It Came From Outer Space (Mira-Charma13 and Dip)

[Mira-Charma13]

As Dib would surely learn, there were some aspects of Zim's personality that would never ever change. He had an immensely difficult time admitting wrongdoing on his part. There were several reasons why he had such trouble, of course. The damage to his ego. The insinuation that he, an infallible mighty Irken, the Almighty Tallest, could ever do anything wrong. And, perhaps most likely...he didn't want to make mistakes because Defectives made mistakes.

Zim was deathly afraid of being outed as a Defective even though the vast majority of his people already suspected that he was Defective. Though he tried to put on a brave and combative front whenever he spoke of and even encountered Control Brains, he was downright terrified of them. Their low, deep voices that shook the entire room. Their cold and seemingly emotionless demeanor. Their deadly tendrils. Once those tendrils snaked their way into a PAK, there was little that could stop them from sucking all of the data out of it. Without that data, the PAK would die. And the host would soon follow.

Deactivation was supposedly a terribly painful process. Whenever Zim deigned to sleep he often had horrific nightmares about being Deactivated, even though some part of him knew his self-sufficient PAK would go through hell and high water to avoid it. Zim's PAK was special.

Oh, phooey. Tak didn't fail her mission! The mission was to conquer planet Damogran while preserving anything of inherent value, and she did just that! Sure, the road that eventually led to the conquering was rocky at best, but the planet was still conquered! It was theirs! Done and dusted! As usual, Zim was only looking at the end result of the journey and not the bumps along the road there.

The discomfort that saturated the human's expression when the Tallest spoke of deciding the fate of planet Damogran didn't go unnoticed by Rhapsody. She nudged Bohemian as subtly as she could and smiled. Perhaps using the human to influence the Tallest, especially when it came to the typical xenophobic behaviors of Irkens and their tendency to destroy and blow up whatever they conquered, wasn't such a far-fetched idea after all.

Dib seemed mighty passionate about alien creatures and their ways of life...surely the prospect of blowing up an alien planet with unique structures and plant life and such would disturb him enough that he would ask the Tallest not to do it?

Zim blinked when Dib explained exactly what he had done with Tak's old Spittle Runner. He scowled immediately, folding his thin arms across his chest. "Zim is hoping that you destroyed everything that wasn't simple metal." Hints of irritation dripped from his voice. "Ninety-nine percent of your race is stupid, but if the single percentage that wasn't got its grubby little meat paws on it, our Irken technology could be reverse-engineered!"

"Hee-hee." GIR giggled like a blushing schoolgirl. "Meat paws."

"Yes. Meat paws." Zim's antennae raised somewhat and then bounced happily. All of these new and lovely insulting terms...he would be sure to use them wisely and as often as he could without sounding repetitive.

"How about meat feets?"

"Ooh, that's nice."

"Meat face?"

"That's kinda funny to picture!"

"Meat...meat..."

"Meat butt?"

"We don't talk about butts, GIR. Remember?"

"Ohhhhh."

The two of them began to laugh maniacally together. Several of the Damogran people in the adjacent rooms, who up until now seemed wholly terrified being nearly face-to-face with the infamous Almighty Tallest of the Irken people, now stared profusely at this strange, wild, and cheerful creature. This...couldn't possibly be the leader of the Irken Empire. Right? Sitting here laughing and talking about meat and butts with a cute little robot...it was just mad.

Though it was most likely the recharging station that was responsible for this sudden cheerful behavior (overcharging could lead to hyper and smeet-like behavior), Rhapsody couldn't help but think their Tallest was trying very hard to forget that Tak was nearby. Deep down he probably did feel at least a little bit guilty about her situation...but because he was the amazing Zim (as he so often proclaimed), he didn't like to admit his faults. So he was covering it up with laughter and cheer.

The physical dragged on for quite some time. It was made no less awkward by Tak's presence. GIR was the only one who made an outward attempt to be friendly to Tak, bringing a medical tray with painkillers and soothing antibiotic cream to her when none of the Medics were willing to approach her. GIR was friendly to everyone, so this behavior didn't surprise Zim at all. He idly wondered if GIR would like having another SIR unit around, at least until they got back to Irk. Almost everything in Tak's Damogran base was destroyed, so Zim doubted she had a ship to call her own at the moment. As was the case with all Invaders, she was welcome to stay with the Armada for as long as she pleased...though she was free to leave when they finally returned to Irk.

By the time the physical ended, Zim had already disconnected himself from the recharging station. He was stretching his legs out, trailed by his two minions (GIR was astride Minimoose like a jockey on a horse), when the human was finally given a clean bill of health. "Done?" The Tallest's antennae bounced. "If so, we should get going. Invader Tak..." Yet again he refused to make eye contact. "You should come with us. We're already late for our meeting with the Planetary Conversion Team."

He met the human's eyes with much more ease. "Dib-thing, you are welcome to come along. Because Skoodge is being punished..." his antennae twitched with annoyance, "...he will not be able to attend this meeting with Zim. I would prefer not to go by myself." Huge magenta eyes narrowed. "Meetings are boring."

 

[Dip]

Dib rolled his eyes when he mentioned the planet Earth's stupidity. Dib destroyed every last bit and trace of the Spittle Runner, and if anything was overlooked or forgotten, it was long gone and unsalvageable by that point. Zim's logic on the human population was basically spot on, except he failed to recall one tiny aspect of the Earth population: The one percent was already in space! The only person who cared enough to reverse engineer was already doing it for fun on a giant spacecraft!

He was sure he got rid of everything, all right.

Bohemian looked down as the other nudged him, and he turned to see what she was trying to go on about. It took him a moment, but he soon saw what it was: discomfort, and almost agony. He nodded gently, and knew that his plan was working well. Well, this wasn't really part of the plan, but because it took place inside his office, it was now his plan and he would take all of the credit for it.

Dib felt a little uncomfortable at the mention of meat. More specifically, Earth-oriented body meat. All he could do was shake his head as the two continued with this disgusting talk of meats and parts and whatnot. Dib and Tak both felt one thing when their Tallest talked, and that was second-hand embarrassment. They wouldn't say so soon, but they really hoped that someone would disconnect Zim before he blew a circuit charging for so long. If this was the Damogran people's first view at the power of the Irken empire, Tak had pity on their souls.

The results of the physical was just about as basic as you can get: Dib needed to work out more to ensure the health of his bones and muscles, his eyesight was getting worse, and he was due for another one next month at the same time and the same place. Dib was already working out as much as he thought necessary, thanks to his basic battle-lessons, but the last thing he wanted to do was do pushups in his own room.

The Massive did have a pretty extensive gym on the lower deck, but Dib would rather be caught dead than hang out there. The Irkens were pretty small, but the Irkens who hung out at the gym were big enough to eat Dib whole. If need be, he would probably do some pull-ups in the shower or a pushup when he fell asleep on the floor.

The training had toned the human quite a bit, and today was the first day he truly realized it. Looking at himself in the mirror, he saw how he had built some muscle in various departments. Arms, legs, thighs, and even in his stomach area! He was quite proud, but he would never admit that in the company of aliens. Maybe over a Skype call with his little sister, or the other members of The Swollen Eyeball Network.

Tak, to be quite frank, didn't know what to do with herself. She wanted to jump right back into the invading game as soon as possible. Waiting around for Operation Impending Doom VI would obviously be a waste of her time, but hanging aboard the Massive with nothing to do would be something of the same caliber. She would figure it out later, she decided.

Tak gave a roll of her eyes when her Tallest gave the news of them being late. Of course they were. Was else was new? Dib grabbed his backpack, and hoisted it over his shoulder as he readied himself to leave that damned office. Dib turned to familiar orbs when he was asked to join the ranks. Part of him wanted to say no, mostly because he was tired, and wanted to go to sleep again, but it still sounded fun.

Dib agreed to go, but was a little moved by one issue with Zim's reasoning for inviting the human... Zim wouldn't be alone. He had Tak, and the human was sure that Tak wanted to be there just as much as Zim did, and that was not very. This made the human feel all warm and fuzzy and sick inside, but he never vocalized it. As they walked, Dib took it upon himself to pull his laptop from his bag.

He mostly did this to doubel-check that no sound would emit from the machine, but he was glad that he decided to check. Ceedid, while he was on planet Damogran, managed to snag some important documents writing by Tak herself. The text was translated from Damogran to Irken, but Dib had beeb getting better at reading the Irken langauge. The whole readon Ceedid sent the documents to the human was so he could brush up his Irken, and maybe learn to read the side of the Spittle Runners.

Ceedid then proceeded to call Dib something that he would rather not say in pleasant company.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

What hypocritical thinking that was! Irken monarchs were always quirky. Zim was exceptionally quirky, of course. He had a strange and twisted sense of humor. He didn't know how to behave. He was loud and obnoxious, not to mention completely ignorant when it came to the feelings of other sentient creatures. He was almost always alone if he wasn't with Head Adviser Skoodge, which was unusual for an Irken (they were a lot like ants or bees back on planet Earth--teamwork was key). His distaste for Irk history, as well as his tendency to completely ignore tradition and blaze new paths, made many other Irkens uncomfortable.

But Red and Purple were just as bad, if not worse. Though they were xenophobic and social butterflies they were also considered to be strange. They had strange mannerisms, for instance. They were always together no matter what--rumors circulated that they even cleansed together. They were unpleasant to the vast majority of their Irken subjects even though they were always social and willing to chit-chat when they had some downtime.

Purple was especially bad. One day he would chatter nonstop with a group of Irkens and the very next day he would willingly have one of them tossed out of the airlock for accidentally bumping into him in the hallway. Both of them were unbelievably petty. A human might compare the two of them to a couple of rich Beverly Hills housewives. They also whined and complained like human toddlers when they didn't get their way. Purple was fond of screaming, crying, and locking himself in a closet if he didn't get his way. Their complete disregard for the well-being of others was rather Irken, indeed.

Zim couldn't understand why he was considered to be more of an embarrassment to the Irken Empire than those two were. They were just as bad as each other. All three of them were prone to behaving like smeets, and they did vile and petty things when they didn't get their way.

He didn't voice these disagreements, though. The haggard Tallest was used to holding his tongue on the matter by now. He was well aware that he would be living in the shadows of his two predecessors for as long as he sat on the throne of the Irken Empire...or for as long as he lived. Whichever came first--his dethroning or his death. At this point, not even Zim himself was sure which would come first.

Zim didn't seem to notice the effect his words had on the human. He was hyper-focused on getting out of the Medical Wing as quickly as possible, seeing as it was a place he hated with a passion, but not before he reminded Bohemian and his trainee assistant to schedule the Dib's next physical right away. He led the way to one of the many elevators out of the Medical Wing, GIR and Minimoose hot on his tail. The two of them chattered away with each other the entire time. They were mercifully quiet about it though, which was a good thing considering how cramped the elevator was.

The elevator released their ragtag group into one of the main thoroughfares of the Massive. It was bustling with activity. Irkens scuttled past left and right, though they respectfully parted and made a path for their Tallest as he hovered by. Everyone was excited about the Planetary Conversion meeting--specifically, the second part of the meeting. The first meeting was private and only the Tallest, the victorious Invader, and the Planetary Conversion Team were supposed to attend. Non-Irkens were typically forbidden from attending either meeting...but Zim was always one to bend the rules.

"Right over here..." Zim motioned to another elevator. This one sat in a row of three. There was a line for the other two, but the elevator in the middle was purposely left free for what was supposed to be a private trip for the Tallest and the Invader. It was supposed to be an honor to travel in the same elevator as the Almighty Tallest, but even if he insisted that just he and Tak go first Zim felt that it wouldn't mean much of anything at all to her. So...why bother with tradition?

The Conference Room was another area of the Massive that Zim avoided like the plague unless he had no other choice but to go there. It was the room where he conducted most of his meetings with the Council of the Tallest, so naturally he associated it with tedium and being horrifically bored. Right now it played host to the Planetary Conversion Team rather than the Council, which was a mixed bag of Irkens. Varying heights were perhaps the most jarring difference--most members of the Council were tall, while these heights were definitely more varied.

The chatter fell silent once the Tallest made his entrance. He didn't immediately start the meeting--he instead folded his arms behind his back and fixed the human with a sideways stare. "You can either stand with Zim and his Invader or you can take one of the free seats in the stands. Go on ahead."

He then, with a great deal of reluctance, turned that magenta gaze on Tak. "You may take your place on the pedestal and brief the PCT, Invader Tak. Tell them what you know about Damogran, and give your suggestion on what the Irken Empire should do with it. Zim will follow up with his opinion, and then the Conversion Team will vote."

 

[Dip]

Bohemian was already two steps ahead of the Tallest when he asked to set up his next physical. Bohemian had gone out of his way and scheduled five months in advanced, aswell. One thing he loved more than anything was organization, and one thing he hated was being surprised. It was a give and take with his occupation. He loved working with the expected, and adored his own schedule and following a grind. One thing he didn't like was the surprise events, or the uncalculated occurrences.

Bohemian watched the three run out like bats out of hell, and took it upon himself to schedule a check-up for Invader Tak and the Almighty Tallest, aswell. Once everything was said and done, the Head Surgeon slipped his tablet back into his pocket and pushed the large vision and hearing machine out of the office. He wasn't done whatsoever, but he had to make room for his new Damogran patients. Tak was one hell of a fighter!

Maybe it was the history between the Tallest and the Invader, or maybe it was just Tak's frayed nerves being slightly askew, but she could care less when it came to a private elevator ride with the former Invader. It really didn't mean anything to Tak, she just wanted everything to be over and done with.

Dib followed closely behind the duo, skimming and trying his best to translate and walk at the same time. Hopping into the elevator was an easier task, but walking around short Irkens and small pods of the alien life-forms proved rather difficult. Dib was known for being rather klutzy when he tried his best to multi-task. He always ended up giving priority to one thing instead of the other, and the other usually ended up being his ability to move.

Tripping to him was something of a sport, and it was the only sport he was good at.

Dib gave up his divided attention when he viewed the Conference Room before him. He respectfully closed his laptop and tucked it under his arm as he entered the Room, and he instantly felt out of place amongst the ranks of Irkens. He felt all eyes on him as he entered, but who wouldn't stare at him when he was following the Tallest? He nearly turned to tell Zim he was going to leave, until he told him that he could either stand or sit.

Well, both options seemed like shitty ones. Stand and be stared at, or sit and be judged? Dib decided to stand and take it like a man. As he stood, he took the computer from under his arm and began the process of translating the documents. The handwriting, which the human could only assume belonged to Tak, was rather neat and tidy. Dib had tried his hand at writing Irken sentences, but they looked just about as bad as his English.

Tak didn't need to be told twice. She took a few steps forward, and found herself before the Conference. She, unlike Dib, needed no notes. Even if she did, she had no time to prepare anything while she was within the care of the Medics. She had spent months upon months amongst the people of Damogran, and knew their disgusting culture like the back of her hand. And she did know it, too! Dib, while he read through the notes, could tie parallels to where her writing meet her speech.

She wasted no time with useless detail, but provided the Conference with information abundantly. Maybe it was her anger towards Damogran, or maybe it was her anger towards the failure of her mission, but something made her change her mind on the topic of the planet.

To Tak, they had all of the proper pieces in place, and needed no more. They had successfully captured the scientists without harm, they had proper information on their technologies, and they ensured their materials and elements to be used at their disposal. They rest of the population was seemingly useless to the Invader, and anything else to do with the planet was entirely off the table.

She proposed an organic sweep, a drainage of the planet's abundant water supply, and an extermination of the Damogran population. The mere thought of all this made Dib's skin crawl, and nothing about what Tak said sat comfortable with the human. Dib paid the most attention to Tak when she provided a closing statement, but other than that, Dib had spent the entire time reading Ceedid's Damogran Documents.

An organic sweet would do nothing to help the empire, and exterminating the Damogran people didn't seem like a good option either. They acted in self-defense! They had no choice but to defend their world and their pride. Not only would killing the entire race be entirely immoral, but it would also be costly. Dib wasn't one to keep up with Irken politics, but he had a feeling that the Irken people would rather blow up Meekrob than Damogran anyday. Dib looked from Tak, to his computer, to Tak again, and wondered if their was a way to change her mind on the subject...

But why would he change her mind when he could change Zim's?

 

[Mira-Charma13]

Rhapsody was happy to trail along after the Head Surgeon. Sure, she wasn't the most experienced of Medics and she was a bit clumsy and unfocused, but she was always up for distracting patients with pleasant conversation while the other Medics worked. Her natural charm managed to get through to some of the less nervous alien creatures, and soon she was chatting up a storm with a couple of them. Several other Medics gave her filthy looks, as if they were silently chastising her for being friendly with alien creatures. But her chatter did serve a purpose. She calmed the patients down enough that the others could work on them without fearing for their lives.

She would probably be much better off as a Therapist. But to become a Therapist...she first had to have a certain amount of time under her belt training under an experienced Medic. Maybe she could help the Almighty Tallest to heal, because he was most certainly still damaged from his past traumas.

During Tak's speech several members of the Planetary Conversion Team piped up to ask questions. Some of them were stupid in Zim's opinion, but there were some valid inquiries. Did the planet have any potential for growing and harvesting food, asked one curious female. Sugar was a hot commodity in the Irken Empire. Most of it was artificially created due to a lack of growing space for natural forms of sugar or other sweeteners. There were very few planets in the Known Universe that had climates well-suited for growing sugar.

Dib was lucky that these PCT members had no idea how easy it would be to grow tons of sugar on planet Earth's surface.

Another question that popped up, more than once in fact, was whether or not the Damogran people would be useful when it came to slave labor. Selling the creatures into slavery would surely boost their suffering treasury. In the end, it didn't matter to any of these Irkens what happened to their alien captives after they were purchased--the only thing that mattered was getting those monies! Several members of the team bickered among themselves about just how useful these alien creatures would be, and what sort of jobs they could complete with ease. Other valid points included how much material was available beneath the planet's surface for mining, whether or not any of the flora or fauna was worth saving, and if the alien creatures were prime test subject material or not.

During this entire discussion Zim just stood there, leaning against the metal railing of the raised platform and staring absently out into space through the massive vertical window to his right with half-lidded eyes. This discussion didn't seem to interest him. In fact, if his bored expression was anything to go by, he found the entire experience to be tedious at best. While he wasn't overly concerned about the fate of Damogran or its people, he also wasn't visibly eager to conduct an organic sweep like some of the other Irkens in the room were.

He was just...apathetic. This differed from the Zim that the human knew from the past. The Zim from the past would eagerly agree with his fellow Irkens and loudly proclaim that he wanted to get in on the action and blow up the planet himself! This Zim...simply didn't care what happened. Whether it was positive or negative wasn't of any concern to him.

He behaved almost like he was...dead inside. Floating beside him atop Minimoose, GIR watched his master with a hint of concern in his turquoise eyes. This wasn't behavior he liked seeing from his master--not at all!

When he was certain that Tak was finished speaking, Zim stood up straighter on his platform. Every creature in the room fell silent. Zim lifted one of his hands and idly studied his fingers, the tip of his serpentine pink tongue poking out from between his lips. "To be perfectly honest..." He shrugged his shoulders. "Zim does not care much what happens to this planet." Several Irkens in the audience chuckled. "Sooooo..." His vibrant gaze danced from Irken to Irken. "Who wants to blow it up and replace it with something else?"

Almost every hand in the room shot straight up.

"Who wants to mine it?"

A modest number of hands raised.

"Who wants to use it for farming?"

Only a tiny handful gave their approval this time.

"Who wants to sell the alien creatures into slavery, regardless of whether we blow the planet up or not?"

Almost every hand in the Conference Room went straight into the air.

"If we blow it up...what do we turn it into?"

Several suggestions were shouted out, echoing in the domed Conference Room. Parking Structure Planet seemed to be popular. Others suggestions included a Movie Theater Planet, a Military Training Planet, a Soft Drink Planet, a Hunting Planet, a Hospital Planet, and a Zoo Planet. GIR cheerfully suggested a Wrestling Planet. Several Irkens in the crowd seemed intrigued by that proposition.

"Okay..." Zim reached up and ran a hand over one of his antennae, which was twitching wildly after that loud onslaught of echoing shouts. "So...who is in favor of not blowing the planet up or performing an organic sweep? Perhaps making it a...a tourist destination or something?"

No Irkens raised their hands. Apparently, all of them wanted to get rid of the planet, or at the very least destroy every last bit of life on its surface.

 

[Dip]

Therapy work didn't get Bohemian going as much as medical work did. Bohemian was more interested in giving people medicines than discussing their feelings. Their stomach hurt? Pump something into them. Their stomach hurt because they were nervous? Give them something so they're not nervous! They're nervous because they were feeling certain feelings that just didn't seem right? Well, those put Bohemian out of commission.

If Rhapsody was good at one thing, it was chattering. She could talk someone's ear off, and that someone was usual Bohemian. He had to admit, at first he resisted her and blatantly ignored her as she poke, but she was almost irresistible. She had her fair share of stupid questions, but she did often have rather profound statements. Bohemian had gotten used to talking to her, and she was quite good at talking.

If he knew that Tak's assigned medical team had trouble with her, he would have sicked Rhapsody on her. But, for the same reason, he did assign her a rather large amount of staff because of how tough and stubborn she was known to be. Her medical treatment was met with success, but Bohemian still felt that she needed a few days to recover. He didn't know the Invader personally, but if she was anything like your run-of-the-mill Irken, she would be back to work in no time.

Tak answered the questions she was soon bombarded with.

"The food is sickening. That is entirely the planet's fault. It is about eighty-eight percent water, and the rest is dry desert lands. Nothing can be done." That was an alternative fact. The planetary reports showed that the planet could hold some rather basic needs, but Dib couldn't imagine that it would be hard to modify the plant in certain ways. Sugar, for example, needed to be grown near bodies of water. The entire planet was basically water! Some artificial islands, with the use of it's extensive mainlands, there really shouldn't be a problem. The desert part, that was something that people could get around.

There would have to be an artificial satellite installed due to Tak's need for destruction, but again, that shouldn't be hard whatsoever for the Irken empire.

"The Damogran kind are rather tall and thin, and are rather delicate. They are easily exhausted and rather stubborn. But large numbers? Large numbers can produce quite a yield, but that brings up an issue of long-range transportation, amongst other things." Well, that was because they were built to fly and swim, not to work long days and nights. Large numbers of anything could get a lot done!

Dib watched as Tak moved off to the side and Zim took her place. He pushed the lid of his laptop down slightly, and listened to the discussion. He was almost moved to sickness! They talked so nonchalantly about destruction and doom, it was scary to think about. If there was a more competent Irken on Earth, say Tak, Dib wouldn't even be alive to argue!

Dib watched as the hands shot up and down, and he realized that he would be faced with some attrition. He just hoped that he could form his words together to get the Irken's way. He knew a few things, and that was that the Empire was broke, and that sugar was liked by all. If he could mention those two points, he was sure that he may have a fighting chance in saving the planet Damogran.

He had only seen Damogran from a distance, but as he read about it, he couldn't help but tie parallels to both it and Earth. Abundant water supply, rich in agraculture. It was like an Earth away from Earth... well, minus the two moons and the extensive desert wastelands.

Dib saw as everyone neared the end of the discussion, and Dib raised his hand at the mention of 'or something' in the Tallest's last statement. Of course Zim didn't see him, but the Irkens before him did. Soon, Zim turned to face him, and the human spoke.

"Erm," He started, looking from the crowd to the Monarch. He was unsure who to direct his attention to, do he moved from both. "Well, eh, thanks to Tak's generous field notes..." This earned a rather curious and mean scowl from Tak. She gave him a look that said, "how on Irk did you manage to get those?' Dib tried his best to ignore this look. "I kinda... have an alternative to those blowing Damogran up and making it into a shopping mall... or something."

Dib slowly lifted the lid to his laptop, and began speaking once more. "While the planet is almost entirely composed of... basically unpolluted dihydrogen oxide, that means that there is a large amount of nitrogen, carbon, phosphorus, sulfur, and potassium deposits-- Ionic Ocean Materials, in the water and the soil, right? That means there are 100% non-synthetic plant growth minerals within the ocean and shores of Damogran, and I think you all know what that means... right?"

Dib didn't know a whole lot about growing food, but he did know chemistry, and he did know that water was important, and growing food was important. "Damogran has intelligent life-forms-- the Improbability Device, for example-- the life-forms on Damogran are just technologically challenged and stunted. They never needed a reason to build anything for themselves, they just did it for fun!. The Scientists are valuable, and know the planet a lot better than Tak probably does, yeah?"

"I know everything about Damogran..." She hissed, her arms crossed tightly over her chest and her antennae riddled with annoyance.

"Oh, uh... Anyway... We already know that the people on Damogran can create food and probably hold livestock, so why not just let them run their own planet...?" That, to Dib, didn't seem like such a radical thought, but he could already see Irken Conference members getting up to leave. "Here me out, here me out! They can mine their own land, mine their own crops, mine their own planets, and they can just give their crops and resources to Irk in exchange for Vortian technologies."

Dib paused for a moment to let the information settle and stew. As this happened, eyes slowly shifted from Dib to their Almighty Tallest, as if they were all waiting for Zim to repremand the Earthlight. Dib was waiting for that moment, too.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

One of Zim's eyes narrowed while the other widened and both glimmered with annoyance as Tak so colorfully described the Damogran people. If he didn't know any better, that was a subtle jab at him. He was tall and thin, but his body was disgustingly delicate because of it. He was also prone to getting tired more often than the average Irken. And stubborn? Hell yes he was stubborn! He was perhaps the most stubborn Irken to ever grace this Universe with his existence! He rolled his eyes in a deliberately dramatic way and chuckled under his breath.

At first it was only the Irkens in the first three rows that noticed the human creature sticking his hand up out of turn. As more and more took notice, the offended and angry looks outnumbered the nonplussed looks without a single doubt. This was meant to be a meeting strictly for those of the Irken race. Allowing an outsider to sit in on what was ordinarily an extremely private meeting was already straining the patience of some of these Irkens. Allowing it to speak was an entirely different matter. Some of them even started to stand and opened their mouths, perhaps intending to halt the Earth creature in his tracks before he could start speaking.

"Shut up and sit down, you bumbling idiots." Zim's antennae twitched with latent aggravation. "Your Tallest invited a most esteemed guest to this meeting and you have the audacity to try and stop him from speaking his mind?" His eyes narrowed dangerously, sparkling like a pair of brilliant, but cursed rubies. "Don't do it again." The troublemakers in question slowly sank back down into their seats, sufficiently cowed by their Tallest but seething with anger inside.

Despite their poorly-contained fury, all of the Irkens in the room listened closely to what the Earth creature had to say. Upon first glance Zim seemed as apathetic as usual...but the way his antennae bounced and quirked as the human went on and made several important points gave away his true feelings. He was very much interested in what the Dib had to say. He knew that Dib was most likely biased. He fought tooth and nail to save his planet from potentially the same fate planet Damogran was facing right now!

Several members of the Planetary Conversion Team turned to mutter amongst themselves when the Earth creature made his first point and asked that question. Zim met Dib's gaze as evenly as he could. His tongue was poking out from between his lips and one of his eyes was somewhat narrowed, indicating that he must have been deep in thought. After some time passed he made a popping sound with his lips and his antennae bounced in a strangely endearing fashion.

"What manner of convoluted gobbledygook are you spewing in the amazing Zim's direction, Earth monster?"

Several members of the crowd groaned and rolled their eyes in frustration. Of course the Tallest didn't understand. Lots of big words and a long-winded explanation...despite desperately wanting to listen to the human he cared about so much and wanting very much to understand he simply lost interest about halfway through that explanation. That was typical of Zim.

"Hee-hee." GIR brought his hands up to cover his mouth, but it did little to muffle his ecstatic giggling. "Gobbledygook."

After the disappointed groans died down the gathered Irkens continued to listen to what the Dib-creature had to say. They quickly went from mildly interested, to angry and irritated, and then cautiously interested again. When their gazes all panned toward their Almighty Tallest, Zim's antennae perked upward as if he wasn't expecting the sudden shift in attention from the human to him. A petulant huff escaped the towering monarch and he crossed his arms over his hot pink chest plate.

"So...what you are suggesting..." Zim tilted his head somewhat to the left, his left antenna leaning with the movement. "And do correct Zim if he is mistaken...what you are suggesting..." He straightened his head out, a neutral and unreadable expression on his face. "Is that we turn Damogran into a Foreign Colony."

A few Irkens from the Planetary Conversion Team openly laughed. "We tried that with planet Vort!" A male from the back row reminded both the human and the Tallest. "And what did they do? One week in and they tried to overthrow our rule! So we had no choice but to transform Vort from a Military Research Planet into a Military Research Prison."

Zim grunted, glancing off to the side and looking rather uncomfortable. That was true. Vortians were crafty creatures. They relished in their own independence and didn't like to rely on others, and they certainly didn't like being ruled by a foreign species that had no business being anywhere near their planet. If Tak's description of the people on Damogran was accurate then they were likely the same way. Would they really be content giving at least half of whatever they mined or harvested to the Irken Empire in exchange for more advanced technology? And better yet, would they use that technology against the Irken Empire once they felt they were powerful enough to free themselves...?

These were the sorts of decisions Zim had a great deal of trouble with. Red and Purple rarely suffered through such indecision. They always had differing opinions on things and always managed to make the best possible decision through cooperation. Zim normally had Skoodge by his side to assist him with such things, but because Skoodge was in the Irken equivalent of time-out he couldn't help Zim now.

He might have been the Almighty Tallest, but Zim was no politician.

"...The real question is..." The Irken monarch's antennae twitched. "Would it be more profitable to blow it up and sell its denizens off into slavery or try to turn it into a colony?"

A female from the crowd spoke up this time. "What would they even be able to grow in a desert climate?"

 

[Dip]

To be quite honest, she had only mentioned those qualities to ensure that the planet be destroyed. She only realized that her colorful analogies irked the Irken when he displayed them on his sleeve. It was an unnecessary score, but it was a score nonetheless. She continued to watch the council as silently as she could, but it was just so hard when Dib was just so annoying with his huge annoying head full of filthy lies!

Dib felt like the crowd was going to eat him alive, but his safety was ensured when Zim took his side. That was more relieving than anything he could have ever hoped for! While Zim's support did comfort the disturbed nature of the human, it didn't for long. It meant a lot to the human that was an esteemed guest, but it also singled him out far more than it should have.

Dib was sure he had a solid argument, and he was ready to admit victory. That was, until Zim asked what Dib was trying to say. Dib joined the ranks, and groaned along with them, placing his face in the palms of his hands. Even Tak had to look to the side. This was just sad. It was a council of errors that Zim was running!

Dihydrogen oxide. Water. Water is good for plants. Plants make food. Food was good.

Dib turned back to Zim after his longwinded speech, and watched as Zim tried to make out his words and thought processes. The human really went in there with one end goal in mind: save the planet. But he had no idea how he was going to get there, or what exactly he would say. He had a rough idea, with some really faint outlines, but other than that, he was flying by the seat of his pants. He was going off of what little information he had, and what little he could muster.

And from Tak's standpoint, it was a rather compelling argument. Missing holes, a few key details, but compelling nonethless. if she wasn't stiff suffering from her Invader's high, she would have to hand it to the human. Using stolen documents to his advantage? That was a good move on his end. Using her documents? Well... Let's just say, the same thing that happened to Tak's Spittle Runner may happen to Dib's.

"I mean... maybe? Not exactly?... Kinda?" Dib hadn't the slightest clue what a Foreign Colony meant to the Irken race, but to the human, he could liken it to what the British did to... basically the entire Earth. And he wasn't half wrong!

Tak, the instant Dib began to second guess himself, wanted to jump in and question the fecal matter parade that Zim was running. She held her tongue out of respect for the argument, and also because she knew that Zim would explode if his human charge was interrupted once more. Instead, she openly laughed along with the PCT.

"I have reason to believe that they physically can't do that!" Dib protested loudly right back at the backrow heckler.

"What is your reasoning, human filth?" Tak asked, finally speaking up.

"Invader Tak managed to subdue the population for weeks singlehandedly." He said, after a beat or two of silence. "With minimal weapons, even... just a few Irkens could possibly contain the planet." He shrugged. Tak wanted to protest, but hey... the human was making her look good.

Not only was he professing her awesome abilities, he was also making himself look like a total and complete moron.

Weapons would be tricky, though. Damogran people were mostly unknown when it came to their ability to adapt to the weapons. If a power struggle never happened before, how would it happen in the future? It seemed that the smartest individuals amongst the Damogran people were the most violent... so why not contain the violent along themselves, and segregate them? Farmers away from men of science, and so on and so forth.

"...I mean, maybe not..?" Dib started, at his last question. "Tak-- Invader Tak, mentioned that they were almost useless. All tall and long and thin and-- well, eh, er, tall and long and thin isn't a bad thing at all, but it's just not... profitable when it comes to slave labor."

"What do you know about slave labor, human?" Tak pressed. She turned to the conference. "Nothing! You know nothing!" A few members of the crowd simply nodded, and that was enough for Tak.

Dib simply rolled his eyes. "Humans had slaves-- humans still have slaves." He spoke. If he had been born in the wrong time, he would have been a slave due to his Hispanic heritage. "Slave labor is a universal concept, Tak."

The last blow earned a twitch.

At the last comment, Dib drew a blank. What kind of environments did space fruits grow in? "...Greenhouses." Wait, no, that was a human thing. "The non-synthetic plant-growth rich soil can be... transported and placed in thermoregulated housing units within Damogran. And if that doesn't work, the soil could be sold."

Tak let her arms fall to her side. "You have no idea what you're talking about!" All of her concern when it came to holder her tongue had vanished. "I say we destroy the planet! Glory to Irk!" Now this caused quite an uproar among the more outspoken people in the conference.

"How about we don't destroy the planet, and we--"

"We? " Tak snickered. "You're not one of us."

This struck a cord inside Dib. She was right. He wasn't one of them. He balled his fists at his sides, and spoke again. "How. About. You. Shuddup."

Nice comback, space-boy.

"What would be more profitable? Marketing the planet slowly, and using what Damogran has to offer to your advantage, or selling the race off to anyone who will buy it? Using it's soil to your advantage, or wasting the ability of the Damogran people? They can grow their own food in the desert! They can survive! They have been surviving! They have lived for hundreds of years without any interception! Their knowledge can be used to benefit you!!"

"That's a lie!" Tak said plainly.

"HOW?!" Dib had managed to lose his temper. He felt like he was fighting with Zim! "How is that a lie?! Even an idiot can understand that! Even an ALIEN can understand that your idea is STUPID! It's dumb! It makes so sense! None!! All!"

Someone had to stop them, before Dib ripped Tak's antennae off.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

"A Foreign Colony is a conquered planet that is occupied by its original denizens, but is now a subsidiary of the Irken Empire." Zim absently scratched Minimoose behind his antlers while he spoke, and the little moose liked it if the blissful expression on his face was any indication. "It has local governments of its own, but answers to the Irken Empire. It is also obligated to share half of whatever goods it produces, harvests, or discovers with the Irken Empire. A small collective of Irkens are selected to become Ambassadors and must live on the Foreign Colony planet...with heavy security measures protecting them, of course. They will become the figureheads of the central government and will rule as mini-monarchs over the conquered race."

In that sense, it really was just like Great Britian's past conquests of the entire planet Earth.

Every single Irken in the Planetary Conversion Team leaned in eagerly as the bickering between the Earth creature and the battered Invader Tak reached a fever pitch. They were shouting and shrieking at each other so fervently that it certainly wouldn't be long before they went at it in a no holds barred battle to the death.

Though in the back of their minds most of these Irkens were well aware that the death of the human monster could possibly damage their Almighty Tallest beyond repair, the vast majority of them were hoping for that outcome. It would be the creature's just desserts for thinking he could waltz onto the Massive and be treated like an equal! Some of them rose from their seats and began to whoop and cheer, anticipating a bloody and entertaining fight.

The sound bounced off of the curved walls of the Conference Room, creating a loud din of unimaginable volume. The frenzy was distracting enough that no one seemed to noticed the ticking time bomb standing on that elevated platform. Zim was growling and holding his arms up over his head in a futile attempt to shield his antennae from the thundering noise. His temper finally boiled over and he snarled, lifted one foot off of the ground, and stomped against the metallic surface of the platform with his heavy black combat boot.

"SHUT UP!"

And just like that, the room fell completely silent. Every single antenna stood straight up in the air and all eyes were on the Almighty Tallest. Zim grumbled and growled to himself under his breath like a cranky old Earth human, mournfully rubbing his sore antennae with his eyes squeezed shut. He said nothing for upwards a minute, just hovering back and forth on the platform and enjoying the momentary spell of silence. After some time he finally stopped halfway across the platform, though he didn't open his eyes or stop massaging his antennae.

"Enough. Your voices are grating on Zim's very last nerve." His voice sounded awfully strained. "In the end it is up to me what will be done with planet Damogran. Your voices are stupid. Your arguments are stupid. Your opinions are stupid. So shut up and let Zim think."

Many members of the Planetary Conversion Team had the decency to look abashed and sat silently in their chairs, antennae drooping and vibrant gazes fixed on the ground underfoot. Others murmured quietly to each other while their Tallest paced anxiously in a circle around the edge of the platform, his long and elegant pink skirt dancing along the edge of the sharp metal as he hovered on by.

Zim continued to pace for several long minutes, muttering to himself all the while. He occasionally stopped to glower at the crowd or at Tak, or to settle a much softer gaze on the human he cared so much about. When enough time had passed, it was GIR who dared to speak up. He was braver than most Irkens and was able to directly address the fuming monarch without so much as a single tremble of fear.

"Growing stuff sounds like fun! Can we grow pizzas?"

"No, GIR."

"What about tacos?"

"Not tacos, either."

"Aww. Oh well. Well...what about cakes? Or sugar cookies?"

"You can't grow cakes or sugar coo--"

Zim's antennae perked up rapidly and he stopped in his tracks to peer down at his cheerful little SIR unit. "Not cookies. But we could grow sugar. Natural sugar."

A dull murmur broke out among the crowd. Some of the Irkens contributing to the deafening chatter sounded wistful about being able to get their hands on natural sugar. Some of the gossiping centered on just how rare and precious naturally-grown sugar was, with the artificial stuff being relatively common. Artificial sugar was delicious, but natural sugar was apparently a delicacy according to these chattering Irkens.

"I like sugar!" GIR declared happily, his eyes practically bugging out with excitement. "Especially if it's on waffles!"

"Yes, I know. Everyone likes sugar." Zim pursed his lips, tapping his bottom lip with one long finger as he considered it. The profits would be instant if they were to destroy the planet and sell its people off into slavery...but in the long term, having a steady source of foodstuffs as well as natural sugar would probably benefit the Empire more. It did mean that the Empire would have to babysit some unwilling colonists for quite some time until the unrest settled and they accepted their new lives. If that didn't happen...well, perhaps Damogran biology would be compatible with Irken mind control devices...

"It's settled, then." Zim shrugged his shoulders. "Damogran will be spared and colonized. The people will be returned to what is left of their homes and put to work as soon as their injuries are taken care of. We'll leave a team or two here to help rebuild. Zim will choose Ambassadors to rule and watch over the planet, as well as take care of planning when it comes to growing stuff and making food."

Though the siren call of natural sugar was enough to have some of the Irkens in the crowd nodding, others just sat there and seethed with irritation. Zim ignored them completely and headed for the door, whistling a little tune to himself. "Come along, Dib-human! We have a second and more glorious meeting to attend to! We must address the entire Irken Empire!" GIR and Minimoose tagged along after him, babbling something about making the tastiest batch of waffles in the entire Universe once the natural sugar came rolling in.

Zim sounded disturbingly cheerful. Making a decision so easily, and going against the popular opinion with such ease, apparently put him in a downright fantastic mood. Maybe it would be beneficial for Dib to assist him with such things in the future!

 

[Dip]

Dib was completely fucked when it came to anything physical. He couldn't hit, he wasn't the agilest, he could hardly do damage, and he was too tall and lanky for his own good. He had lucked out on the ability to hold a discussion (well, at this point in time, it was mostly Tak and Dib screaming at each other, but it was a discussion nonetheless), and to hold it well. He had taken a side, hadn't backed down one bit.

By the time the screeching and screaming reached its most cathartic moment, Dib honestly had no Idea what Tak was getting at. And Tak could say the same thing! The two were just screaming to scream over each other, and their efforts had succeeded in pissing off three people in the room: both of the arguers, and the person who was supposed to make the decision. Tak was mad at Dib for thinking that his idea was even comparable to the Invaders, and Dib was mostly pissed that Tak had begun the screaming match.

...Well, that wasn't true, because Dib was the first one to really raise his voice, but he would blame Tak until the space-equivalent of cows came home.

The screaming was fun at first for the Invader, but it soon became annoying. The human just continuously persisted to be a pain in her rear! Why wouldn't he shut up? Why was he so loud, so annoying? Why was his head so big? The crowd was correct in hoping for a brawl because they were about to get one! Dib was going to get the world he was asking for, but this world was a world of hurt. Tak braced for battle, and nearly lunged, until the Almighty Tallest saved Dib's skin for the umpteenth time since he boarded the Massive.

Dib had no clue what Tak was getting ready to do, he was blinded by fury. He couldn't believe how someone could be so stupid and oblivious to the fact that Damogran had more to offer than just being a planet that served soft drinks! It was so much more than artificially sweetened drinks! It was a place that needed protection, and it was something that the Empire could use to their advantage! Why was that so hard to see? Why in the world would someone purposefully ruin a good place like Damogran?!

Dib dared to open his mouth again until Zim did so for him. The loud boom was quickly followed by deafening silence. Dib turned away from Tak, unashamed that he spoke his mind. He was embarrassed that he lost his temper along the way, but he would not apologize for telling the Irken Empire-- or, moreover, the conference center, what his true feelings were.

Tak composed herself quite elegantly, straightening her antennae and crossing her arms over herself. This entire discussion was pointless. There was no way Dib's plan was going to work.Dib had no formal training, no understanding of the Irken culture, and no right to speak the way he did! Tak would have much-preferred Skoodge to be in his place, because at least Skoodge talked rationally about destroying planets and civilizations.

But Tak's hopes crumbled before her when the topic of sugar was brought up.

To be quite honest, Dib had no clue that Irk was running low on real sugar. He felt unnerved and uncomfortable when he realized the abundant supply of sugar that was on Earth. If the human walked around the corner to the supermarket, he could buy a twelve-pound bag for about six dollars! If the Irken race knew that... well, there would be no hope for Earth. Dib didn't know what thought was more relieving, the fact that he had won the argument and saved the planet, or that planet Earth wasn't a prime target for the Irken race.

Tak, at this news, went livid. Her antennae twitched and stood on end as every fiber in her being told her to fight. But what could be done? She had lost. She had lost more times in that one single day than she had in her entire life! She had lost the planet Damogran when she required assistance, and she lost the planet's annihilation when that stupid meat-wad covered in hair and teeth strolled his big-head into the conference room!

Zim's word was final. And she hated the power he held over her.

Tak watched as he headed to the door, ready to ruin the greatness that was the Irken empire. She couldn't handle it anymore. She held her tongue for far too long.

"THIS CONFERENCE IS A JOKE." She screamed, with the utmost fury. "YOU'RE RUNNING A COUNCIL OF FOOLS, MY TALLEST--A COUNCIL OF LIARS-- OF-OF SLAVES!" Like natural, Zim ignored her every word. She wouldn't be ignored, damn it! "Defects!" She cried, pointing to the Irken people before her. She turned her gaze to the Tallest, her purple eyes icy. She was met with his cold, pink stare and turned back to the PCT amongst the room. "A COUNCIL OF DEFECTS."

She had lost her good reputation as an Invader, her pride in her work, and now she lost her good name amongst the Massive.

Dib, as he exited the room with Zim, only had one thing to say on the whole matter.

"I hate politics."

 

[Mira-Charma13]

For the most part Zim tuned Tak out when she began to shriek and scream like some sort of wild animal desperately trying to ward off a much larger and much more threatening predator (because that was essentially what is was, except 'more threatening' might have been wishful thinking on Zim's part). He did pause and glance over his shoulder, disinterest etched on every inch of his smooth jade-hued face. In his opinion, ignoring an angry Irken was the best course of action if he didn't feel like throwing down and fighting at that exact moment. There was little an Irken loved more than getting attention, positive or negative, when they were this angry.

The members of the Planetary Conversion Team, who were also in the process of shuffling out of the Conference Room, hissed and spit at their fellow Irken when she insulted them, antennae quivering with fury. Several cocky shouts erupted from the crowd--many Irkens still in the room were now openly challenging the battered Invader to a fight if she refused to take back those statements. Zim made no attempt to stop them. They were well within their rights to challenge anyone who insulted their honor or intelligence!

The term Defect did evoke a reaction from Zim. It was a split-second reaction, and the Tallest was sure that no Irken in the room noticed it. He didn't have time to check the reactions of the human or his robotic servants beforehand. His antennae stiffened, sticking straight out behind him, and a terrified sheen glimmered in his magenta eyes. Just as quickly as the strange expression came it was gone, and he was back to fixing Tak with the coldest of stares.

He sincerely hoped that Dib didn't notice his change in expression. That was not a conversation he wanted to have if it wasn't necessary.

"Pipe down, would you?" Zim's voice was little more than an arrogant drawl. "We have an Empire to address. Are you going to behave like a proper Invader and salvage what is left of your mission, or do you intend to embarrass yourself further?" With his final piece said and done he turned his back on the fuming Invader at last, instead shifting the entirety of his focus onto the Earth creature. His entire mood seemed to lighten up at the human's words and a string of delighted cackles escaped him.

"Being a politician bores the pants off of Zim!"

"You don't wear pants, master!"

"Tights, then. It bores the tights off of Zim!"

Zim glided through the hallways with an elegant, yet cheerful air about him. He was already a million times more comfortable now that it was just GIR, Minimoose, and Dib by his side. The other Irkens gave him a respectably wide berth. As such he felt comfortable enough to chit-chat with the human during their journey.

"Do you want to stand with Zim on his platform? Or would you rather mingle with the crowd? Remember that this particular meeting will be broadcasted live to every planet controlled by the Irken Empire." Though he was wary about sticking the Earth beast right in the middle of a massive crowd of Irkens, that platform was reserved for the Almighty Tallest, the Head Adviser, and any victorious Invaders. If Dib were to stand on that platform it would raise more than a few antennae. It was not the kind of attention the human needed.

Or was it?

"Also, I was thinking..." Zim's antennae bounced contently. He was in a surprisingly chipper mood after everything that went down--even the Defect comments didn't get to him as much as they usually did. "Because Skoodge is being punished, you could help Zim with some of his official duties if you'd like. Some of it is boring, but some isn't. You would get to listen in on important video calls, for instance. Some of Zim's contacts and all of his Invaders are in foreign places you have yet to lay your little human eyes on."

The Irken monarch led the way onto an elevator, but this one only rose a short distance before letting their motley group out onto an expansive floor. It almost resembled an Earth ballroom, with lots of flat space for things like dancing. The platform was more like a raised stage, high up off of the ground. Several large monitors covered most of the wall space, giving the gathering crowd a bird's eye view of the newly-conquered planet from many different angles.

"Stay by the human's side at all times. Okay, GIR?"

"Uh-huh!"

GIR hopped off of Minimoose's back and stood by Dib's side, dutifully obeying his master. Minimoose stayed by Zim's side, following him onto another elevator that took their odd group all the way up to the top of the platform. The dull roar of the other Irkens' chatter died down some as the Almighty Tallest took his place on the platform. Zim stood tall at the edge of the platform and cleared his throat. He looked less than enthused...but this was his job, so he had to do it.

"Is everyone here or will we have to wait for stragglers?" were the first words out of his mouth. Completely unprofessional, considering the cameras were already rolling, but Skoodge wasn't here to filter Zim's bad behavior like he normally was. Several Irkens in the crowd laughed and several others grunted with irritation. "Good, good. No stragglers, then." Zim stood up a little straighter. "Ehh...welcome, members of the Planetary Conversion Team and other esteemed guests." He squinted pointedly at one of the floating cameras, which drew a bit too close for his liking. "And others watching from far, far away." The camera quickly zoomed back, as if embarrassed about its behavior.

"That big ugly thing in the background is planet Damogran." He motioned to the foreign planet, displayed from almost every angle by the monitors. It was still surrounded by Irken ships, ready to engage in an Organic Sweep if necessary. "It is the latest addition to the Irken Empire." He made a popping sound with his lips. "Third planet to fall to Operation Impending Doom III. Only twelve planets left to conquer!" The crowd gave an obligatory round of cheers and whoops.

"No Organic Sweep this time." This surprised some of the guests who weren't members of the PCT. "The land is good for growing sugar. So...that's what we're going to use it for. These aliens would be useless as slaves, so we will be keeping them here on their planet and forcing them to grow sugar for us. Natural sugar."

More murmuring broke out among the crowd. "Natural sugar would be tasty," one male muttered. "Aww. But I wanted to see an Organic Sweep!" a disappointed female complained. "Think of all the tasty slushes we'll be able to make," another male declared, swooning wistfully at the thought. "Maybe I'll finally be able to taste one for myself."

Irken slushes were a delicacy simply because they were all made with natural sugar!

"The Invader responsible for conquering planet Damogran is Invader Tak." With more professionalism than one would have expected from Zim, he hovered off to the side. "If she would like to give us a moment of her time for the obligatory speech, that would be nice." The crowd cheered, seeming eager to lay eyes on the Invader responsible for their new Natural Sugar Planet.

 

[Dip]

Dib had made a mistake when it came to fanning the fire that was Tak. Encouraging discussion and arguing with her over the topic of Damogran was the worst thing that he could have possibly done! Dib didn't know that, and for all he knew, he had led a perfect discussion that got the eyes and antenna of many Irkens. Many councilmen, who didn't bother egging Tak on when she continued her rant, left with new opinions on the human charge.

Brave... well, stupid, but a brave kind of stupid. And he had a lot of opinions when it came to the future of Irk, which must have sounded good to Zim if the Tallest let him into the private event. While most of the opinions were bad, they had formed opinions nonetheless. Dib felt rather good at the end of the conference, but he knew for a fact that he never wanted to do something like that again.

He had gotten good at screaming debates, mostly because he had done them with Zim so often. Time had mellowed Zim out... and so had chemical changes, but mostly time. Any shouting matches he had were with the rather small and rambunctious Ceedid. That little cretin always started them first! As of late, the two PIT workers had taken to writing swear words in each other's native languages, and holding them up as signs above each other's desk, just in view of the other person.

It was humorous at first, but now it was just annoying! Ceedid had managed to teach himself the Earth alphabet, and was beginning to read at a snail's pace. With nothing to teach him how to properly form vowel sounds and consonants, he had to teach himself. But Dib had to give him credit where credit was due, he was good at what he did! The human would start first, writing a phrase in English with some Irken connotation, such as the phrase "Smeet-Licker", and hold it up over his desk. He would hold it there for a minute, before he heard a small gasp of anger, and then lower it. He would then peek over to see what Ceedid would respond with, and it would often be quite vulgar in return.

Dib had an edge over the other Irken, though. No one knew English, save for himself and Zim, and quite possibly GIR, but everyone would know what the other would write on his sheet. He recalled a time when Zim had stumbled into the Planetarium, as he often did, and saw the phrase "Bug-Eyed-Squeedlyspooch-Eating-Mother-Fucker" (on this day, Ceedid was being a bigger asshole than usual). Zim took one look at the angry sign, and nearly cracked his spine from laughing so hard. The human was sure that if the sign was directed to Zim, that would be a whole other story.

Tak had seen the sudden change in his expression, and it seemed that his human charge had seen it as well. It was so sudden, and if he had blinked, Dib would have missed it, but it seemed the phrase 'Defect' had really done a toll on Zim. He recovered with grace and ease, and began to belittle the hostile Invader even more.

Tak did as she was asked. This was her Almighty Tallest she was dealing with... Regardless of their past history, he had an upper hand. He was taller. She didn't follow the Monarch out as fast as the human did, and instead, blew off some steam by beating the shit out of one of the boastful committee members who had dared to challenge her. She had swept the floor with said member, and blazed her own trail to the second broadcasted meeting.

The shift in attitude within Zim was strange for the human, but he would much rather have a cackly Irken than a cranky one. The political life never looked good on the Irken, and neither did it on the human. Dib had no idea how Zim managed it all, but he guessed that if anyone had someone as good as Skoodge on their side, they were bound for anything. Dib chuckled lightly as the topic of pants and tights were brought up. Since his time on the Massive, he had been given more 'Irken-like' clothing, and this included tights of the sort.

He hated them, and only wore them if he had absolutely no clean clothes. He had to admit, he had beautiful legs, but it felt like he was wearing no pants whatsoever, and being vulnerable around hundreds of thousands of Irkens wasn't something the human enjoyed very much.

When the Almighty Tallest asked if the human wanted to join him on the platform, Dib made a face that told him absolutely not. It was one thing to be in a small room among about fifty or so Irkens, but it was another thing to be broadcasted live to everyone in the known galaxy! If Dib was still wearing his spacesuit, that would have been a different story, but he had insisted on changing into a stupid tourist's sweater. Damn in inability to long-range plan!

While part of Dib was telling him to take credit for his idea, the other part told him that no one would want a human on the stage near the most esteemed ruler in the galaxy (or, one of them. Zim was the only ruler that he knew, so he was the most esteemed by default). Dib doubted that there would be any need for him to speak, but... surely, standing about wouldn't really cause that much of a sturr, right?

Dib had managed to luck out after the conference-- no one had managed to clock him in the face, but maybe being in a position like that would possibly change the outcome of a future conference meeting... well, if there ever was one that Dib was invited to go to. Slowly, Dib weighed his options, and came to a conclusion. "I... could stand with you." He slowly spoke, rolling the words around in his mouth.

Being apart of the PIT was something in itself, it was a rather mixed group with Investigators from all walks of life, but leading the way in saving the planet and being apart of a team that Investigates them might give him the respect he wanted... If not, he still got his name and face out there!

...Somehow, Dib wasn't sure if getting his face out there was a good thing or a bad thing...

"I could help around, too." He decided far more easily. If that meant that future situations of abandoned Invaders got dealt with in a more professional manner, he would help as much as he could. "But... I don't think Skoodge should get in trouble for his great idea." Dib teased. "I mean, I'm not dead yet, am I? I can fix the ship in like... I dunno, a week maybe." He was about to prattle on and on, but he wasn't sure if this discussion would end much like his 'discussion' with Tak a few minutes prior.

Dib entered the large ballroom, and was instantly drawn to the large monitors. The planet was gorgeous, and almost... almost looked like home. He was far more blue than the planet Earth, and the extensive fields of green were met with that of sand dunes of orange and dusty yellow. Not home, but close to it. The human turned back to follow the Tallest, and tried his best to keep his gaze away from the developing crowd. He knew he had some eyes on him, but the human drew this thought out of his mind for one in return.

He wondered if there were any humans out there watching and if they could recognize their kind from a distance.

He wondered if there was anyone watching from far, far away...

---

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe is one of the most extraordinary ventures in the entire history of catering. It is built on the fragmented remains of an eventually ruined planet which is enclosed in a vast time bubble and projected forward in time to the precise moment of the End of the Universe.

This is, many would say, impossible.

In it, guests take their places at table and eat sumptuous meals whilst watching the whole of creation explode around them.

This is, many would say, equally impossible.

You can arrive for any sitting you like without prior reservation because you can book retrospectively, as it were when you return to your own time.

This is, many would now insist, absolutely impossible.

At the Restaurant you can meet and dine with a fascinating cross-section of the entire population of space and time.

This, it can be explained patiently, is also impossible.

You can visit it as many times as you like and be sure of never meeting yourself, because of the embarrassment this usually causes.

This, even if the rest were true, which it isn't, is patently impossible, say the doubters.

All you have to do is deposit one penny in a savings account in your own era, and when you arrive at the End of Time the operation of compound interest means that the fabulous cost of your meal has been paid for. This, many claim, is not merely impossible but clearly insane, which is why the advertising executives of the star system of Bastablon came up with this slogan: "If you've done six impossible things this morning, why not round it of with breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe?"

At that precise moment, a human who denounced her loyalty to humanity, a human clad in a bathrobe, a Betelgeusian armed with a towel, a paranoid android, and the Ex-President of the Galaxy decided to get roaring drunk on Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters and have a breakfast of eggs benedict. A moment after that decision, another clean-shaven human and two easy-going Plookesians found themselves inside of the Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

The clean-shaven human was known as Mister Dwicky on Earth, but he had dropped the 'Mister' entirely since he ditched his life on planet Earth. It seemed that was a common thing to do within the universe, as he had met with a few humans who had dropped their first or last name, or even changed it entirely to fit a more 'alien' like society. You didn't find Johns or Janes in space, but he'd be damned if he found another Dwicky!

But, those humans never stuck around for long. They were hitchhiking, just like he was. They all had somewhere to be and they had to get to that somewhere quick. The human and his two companions took a booth seat near the end of the restaurant. Partly because they wanted to segregate themselves from the drunkards and strangers, and mostly because they were too hungover for their own good.

They sat down silently, and stayed silent for all of three minutes, before every piece of broadcasting equipment flickered to life against the will of the public. The regulars of the Restaurant knew this drill like the back of their hand, and knew that they just had to sit through the broadcast until it was over. The almost entirely disregarded Restaurant had been claimed in the name of Irk some time ago, but no real conquering ever took place.

All it took was one Irken Ambassador who strayed away from the coordinates he was given, a few too many Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters, and an Irken flag and the planet was Irk's. No one really came to visit in order to cleanse and destroy, but to instead have some good lunch at reasonable prices. The Irken flag hadn't even been removed, but it had simply been moved to a wall that was filled with pictures of famous drunkards and advertisements.

The broadcast played, and quite annoyingly at that. Dwicky rubbed his light-blue eyes with balled fists, and turned them towards the broadcasting device. It must have been his eyesight failing him, but he could swear that he saw someone... oddly human on the screen. But again, there were many oddly-human life forms all over the known universe. Take the Ex-President! He looked almost entirely human, save for his extra head and third limb.

Dwicky slowly lifted a hand towards the screen, and turned to the two aliens across the table from him. "Mooshy, Spoopty, what is that?" He asked.

"That's a screen." Spoopty said, almost instantly.

"What's on it?"

"Glass." He added, with a small smirk.

"No, no, I mean, inside it? Like, on the screen, under the glass, far far away?"

"Filamen--"

"Some alien dude, dude." Mooshy replied. He knew this game all too well, and if he didn't stop his partner in crime, they would go on and on for hours at a time.

"...Is that a human?" Dwicky asked, but this time towards Mooshy. He made a small motion to the tall figure to the left of the tall bug-like creature, who seemed to be wearing a sweater with some strange letterings.

Mooshy took one look at the screen, and turned away. "Can't be. Don't know what an Irken would want with a human. It has to be from Betelguise or someone from Alpha Centauri."

Dwicky was content with this answer for a while. A waitress composed of crystalline lattices gave them very flat carbonated water, and they were once again silent. Spoopty took it upon himself to watch part of the broadcast, and he soon realized what the human hitchhiker was getting at with his question.

Spoopty squinted at the screen and fell silent as he drank his water. He looked up at the hung-over human, and spoke. "What's a Roswell, New Mexico?"

Dwicky made a face, raising an eyebrow and cocking his head to the side. "What?"

"What's a Roswell, New Mexico?" Spoopty pressed, trying his best to mock the face that the human was giving him.

"it's a place on Earth...I think. Atleast it was, I'm pretty sure. I've never been there. Why?"

"Huh." Was all Spoopty could muster. He turned back to the screen, and took a sip of water. He pointed to the screen with an extended arm, and spoke once more. "That's an Earthling."

"No way." Dwicky said, squinting once again to the screen. "No way!" He smiled, and felt his face ache. "I haven't seen one of those in a long time--"

"There's two right there." Mooshy said, pointing to the drunk cluster at the bar.

"Oh." Was all that came out of the hungover human.

Somewhere within the restaurant, a pair of golden keys fell out of the pocket of the late President of the Galaxy's pocket, and onto the floor of the men's bathroom.

"I'm going to go drain the main vein." The human said, as he excused himself from the booth and into the nearby men's bathroom.

---

"Glory to Irk." Was all Tak had to say on the matter, and her people stood in solidarity.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

The look that Zim gave Tak after her disgracefully short and unenthused speech was downright venomous. While a good number of Irkens stood tall and remained silent in solidarity after that short speech, others were fixing the Invader with similar filthy and annoyed stares. Invaders usually gave long speeches, boasting about their accomplishments and praising the Irken Empire. A bit of pizzazz and razzle-dazzle were what some Irkens in the crowd were expecting--something exciting to make up for the lack of an Organic Sweep.

And they got this wimpy excuse for a speech instead? Great.

"Yeesh, how boring." Leave it Zim to speak his mind on the matter. Sometimes that Irken didn't know when to keep his big fat mouth shut. Apparently, now that Tak had taken it upon herself to nearly attack the Dib, she was most definitely on Zim's bad side again. "Ehh, whatever. It doesn't matter, I guess. But just because you gave a pathetic excuse for a speech..." He nodded idly over his shoulder at the human creature standing behind him. "Zim is not going to let you take all the credit. Using the planet to grow food, and specifically sugar, was the Earth creature's idea. It won't net us any monies in the short run, but it will in the long run. Also, we will have more natural sugar to run our fingers through than we have in years. So that's nice."

The crowd gave a dull murmur of approval. Sure, instant gratification was nice and all...but in the end, a steady source of income was always better. It was a wise choice. Something they didn't expect from their current Tallest. So it didn't really surprise them that this wasn't entirely his idea.

"We will spend a few hours taking the patched-up Damogran aliens back to their planet so that they can begin repairing the worst of the damage. Tomorrow, Zim will select Ambassadors to travel to Damogran and finish the repairs. And then we will start growing stuff. I think." His antennae bounced. "Unless dirt has to be moved around first." He jabbed Dib in the arm with a sharp finger. "Zim knows nothing about growing things, so you will be helping him and his underlings organize this."

He was pretty sure that gardening was something completely foreign to Skoodge, as well, so the only creature that really could assist him in this matter was the Dib-human. Irkens were the opposite of self-sufficient. Couldn't grow their own food, no water left on their home planet, the air on Irk had to be heavily filtered to make it breathable...in a way, it resembled the dark future that planet Earth was spiraling headlong into. This was part of the reason why the Irkens went out of their way to conquer so many different planets! The other part? They were arrogant with a wild superiority complex and a firm belief in manifest destiny, so they wanted everything and everyone in the Known Universe to belong to and answer to them.

"Sooooo...that's pretty much it!" Zim clapped his small, but long-fingered hands together. "It'll be the usual for the rest of the day. Everyone has the day off! It's a temporary holiday! The AIs will take care of stuff for a while!" This prompted a roaring cheer from the crowd, louder than any cheer so far, and an exasperated groan from the unmistakable voice of Zim's Computer overhead. Irkens were workaholics...but when they did get the chance to party, they were wilder than a bunch of human youths at a drug and alcohol-ridden music festival on planet Earth.

Zim waved the cheering crowd off and hovered toward the small elevator again, politely waiting for the Dib to join him. Minimoose was hot on his tail, floating around in circles and squeaking happily in response to the cheering from the crowd gathered below. GIR, on the other hand, was clapping and grinning cheerfully. Unsure if his master and the big-headed boy were going to separate or stay together after getting off of the elevator, he stuck to Dib's side like a troublesome little burr in his clothing.

As the elevator began to descend, GIR spoke up. "Let's watch some Earth stuff together!" he proposed, waving his arms around wildly. "Like a horror movie! Or a Disney movie! Ooh, ooh!" The excitable SIR jumped up and down like a jackrabbit. "Wrestling! Wrestliiiiing!"

"An Earth media marathon?" Zim squinted off into the distance and silently pondered this until the elevator ground to a halt. He led the way back through the expansive room--as usual, the departing throng of Irkens graciously parted for their monarch. "We'll need snacks," the Tallest mused, rubbing his chin with one hand. "Lots of snacks. Also, we will have to decide which room to watch the aforementioned stuff in." GIR was so eager to get this marathon on the way that he took the lead, barreling to the next small elevator.

"We have these rooms to choose from..." Zim held up one hand and its three fingers. "Zim's room. The Dib's room. Or..." An impish smile curled his lips. "The Almighty Tallest's secret media room. It is much like a home theater. The previous Tallests--" for once Zim didn't flinch when he mentioned them, "--used it to watch Coliseum battles. You had a Coliseum on planet Earth, yes? In the past? It is a similar thing. Just less...earthy. Famous warriors are pitted against great beasts. Also, this Coliseum provides a chance for some prisoners to end their prison term early...if they can overcome a random challenge against a random beast, of course."

Thankfully the two former Tallest, Red and Purple, never competed in this Coliseum to earn their freedom. Not because they couldn't, but because they wouldn't. A prisoner had to be alone to conduct their challenge, and while versatile Red would certainly be able to overcome almost any challenge they threw at him...Purple, who was never a soldier and panicked easily, was a different story. One would not leave prison without the other.

It was kind of adorable, actually. Zim was almost jealous of that bond. Almost.

"...Also..." Zim joined a merry GIR in the next elevator, which would take them back into the hallways of the Massive. "Tomorrow, perhaps, you can help Zim with some of his duties. He will need you there to help with the whole Damogran thing, anyway. You can split your time between Zim and the PIT on some days, if you wish. Not all days, of course." He knew how much working for the PIT meant to Dib, so he wasn't going to suggest that he spend more time in Skoodge's shoes if it was detrimental to his budding career.

The hallway the elevator let the quartet out into was packed from wall to wall with Irkens. Some were squished against the wall in groups, chattering away, and others were making a beeline for the Cafeteria to celebrate. The Cafeteria was always a designated party spot during a celebration on the Massive. Zim found himself pitying his poor Computer, who would definitely be overworked for the rest of the day.

 

[Dip]

If this had been any other mission, with any other Tallest, on any other planet, Tak would have taken it upon herself to talk the antennae off of her fellow Irkens. The fact of the matter was just this: She was tired, she was annoyed, she was in mild pain, and she was done. And the very last thing she needed was the human taking every single piece of credit that she had earned.

The Irken Invader's eyes grew large but slowly narrowed into thin slits. Her antennae were pressed flat against her head, and she looked ready to fight. Dib took one look at Tak, and at that moment knew, he fucked up. Dib turned away from the alien and looked over the crowd of buzzing and curious Irkens. He could feel his palms sweat and his heart rate pick up. This was bad. This was very bad.

Dib had no clue what to do at that point, so again, he behaved as any human would. He nervously smiled, shying away from the floating cameras, and raised a hand in a nervous wave.

---

The gargling humans paid very little attention to the screen until they overheard the phrase 'Roswell, New Mexico' from the other side of the Restaurant. There could be millions, billions of reasons why that strange Betelgeusian could be wearing a sweater with those words on it. Millions and billions of reasons for him to be with that Irken leader! The male and the female began watching closely to ensure their hunches, and they listened to what the strange green alien monarch had to say.

"I've never been fond of green men." The female, who happened the share a Vortian name, slurred.

"You're never been fond of men, Trillian." The male in the bathrobe replied, obviously bitter over a falsely kindled flame. "Green or otherwise."

"Mmm, you're right Arthur." She spoke with a soft smile playing across her thinly chapped lips.

Soon, the former President of the Galaxy excused himself-- or, moreover, himselves. Both of his heads, at that time, spoke up about wanting to go relieve themselves at the bathroom. This left the human male questioning the possibility of there being two heads on both ends, but his stomach slowly churned at the thought.

Well, you know what they say on Earth! Two heads are better than one.

Arthur drew his mug up quickly to drink, but he was stopped as he heard a very strange phrase emit from the broadcasting device.

"...Using the planet to grow food, and specifically, sugar was the Earth creature's idea..."

The two stopped and slowly turned to each other. They couldn't have been hearing things, right? Earth? Was this Earthling? A wrongly captured human? Or was it another hitchhiker? Surely hitchhikers knew better than to get themselves into political debacles, right? Well... Given the circumstances, at least hitchhikers knew how to get themselves out of debacles. This creature was entirely in the middle of it!

They turned away from each other and looked back to the broadcast. That, indeed, must have been a human. From head to toe, that glasses-clad young man was from Earth! Arthur, in a fit of drunk happiness, roared a loud applause. He whooped and whistled, clapping his two meet-clubs together in a prehistoric and very primitive manner. Trillian soon joined in, hitting her fist on the table and cheering on for their human away from home.

They watched as the human seemed to wave to them from across the multiverse, and they waved back, laughing and roaring in the process. In their excitement, they had completely forgotten their eggs benedict and their Betelgeusian friend. But, their friend wasn't ill-spirited at all! The humanoid figure began clapping and screaming with the best of them, banging his latest Gargle Blaster against the bar table.

In fact, a lot of the drunk population joined in, including some formerly drunk persons named Mooshy and Spoopty. They didn't know why they were cheering, or to whom they were cheering at, but they figured it wouldn't hurt to whoop and holler while they were still able to.

If only the human in the bathroom was there to see such a thing!

As the folk in the Restaurant continued their obnoxious cheering, the human inside the bathroom pulled up his pants. He had drastically changed his outfit from when he had left Earth, and he was fine with that. For the most part, his new change in clothes was rather simple. Simple pants, simple shoes, simple socks, simple long-sleeved shirt-- simple everything! All articles were made of Nubrian mesh, mixed with a very thick yet durable fabric from the planet Omnicron Persei 8. Dwicky forgot where he had managed to snag the threads, but he was thankful that he had at least something to wear.

The human strolled out of the alien stall and soon stumbled upon a very peculiar set of golden keys. The keys were on a ring and almost seemed human in appearance. On it was a golden charm that was in the shape of a golfball, with the initials Z-B carved in the dimples. Dwicky slowly reached down to pick up the keys, and he inspected them closely. There were three sets of separate keys, and all of them were golden and varying shapes and sizes. The human, a notorious kleptomaniac, did as all kleptomaniacs did best.

He slips the keys into his pocket, washed his hands, and walked into the bar once more.

Dwicky slipped into the booth with the cheering Plookesians, and awkwardly began to clap himself. At what he was clapping at, he had no idea. The good times slowly came to an end, and the human impishly presented the keys to his fellow comrades, who wondered what ship it belonged to.

Let's just say, the three did indeed find the ship that the golden keys belonged to. And let's just say that the ship was, much like the keys, entirely golden. And let's just say, for the hell of it, the three took a joyride. And let's just say, someone decided that it was a good idea to make tea aboard the Heart of Gold.

The possibility of Dwicky finishing that tea was entirely... improbable.

---

Tak, at the end of the ceremony, took her chance to exact revenge. If Dib wanted all the credit, that was fine by her. But because it was now a temporary holiday, there was no one about the Hangars. While there were security measurements placed, they were shut off as soon as the Security workers began to party in their break room.

Tak, like any Irken completely in control of their emotions, began to do to Dib's Spittle Runner what he did to hers, but on a quicker, sloppier level. It wasn't pretty, but it was worth it. After the Irken's earned victory, she took to partying with the best of them, and never admitted a thing to anyone. If anyone had seen her enact the mechanical slaughter, they would keep their mouths shut. After that stunt that the human pulled earlier that day, he deserved to be put out of commission.

It was perfect.

The human, during that time, became a wreck. The process was slow, but it picked up speed like a barreling bullet aimed at the enemy. Dib knew absolutely nothing about growing plants. He killed cacti before! He was less nurturing than the desert, and he was to help with the organization?! HE WAS THE LEAST ORGANIZED PERSON HE KNEW! He went into space unorganized! He shoved all of his belongings in a box and hit the road!!

He had gone pale during the last part of the interview, and he was the first one to follow Zim out of the ballroom.

Dib knew nothing of planting. He knew nothing of growing. He knew nothing about agriculture, but he knew atleast one person who did. Dib was almost offended when Zim asked if the other would like to watch movies with him. "I-I don't think I can... right now, at least." Dib started. "Zim, I don't know anything about growing plants. I only know what Ceedid sent me, and-and I could hardly even read it! I need to find someone else, or something to read, or-or... something." The poor human was so nervous, it was obvious.

Dib knew Nuul-Yhar had knowledge on plenty of agriculture. She was the lead Botanist, as well as the Logistical Coordinator for most of the scientists in that field. She had a pretty easy job, and that was analyzing leaves and bark all day. Surely with all of this commotion about planet Damogran, she was on top of it all. Nu was one of the only people that Dib never really talked to, mostly because she was never in the mood for conversation.

She was the first person who came to his mind when it came to people who knew anything about plants. The second was... well, obviously, the people of Damogran themselves. More specifically, the Scientists. Within the papers he had translated in haste, he had read about the three Scientists who knew everything about... well, everything! They were the ones to make the Improbability-What-Do-You-Call-It, so they must know a thing or two about growing their food, right?

Why did he have to open his big fat mouth?

"I can run and do some stuff, and I can meet you in that... Coliseum-Theater-Room-Place-Thingy." Dib said quickly, before entering the elevator that GIR had so helpfully claimed. He knew that this wouldn't sit well with the Irken monarch, but it was all so sudden! He had assumed at least someone would know a thing or two about Botany! But, sadly, Dib knew that there was no way in hell Zim was going to put a fully-capable female Meekrobian in charge of something as serious as that.

"I'm pretty sure I know kinda where it might be, sorta. It'll take, like, ten minutes. I promise. Ten...ish minuets. I'll be right back-- I'll be back before you even know I'm gone! I'll be gone so quick, you won't even know I left." Dib already had most of his items with him that he needed: computer, spare cables, cell phone, and his translation device. If he needed to pick something up, he did say ten-ish minutes for a reason.

The elevator doors opened into the cramped hallway, and Dib took a moment to figure out where he was. He was near the Medical Wing, which was right near where the Scientists should be located. Somehow, seeing them first bugged him slightly. He had no clue who they were, or how they would operate, or if they would even talk to him! But the Planetarium was entirely out of the way, and Dib wasn't even sure if Nu was going to be there at all.

He would have to bite the bullet on this one, and face on the Damogran people head on.

"Remember when I told you that I'd be gone so quick, you wouldn't even know that I'm gone? Well, I lied. You're gonna know that I'm gone, because I'm gonna tell you." Dib started, taking a step into the hallway. He knew that Zim and his duo of servants needed to go straight, but Dib had to make a sharp right. "I'm leaving. But ten-ish minutes! I'll be right back, and I'll bring some-some... Some blankets! And stuff, and things!" Irkens liked blankets, right? Well, of course they did, but it wouldn't hurt to bring some anyway.

There would be absolutely no reason for Zim to argue, because the human was doing this for him and him alone! Well, it was for the both of them, because Dib didn't want to look like an incompetent fool, but if he looked like an idiot, so would Zim! And if Dib knew Zim, he knew that Zim hated being the idiot. That was one thing that both the human and the alien had in common on Earth.

Dib blazed his own trails, and he did so nervously.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

"Calm down, human." Uncharacteristically, Zim was the calmest creature in the immediate area at the moment. The other Irkens whizzed and rocketed past like hyperactive human toddlers. "Even with your meager knowledge you still know more about plants and growing things than Zim and his people do. Don't you remember? There are only Irkens on Irk," he reminded the human firmly. "No fuzzy animal things. No plant life. It has been that way for millennia. We don't know the first thing about growing things. Some of us may have a basic idea, sure...but..." He shrugged his shoulders. "It is an alien concept to us."

Many Irkens didn't even know what could and couldn't be grown in soil. The vast majority had no idea what came from trees and what didn't. They relied on slaves on their conquered Food-Growing Planets to do that for them. They were certainly a species that had spoiled themselves rotten over the years.

Predictably, an aura of disappointment washed over Zim when Dib claimed he was going to leave. He must have been looking forward to relaxing and spending the rest of the day with the human and his lovable robotic servants. Unwinding after a political event, particularly one as polarizing and stressful as this one turned out to be, was rather important for Zim. He often isolated himself after such events so that he could calm down and, eventually, forget that it even happened.

The position of Almighty Tallest wasn't a position that truly suited the erratic Irken. Then again...Zim was under the impression that there was no position within his own Empire that would actually suit him on every level.

"Aww." GIR seemed to share his master's sentiment. His little antenna drooped pathetically. When the Earth creature claimed he would return with blankets, stuff, and things for their little Earthen movie night, however, the tiny SIR brightened up considerably. "Okay! Me and Moosey and my master'll pick out movies an' stuff to watch! We'll watch the best movies ever!"

Zim grunted under his breath, one antenna twitching with irritation. His expression was sour as the human took a sharp right, leaving him and his two easily excitable robots standing in the middle of the busy intersection and surrounded by loud and merry Irkens scuttling this way and that. His fingers twitched, as if he wanted to chase after the human and prevent him from leaving...but he somehow managed to restrain himself.

The Dib was doing this for his sake, wasn't he? He knew damn well that Zim knew nothing about botany, and because his knowledge was limited as well he was going to stuff as much knowledge about plants and such as he possibly could down his inferior human gullet. He didn't want to look like a moron. Zim certainly didn't want to look like more of an idiot than the general populace believed him to be. His reputation on an intellectual level was badly tarnished. If that reputation was tarnished further...perhaps some of the braver souls among his people really would start reporting him to the Control Brains.

He almost felt bad. Almost. He was sure that some members of the Planetary Investigation Team knew a thing or two about botany, so he wasn't too worried about screwing all of this up. But if the Dib wanted to take extra precautions and arm himself with that extra knowledge...well...Zim wasn't going to complain or make any attempt to stop him.

Instead he turned away from the human's retreating form and led the way down the straight part of the hallway. Minimoose happily trailed after him. GIR lingered for a moment, having noticed his master's sudden glum demeanor, and took one last look at the Earth creature's back before jogging to catch up.

Zim's mood picked up just a bit as the odd trio navigated its way through the winding hallways. As time dragged on and on less Irkens filled the hallways. Most of them were in the Cafeteria celebrating with a good meal and some even better music. It was all foreign music in a variety of different languages. Irkens really were sweet on anything having to do with music. Dib could use this to his advantage if he really wanted to improve his reputation. As Zim floated idly past the Cafeteria he noticed many of his kinfolk dancing out of the corner of his eye. Dancing was another distinctly un-Irken thing that Irkens loved to indulge in during a time of celebration. They almost always danced in pairs.

Zim hated dancing. Not because dancing itself bothered him...but because no one had ever wanted to dance with him before. And no, GIR (who would dance with anyone or anything, at any time, anywhere) didn't count.

The tense monarch only allowed himself to relax once he was in his private elevator and it began to rise. By the time the elevator doors opened again he was already chatting animatedly with GIR about what to watch. GIR posed several good suggestions, as did Zim. They spent at least twenty minutes flipping through pirated movies, pay-per-views, and TV episodes.

Zim was in such a good mood by this point that he failed to notice that the human wasn't back yet. That was a good thing, for both of them. Zim was a rather punctual being. He liked to be on time every time and tended to get irritated when other people were late, or something was delayed. He threw a fit of epic proportions once back on planet Earth after school was delayed for a couple of hours because of a heavy snowfall the previous night.

The trio eventually settled on watching some episodes of a game show GIR liked. They also watched a WWE Royal Rumble, a few episodes of different cartoons, and the movie Mulan. Halfway through the next item on the agenda, an episode of Cops, Minimoose fell asleep. GIR fell asleep after three more episodes. Zim was the last to drift off. When Zim finally fell asleep the Computer graciously turned the television off, leaving the three of them in peaceful darkness. They slept for several hours in silence, without incident.

But that peace was not meant to last.

The first indication that something was wrong? An unusual sound echoed through the walls of Zim's quarters and into the human's room. Loud scraping and mechanical groaning sounds. The second bad sign came in the form of GIR's voice, loud and panicked. The third?

Agonized shrieks and terrified wails suddenly pierced the otherwise still air. Seconds later the door to Zim's room whooshed open and something began to bang on the closed door to Dib's room. The small metal clinking sound...it was the unmistakable sound of GIR's teeny-tiny little fists pounding against the door.

"Mary, Mary!" He sounded distraught. "Master's havin' a nightmare! You gotta help me before he hurts himself!"

He didn't let on how exactly Zim would end up hurting himself...but Dib would definitely find out if he dared to enter that room.

 

[Dip]

Calm down? Dib, calm? Zim should know from experience that Dib was the least calm human on the planet. He was always high-strung about this, that, or the other thing. There was no reason to relax on Earth when it was just Dib versus the world, and there surely was no use in relaxing now when he had to learn how to botanize!

Is 'botanize' even a word? Dib was so detached from cognitive thinking, he began creating fake phrases to try and make himself look more intelligent on the topic than he actually was. It would prove successful against the Irkens, and possibly the mechanical-loving Vortians, but to everyone else in the known universe? They'll think he's a fraud. A pink, fleshy, grotesque, blob-like morphic fraud!

Dib was too concerned at that moment to recognize the disappointment etched on every part of the alien's being. He had zipped and zoomed off like a bat out of hell, and was now walking at brisk speed down the nearly empty hall. He was glad that he managed to grab some food before his physical, or else he would be stuck in the cafeteria forever. Dib could fill himself easily, and be fine with that for quite some time.

Even if he had managed to go to the cafeteria beforehand, having another game of 'Mary Runs Around the Massive", he would never be able to get past the groups of party-ers and strange dancers. Dib had never been invited to a party, and never attended a school dance. None of that really bothered him, because he didn't take interest in any of that. Drinking was disgusting, smoking was even worse, and drugs? He didn't need substance to feel high, he had paranormal movies and comics for that.

Even if he had gone to an Earth prom or a school dance, who would he have gone with? He had no interest in females, and every single man in his school-- in the world, basically-- was an absolute trainwreck. Going alone wouldn't have been bad, but Dib has no coordination whatsoever. He had two left feet, and when he did dance, it was cringy and sad. You could expect a better performance out of a soggy, half-dead half-eaten fish. It was sad because Dib liked dancing. He just always lacked a partner.

But if Zim had asked him to dance... well, there would be a strong possibility that he wouldn't say no.

Dib, to be entirely blunt, hadn't the slightest idea what he was going to say to the Scientists. He hadn't the slightest idea how he was going to approach them, or if he could even speak to them! Dib, at that sudden realization, stopped dead in his tracks and groaned. They probably couldn't speak English! Well, he knew they couldn't, but would they understand him? Dib had his own translation device, but he was unsure if they needed to have one in order to understand the human. Dib tore the backpack off of his back and unzipped it to view the contents.

He grabbed his collar-esque device, and placed it around his neck, hooking the earpieces up and over his lobes, into his ear canal. He pressed the button on the side of the collar and zipped up his backpack once more. This was, Dib decided, probably not the best of plans. The human, if he was being entirely honest, mostly went through with this plan out of sheer curiosity.

What did the Scientists look like? Were they just like their people? Were they tall? Well, the entire race was of Damogran people were tall, but were they taller than the rest? What color were they? What kind of Scientists were they? All of these questions and more boggled his mind and led him towards where the human thought they might be located. Dib meandered into the Medical wing and gripped tightly at the straps of his backpack.

The human slowly poked his head into the doorway of the late Serloz's office and saw Bohemian working idly about. What he was working on, Dib had no idea. The human softly took a step, expecting to be heard from the Head Surgeon, but it seemed that he was too focused-- or, moreover, distracted, to notice.

"Bohem--"

Dib wasn't able to finish his statement when the Head Surgeon turned around wildly, antennae on edge and eyes blazing as if he was guilty of doing something he shouldn't have been. Every muscle in his body was ready for fight or flight, and Dib took a step back, raising his arms in defense.

"It's me!" He said quickly like he was in trouble. "It's Dib!"

Bohemian sighed, relaxing his frame and taking on a more relaxed form. The Irken took a moment to look over the human before he hid whatever it was that he was working on. "I am... sorry about that." Bohemian apologized. "I was busy. You should have knocked, human." His last phrase was nearly dripping with annoyance, but he was good at hiding it outwardly.

Dib slowly lowered his hands. "I didn't know," Dib said plainly, and that was the whole truth.

Bohemian shook his head and stood from his position. Every carbon atom of his being was still on edge, but he was no longer ready to attack. "What can I help you with?" If Dib had been anyone else at that time, Bohemian would have given them a sound verbal thrashing, but Dib was in a better position. If Bohemian did anything of the sort, he would surely meet the same fate as Serloz. It was rumored that Serloz made fun of the human's slight stutter, and that's what threw the Almighty Tallest for a loop.

Bohemian wanted to keep all of his limbs together, in one place, thank you very much.

"Do you know where the Scientists are?" Dib inquired, his hands finding themselves back on the straps of his backpack.

"They're downstairs, in the bellows," Bohemian said, with a shrug. Surely the human would have known that by now, he had been aboard the Massive for almost three and a half months!

"No, no, not those guys. I know where those guys are. I'm talking about the Scientists. You know, from Damogran? The Damogran Scientists?"

"Oh." Why the human wanted to visit with them, the Head Surgeon had no idea. In his opinion, the Scientists were just a bunch of kooks in fancy clothing. "I treated some minor wounds on one of them about ten minutes ago. You can find them in the recovery unit, on the far end of the hall. All three of them are in there, but..." Bohemian stopped for a moment. "They might be fine with you, but they don't like Irkens very much. Or at all. If you have any trouble, do not hesitate to get me."

Bohemian would never admit this to anyone but himself, but he had half-assed his check-up with the three Scientists. He hardly got past the first medical checkpoint before he had to stop. They just wouldn't co-operate, or listen to a single thing he had to say! It was hard enough that they were nearly double Bohemian's size, but they just wouldn't stop hissing and screeching at him! "They might like you," Bohemian added, curtly. "Might."

The Head Surgeon's words did nothing for the human's nerves, but it did only fan the flame that was the human's curiosity. Dib was silent for a moment before he spoke. "Far end of the hall... on the right?" He tried, with a nervous smile.

The human was brave, Bohemian would give him that much. "Left. Walk in slowly, and don't be too loud or have any sudden movements." He added. He had learned those things the hard way.

"Left! Left, okay, got it." Dib stepped back out into the hall, and Bohemian watched quietly as he did so. He wondered what the Tallest saw in that human. The Head Surgeon turned back to the work he had hidden out of view and sighed. He pondered to himself before he made the executive decision to put the files of Jazz, Trillian, Salsa, Rhapsody, Loskora, and countless others back into the filing cabinet where they belonged.

He thanked his lucky stars that it was Dib, and not Rhapsody, that walked in on him. He didn't know why, but something made Bohemian feel... icky about wondering how Rhapsody would react to his betraying her. The Head Surgeon knew that the Medic was busy with... something or another. If she wasn't tending to the Damogran people, she was out with Jazz, or even somewhere dancing amongst the other Irkens. The Head Surgeon couldn't help but smile at the image of her dazzling a small crowd.

Irken life never suited her well.

The Head Surgeon took the files and carted them away. A few seconds later, he emerged empty-handed, and his lab coat draped over his arm. Bohemian debated if he should join the ranks or continue his work.

The human took the path down the hall and turned to the left. He had a vague idea of who he was going to be met with, but the anticipation was killing him! He was so excited, so nervous, so... everything! Almost instantly, he was faced with three strange creatures, in very similar but different attire. The three seemed to take no notice of the human but spent more time looking over each other.

For the most part, they were unharmed. Shaken, nervous, and anxious? Entirely! But they were unharmed. Dib observed them for a moment, taking in as much detail as he could. He wondered how he should approach them, and wondered if it was too late to back down. The human touched the side of the Translation device softly, to double check that it was on and active.

Well, now was as good as a time as any, right?

The three Scientists were in a secluded room, with the door closed tightly. Dib could imagine that if they knew how to work the curtains, they would have pulled those shut. The human moved towards the door slowly, and deliberately, and soon caught the six large and brightly colored eyes watching him like a hawk. Dib kept minimal eye-contact, unsure if it was rude to look them in the eyes or not.

Being a part of the PIT gave Dib a look into different customs. For example, the Three-Headed Beast People of Gh'Jorgawd 6 took great offense to having one head being talked to more than the other two. Having it be disrespectful to look into the eyes of other alien races was also common, and Dib clearly didn't want to ruin his chances.

The human had no need to turn any knob or move any handle. The doors slid open and soon slid close once he was within the same room as the three scientists. As soon as the door closed behind him, Dib felt scared. Not only because these were strange and hostile creatures, but because they were so... tall. Even the shortest one was just slightly taller than Dib! The loomed over him, backing themselves into the corner.

The human pushed his hands into the air and admitted defeat to any battle that was brewing. "Uh..." He started, which was soon translated into a language not his own. "Hello. Hi." He finished. He saw the eyes of the three Scientists take on new expressions. Some of them being impressed, some being confused, and some being down right angry. It was hard for Dib to figure out which was angry and which was completely fine because all three had pretty much the same facial features!

The human's words hung in the air for an uncomfortable amount of time, and it wasn't too long before the human started speaking again. "I'm... Dib. Dib Membrane. I'm a Human, from Planet Earth." Again, there was silence. "Earth is located in one of the spiral arms of the Milky Way-- er, Galaxy C-137." Dib had to adjust to the more technical names of locations and places, and completely forget the Earth way of naming galaxies and locations.

Again, the introduction was met with silence. The three looked over the human, taking in each feature and each look as if they couldn't understand what to make of him. Dib felt the strangely colorful eyes on him like hot coals, and he almost squirmed in their presents. Dib stopped himself and soon took off his backpack. He pulled out his laptop and began typing quickly.

"Here, it looks like this. This is Earth." Dib said, and he soon pulled up an image of his home planet. He turned the computer towards the three Scientists, and they all crowded around to view it. Seeing a planet so similar to Damogran almost calmed the three thinkers, and in return, it calmed Dib down as well. The two Scientists on the left and the right side continued to observe the blue-green planet, but the Scientist in the middle raised his head to level with the human.

"This is Earth?" The shortest of the Scientists asked, and Dib hesitated to nod. The Scientists took a downward glance at the image and looked back up at the human. "It looks like Damogran." The Scientist mused, and the two nodded in agreement.

"Damogran is... pretty." Dib said slowly. This phrase caught the attention of the other two, and it wasn't long before the shortest Scientists spoke on their behalf.

"We know." The Scientist smiled, showing off a row of small, dull teeth. The Scientist soon turned away from the human, and down again at the device before him. Dib stood there awkwardly, holding open the laptop for the three, unsure of what to do next. The human was thankful that he didn't have to speak because a Scientist clad in green soon spoke up.

"... What have they done to Damogran?" The look in her eyes nearly broke Dib's heart. "The Irkens have told us that they will destroy Damogran. Everything on Damogran. The Irkens said... they will destroy us. Is that true, Dib-Membrane? Will we be destroyed, Dib-Membrane?"

"No. No--No, that's not true. They won't--"

"The Irkens destroyed Earth, did they not?"

"Damogran is safe. Earth is safe, too... You'll be fine, they won't kill you-- any of you. I promise."

Somehow, the assurance of their existence calmed them down even more. All of them, except for a Scientist dressed in purple.

"They destroyed our Moon. They will not stop."

The Scientist in greed rebutted quickly, turning to the tall Scientist and speaking gently. "Our people are capable of surviving with one Moon, Damo-Hith." Dib took note that the Scientist in purple was named Damo-Hith. He faintly wondered if all the Damogran people started their names with 'Damo'. "We have survived worse."

"Worse? Do not take me for a fool, Damo-Pasp. What is worse than this? The West and East oceans have become serine. The tides are incorrect. Did you not see the affects it had on our wild-life? The water-life cannot adapt."

Dib watched the bickering and took note of the names. The green one was Damo-Pasp, the purple one was Damo-Hith. Looks like their named did all start with Damo!

"There is nothing within the West and East oceans." The last unnamed Scientist spoke. To this, the taller of the named Scientists scoffed in offense. "It is true! There is nothing of value within the West and East Oceans."

Dib took it upon himself to close his laptop and slip it back into his bag. It seemed like the three could keep a conversation between themselves for a long time, but that wouldn't help Dib whatsoever. The human watched the constant back and forth, and slowly took out the laptop he had put away. The human opened the top, and typed down some important information.

It wasn't long before his activities caught the attention of the unnamed Scientist, and he inquired.

The inquiries began piling up, from both sides of the room. Dib would ask questions about the Scientists, about their outfits, about their culture, and most importantly, about their farming technique. The Social Scientist Damo-Pasp was the most helpful with this, and had information to share. She spoke for long periods of time, almost ranting, and it took Dib off guard to see that they were so willing to share their planet's details with them.

Dib never mentioned this, but he assumed that they thought he was also captured, and was just looking for company. He wore no lab coat, no space suit, nothing. He was unprofessional, and that seemed to comfort the frenzied Scientists. He was thankful that this topic was never brought up, he didn't want to ruin what he had with the Damograns.

They were just so intelligent! Between the three of them, they knew everything about Damogran. Between the three of them, they held every single current event, every single mathematical equation, every single scientific fact! On Damo-Pasp's royal drapes, he could read the history of Damogran and it's people. It was amazing, really. Why would anyone want to eradicate a race that beautiful?

Needless to say, ten minuets turned into four hours, and had completely lost track of time. He almost felt bad for excusing himself, but he felt worse when he realized that he left Zim, GIR, and Minimoose waiting. Dib nearly sprinted out of the recovery unit, and he raced to Zim's room in record time.

He was disappointed to see the Tallest already asleep with his companions surrounding him, and Dib simply sighed and headed off to his own room for the night. He wasn't upset that they had taken to falling asleep without telling him, but he was mostly upset that he let the time get away from him. It was time well spent, sure, but he wished he had some time to spend with the Monarch.

The human returned to his room, and placed his laptop on the work bench. He had nothing better to do but work, and he had plenty of work to do. Dib took the time to get dressed in more comfortable clothes (did that mark the third outfit change that day, or fourth? It was hard for even the human to figure out), such as a pair of striped boxers and a plain black t-shirt.

For the rest of the night, the human worked between documents on basic Earth-like agriculture, the anthologies of agriculture taken from other planets, and Damogran agriculture. Needless to day, it didn't take long for the human to be bored to death, and fall asleep on the job.

The human, zonked out of his mind, and drooling on his work desk, awoke to the sound of... well, the human really didn't know what that sound was. Dib opened his eyes slowly, using one hand to wipe away the drool that had accumulated on the side of his face. He repositioned his glasses on the bridge of his tender nose, and looked curiously at the wall across from him-- Zim's room.

He was unsure if he was still dreaming the sounds, or if they were truly coming from the other side. He spent a few long moments zoning off, staring at the wall, trying to figure out of he was dreaming. He knew for a fact that he wasn't dreaming when he heard the blood-curtling scream coming from the other side of the wall.

The human sprang into action, unsure of what to do. He had never heard Zim make that sound before-- he had heard him scream and screetch many times, but that sounded like he was being slaughtered! Anxiety rose in the pit of his stomach, and he stood frozen. He was so unsure of what to do at that moment. Should he wait for the sounds to pass? Should he investigate? Dib still had his knife... should he fight whatever was making Zim scream?

The human, without a second thought, armed himself with the pathetic pocket-knife he had brought along all of those months ago. It was funny to think that the human armed himself against Zim, now he was arming himself for the alien!

The human turned sharply when he heard the sound of metal clashing against metal. He braced himself to attack, mustering every ounce of courage in his pink-fleshy body, until he heard the sound of GIR's voice on the other side of the door.

Dib hesitated for a moment, before he dropped his knife and raced to the door. He met with GIR outside, and didn't stop for a moment. He marched into the Tallest's magenta room, and braced himself for the worst.

He was terrifed.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

If the sounds emanating from behind that closed door weren't enough to disturb the Earth creature, the panicked expression plastered on GIR's face should have caused more red flags to spring up. He said nothing more and instead whined, pointing desperately at the door. Ordinarily he was the one who comforted his master when something like this happened...and he almost did so. But then he thought about it and wondered if the human would do a better job than him.

On average it could take anywhere from one to four hours for him to calm his master down. It was a traumatic experience for both of them. His master seemed to be unusually comfortable with the Earth creature. Perhaps his presence would be enough to snap him out of this...?

The second the door to Zim's quarters opened with a loud whooshing sound, the jarring caterwauling had morphed into something different but no less disturbing. The entire room was filled with the sound of low and threatening growls, so much so that the walls and floor seemed to shake with the force behind them. Darkness engulfed the room. Apparently, the Computer was so distracted with doing the job of every single Irken in the Armada that he had utterly failed to notice the harrowing state of his master.

The growling was accompanied by a familiar squealing sound. It was the same peculiar sound that came from Zim's PAK earlier on, when he confronted Dib as he was exiting his now-totaled Spittle Runner. This meant that wherever he was, he clearly wasn't in control of his own actions at the moment.

For what felt like an eternity there was no movement in the room, almost as it if had been abandoned. It wasn't until a still-snoozing Minimoose squeaked loudly in his sleep and rolled over on the delicate pink bed sheets that the cause of those growls became glaringly obvious. A cracking sound indicated that someone had turned their head and body too quickly in one direction.

The brilliant crimson light that emanated from the PAK panels, flashing like strobe lights, illuminated Zim's body, which had been previously shrouded in darkness. His slender form had crammed itself into one corner of the room. Those spidery sharp-tipped PAK legs were out and formed a makeshift cocoon around their host. Zim's eyes were wide open, wider than usual, and currently fixed on Minimoose...but even so, something was clearly off about them. Those normally vibrant magenta eyes were dull and devoid of any emotion.

It was a thousand-yard stare, and it was very disturbing. It was almost like his mind was somewhere else entirely...or maybe he wasn't really awake.

Slowly, achingly so, that haunting gaze panned across the room and zeroed in on Dib. Zim growled like a feral animal, further squishing himself into the corner. His antennae were pinned against the top of his head and trembling wildly. In fact...Zim's entire body seemed to be trembling in such a manner. He was terrified and enraged at the same time. Paranoid, too, if the way his gaze darted from one of the human's hands to the other to check for weapons was any indication.

GIR's little hands suddenly alighted on one of Dib's legs--his tiny head poked itself out from behind that leg. "Night terror," he murmured in a wobbly voice. "Master gets them a lot. Gets real mean when it happens. Won't even let Moosey near him." Fortunately enough for Minimoose he was somehow managing to sleep through this, and therefore Zim didn't seem to see him as a threat. "He still asleep," the uneasy SIR unit informed Dib. "Still dreamin'. Gotta wake him up without scarin' him first. When he gets like this..." GIR lowered his head slightly, though he wouldn't tear his luminous gaze from his hostile master, "It isn't him. It's something else."

When an Irken was unconscious and in dire straits, the PAK would ordinarily shock the host in an attempt to force them to regain consciousness--it was known as Reactivation. Zim's Defective PAK only did this when his life was actually in peril. When he wasn't in any actual danger but his body sent these distress signals to his PAK...rather than Reactivating him, the PAK simply took control of his body like a marionette and tried its best to protect him until he could wake himself up.

It wasn't Zim in that body right now. Not the Zim Dib knew and was so fond of, anyway. This was the raw and unaltered PAK version of Zim.

"I, um..." GIR shuffled to hide more behind the human's legs when those blank magenta eyes snapped down to fix themselves on him. "Always takes me a while to wake my master up. I try food and music and very loud sounds. But..." He scuffed his tiny metal feet on the floor. "'Cause I done it so much, he's kinda used to all that by now. My master really likes you. So maybe...you can fix him faster than me...?"

 

[Dip]

The expression GIR gave off was enough to make the human's blood run cold. He had never seen the android that serious before, not even when he was in duty mode! This was something of the utmost importance, and if this was some kind of joke, Dib wasn't laughing. The human took a few short steps towards the door, and didn't hesitate for one second to open it. It swung open without a single qualm, and he could only liken this to the over-working computer unit.

He would have to ask the computer to alert Dib if something like this happened again. The computer did such a good job of telling Zim when Dib had a nightmare, he wanted the computer to do the same.

The moment he opened the doors, his eyes grew to the size of the flying saucers that he used to chase in his youth. Zim was a sight to see, and he was a fucking terrifying sight at that. The only light in the room came from the jarred alien's PAK unit, and Dib held his breath. No one's back ever did that. No one's, but Zim's.

Dib didn't dare to move, he was scared to awaken the sleeping beast within the alien Monarch. The human nearly jumped out of the room the moment Zim emitted the sickening crack of relocated joints and muscles. Dib watched the alien look over the room, like a laser beam scanning across every single life-form of the room. Dib had never witnessed an organic sweet, but he had an idea that this is what it felt like.

Uncomfortable stillness, silence, and horror.

As soon as the Irken fixed his gaze on the human, all Dib could do was hope the former Invader didn't lunge at him like a predator lunches at their prey. Dib kept as still as humanly possible, but failed miserably when he saw the Tallest try desperately to make space between them. The human took a good look over himself, and wondered what the Irken was so afraid of. It seemed that Dib's very presents... angered the frightened animal.

Dib looked down at the robot, and looked back at the creature who wore the same clothes as Zim. Dib looked down at the robot again, and spoke. "This was a bad idea." He sounded tense, riddled with nervousness and confusion, with a hint of drowsiness. It was obvious that the Irken, in a dream state or not, wanted nothing to do with the human. It broke his heart to see the alien behaving like a distressed animal.

Dib took it upon himself to cover up as much of GIR as he could with his leg. He listened closely as he spoke, his mind and body racing. He wanted to reach out and shake the Irken awake, but Dib valued his life dearly. He hesitated for a moment, thinking about anything-- anything that could possibly help the Irken in his dire state. He had no clue what could jarr this creature from his primitive nap.

Dib took one more look at the Irken, before he sped off to his room to grab anything that could help Zim. He didn't have to push through any doors, seeing as he left his own wide open in his haste. He raced into his room, and looked around frantically, like a chicken looking for his head. He tried thinking of something, ANYTHING, but he couldn't help but wonder what the Irken was dreaming of that put him in such a state of panic and disarray.

He behaved much as the human did, when he was having his own night terror.

Dib paused for only a second, and acted quickly. He filled his arms with the sheets of his bed, and used a free hand to grab his cellphone. GIR mentioned that music wouldn't work on the Irken... but what about ambient sounds? More specifically, ambient Earth tones? Dib lept to the room that housed the endangered alien, and he worked quickly. The human's nervous fingers fumbled with the broken glass of the iPhone as he scrolled through music selection after music selection. It took him only a moment to find the Earth sounds, and he played them quickly.

The soft sounds of crickets and wooshing cars filled the room. Animal calls slowly joined in; the hoot of an owl, the occasional caw of a crow, and even the sound of someone riding their bike past the recording device. The last part Zim and Dib listened to played until the morning, and it seemed that life on Earth was continuing on as it did before. The human slowly placed the phone on the floor infront of him, his eyes never leaving his large magenta ones.

The human slowly inched his way towards the alien, and he raised his arms in defense, as if to show the paranoid creature that he was not about to brandish a weapon. Dropping the knife was a very good idea. The human, with his blanket draped over his arm, closed the distance till they were no more than four feet apart.

The human, in his defense, had no fucking clue what he was doing. He just hoped what it was going to work.

"...Hey." He started softly, slowly lowering himself down onto the ground. He sat on his knees, and placed the blanket to the right of himself. "Hey... Zim? It's Dib." Well, it was obvious that the other knew it was Dib. Those owlish eyes hadn't peeled themselves off of Dib since he stepped into the room. The human slowly shuffled towards the alien. He tried to do it in a way that wouldn't draw attention to himself. "Please wake up, Zim. You're fine."

The words he was speaking sounded very much like the same words his father used to use to wake up the sleeping human, when his night terrors got the worst of him. The human shuffled forward a little more, making that four-foot division into more of a two and a half foot division. "You-You're on the Massive. It's just GIR and me... and Minimoose, but he-- it? -- it's asleep. It's just a bad dream..."

He hoped that whatever he was doing was working.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

Zim hissed when Dib spoke, baring his razor-sharp zipper-patterned teeth at the human. He sounded an awful lot like a cornered predator. A cornered leopard would likely make the same exact hissing sound. The hissing tapered off into more distinctly animal sounds--low clicking that almost resembled the chirping of a bird, or the chattering of a domesticated house cat. He pulled back even further into his safe corner, an ominous grumbling sound rumbling up from the deepest depths of his chest.

These were his most primal of instinctual reactions. And Dib was wise to abandon the idea of simply running up and trying to shake him awake. During ancient times Irkens were an exclusively carnivorous species that hunted in packs, using the sharp claws on their fingers and toes to slash at prey and to eventually hold them down and deliver the killing bite. Zim would almost certainly have lashed out with sharp claws and teeth, and the chances that he would have killed, seriously injured, and/or permanently disfigured the human were disturbingly high.

Perhaps even worse, there was also a chance that once Zim came back to his senses that he would never be able to forgive himself for doing such vile things to a creature he cared about so much. Self-destruction was imminent if something like that were to happen.

Another hostile hiss escaped the Irken when Dib so suddenly turned and raced out of the room--the sharp tips of the PAK legs, which had already managed to embed themselves into the metal walls, scraped loudly against the interior of the walls...as if they were warning the Earth creature not to do that again. GIR stayed behind to keep a close eye on his master. He wasn't afraid of being hurt by Zim. Even in this primal state, Zim would never do anything to hurt GIR.

Dib, though...that was another story. Not only was Zim's error-riddled PAK not quite used to the human's presence, but Dib was also an old enemy that could, logically speaking, strike up that old rivalry at any given time and become a threat to the PAK's Irken host. And Zim's self-reliant PAK simply wouldn't tolerate that.

The items the Earth creature returned with admittedly intrigued the ever-curious Zim, which was a good sign--it meant that while the PAK was still in control, Zim was still in there. He lifted his head ever so slightly, his antennae raising just a bit. He sniffed the air cautiously, those blank magenta eyes carefully studying the aforementioned items. While Irkens had no nose, they did smell from the same location--it was a barely-visible membrane beneath the space between their eyes that did the work.

The ambient Earth sounds garnered an immediate reaction. Those antennae shot straight up into the air, one of them quirking somewhat to the side. Some of the eerie emptiness faded from the Irken monarch's gaze. The varying sounds continued. All of them were foreign sounds which were unlikely to ever occur on the Irken mother planet. This seemed to be working in Dib's favor. Whatever vile place Zim's nightmare had him trapped in, unless that place was Earth (and that wasn't likely), would never produce those distinctive ambient sounds.

That irritable grumbling picked up again when the human raised his hands into the air, but was quick to die down. Zim watched, refusing to blink, as Dib drew closer and eventually stopped, lowering himself onto his knees on the ground. His posture, while still tense and tight, appeared to be more relaxed than it was previously. That changed for a moment when the other male shuffled forward as Zim tensed all over again and hissed at him in a threatening manner...but then his antennae began to twitch as louder ambient Earth sounds rang out through the recording. A car passed by, and then another. A dog barked wildly at a passing pedestrian. Zim hummed under his breath, his eyelids lowering gradually and his antennae drooping. He kept his gaze locked on Dib.

The final straw was a particularly loud Earth noise, and something that Zim would later on be surprised and amused to learn that both he and Dib slept right through. A semi truck blasted by and was forced to brake loudly. It proceeded to honk its deafeningly loud horn. GIR screeched in horror. Minimoose squawked loudly, rolling off of the bed and falling to the floor with a loud thump. Zim jumped nearly a foot into the air...and in the process, he ended up whacking his head on the ceiling.

"Ouch!"

Startled, the Irken leader managed to tangled his actual limbs with his PAK limbs and created a pretzel out of himself. Naturally, that led to him losing his balance and tripping over his own limbs. He crumpled to the ground with an unflattering squeak. All hints of hostility were gone, though the visible parts of the panels on his PAK were still flashing red. Zim lay there on the ground, limbs tangled and body trembling with poorly-restrained fear, for all of a second before he scrambled to his feet. He pressed himself back into the corner, eyes wide as saucers.

But it was different. These eyes weren't blank. They were glossy and filled to the brim with unbridled terror. He was also trembling from his antennae to his feet, and his breathing sounded rather heavy. The PAK legs slowly retracted.

"...Dib?"

He sounded...almost hesitant. As if he wasn't sure if what he was seeing was real or not. Zim was awake. He'd managed to come out of his nightmare. But...he still wasn't in his right state of mind. Rather than looking like a cornered predator he now resembled an injured predator, unsure of whether or not it wanted to accept help or lash out and fight for its life.

 

[Dip]

The hissing and clicking that came out of the frightened Tallest was enough to make the human's blood run cold. He knew that from an evolutionary standpoint, Irkens were closer to wild pack beasts than actual civilians, but he hadn't seen a demonstration like this before. The strangely hypnotic hissing worked on a primitive level, and it nearly stunned the human into stillness. He was like a deer caught in the headlights, and Zim was the car that threatened to barrel through him.

Dib, at that moment, wondered if GIR was right in running to get him. Anyone could be handling this situation better, surely! Bohemian was a skilled Medic, and Dib was just some human hitchhiker that managed a ride of a lifetime. He could hardly handle himself when he got night terrors, how was he going to rouse this sleeping giant?

GIR only picked him because Zim 'liked him so much'. Well, with the former Invader snarling and spitting at him like a caged lion, he could clearly see where the Irken stood when it came to his feelings.

This thought, for whatever reason, seriously bugged the human male. While he wanted to believe that this was out of Zim's control, and if he were in his right mind, there would be no need to keep distance. But... it was truly hard to believe at that point. Zim seemed so uncomfortable, and Dib was the cause of this! GIR would have been better off with Bohemian shooting the rialed and roaring Tallest with a tranquilizer dart and heading for cover.

But clearly, it was a better idea to arm himself with a cracked and dilapidated iPhone and a bedsheet.

Dib, in his haste, grabbed the bed sheet for this reason and this reason alone: Zim slept on it, and maybe if he saw it, it might do something for him. Well, clearly it didn't, and the only thing it truly did was make Dib look more and more childish by the minute. If the bed sheet was for anyone at that point, it was for Dib to hide and crawl under, so he could pretend that Zim was awake and everything was okay. Everything was okay in Dib land! Nothing was wrong there. There were no snarling, angry, half-sleep Irken monsters. Just Dib, and his cell phone.

The cell phone was the only thing that succeeded in rousing the Irken, and the human was thankful that atleast one idea of his worked. The human, in his slow and steady haste, had placed the blanket behind him, and tried desperately to meet with the Irken. Surely, now that he was rather calm and collected, it wouldn't be such a bad thing to reach out and touch him, right? It wasn't like the Irken was going to kill him or anything, right?

It was so hard to tell between the constant tensing and relaxing, the hissing and the growling, every single movement, every single twitch. It was just so hard to know what the other was going to do! Dib was sure to keep his mouth shut. It was bad enough that the Irken monarch took to hissing at the human every time he opened his mouth to speak, but he wasn't sure if his coaxing was helping or hurting his cause.

If the human could say one thing, though, it would be this: the only thing that hurt his cause was the god-damned semi.

Dib, when he heard the loud sounds, nearly feel on his ass. He scrambled away from the other as he jumpped, and nearly made a fool of himself. What else was the human to do? It looked as if the Irken was going to strike him, or even attack him! The sounds he made... the look on his face... the feeling in the room, everything! In that current state, it seemed that Zim absolutely despised the human. Dib screamed in shock, and groped desperately at the ground in order to create as much distance between himself and the angry alien as possible.

He felt his heart race, his heart break, and his heart sink to the pits of his stomach all at once.

He watched the Tallest, now a comfortable distance away, as he fell to the floor in a ball of tangled limbs and anxiety.

The entire room was silent, save for the loud whirring of the PAK, the deep breathing of the Irken, and the sound of Dib's heart ready to burst from his chest. He watched the Irken press himself back into the clawed and pierced corner of the room, and was thankful to see the predator become much like the prey. Zim's large magenta eyes had a spark of life within them, and they were no longer looking through the human being.

Dib felt a hundred times better when the Irken spoke up. He sounded unsure, but he still sounded like the Zim he knew and adored.

"...Yeah." He spoke, as if he was confirming Zim's question. He slowly sat back onto his knees, but didn't bother moving towards the other in fear of another backlash. Dib recalled how he didn't want to be touched in the slightest after his night terror, and he could only assume the same for the Irken monarch.

Plus... there was no guarentee that he was entirely concious. Dib wanted nothing more than to help him up, but he hesitated to even speak.