It's a Joke, But it's Not Funny

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by Laggy Lagiacrus, Nov 1, 2013.

  1. I began laughing today.
    A sad little laugh, at a little revelation I had.
    My life - it's like a bad joke.

    I mean, I have everything I could possibly want, and more. But all that - all of it - means nothing.
    One day, I'm going to have to start relying on myself. But when that day comes, I'm not going to do very well. Why, you ask? Well, I'm glad you raised that question!

    For starters, my incompetence shines through, and is one of the may things that makes me the sad little wreck you're reading about now. Oh, I got decent grades, but that was in high school. I'm in the big leagues now, playing with the big boy toys. And, you know what? I can't handle it. While I may have gotten along fine when everything was just "Answer this question with this answer." I was good at that - good at repeating whatever the textbook and the teacher told me. But now? Now that I have to think for myself? Now that I have to be my own person? I can't do that.

    So then I started having counselling sessions. And it went great - I managed to build up my confidence a little. I began sorting out my thoughts, and I managed to start getting myself back on track again.
    But then I realised just how badly I screwed myself over.

    See, there are two main types of maths courses at my college. Maths, and Use of Maths (UoM, from here on out). I was told Maths was for people whose predicted grades were above a B, so I decided to just take UoM. Who was I to doubt what I was told at open evening, by someone in the maths department?

    Well, as it turns out, I was actually quite eligible for the course. It turns out that I could have taken it, were it not for my complete lack of confidence. To add insult to injury, me passing UoM means jack shit when compared to someone who took Maths. That's right - I squandered what little talent I had on a course that is basically a waste of a year of my life. And it's too late for me to change.

    So I got set back to square one. And then it hit me - none of this really matters.
    If I died - right now - it wouldn't matter. People would grieve, yes, but would that really matter, in the long run? It wouldn't. Because I'm nobody special. I'm just a sad, pathetic little human being, who made poor life choices, and can't even stand on his own two feet. I can't cook, I barely clean, my knowledge is worthless, my learning potential is non-existent, my personality is terrible, and the few skills I do have won't achieve me anything. Nobody would care about my death, twenty years from now. I'd just be another name on another grave, in a world that keeps on spinning.

    And that's what I find funny about my life. I've done everything I could, and I had everything handed to me as I went along. And what happens? Something out of a bad sitcom. As I said, it's all a bad joke. I don't have a right to post all of this, while so many people have it so much worse than I do. But here it is. The closest thing I'll ever get to doing stand-up comedy.

    I'm going to take some time off. No idea how much. I just need to rethink my life.
    Post here if you like. Or don't. It's up to you.
  2. I've been there, buddy. I don't know if you'll care, but here's some stuff that helped me see a point

    I live selfishly. I realize that it's nearly impossible to make a difference on the world or even my city, and have decided I don't care about that anyway. What I'm living for instead is to make me and the people I care about happy, and to maybe leave a better life for my kids and grand kids someday

    It's really frustrating to feel like you're wasting time, believe me, I know, I've been suicidal-level pointless-feeling. But I think it's important to figure out what's actually really important to YOU. What makes you happy? It doesn't have to be impressive or profound, my dad likes driving, he got a job as a trucker and never looked back. Try the 'method to be more positive' to get you out of the downs, and fuck changing the world, fuck being remembered, we only get one life, why spend it worrying about what comes after?

  3. I feel exactly like you. I wish I could offer proper advice, but I still don't know how to fix this for myself, so it is impossible for me to offer actual advice for a stranger. And I can't add much to what [MENTION=1185]Minibit[/MENTION] has already said. I've just come to this conclusion: if my life is a good life, and I still feel terrible while so many people have it way worse than me, then it must be a damaged brain. Seriously, when thinking with a cold head, I'm a capable human being (not the best person ever, but I have some talent and am able to do certain things) and my life is a really good one. But if I feel like I'm a worthless person and become seriously depressed because of nothing, then my brain isn't doing its job. I tried a couple of psychologists but they did more damage than good. I hope you can help yourself, or you can find help in another person be it a friend or a professional. Wish you luck. *hug*
  4. I have also been there, and the conclusion I came to was this:
    I think it's all a matter of perspective. There are things that will trouble me that other people would think are really stupid, but then there are things that I can handle that would trouble somebody else. The point is if something troubles you it's troubling YOU, you have every right to say so, and you need to do what you need to do to make it better, be it time off, finding a new friend/job/career path/location, whatever it is. Besides beating yourself up because you think somebody else has it worse isn't going to help at all. (especially because they may think their life is fine)

    The point I'm trying to make is that it's perfectly OK to stop and take time to figure yourself out. Likes dislikes, what you like to do and what you hope never to do again. If you have a dream you want to reach or if you want to scrap everything and start over (also a perfectly viable choice). If you need time take it, and don't beat yourself up because how can you do anything / reach goals etc if you haven't decided what those are yet? and why should you try to reach for a goal that wasn't yours to begin with?

    It will take time, but figure out what you like and find a way to incorporate it into your life. Maybe it will have to be just a hobby while you do something else to pay the bills, but at least you'll have it. I hope you find it, what ever it is, and while you're searching, try to remember that no matter what it feels like right now (I know it's hard) you never know what your smallest actions might mean to someone else. The random smile to the clerk at the store could make the difference between their having a bad or good day, it'll probably mean nothing to you, but it could mean the world to them. You just never know so don't count yourself out. And if you can, find someone to talk to who can build you up (that's what helped me the most).

    I don't know if any of that helps you at all, but there it is. I wish you the best of luck.
    And remember that no matter what it feels like, you really truly do matter. You might not be able to see how right now, but you do :)
  5. I know I said I'd be offline to take care of personal matters, but I figured I at least owed you people answers.

    I don't worry about what comes after. I'm not worried about anything. In fact, I've grown to accept this part of me. I accept that everything I do is pointless, and nothing I ever do will matter. No, the problem is how it all started. See, I was happy little boy before, as I once said. But, long story short, repeated and crushing failures resulted in me seeing the funny side of things. That, were I being viewed by an audience, this would be seen as comedy. Bad comedy, but comedy nonetheless. So I began laughing with them!
    And then it sunk in. Just how pointless and pitiful everything is. I was dragged there, kicking and screaming, but it sunk in that nothing I do will ever have an consequence that matters. Why bother living for myself? I don't matter. I'm pointless. Meaningless. I am, like all humans, a carbon-based shell controlled by various chemical signals that result from a variety of stimuli. Any difference I do make will be minuscule. I'll just be having people's brains send different chemical signals out before they inevitably die of whatever cause comes about for them.Why bother doing anything, when nothing has any meaningful consequence?

    Your concern is appreciated. However, I don't think it's a damaged brain. If I were damaged, in any way, it probably would have surfaced by now. If I were to have something wrong with me, though, it doesn't seem to have made much of an impact on my life. It just changed how I see things for the better.

    Oh, but I have no goals of my own. I'm simply a slave to a system that rewards greed and avarice with money and survival, just like the rest of us. If I go to college, get a job, go to uni, get a better job, then I'll survive. Because, when you think about it, what else is there to do? A human is an animal. And an animal's purpose is to pass on its genes and then die, or to just die without passing on its genes. My goals may not have been mine to begin with, but they're my most sensible option, even if it means destroying myself in the process. Frankly, I welcome it destroying me, and everything I stand for. The world has enough Straw Nihilists as it is. What's one more mindless, soulless worker, just hoping to go home, so people can leave him alone?
    Despite what you say, I don't matter. I am, like everyone else, nothing. I'm nobody. A mere structure of flesh and bone, destined to walk the Earth until its systems give out, at which point the shell will decompose. Anything that happens while it walks the Earth is of no consequence, as it doesn't change the fact that it ceasing will render every thought it had moot, and any possibility of thinking null and void.
  6. If you haven't, I highly recommend you watch and/or read Cloud Atlas. Consider this: "Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present..."
    Yes, your current life is by and large pointless and meaningless on a large scale. What you do for yourself will likely never affect anyone else in a meaningful way. Our lives are defined almost entirely by what we do for others, for the world at large. I can't name a single famous hedonist, but I can name plenty of famous philanthropists. If the pursuit of personal success isn't doing anything for you, well, maybe you're not meant to be just another one of several billion people working for their own good.
    It doesn't have to be charity. It can be one or two people who you genuinely like. Improve the lives of others and make them happy- fuck the system. Fuck the selfishness, fuck the avarice, fuck the focus on big old number one. Your life may or may not be inconsequential, but your effect on other people (or even animals) never will be. Find something that makes other people happy and gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment to be associated with. Clean Granny's house for her, volunteer at an animal shelter, raise money for the SA around Christmas or volunteer with the food pantry around Thanksgiving. There's always a way to make your life mean more.
  7. [MENTION=4947]Lady Sabine[/MENTION]
    But I don't feel anything like that. It's not just my life that I view as meaningless. It's all life. Were I to help anyone, it would feel utterly pointless, and a complete waste of time. I would therefore lose all motivation to continue doing anything of the sort. I do not believe in helping others, because I see no reason to do it. Living for myself, while self-destructive, is ironically rewarded in this day and age. But even that would do little to stave off the Grim Reaper. And that's how I see things.
    Nothing I could ever do would add any meaning to my life, because it would all end up wasted on someone or something suffering from the inevitability of death. It doesn't matter how many lives I impact, or indeed, whose lives I impact. All that matters is that they'll end up dead and forgotten, just like the rest of us.
  8. You can't see the future any more than I can. Who's to say what difference you make now will just suddenly end when the person you help dies? Maybe tomorrow you donate food to the pantry. The kid who gets that food will not skip school because he needs to work to get food. Because he stays in school, he will make better grades and go to college. Because he went to college, he can pursue his lifelong dream of working with NASA. Because he's working with NASA, humanity's deep space exploration makes sudden leaps and bounds, and we encounter an alien species, profoundly changing the way two different worlds view their universe.
    Again, our lives our not our own. Like it or not, we are all connected in every way we understand and most likely many that we don't. What you feel now and what you don't, what you do now and what you don't, might have effects on the future you could never foresee. We only assume that death is inevitable because no one has beaten it yet; don't assume that how you feel now is the way it has to be just because nothing has changed yet. After all, a hundred years ago everyone would have laughed at the idea of man walking on the moon.

    Also, you clearly have a sense of humor, so I sincerely doubt you are incapable of feeling that helping others is positive and beneficial. Perhaps medication or counseling? We are biologically programmed to enjoy being helpful and watching others like us succeed. It's unlikely that you don't have this without something being broken- and figuring out what's wrong is the first step to making it right.
  9. But what would that matter? The universe is larger than anyone could possibly imagine. Even if we did manage to make leaps and bounds into deep space exploration, we'd still be but a blip in time. Meaningless. Utterly meaningless. No matter how many years pass, no matter who or what we know, nothing will ever matter. We'll still all be insignificant. Every living being in the universe will be insignificant. Even as a whole, we would only be minutely more meaningful. I believe that nothing can ever be truly meaningful. For example, compare humans to, say, insects. An ant sees the surrounding area as massive. If it did not die so quickly and easily, it would explore many new areas. But that ant, to us, is still insignificant. We think nothing of them. And that's what we are to the universe. Insects. Utterly pointless. Minuscule and inconsequential.
    I did not specify how we die. Everything is destined to - it's just a matter of how, and when. Humans are naturally self-destructive, whether that means they destroy themselves, or they destroy other humans. And, in the event that we do achieve immortality, would that change how little we mean, in the grand scheme of things? We'd still be insignificant. We'd just be insignificant for longer.

    Why can't I have a sense of humour, and feel that helping others is not beneficial? I doubt it's as rare as you seem to think. I highly doubt that joy is any reason to help others. We merely do so as a necessity. Pack animals hunt together to increase chances of success. Insects swarm because they are far more powerful that way. Humans come together because they need to - not necessarily because they want to.
    I don't believe anything with me is broken, or that anything is wrong with me. I merely believe that I'm different from people who don't think like I do. I don't feel like there's anything wrong with me. Nothing feels missing, or broken. In fact, I feel enlightened.
  10. So, if you died it wouldn't matter? What is life supposed to mean? I mean really; we live to eat, eat to live, sleep to keep going in our busy lives and many other things to keep us up on our feet but for what? What does life hold for us? What for? and why?

    Those are things that you have to figure out for yourself kiddo. None of us know what lies ahead of us, and all of us have made some serious miscalculations in our lives. Life isn't always meant to be this comfortable loving thing we can all look to. Sometimes it is down right unpleasant, bland and if I dare say it cruel even. We struggle through life so that we may in fact live it. If we lived in a world where there was only pleasant and good things it'd turn sour and life would become boring. Humans seem to need to thrive on hardship, that way we know that we can get through almost anything.

    There's no reason to things that occur to us if you look at life at the angle as you do. Instead of deciding to live for the hell of it, give yourself that reason. Family, friends, morals and philosophy, love and hate, and a various amount of choices to make to live what you deem as a pointless waste of a life. What do I see here? I see yet another human being asking the same question that every human has ever asked; 'Is it to be, or not to be? And why? Why are we here?'

    it all comes down to you. what do you have in your life that is a benefit, and one paradoxical to that? just list what you have, don't have, want to have and don't. Good grades aren't everything, in fact the very thing that is causing you to drop your grades might just have an answer in itself.
    • Love Love x 1
  11. Life is a rather straight-forward process, and it is the same for everyone the world over, rich or poor, for their entire lives; eat, sleep, work, buy, consume, die. The process itself isn't what's grand about this process though, it's the by-products of all these things that makes it interesting. Personally, and many people call me a masochist because of this, I like the bad as well as I like the good, because the bad means that I'm still living. Besides, it's not our successes that define us, it's our failures. We learn from our mistakes more than we learn from our successes, and that's how we become better people. To say that your life is only meaningful if you leave a mark on the world is a rather shallow way to think about it, in my mind. The saying 'Money can't buy happiness' is typically looked at with a critical eye, but I assure you the novelty that comes along with having tons of money wears off about as quickly as eating pizza every day, all day. The insanely rich aren't insanely more happy than the lower-middle class, it's nice to think about how different and luxurious your life could be if you had money, but it's the contrast that's most appealing.

    The same goes for people who call themselves 'successful', their measurement of success is superficial, seeing as what they have done will probably be unimportant to the wide majority, and once they are gone, no-one's going to remember their name. You haven't thought about Steve Jobs for a while, have you? His death was rather recent, but the hoopla is wearing out, and in another 4 years, he will be a mist of the past.

    I suppose what I am trying to say is that success in life, and whether it's worth living, can't be measured by something as superficial as money or having your name carved into the side of a mountain or printed on a magazine cover. Success is subjective, but in my mind, success doesn't matter. I could die at 30 with no kids, no wife, living in a single bedroom apartment with nothing more than a kitchen, my PC, TV and perhaps a PS4... (maybe PS5 would come out by then.) and so-long as I had LIVED my life, making sure I enjoyed everything I could enjoy, I would be content.

    Success isn't measured when you're 19, sorry to say; it's measured when you're on your deathbed, when you count your regrets.

    It's those with die with a smile on their face, with no regrets, that are the most successful, in my mind.

    Sorry for waxing prophetic, buddy, if you want to count me as a buddy that is.. And if you want someone to talk to, feel free to add me on Skype:
  12. Show Spoiler

    Sorry, my last post assumed you to be thinking in the smaller realm of human understanding, but I suppose if we're now talking about humanity as a whole, it takes an understanding of what our 'minuscule' life means.

    I won't go on as long as last time, but I would rather like to prove to you how subjective your perspective on humanity meaning 'nothing' really is.

    You are one person, out of seven billion people;
    on one planet, out of eight planets;
    in one star-system, out of one-hundred billion star systems;
    in one galaxy, out of one-hundred billion galaxies.

    Yet you're the only person with your fingerprint,
    your genetic make-up is yours alone,
    and you are the only you out of seven billion humans,
    on one planet, out of eight planets;
    in one star-system, out of one-hundred billion star systems;
    in one galaxy, out of one-hundred billion galaxies.

    Human existence itself is a ((1/8)^billion)^billion) chance.....
    Yet it happened.
    Does that make us insignificant?
    I think that makes us a real scientific miracle.

    My offer of Skype still stands, just thought I would put this up, to mull over.
  13. [MENTION=5309]LogicfromLogic[/MENTION]
    No offence, but if I had a penny for every time I'd heard that argument, I wouldn't need to worry about success.
    Thing is, even if we define our purpose in life, what does that actually do? For most, I suppose it softens the blow. Gives them something to cling to while they desperately try to find meaning in a world that just loves handing them lemons. But what if I don't want to live life lying to myself? What if I don't want to live life chasing a dream I know will not mean anything? Giving myself purpose has no purpose, in effect. It's nothing more than a coping mechanism, and a poor one at that.
    And, one other thing. I'm not failing because I'm taking this view. I'm taking this view because I'm failing. My success means everything to me - I've nto got a lot else going for me, after all.

    Please, I've heard those points so many times it's not even funny any more.
    I can assure you that money makes me VERY happy, as well as the things that it buys. For all the pointlessness I see in the world, I know it's a little strange that I'm so attached to material objects, but I prefer them to actually having to interact with humans. Lousy humans, the Earth would be a lot better if we didn't have them.
    I know success isn't measured when you're young. But that's not the point I'm making. I'm just wondering what the point of it all is? What does any success really do, apart from fulfil our primal desire to survive? When I die, I'll go happy, knowing I don't have to suffer this crushing sense of pointlessness any more. My only regret is trying to find meaning in my life - I wasted more time on that than I care to admit, and the results were... less than satisfactory, shall we say.

    Again, no offence, but that's possibly the most generic copy/paste response I've seen yet. There are no miracles, only coincidences. There was a chain of events that lead to humanity coming into being. There is no miracle, there is no wondrous reason. There was a chain of events, and it happened. Oh, it was a slim chance of this happening, but think about it - there had to be an outcome, and ours was this. What's so special about it?
    Besides, being unique doesn't really mean anything. In fact, me being me seems to be the problem here. Frankly, I don't particularly see what your point is here. We're not a miracle. We're just conscious carbon shells, trying to big ourselves up to escape the realisation that we mean nothing. Because, if you look at us all, what's a fingerprint going to mean? So what if you can play guitar? It doesn't matter. You're just as pathetic as the rest of us.

    I guess I should say something here. I'm no longer miserable. No, I haven't escaped this feeling of pointlessness and hatred for the human race that tears me apart from the inside. I've found a coping mechanism instead.
    I look at life as a joke, and death is the punchline. It's actually quite funny, to me. We try to find meaning, and we try to escape the inevitable. We try so hard to contribute to the world, but in the end, all that's left of us is a rotting corpse, or a pile of ash.
    We do so much to big ourselves up, against a pitiless universe. And then we die, and most of us don't even have anything to show for it. Humanity, as a whole - we're all a monstrous, demented gag.
    So why can't I laugh?
  14. If it doesn't matter to you which dreams matter or what your life should be defined as, what do you see as an honest life? Maybe since you've heard these so much that you've actually found your answer, however you are blind to it currently. And doesn't your success then give you another reason for life? I agree that life is a giant joke played on us by some crazy chain of shitty events, and death is in fact a hilarious punchline (noting your signature), but if life means so little to you, why does this whole subject annoy you so then?

    And how do you know a dream is not worth chasing? Who's going to tell that little boy don the street that his dream of becoming a firefighter is wrong and that he should chase a more realistic dream of janitorial work in the far future? Because dreams are what every human requires to live. Just because your dream seems to lead to what doesn't look probable certainly doesn't point to an irrational goal. That all depends on whether or not you choose to give up on said dream, or dismiss it as one. Goals vs dreams set apart the boys from the men.

    If finding a reason to live is a piss poor reason to live, than I'd rather be flunking than passing it. Yeah, I have no idea why the hell we humans are here, or if we are even needed. But I am content with being here just because I do have a reason, and i chose to keep goals in life. I can't say much for you because we are different people; you and I are two very different beings and that is obvious. I just find the reasons for life as suitable for my continuous on goings, and I am happy with my life as is. Perhaps you still have that much more time to figure out what life will truly means.
  15. Oh, but what is an honest life? Our lives are steeped in filth, and topped off with corruption. Honesty isn't what it used to be, from what I've seen. To me, there are no honest lives - just ones where someone's more deluded than another. Call me a cynic if you like - you wouldn't be the first. My point is that we HAVE no honest lives. All that matters is our deaths - that single moment in our lives where we can finally embrace the pointlessness of it all, but don't have to suffer for it. So, while we can't have honest lives, who's to say an honest death is out of the question?
    Success wouldn't give me a reason to live. It'd give me a means to live. I'd take it, yes - but only because dying is rather unpleasant, save for the 'never having to endure anything on this sorry excuse for a planet again' part. It's not a reason, it's a necessity.
    As for why this subject annoys me, it's because so few other people share my views. I mean, if the theory's been around this long, and so few people believe in it, doesn't that say something? I'm not trying to convert anyone. But if I'm in the minority, does that mean there's something wrong with me? It certainly doesn't feel like it, but all evidence to the contrary.

    Pulling the realistic goals point out, I see? Well, perhaps you'd like to know that I DID have realistic goals. Unfortunately, those didn't seem to be realistic at all. I don't know how I keep failing to do the simplest of things, but by the time I'd lowered them enough to be achievable, I may as well have just given up. That aside, humans don't need dreams to survive. Humans need dreams to stop themselves from realising just how pitiful they really are. Dreams trick people into thinking they're worth something, or can be. I abandoned my dreams - and I've never felt as free as I do now.

    But, when it all comes down to it, if you're content with how you're living, cherish that feeling. As liberated as I feel now, it doesn't feel at all pleasant. As appealing as it seems, though, I can't return to the prison that deluding myself with dreams of success and happiness provides. I just can't. I don't have the ability to find any meaning in life - all I've concluded is that it HAS no meaning.
    Still, if anything, I can still laugh. I can still laugh at it all - how we all try so hard, only for our attempts to fail, and for everything to collapse around us. There's always the laughing.
  16. Well I can see there's no way out to talk you out of the 'life is meaningless' train.

    Enjoy the puns of life and the rats that come along with it.
  17. I'm not here to give you meaning or debate whether or not there is meaning. However, here is something that may be of interest for you: . And you seem to have a lot of thoughts on a lot of abstract concepts. Perhaps you would enjoy philosophy classes as electives. Not to find meaning or anything. Just in the meantime until you decide what to do - or don't decide because, well, does it matter? :P
  18. I've never been one for philosophy classes. I always thought philosophising was just something you did, not something you were taught.
    That aside, the article's interesting, I'll give it that.
  19. Sure. It is definitely something you do. However, the class exposes you to people throughout history who have already spent a lifetime philosophizing. It can be fun and insightful to follow their arguments, critique them, and respond with your own thoughts with people right there ready to do the same to your arguments, judging you only on your logic, not on the uncomfortable conclusions. That stuff happens mostly in the higher philosophy classes, but the intro classes are still wonderful just for the exposure to other people's thoughts on big questions.