Into the East

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baconx2

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Billowing storm clouds coalesced from the sea, black as coal and thick as dragon's hide, the sun was all but blotted out from the sky. Perpetual darkness washed over the town of St. Coraline, inundating all within, even the light itself. Harsh winds ripped from the east, howling with pangs of despair. Father Carlos slammed his fist into his work bench, running his arm across the table and clearing all in its wake. " What be this madness? what queer quandary hath befallen thee, light of AMON"?

The sullen man reached forth, imagining the waning light in the palm of his hand. The torch burned with great intensity, the kindle he fed roared as if it were to jump out at him, any moment now. Yet he could not feel its warmth, nor could he see the its intensity as the darkness seemingly devoured his trusty light source. He swung his hands around the fire, cautiously at first, trying to sweep away the encroaching darkness. He grabbed, yanked, and roared at nothing. " What be you? HUH, WHAT BE YOU FOUL DEMON"? He slammed his staff into the floor, causing a wave of light to sweep across the room, leading into the church's main chamber.

Father carlos strode down the aisle with a perpetual scowl written upon his face. Among him, were the stricken. The plaguewalkers as others had called them. Heaving up blood, meekly crying out to their priest, some with their loved ones fading before their very eyes. He heard none of their cries, stained with all the concoctions he could muster in a short amount of time, crimson like the very fire he sought the warmth of.

Awaiting him at the alter was his son,stricken with the ailment which had befallen their people. He looked at his father, cautious but with a warmth that only a loyal child might give their parent. A breeze swept across the chamber, a stark contrast indeed, soft and alluring. A shiver traveled up his spine and goosebumps assailed him.

His boy weakly reached out to his father, the light slowly fading from his eyes. He gurgled and grunted, struggling to even keep his eyes open....

" Yes... it all makes sense now".

----

Hello everyone, baconx2 here with a faint, but developing idea for a fantasy rp. The hallmarks of this intended rp are to mix fantasy with exaggerated elements of reality. That being, even if you are the greatest warrior mankind has ever seen, that a random arrow could end you. This rp world will be harsh, but not dark.

Dark implies it's all in futility, but this rp is rather supposed to reflect the futility of trying to circumvent life. Though the grasshopper may have not prepared for winter, the ant could not foresee a child flooding his home with a hose. Though I won't promise anyone that they will die like other dark fantasy, what I will say is the intended world for this rp should be harsh and unforgiving.

This rp will have dice elements, but that's mostly for pivotal plot moments and higher level combat. Grunts and stuff can be rp'd out of existence while fighting something tougher will come with a chance to fail. DW, this plays into the element of you can never circumvent life. :D

The starting goal of the rp? To explore the east.

Rules
1. Open environment, say what you want to say out in the open so that everyone is on the same page.
2. This would be a team effort, not a dictatorship. Generally I'll try and make most of the decisions keeping everyone else's interests in mind,but in the case of a disagreement I'll hold votes to keep things unbiased. As long as the majority of my players want something to be changed or done, then it's fine by me.
3. I don't expect much ooc wise, which includes character sheets and what not. But I do expect effort in the ic.

Character sheet
Name:
Age:

Role: What can I expect from your character in a party setting?

Combat style: This should reflect your role. If you're a shipwright, I expect you to be a tough guy with perhaps an enchanted hammer that applies extra blunt damage as shockwaves. If you're a support role, like a priest, then what do you do to stay alive and support your team? If you're really not a non combatant, then make note of it(something along the lines of a baker who isn't pantheon).

Skills: There will be dice rolls in which I'll give checks to beat. Your skills will determine what obstacles your character is best and surmounting and in general, lay out what type of similar tasks they're good at overcoming. Like a blacksmith may be good at repairing equipment, so he'd get bonus rolls for doing so(there's a chance his repairs can be faulty at a small percentage), while a non blacksmith would have a high chance of failure. Then similar skills might include bartering to use his knowledge of his craft in negotiations.

Everyone gets 3 main skills.

History: This should be a pivotal moment in your character's history, perhaps an incident that shaped who they are. And how they learned how to defend themselves or learn their jobs. If you have lore questions, I'd be happy to answer them in order to make your character feel more natural.

Personality: I don't require this and in many ways don't want it. You should be able to project this in the ic using inner thoughts, actions, and your choice of words to get this across. But this is here if you want it.

Miscellaneous: Your starting gear, likes, dislikes, dreams for the future.

Expectations
- I expect a paragraph for posts, but would welcome more. I'm flexible in that regard.

- I everyone to try and weave a story that brings everyone together. You're joining this rp to get into a group, not solo post on your own because it feels unnatural. If you have any ideas that include being a pain in the arse, like Nami from one piece and her betrayal of luffy, then you still have to interact with your fellow rp'ers. I know this sounds like a pet peeve,but I've had people in the past make it hard to start an rp because they refused to all meet up with eachother ic. Because it felt "unnatural".

- The world itself is malleable as long as the descriptions fit what's been set forth. Meaning you can make up extra details if it would help you roleplay, but keep them consistent with gm posted environmental details. So if darkness is covering the land, don't make the sun shine through. But perhaps you may have found a torch unaffected by the darkness.

-Writing level is whatevs. As long as you meet the paragraph requirement and as long as I can read and understand what's going on. It's fine.
 
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Is there anything I could have done to make this more interesting? Do I do something wrong to get nothing at all?
 
I'm not interested, but since you asked, I would be more than happy to help those willing to improve.

This is my 2 cents from a brief skim of your opening post: Everything is disjointed.

--

One, your narration seems like a scene in the middle of your RP and you pasted it to replace your intro.
While you can use narration as a hooking tool in your intro, it does not help at all if the whole thing does not make any sense since you don't have a premise. If anything, that narration only serves as a burden which hinders you from getting players.
How was the sun blocked? Who is this amon? What are the stricken?
This leads to point number two.

--

Two, what is this all about?

Hello everyone, baconx2 here with a faint, but developing idea for a fantasy rp. The hallmarks of this intended rp are to mix fantasy with exaggerated elements of reality. That being, even if you are the greatest warrior mankind has ever seen, that a random arrow could end you. This rp world will be harsh, but not dark.

Dark implies it's all in futility, but this rp is rather supposed to reflect the futility of trying to circumvent life. Though the grasshopper may have not prepared for winter, the ant could not foresee a child flooding his home with a hose. Though I won't promise anyone that they will die like other dark fantasy, what I will say is the intended world for this rp should be harsh and unforgiving.

This rp will have dice elements, but that's mostly for pivotal plot moments and higher level combat. Grunts and stuff can be rp'd out of existence while fighting something tougher will come with a chance to fail. DW, this plays into the element of you can never circumvent life. :D

What is the story? What are the premises? Does this take place in a fantasy world? What is the technology level? What kind of lifeforms does this world have? Is it only occupied by humans? Do you have different humanoid species here?
You did not present your world for potential players to see.
What you did was basically saying, "The mechanics would be something like X" and you were regurgitating the same point.
No story = no interest = no players.

The starting goal of the rp? To explore the east.

What is this EAST you are talking about? Is it a country? A dungeon? A hospital?
This does not make any sense, especially with the narration you posted.
People expect dark and mindscrew stuffs with that narration, not a simple adventure to some unknown places.

If this is a story about the walking dead and plagues as I suspected, you better mention it in detail and tell the audience about the main premise.
Is it to find a cure-all? Is it to eliminate the demon blocking the sun? Are you on a mission from the kingdom? Is it personal? Are you on to save the world step by step?

--

Three, you need to appeal to your target audience.
What kind of RP do you envision this to be? Sandbox? Heavy lore? Just a single campaign? Funposting?
What kind of players do you want in your RP? Casuals? Players who are emotionally invested in your story? Lightspeed posters?

You said that your world would not be that "dark", yet your narration screams darkness and confusion all over the place.
I expect people came thinking of a world with heavy story telling and cutting edge characters, are these the kind of players you want in your RP?

--

To sum it all, you need to know what you want first before drafting a proposal. To me, you are presenting a scene and then nothing, no further explanations, no storyboards, nothing.

That is, unless you're asking for others to help you create the foundation together, in which you need to point it out.
 
I'm not interested, but since you asked, I would be more than happy to help those willing to improve.

This is my 2 cents from a brief skim of your opening post: Everything is disjointed.

--

One, your narration seems like a scene in the middle of your RP and you pasted it to replace your intro.
While you can use narration as a hooking tool in your intro, it does not help at all if the whole thing does not make any sense since you don't have a premise. If anything, that narration only serves as a burden which hinders you from getting players.
How was the sun blocked? Who is this amon? What are the stricken?
This leads to point number two.

Is that the way it comes off? Like I've taken a scene from an existing rp and pasted it here? For the most part this was hoping that the scene itself would be interesting enough to entice others to join. I know there's nothing really explained, but I guess if not knowing that Amon is a hindrance, then my scene was a failure lol. It's supposed to be a priest cursing his god and grappling with an impending doom coming from the east. Which would have been revealed as from an island out in the middle of the ocean, where common folk don't venture into due to beleif. but that wasn't really important so much as I wanted to write a captivating scene, as opposed to telling my potential audience like I was checking off a list of things.

1. bad guy
2. demons and gods
3. magic
4. kill the evil stuff

Though that must have failed seeing where I am now with this lol.

--

Two, what is this all about?

Same as above, it's just outlining my gm style more than anything. Again if you want me to spell it out: Demons, bad guys, stop it. I could have,but that's what literally every other check is.

What is the story? What are the premises? Does this take place in a fantasy world? What is the technology level? What kind of lifeforms does this world have? Is it only occupied by humans? Do you have different humanoid species here?
You did not present your world for potential players to see.
What you did was basically saying, "The mechanics would be something like X" and you were regurgitating the same point.
No story = no interest = no players.



What is this EAST you are talking about? Is it a country? A dungeon? A hospital?
This does not make any sense, especially with the narration you posted.
People expect dark and mindscrew stuffs with that narration, not a simple adventure to some unknown places.

If this is a story about the walking dead and plagues as I suspected, you better mention it in detail and tell the audience about the main premise.
Is it to find a cure-all? Is it to eliminate the demon blocking the sun? Are you on a mission from the kingdom? Is it personal? Are you on to save the world step by step?

--

Three, you need to appeal to your target audience.
What kind of RP do you envision this to be? Sandbox? Heavy lore? Just a single campaign? Funposting?
What kind of players do you want in your RP? Casuals? Players who are emotionally invested in your story? Lightspeed posters?

You said that your world would not be that "dark", yet your narration screams darkness and confusion all over the place.
I expect people came thinking of a world with heavy story telling and cutting edge characters, are these the kind of players you want in your RP?

--

To sum it all, you need to know what you want first before drafting a proposal. To me, you are presenting a scene and then nothing, no further explanations, no storyboards, nothing.

That is, unless you're asking for others to help you create the foundation together, in which you need to point it out.
This is getting redundant,but thanks for the input. I do appreciate the time you took to at least illuminate the what others perceived my opening post to be.
 
I don't have the same thoughts on your intro as Love did. I thought it was well written and conveyed the desperation and urgency necessary for anyone to venture forth into the gloom and darkness. Every story generally jumps forward from a point where many things have already occurred. Half the fun is learning both the history of a story and the adventure of how the rest unfolds.

I suppose my question is more, who would be able to go? And where would they be from? Has the Priest sent for help perhaps?

This is the kind of role play I love and if you get this going I'd like to participate. I'll keep watching.
 
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Personally, I'd like to participate as a charac ter.
I am also in the process of making an rpg game, so I get the EAST that you want us to explore. Personallym I think it's cool that the player has to find out what the east really means. maybe it's a whole continent or just an Island on the East of the west...

now, going back to the character: I'm Orgrin, a half-orc who's a master at arms, and in one of my adventures I got a spear with a living dwarf head stuck with it. now I have to find the the dwarf a new body.

basically, my character it's a warrior, but for some cases I added a part of the story that makes him a berzerker.
now, my skills are: -Master at arms: I can make weapons from everything I find. Even invent new ones,
-Talking Head: This allows me to perform certain actions I normally would not be able to accomplish (4 example, elevate it and ask it to scout.
-Easily Enraged: When I go full rage I can't think, so I only attack. not allies, at least not in a battle against evil.
 
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