I open a new thread in counseling in folly to try and feel better about how things are going. I'm miserable. Well, miserable may be putting it poorly. Very poorly. I'm content. But I don't want to be. Wouldn't you rather be happy over content? Yeah, me too. Hardest part is where to begin. Because once it's done, it won't be short. It's uplifting enough knowing someone will read the whole thing. Whether they go "let me offer help or advice" or "fucking Windsong you sexist, racist, and poor bigot". Fuck you, second one, but thanks for reading. I'll start with work. Since that's where most of my Iwaku time is what with the hours of downtime. I was up for a promotion. Not much of one. But it was the one I'd been trained for, read up on being a leader, and practically doing the job for a few months while waiting for the spot to open. Well it did, and my grandfather might have died. The night before my interview with my principal I spent most of it at the hospital with family, avoiding letting myself cry no matter what. Needless to say I was exhausted for that early interview. It went poorly even from my POV, both of my bosses were there and knew it, but neither did much more than smile and say keep going as if my fatigue would go away. They gave it to the other guy. Seven months before his retirement. The last act of the principal before he got a six figure promotion himself into HR. New lead even said the interview was little more than shooting the shit for half an hour about working on the principals cabinets that weekend. There's more. So much more with regards to work. My wife has no friends. Here in Florida with me for nearly a decade and not a single friend made. She gets along with no one at work, feels like every thing they do is against her, and is generally always moody. Worse so since our sex life tanked because, well, my libido isn't to blame.. And now she wants to move. First it was Colorado. Legal weed, woo. Figured I'd try. Then it was Phoenix with her dad. She complains of Florida heat and not liking her family but wants to live with them? Each time I grew more unsure. I don't want to leave my entire family who lives in this little sorta ho-dunk town in Florida. She's in the mindset she could get a better job and make actual friends by moving to a big city, despite two major cities north and south of us within easy commuting distance. My friends. Scratch the s. It's just one who I do anything with. He's an autistic, anti-social, and generally unpleasant person simply because he gives 0 fucks about social conventions and how others feel. Yet he's literally the only friend I see often or do anything with. I also got him his first job as a custodian with me when he was 23. On the best of days I tolerate him because I make him laugh and we get along. On the worst it feels like I'd be better off cutting out a tumor and moving on. Most of my friends, if not all, sort of drifted off. I didn't keep up. My wife was jealous I got to go out and do stuff. Even if it was just YouTube and couch coop for four hours once a month or so. Even that's gone now.. Being in a good mood for the day really makes it difficult to write about the bad stuff. But when the bad moods are in I refuse to give in and rant/plead for help. It feels like giving in to it. There's so much else to everything I just said its mind boggling. From my new lead being a complete prick and trying to keep me from moving up once he leaves in October to me literally throwing people similar to my wife at her trying to get some connection formed. I dunno anymore. Nothing makes me happy (with exceptions).It's a bowl a night after work to unwind and one or two on saturday and Sunday to really feel like I can enjoy something. Let's not even start on my fathers infedelity and drug abuse that destroyed my ability to write and roleplay. Alright. I'm done for right now.