Is Sex In RP Cheating?

[K3l]

Not really.

- Ser K+ 2k15

 

[Holmishire]

Because that was just simply the demographic I was curious about. I wasn't meaning any disrespect to anyone really. That and I (slightly) understand both gay men and woman a little more than heterosexual women). That statement was in no way intended to start a flame war. I'm trying to tread on eggshells here.

You're fine, just some people misconstruing your intent.

On a note related to the original topic, I find myself wondering how much the responses you've been receiving are biased by the fact that we are in a roleplay community. It might be interesting to see if individuals both male and female who are not in a roleplaying environment—nor who have partners that they are aware partake in such activities—would be equally forgiving.

 

[Windsong]

Have had people get so attached to RP characters, mainly in-game ones, WoW and Guild Wars 2, that they 'heard' my character was seen visiting another woman.

Thus began drama, their RP friends began following and spying in-game, watching when I log on, what I do, where I'm at.

Finally got tired of it and made a big show of it by gathering up as many friends with female alts and just sitting somewhere desolate writing out the most gaudy and ridiculous ERP lines we could think of while giggling like children in a voice chat server.

Oh the guild shitstorm of 'infidelity in management' and 'raunchy rumors exposed, druid going down on many partners', oh and the best; 'druid daddy busted with human harem'.

It was a nightmare logging in and expecting RP at all for a while. But hey, my druid was never want for female company with rumors of 'glorious grammar and seductive spelling'.

 

[ᴛᴏᴄᴋᴀ]

Have had people get so attached to RP characters, mainly in-game ones, WoW and Guild Wars 2, that they 'heard' my character was seen visiting another woman.

Thus began drama, their RP friends began following and spying in-game, watching when I log on, what I do, where I'm at.

Finally got tired of it and made a big show of it by gathering up as many friends with female alts and just sitting somewhere desolate writing out the most gaudy and ridiculous ERP lines we could think of while giggling like children in a voice chat server.

Oh the guild shitstorm of 'infidelity in management' and 'raunchy rumors exposed, druid going down on many partners', oh and the best; 'druid daddy busted with human harem'.

It was a nightmare logging in and expecting RP at all for a while. But hey, my druid was never want for female company with rumors of 'glorious grammar and seductive spelling'.

I didn't even rp while I played and I still had people act like idiots over me! They knew I was married (My husband played with me!) and they still followed me around like lost puppy dogs in game. I tried telling people that I was a guy, but some big mouth in my LS went around telling people it was a lie after he talked to me on Skype during an event. It got so bad that some idiot downloaded a mode for the game that made all the character's naked and sent me a screen shot of his character doing some not so innocent things to mine. I don't think I've ever been as freaked out in my life as I was then.....

 

[nyther]

I didn't even rp while I played and I still had people act like idiots over me! They knew I was married (My husband played with me!) and they still followed me around like lost puppy dogs in game. I tried telling people that I was a guy, but some big mouth in my LS went around telling people it was a lie after he talked to me on Skype during an event. It got so bad that some idiot downloaded a mode for the game that made all the character's naked and sent me a screen shot of his character doing some not so innocent things to mine. I don't think I've ever been as freaked out in my life as I was then.....

That's another I've started to wonder as I get more involved with RPing. I can see how, if you were young or otherwise had issues, you could blend real life and your role play. Start to take things to seriously. I mean I've had my partner throw some amazing things at me that's made me fall in love with their character and I could see how it can get creepy really fast if you're not able to sit back and realize this is just a story.

 

[Siren]

Not at all, it's just like two actors having a love scene in a show.

Also writing as a character isn't you personally portraying an action, you're writing a love scene.

 

[ᴛᴏᴄᴋᴀ]

That's another I've started to wonder as I get more involved with RPing. I can see how, if you were young or otherwise had issues, you could blend real life and your role play. Start to take things to seriously. I mean I've had my partner throw some amazing things at me that's made me fall in love with their character and I could see how it can get creepy really fast if you're not able to sit back and realize this is just a story.

I would say it was an age/maturity issue if some of the people weren't close to my age. I mean, I know I can be funny, and there are certain parts of my personality that are appealing, but to have someone tell me they're in love with me after a month of chasing an pixelated character around....that's just plain insanity.

 

[Windsong]

I didn't even rp while I played and I still had people act like idiots over me! They knew I was married (My husband played with me!) and they still followed me around like lost puppy dogs in game. I tried telling people that I was a guy, but some big mouth in my LS went around telling people it was a lie after he talked to me on Skype during an event. It got so bad that some idiot downloaded a mode for the game that made all the character's naked and sent me a screen shot of his character doing some not so innocent things to mine. I don't think I've ever been as freaked out in my life as I was then.....

Plleeeaaase tell me you reported them for harassment and modding~?!

That's an insta-ban too.

 

[Alan]

I don't see the big deal with sex in roleplay. It's not cheating, in my opinion.

Now if they hooked up in person, that's cheating.

 

[Asmodeus]

Only if it's badly written.

If a good roleplayer writes bad smut, it means they're getting off on it and fast-tracking to masturbation.

I would feel shame and anger, were my femling to disgrace herself thusly. >:[

If, however, she writes well, it means she is still being egotistical, and therefore doesn't give a shit about the other guy.

I would feel pride and fair loveage, were my femling to behave thusly. <:]

 

[ᴛᴏᴄᴋᴀ]

Plleeeaaase tell me you reported them for harassment and modding~?!

That's an insta-ban too.

FFXI has different rules, but I did report them to a GM and my linkshell leader. Unfortunately, he was one of the other healers (I was the main one) so he didn't get kicked out of the linkshell, but he did get a 72 hour ban and his 'girlfriend' dumped him. Seriously, why can there be nothing innocent online? My poor Nydanna was violated. ; ; She even looked tormented every time I saw her.

 

[#goinawayforawhile]

In my opinion, portraying fictional characters in a sexual scenario isn't cheating. If two people, who both have someone, were to hook up in real life through a way such as this, then that'd be cheating. There's a difference between real life and fiction.

 

[Minibit]

No, not cheating. I don't consider looking at porn cheating, either.

Writing sex scenes is no more offensive than writing fight scenes. I wouldn't get mad at him for having his character slug another character unnecessarily in a roleplay, because it's not like he slugged someone in real life, so why would it be different for writing sex? Seriously, that's right up there with getting mad at someone for having a naughty dream.

In my personal opinion, if a person is so unable to distinguish between fiction and reality, or is so insecure as to imagine things that happen in roleplay are purely fantasies or secret desires to do naughty things with other people, that person isn't mature enough to handle a committed relationship anyway.

Cyber sex, now that's another story. If I found my boyfriend sending "I take your bra off slowly and *cencored cencored cencored* to anyone, fictional scenario or not, yeah. I'd be pissed.

 

[Falcon]

As someone who's never understood the point of ERPs I'd like to toss in a potentially differing opinion.

There's too much grey area depending on the writing and individuals involved for me to give a black and white answer, so, I would ask two questions.

1. Is it being written purely for self-gratification?
2. Will it negatively affect your relationship with your significant other in any way, shape, or form.

If the answer is Yes to BOTH, then I would classify it as cheating.
If the answer is yes to either then I would say a conversation with your significant other is in order.

If the answer to both is no, *shrugs*
You should probably still talk to your partner and make sure you're both on the same page though.

 

[Halo]

I'm gonna disagree with those saying it's the same as writing erotic stories and watching porn. Writing erotic RPs with someone is, to some greater or lesser extent, a sexual relationship and involvement with them. Writing/reading/watching is a solo act; it's masturbatory, and involves nobody else. When you're writing with someone else, you're involving them, there's a consciousness on the other end actively getting off (in some way or another) from their interactions with you, and you from yours with them.

To me it's like the difference between masturbating - doing something for your own pleasure that involves nobody else - and fooling around with someone else, i.e. engaging in sexual actions with another. There's undeniably a difference between jacking yourself off and getting a handjob or something. And it's different from watching porn because when you do that, you're an audience. When you're writing smutty RPs with someone, there's mutual participation.

And to be honest, I don't see how that's different from physically doing it. Is it the literal physical action that people find abhorrent about cheating? I don't think so. It's about the betrayal of trust. Sex isn't just a physical thing, it's emotional to some extent or another - whether that be romantic, intimate, or the thrill of a one-night stand. If you're getting off in some way from these online interactions, it's exactly the same thing on an emotional basis. Not physically gettin' down and dirty doesn't change that. So the emotional basis is the important one when it comes to the question "is it cheating?", as cheating is considered bad because of the emotional aspects, and the answer is...

Well, personally, I wouldn't call it "cheating" because that has very specific connotations/meanings in people's minds. But because of the above reasoning I'd say it's in the same realm - it's just as bad, even if I wouldn't apply that name.

Of course, this only stands if A) you're getting off on it and B) your partner doesn't know about it.
Regarding A), if you're doing it for sexual gratification then my reasoning as above stands. However, if it's only happening within an established context within a longstanding story in which you're invested, well, you're not doing it for self-gratification - you're doing it as part of your plot and character development. That's reasonable; sex is a big part of people's lives. In this case, I don't feel it's much different from writing a sex scene solo within a novel or some such. Still think you should run it by your partner, but if they have a problem with it then in my opinion they're too clingy, rather than you being unfaithful in some way.
As for B), lemme put it this way: I don't think you're cheating if, say, you sleep with someone else while in an open relationship. Your partner knows about and has agreed to it, so it's not a breach of trust. The same goes in this case; if your partner knows and is cool with it, what's the problem? If they did feel uncomfortable with it, though, I would totally understand that. I don't think it's being "clingy" to not want your partner getting off through interaction with others. The point is, communication about it is the key here. And for the record, I'd probably be fine about my partner doing it as long as they told me about it, because hell, I'd trust them.

Oh, yeah, I'm also a bisexual 18-year-old male, so basically the opposite of the demographic specified in the OP, but you've already read the whole thing now so tough luck - you've got my opinion anyway. :)

 

[ᴛᴏᴄᴋᴀ]

I'm gonna disagree with those saying it's the same as writing erotic stories and watching porn. Writing erotic RPs with someone is, to some greater or lesser extent, a sexual relationship and involvement with them. Writing/reading/watching is a solo act; it's masturbatory, and involves nobody else. When you're writing with someone else, you're involving them, there's a consciousness on the other end actively getting off (in some way or another) from their interactions with you, and you from yours with them.

Um...if you're masturbating to your sex scenes in roleplays than you've definitely got more problems than cheating. To me, writing a sex scene is like reading Fifty Shades of Grey, or the equivalent to it. Words on a page do nothing for me at all, not even the imagery that comes along with it. If anything, I laugh when I write out sex scenes because the euphemisms makes me feel like I'm writing one of my grandmother's Harlequin romance novels. I don't write out a sex scene to get off, I write them out to push my character into developing in some way, whether it's developing feelings for the person their with, or to end up feeling used and degraded when things are over and done with.

If the person on the other side of the screen is getting off on what I write, that's entirely on them, and as long as I don't know about it I don't really care. Is it cheating? Again, not in my eyes, because my goal is for my character, not for me, not for my partner. If you're writing to get yourself off, or get someone else off, that isn't roleplaying, that's cybering. There is a huge difference.

 

[fatalrendezvous]

I haven't read the other posts in this thread, so I can't weigh in on any discussion that has already occurred, but will answer the base question on whether sex in an RP is cheating.

Fundamentally, I am emotionally detached from my characters. They are mine, yes, but I write for them, and they are not me. They are a part of me, certainly, because I control them and I created them. I appreciate them and I love them, and I love putting them in all kinds of ridiculous situations, which challenges me to find out how they would react. But, they're not me.

Even if I were to ever roleplay as myself in an RP (which isn't likely), it would be an exaggerated version of me and thus still... not really me.

I find RP to be more like collaborative writing or collaborative storytelling. You work with another person to create a narrative, to paint a picture, to tell a story. If I co-authored a book today with another person, and the book contained sex scenes which we both contributed to (as co-authors), that's not really cheating. I have no emotional attachment towards the other author, and while I may be fond of them or even affectionate towards them as a result of our working together, I am not physically or emotionally attracted to that person.

For me, the same is true in RP.

 

[LogicfromLogic]

If sex is cheating then eating a donut while your sister is on a diet is cheating.


Tacos.


But seriously, no. It is just writing and writing isn't cheating unless you confess your undying love to your roleplay partner.

 

[Baracaniguara]

I don't think the 'pretend sex' is the cheating part, but emotional attachments that may rise during role play.

Role play has some similarities with acting, and when some folk can't draw the line between themselves and the characters they play the above might happen.

 

[Halo]

Um...if you're masturbating to your sex scenes in roleplays than you've definitely got more problems than cheating. To me, writing a sex scene is like reading Fifty Shades of Grey, or the equivalent to it. Words on a page do nothing for me at all, not even the imagery that comes along with it. If anything, I laugh when I write out sex scenes because the euphemisms makes me feel like I'm writing one of my grandmother's Harlequin romance novels. I don't write out a sex scene to get off, I write them out to push my character into developing in some way, whether it's developing feelings for the person their with, or to end up feeling used and degraded when things are over and done with.

If the person on the other side of the screen is getting off on what I write, that's entirely on them, and as long as I don't know about it I don't really care. Is it cheating? Again, not in my eyes, because my goal is for my character, not for me, not for my partner. If you're writing to get yourself off, or get someone else off, that isn't roleplaying, that's cybering. There is a huge difference.

Uh, I know my post was long, but I did address this already:

Of course, this only stands if A) you're getting off on it and B) your partner doesn't know about it.
Regarding A), if you're doing it for sexual gratification then my reasoning as above stands. However, if it's only happening within an established context within a longstanding story in which you're invested, well, you're not doing it for self-gratification - you're doing it as part of your plot and character development. That's reasonable; sex is a big part of people's lives. In this case, I don't feel it's much different from writing a sex scene solo within a novel or some such. Still think you should run it by your partner, but if they have a problem with it then in my opinion they're too clingy, rather than you being unfaithful in some way.
As for B), lemme put it this way: I don't think you're cheating if, say, you sleep with someone else while in an open relationship. Your partner knows about and has agreed to it, so it's not a breach of trust. The same goes in this case; if your partner knows and is cool with it, what's the problem? If they did feel uncomfortable with it, though, I would totally understand that. I don't think it's being "clingy" to not want your partner getting off through interaction with others. The point is, communication about it is the key here. And for the record, I'd probably be fine about my partner doing it as long as they told me about it, because hell, I'd trust them.

In your case, both A) and B) are relevant. You've already said earlier in the thread that your partner knows and is completely fine with it, and as you've just stated you're also not doing it in pursuit of sexual gratification. So yeah, as I said, I see no problem with that and it's certainly not cheating.

If, however, you were doing it behind your partners back and were doing it for either gratification or for a thrill even if you weren't actually masturbating (that's what I meant by "getting off on it"; should have clarified it didn't necessarily mean physical masturbation), then I'd say that is a betrayal, even if I wouldn't use the word "cheating" (as also covered in the post.)