Is Sex In RP Cheating?

[nyther]

This question is mainly for the women on here. If your boyfriend/husband is doing an RP with someone else and there is sex involved, do you consider that cheating or something to get upset at? To me the only way I would see getting upset is if the people knew each other personally. That'd be the only way I would get upset about it. Then still, you're not portraying yourself, it's a story you're doing. Smut, that to me is a bit of a grey area. What do y'all think?

It's just something that crosses my mind the longer I role play.

 

[unanun]

Early on in Iwaku, someone requested a 1x1 with some boy-girl stuff. I couldn't do it. Although now I would probably be OK with it.

Most people start off RP'ing by playing extensions of themselves. As I learn more about writing, I divorce myself from my characters. I still love them, but now I have less problem with sex if it leads to a good story.

 

[ᴛᴏᴄᴋᴀ]

Honestly, I'd pay good money to see my husband write a roleplay sex scene!

Is it cheating? No, I don't think that it is. He knows I write smut, and I let him read it when and if he asks (He usually does because even at my age, I still giggle like a kid doing sex scenes.)

I don't plan on 'hooking up' with any of my partners. Our OOC chat has no sexual content at all. While our characters are getting down and dirty, we're usually joking around in PMs about normal, every day things. I don't see how anyone can view it as cheating. That's kind of like asking if watching porn is cheating. It's totally different context of course, but still in the same ballpark.

 

[nyther]

I don't plan on 'hooking up' with any of my partners. Our OOC chat has no sexual content at all. While our characters are getting down and dirty, we're usually joking around in PMs about normal, every day things. I don't see how anyone can view it as cheating. That's kind of like asking if watching porn is cheating. It's totally different context of course, but still in the same ballpark.

I agree 100%. It's just a thought I was wondering. Sometimes women can be a little (whatever word is a safe way of saying irrational).

Smut for smut's sake is the only one I can really see not being comfortable about. It's still such a grey area. I'd never consider it cheating, but I can see both sides.

 

[Beatrix]

Some men can be that way, too. Do not generalize a particular action/thought to just one sex, please. All in all, it depends on the individual and the couple. It is something that should be talked about if one finds that it needs to be.

 

[iMisterH]

The act of cheating is going behind your partner's back and acting dishonestly in a relationship. Strictly speaking, writing smut with someone other than your partner is not necessarily cheating, though I can totally understand why some people may feel uncomfortable with it. RP is RP and all feelings should be kept separate from real life.

 

[Diana]

If you're hiding it or feel like you have to hide it, ESPECIALLY if you are roleplaying for the sexual pleasure or cybersexing - then it's cheating. Either for your or for your mate! If you're not doing anything wrong, you shouldn't have to hide it. But it's important to talk to your mate and come to a consensus though. >> Communication is really important.


As for MY person feelings, no I don't believe it is cheating. In my case, I am playing a character and writing a story. Those characters aren't me! Sex scenes can be a really awesome way to develop story and character. I play what I want to play and my freedom to do so has to be respected. But I am also respectful! My husband knows what I play and who I play with. He can read anything I write any time he wants, because it's all posted publicly here on Iwaku and in my blog. If he asked me what I'm doing, I tell him.

If he was doing smutty roleplays with other people, I'd be fine with it. And probably be reading it, cause he's a talented story teller. >>

 

[Jorick]

I'm not a woman, but I'll weigh in anyway because I'm a rebel.

In my opinion, nope, it's not cheating. Doesn't matter if it's a sex scene in a long RP that isn't just about the sex or straight up cyber sex that's just smut for the sake of smut. Hell, I don't even consider flirting or full on sexting to be cheating. I put all of it in the same general category as checking out attractive people who walk by or looking at porn, neither of which I consider cheating. Calling any of that cheating seems like the same thing as saying someone is stealing if they're looking at items in a store that they have no intent to actually buy. It's nonsensical.

That said, nonsense is pretty much the standard as far as sex and related issues are concerned. People get stupidly possessive and jealous when it comes to whoever they happen to be in a relationship with. This drive to keep competitors away from your mate is one of those natural biological instinct things, one of many such instinctual urges we share in common with damn near every other animal on the planet. While I happen to be able to control or disregard those possessive urges for the most part, others simply are not.

It's all a matter of personal preference and opinion, as most things are. It's best for all involved if people are open about this stuff and plainly ask their partner if they are okay with sexual roleplaying or whatever, rather than hiding it and worrying about it. If the other person isn't okay with it and feels very strongly about it, then you ought to either not do it or go find someone else whose values are a better match for yours. Doing anything else is just stupid and asking for drama and problems later on down the road.

Oh, also, men can get possessive and jealous about their partner doing sexual roleplaying with others. I've actually seen more instances of men getting up in arms about it than women, now that I think about it, so it amuses me that you aimed this particularly at women. I'm guessing that you're a heterosexual male so you were mainly looking for the opinions of your preferred gender, which makes sense, but it made me chuckle nonetheless.

 

[nyther]

I did not mean to generalize all women. My apologies. And I understand the fact that if you have to hide something it's probably a bad idea. I've just read people's profiles where it says "I don't do sexual postings because I have a partner." and I definatley respect people's wishes. It just got me to wondering.

 

[dragonesper]

It really depends on the context, situation, personal feelings and the level of involvement I think.

I have RPed sex scenes with a couple of people and only once did it feel like the border of fantasy and reality was even remotely crossed. I wasn't involved with someone in any of the time periods that there were sex scenes and honestly I don't relate strongly to the smut played out. It's just two characters getting on because they are hot for each other.
That one case that things did go badly was when my own limits of comfort was crossed, I got mad and I never heard from my RP partner ever again.

Summed up: No, it isn't cheating as long as it's just a world of fiction. When it crosses into real life then it's time to step back and think about what you're doing if you have a partner.

 

[ᴛᴏᴄᴋᴀ]

This drive to keep competitors away from your mate is one of those natural biological instinct things, one of many such instinctual urges we share in common with damn near every other animal on the planet.

I like to refer to it as the 'Caveman Syndrome'. Luckily for me, my husband doesn't suffer from it, but I had an ex that all but conked me on the head and drug me by the hair whenever another guy even looked in my direction. How women find that an attractive quality in a man is beyond me. I could only tolerate it for a few months until it got to the point that if I didn't break up with him, I would have killed him.

 

[nyther]

@Jorick Yes I was looking for a woman's point of view on this topic since I know mine. I'd only get up in arms if it's something secretive. If it's more of a "here's something I wrote with someone else and there happens to be some sex" I'm good.

 

[Jorick]

I like to refer to it as the 'Caveman Syndrome'. Luckily for me, my husband doesn't suffer from it, but I had an ex that all but conked me on the head and drug me by the hair whenever another guy even looked in my direction. How women find that an attractive quality in a man is beyond me. I could only tolerate it for a few months until it got to the point that if I didn't break up with him, I would have killed him.

Hah, Caveman Syndrome is a pretty good term for it.

As for some women finding that attractive, eh, people are fucking weird. Some guys are way into super clingy women who are similarly possessive, sometimes with the added bonus of being aggressive toward other females who dare interact with their man, and I don't get that either. Different strokes for different folks.

 

[Dervish]

Clinginess is bad, m'kay.

For me, writing a sex scene or even smut isn't any worse than indulging in reading erotica or viewing porn. It is, ideally, an impersonal outlet that doesn't undermine your relationship. Heck, I imagine in some instances it can inspire your physical sex life with your partner and can be a way to indulge a fantasy harmlessly that you never could with your partner for whatever reason.

Humans by nature tend to be driven to polygamy because from an evolutionary standpoint, sleeping around increases your opportunity to pass one your genes. One way to look at it is if you or your partner are satisfying your urges via writing, they probably aren't nearly as tempted to go out and do it for real.

Healthy sexual expression is part of being human. Doing stuff like writing it out with other people doesn't necessarily mean you love your partner any less. You do, however, need to respect what they're comfortable with you doing. Communication and trust and deedle deedle blah blah and all that jazz.

 

[Peter Feels]

My girlfriend of going on four years now mature RPs on this very site. I don't care even a little.

 

[Aine]

Heya! A woman here. I do not consider sex in roleplays to be cheating; my character isn't me, after all, and while I'm not gonna lie writing out sex scenes brings me some gratification - I wouldn't do it if I didn't find it pleasurable to some extent - it's just harmless fun. My fiance doesn't care since he gets to enjoy my company in real life. Actually, I let him read my roleplays sometimes and he tends to like them. I certainly wouldn't get jealous if he roleplayed smut, either, but he isn't into roleplaying in general.

 

[Hydronine]

Boyfriend gets really concerned about my roleplaying at times, but not because of the smut- he fears my cackles. It means I have some horrible twist to throw at my beloved partners. He doesn't mind me smutting, but we have a pretty relaxed relationship. Not much to get up in arms about. I trust him, he trusts me.

 

[Thought Manifest]

Not really sure why this question was really only posed to heterosexual women when it pertains to all genders and sexualities, but I'll weigh in anyway.

I think it depends on how the two people in the relationship feel about it. If one person has to hide it from their partner because their partner would view it as cheating, then I'm going to go ahead and say that, yeah, it's probably cheating or at the very least shouldn't be done.

My boyfriend and I both RP (it's actually how we met), and while I've kind of gotten away from writing smut because I'm insecure about my lack of skills writing it, his smut writing (his writing in general, honestly) is excellent.

Unfortunately, he and I don't work well together as writing partners (conflicting styles and all that), so we seek more compatible people with whom to weave stories.

We've discussed it, and we don't shy away from the topic. For us, it's no worse than writing solo smut that everyone could read or watching porn. It's not the same thing as cyber sex to us, and there's nothing wrong with smut rp because of the fact that we've discussed it thoroughly and thoughtfully. Plus, his writing really good smut occasionally gets me laid. I see no flaws.

TL;DR
As long as there's open communication and agreement on what constitutes as cheating, there isn't a problem.

 

[nyther]

heterosexual women

Because that was just simply the demographic I was curious about. I wasn't meaning any disrespect to anyone really. That and I (slightly) understand both gay men and woman a little more than heterosexual women). That statement was in no way intended to start a flame war. I'm trying to tread on eggshells here.

 

[Ser K+]

Not really.