[ TW for guilt, self-loathing & trauma ]
"Your mother was right, you know,"
All the sudden, the quaint guest quarters melted away and without warning, Kakashi was perched on a fallen log in front of a roaring campfire. The area surrounding the log was unfocused. Faceless bystanders walked to and fro like insignificant specters. A cacophony of sounds washed over him, but it felt like he were under water. Madara sat in front of him with striking clarity. The calloused palm cradling the back of his head felt exceptionally warm and
safe. Obsidian eyes regarded him with unyielding resolve. For a moment, it felt as if the Clan Head were peering inside his soul.
"We will fight together, then,"
His breath hitched. Out of nowhere, the banquet morphed into a stark white platform surrounded by a fathomless black sky. Before the weight of the truth crushed Madara, Kakashi swallowed his turmoil and pieced himself back together. Instead of crumbling under the fear of rejection, the war veteran reached out.
"—you're not alone."
Kakashi blinked and his surroundings shattered. What felt like minutes were only seconds. Once he returned to the small guest room, the half-Hatake latched onto the last remnants of the Clan Head's conversation.
It would be healthier if you were angry at me. The mere
suggestion made his wolf absolutely
rebel. "No," he rasped. Once upon a time, Kakashi directed his anger, bitterness, and resentment at Madara. He let the seeds of doubt — the insidious voice in the back of his head — take root inside his heart and manipulate him. However, the war veteran looked past the black flames of Amaterasu and
saw the worthy man underneath. "I will
never use you like
that." A common scapegoat meant to harbor all the wrongdoings of a manipulative parasite. His stomach roiled at the thought.
"It was not your duty to safe my brother. It is not your duty to carry the sins of my future self."
His mouth tasted like ash. The bitter smile creeping on the Clan Head's face intensified the foul taste. His expression tightened.
"My duty is to assist you in every way I can."
Something inside him snapped. He slammed his hands on the table, jostling the tray violently. "It's more than that!" Kakashi roared. Even if he raised his voice, the righteous anger wasn't directed
at Madara. "Your
duty is more than that," he elaborated. His expression constricted. "More than a common meat shield." As if the Clan Head's life was
expandable; a sacrifice for the greater good. "More than an obligation." Kakashi was no stranger to life debts. Even if he transcended time and space, the half-Hatake felt its crushing weight. He was grateful for Madara's assistance, and his
presence, but the Clan Head was
more than a plot device meant to usher a better future. "
You're more than that." If only Madara knew the truth. "You don't owe me anything." If only the ravenette knew
how much he meant to him. "Your company is enough." If only Madara
knew what Kakashi would do — how much blood he would
spill — to protect him. "Your input is enough." If only he knew how the world would
burn should he be harmed. "
You're enough. I don't need a soldier by my side awaiting my next command." If only Madara knew how unconditionally and irrevocably in lo—
Without his mask, the raw emotions warred on his face. "All I need is you," Kakashi whispered. He blinked back the onslaught of tears.
Kakashi remembered the profound declaration in the Inuzuka community square. He
knew he didn't have to shoulder the burden alone. The war veteran
didn't want to bare its tremendous weight alone, but after shouldering it for
years, he didn't know how to reach out for help. It was disgustingly
easy making a promise and when push came to shove, Kakashi broke it.
Old habits die hard.
[ If you want to read more, refer here! ]