't want your sympathy. I'm an angsty teenager, and besides, I can solve these kind of problems on my own, I don't need people looking down on me with their patronising smiles and tones.
    I'm going to live life with no inhibitions or common sense any more - I don't see why it matters. Nobody particularly needs me, and I don't see the difference one regular, hate-filled person with no influence can make if they just disappeared.
    I take history, I know the difference one person can make, but they all had talents or situations that enabled them to do something big. All I have going for me is an inability to really care what happens in the world, or to me.

    Yes, I must sound extremely whiny, inconsiderate, and just a prat in general. But I just felt like shouting, and I couldn't bottle these things up any longer. I would've snapped, had I suppressed this for much longer, and this seemed to be the most immediate solution.
     
  2. -pats his shoulder gently-

    There, there. Sometimes it helps a lot to shout out your feelings. Depression does that to you, trust me I know. You feel like giving up? You feel like you are a waste of space? That no one cares? That you don't have a purpose in living? That you are useless? That the world is against you? Well, let me tell you this. Held your head up tight and firm and flip off the Earth. Yes with that middle finger of yours say "Fuck you!". That helps also. But here is the thing, you have to do what MAKES YOU HAPPY. You have to find a goal that you WANT to reach and when you do, set another one. This keeps you going, this makes a challenge, this is what is going to make you feel good. Hopefully.

    I am saying this to mentor you or to give you advice because you can either take it or ignore it. I am saying this because there ARE people that are like you. And there are people that CARE.

    This is all I have to say.
     
  3. Rather than being 'that girl' who gives advice when you clearly stated you don't want it, I'll tow the line and offer perspective instead:

    I was the most miserable, ugly little nerdy kid at my school. My grades were terrible, I had few friends, I lived in the middle of redneckville, my home life was in tatters, my mom was always in the hospital, I never saw my father, and I had no tits. I used to trudge home every day practically in tears because I thought my life was such shit. Six years after making it through high school by just keeping my head down, I'm the happiest I've ever been, I'm finishing up my creative writing degree, even though I was told I would never make it through high school, I've travelled all over the place and I've met the love of my life and been accepted into a great family.

    Life is pretty damn unexpected and when I look back on it now, there's not much I would still be able to tell myself because being a teen sucks. They're practically adults, but without as much experience or even control over their own lives until they're 18. But if they can just make it through all that suck without forgetting that it doesn't have to ALWAYS suck, things can improve.
     
  4. 1) Stay calm and carry on. You will look back positively if you do. Chin up! If you feel like you can discuss this with your parents you should try. I bled out most of my teenage angst to my mum and dad, and it greatly helped me get through those years.

    2) Have you tried jogging/swimming? Exercise? A healthy body promotes a healthy mind. Starting is always the hardest. Once you have a habit it's OK. Do a jog around the neighborhood, focus on your improvement and don't compare to anyone else.

    3) You are not dumb. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome
     
  5. I guess enduring it all is the most sensible thing to do. I suppose I can find someone to talk to these things about. She sits next to me in maths, and if our conversations show anything, it's that we can confide in each other our problems, without fear of judgement. It's almost symbiotic.

    I think I my have worded it wrongly I'm not depressed - not that much, anyway. I'm just annoyed at the world, and for lack of a better analogy, this is basically me:
    [video=youtube;W3abMUH_P1E]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3abMUH_P1E[/video]
     
  6. Usually (though not always) seeking adult advice will do you good. Talking to peers of your own level may or may not help. Be honest and blunt about how you feel, which is why I recommend talking to your parents if possible.

    I restate the importance of exercise!
     
  7. Exercise? I do kick-boxing every Saturday. It's distracting, at least.