Instant Crush

[neptune]

James Vos​

​

Breaking up was never easy, it was never quick or simple, and no matter how miserable he had once been, James always felt a little worse directly after. He supposed that was the point, though—if it didn't hurt, it hadn't mattered. In many ways, James had loved Emily. She was a good friend, a wonderful person, and when she needed help, he did what he could. Their marriage had caused the rift in his family to widen, his mother was angry that he hadn't told her how sick Emily was when they had rushed down to the courthouse, his father was just angry that he was spending money, and his sister had never quite believed their explanation; Charlotte was smarter than she looked. Emily had needed support, but now she didn't and now they were divorced because that was the plan.

Rather, they were getting divorced. James hadn't actually signed the papers yet, and he was stalling on letting the family lawyer dig through their financials. At the time of Emily's surgery, he had moved a few hundred thousand dollars around now things were a bit of a mess. He didn't want Emily to have to deal with the inconvenience of trying to maintain the lie while also making it seem like their differences were irreconcilable.

For something that was meant to be fake, they certainly had ended on a sour note. The memories of their last fight came rushing back to James as he stood outside of Emily's door. They had once shared an apartment, but now she wanted move, and somehow, James found himself volunteering to help. After all, some of his things were still there and he didn't mind carrying a box or two if it meant finding a way to patch things up. Their relationship, before the sham wedding, was long and filled with memories that James didn't want to lose entirely. Plus, he didn't do well with people hating him—especially not Emily.

It took a quick pep talk and some deep breaths, but eventually, James found it within himself to knock on the door. It wasn't long before Emily answered. She looked lovely, as usual, which was the way that James liked to think of her, rather than laid up in a hospital bed without any color in her face. "Hey," he said, which sounded like a rather lame greeting, but it had been months since he'd seen her. The last time was by chance, and he was with Hillary; it didn't exactly go well.

"Did you find my journal?" he asked, stepping inside with her. In his rush to leave the apartment, he had completely forgotten to collect his stack of journals that contained everything from details about plays, to phone numbers and random lines of dialogue. By now, James should have learned to put everything in his phone, but there was something very satisfying about writing it down. He hoped Emily hadn't thrown it away. "I only have a few hours, by the way," he added, giving a look around, "so let's make the most of it."

That wasn't exactly true, but James would have cancelled plans with Dennis if it meant being civil with Emily.

 

[MaryGold]

Emily Hallifax​

​

And there he was, James. Not much had changed in the few months that had passed by. He was still tall and handsome, and whatever feelings she thought she had tossed, seemed to resurface. That was, until he opened his big mouth.

"I'll be sure not to waste your time then," Emily said bitterly, or at least she had thought of saying, but she didn't and she wouldn't. She hadn't said anything besides a simple and somewhat stiff greeting of "Hi" upon Jame's arrival, which in itself was terrible too. However, in her defense she really didn't know what to say and it was impossible for her to smile, because if she did it would obviously be forced.

Instead, she answered with, "Well, then, let's make the most of it, yeah?"

For an actor, when it came to people who knew her, she couldn't lie.

Emily had gotten up with the sun, sleep was out of the question when knowing after so long James was coming back to her apartment, that once used to be theirs. Her nerves had been bothering her all morning as she planned out how she would act and what she would say. It was no secret that she had been giving him the cold shoulder, and even cursing him behind his back. Their colleagues at the theater only thought it was because of their divorce. It was that and more.

Not only had he dumped her, but he did it for someone else.

It was despicable, wasn't it? Or ... at least it would have been if anything about their marriage had been real. The only thing real about it was the papers and unbeknownst to him, her feelings for him... He had ripped her heart open and left her to bleed, making her bitter.

Emily had made a resolve, though, she wouldn't mean and horrid. She promised herself she wouldn't. Over the time that passed by separated from him, she came to realize how unfair she was being in her loneliness. He wasn't obliged to like her back, how could he when their romantic relationship was based off a lie. A lie they made to help her.

So, she sucked in a deep breath and led him where she had moved all the boxes, stacked on top of one another. She did not have many things, but she had enough to need help, especially with the heavy objects.

"As for your journal ..." She started slowly, unsure what to say. "I haven't seen it yet, but I' sure we'll come across it." That was a lie, she knew exactly where it was. In fact she had stashed it away in her room, not daring to open it, but she had it all the same. It was petty, and she knew it. But it was the perfect excuse to keep him around longer.

Because no matter how upset she was with him, she didn't really want him to walk out her life. She wouldn't be able to bare it. Which was why she was even bothering to make an effort to reconcile whatever friendship they had left.

Clearing her throat, she began again. "Anyway, " she paused, pondering her next words, wanting to tread lightly and hopefully not and into anything that involved Hilary. The thought of her was enough to make her eye twitch in agitation, "how have you been?"

 

[neptune]

James Vos​

​

There wasn't anything about Emily that looked happy to see him, and James was sorry that things between them had soured so quickly. There had been a time when coming home to Emily, to their fake marriage and a night of sitting on the couch with take-out was his favorite part of the day, but now, the walls of their former home just felt constricting. As much as James didn't like to admit it, he was the sentimental type. He kept things, trinkets that held memories, whether it be a family heirloom or a leftover pack of hot sauce from Taco Bell that had a joke attached to it—his time with Emily was one big collection and now it was over, she was moving. He needed to accept that.

Stepping into the apartment, James instantly noticed the boxes by the door. The sight of them made him uncomfortable, and he was quick to push his hands into his pockets, as if not physically touching anything would make it less real. When Emily mentioned having not found his journal, it gave him something new to focus on. His shoulders slumped, and he didn't relish in hunting through whatever remained of each room to try and find it. "You didn't throw it out, did you?" he asked, perhaps a low blow, but he didn't put it past her.

Finally, after realizing how standoffish he probably looked, James removed his hands from his pockets. "I'm okay," he replied after Emily was kind enough to try. There was a part of him that would have rather been yelling. Insults were easier than civility, easier to hurl at one another than face their problems head on. James still didn't understand the main reason for their falling out, and trying to get to the root of it was like pulling teeth.

"I'm producing a play," he added a moment later just to keep the conversation going. At the very least, he knew not to mention Hillary, not that she really mattered anymore, but her very existence seemed to set Emily off. "How have you been?" James asked.

Moving over to the boxes, James opened the top of one and peered inside. When he and Emily had lived together, it seemed like they were always running out of room for things, and now her life was condensed into a few cardboard boxes. "I swear you had more stuff than this," he said, laughing softly.

 

[MaryGold]

Emily Hallifax​

​

Emily was barely able to hold back a scoff when James had asked if she threw away his journal. No, she wasn't that low, but still petty enough to keep it and hide it. So, really, she had no right to say anything. She did have the decency to feel shameful for her actions, though. And with shame came guilt which meant she'd return it today, no longer thinking of using it as leverage.

Clearing her throat, she simply answered with a quiet, "no, I didn't." And left it as that. She'd have to subtly bring out the book later when he wasn't looking. For him to find it suddenly was better than for her too, it would be less suspicious anyway. Despite their relationship not being at it's best, she didn't want for him to think badly of her.

She found herself pondering a little longer on how to answer his next inquiry. "Upright and still breathing." Emily shrugged her shoulders, walking over to the box he had opened. A small smile tugged at her lips as she stared back at her many belongings, all which held both happy and sad memories. "I did," she admitted with a sigh. "I had to either throw or give away most of my things. I would have never been able to fit everything into my studio apartment."

Emily pulled a black marker from her pocket, one that she had been using to label her boxes. Closing the flap to the box and pulling off the top of her marker, she labeled the box, writing it as "bedroom". "My mom said I was becoming a hoarder anyway." She snorted, remembering her mother's comment. "She happily took many things off my hand."

 

[neptune]

James Vos​

​

Hearing about her new apartment was bittersweet, even in passing. James was giving with just about everything in his life, and much to his mother's dismay, his money and been Emily's money while they were married. He bought things for her constantly, made sure that their place was something to be showed off—the thought of her in a studio was just something else to feel guilty for. Standing there, he wanted to apologize all over again, or offer to call off the divorce, but that didn't seem productive. So many things had changed between them, and James wasn't sure if they could ever be friends again, let alone a convincing married couple.

When she mentioned her mom's comment, James chuckled. He liked Emily's family, and had always found their teasing of one another endearing. His own family wasn't the same, they were cold and dysfunctional, even more so after the passing of his older brother. In many ways, he envied the place that Emily came from, wishing that he had grown up differently. "That sounds like her," he smiled, laughing again. At the very least, he hoped that Emily's mom had gotten something good out of the deal, that she hadn't just taken piles of junk.

After the box was labeled, James picked it up and set it off to the side. "Your new place isn't far from mine," he mentioned, though he still wasn't sure how he felt about it. "So, we could get together sometime, if you wanted." He picked up a roll of packing tape and sealed the flap on the box. Being able to talk to Emily outside of helping her move said a lot about their future—if there was even going to be one.

 

[MaryGold]

Emily Hallifax​

​

"Really?" Emily mused, seemingly distracted with peering into boxes before labeling them, when truthfully she couldn't have been more focused hanging on James every word. While the air had been hard to breathe in when he first walked in, she found herself almost choking on it now. She had sofented some when he laughed again because it had been a while since she heard that laugh.

However, that was due to her own anger and inability to keep him as a friend.

Even now, as he practically sent her an invitation for them to be friends again. For things to go back to the old times, or as close as they could get, she still felt reluctant. Emily wasn't sure if she wanted to go back to those days. They were warm, full of laughter and for her, moments where her heart fluttered and soared.

Those times were simple, but felt forever ago despite it only being just a few months ago. As nice it would be to go back to a simpler relationship, no matter how much she would have liked it, she was still conflicted on whether or not to do it. Because while they would have fun again, at the end of the day he would going back to another, leaving her bitter and empty.

If they really lived closer to one another, it would be harder to avoid him. And as much as she hated to admit it, she missed James. Emily missed him more than she was able express. "Maybe we could." She found herself saying before she could stop herself. "You know, I found this new Thai restaurant, but I'm too afraid to check it out by myself."

Emily couldn't believe she was actually saying what she was or that she was incredibly nervous about it. Yet, she was all too afraid to be turned down. "My other so called friends have refused to go with me. If you're free ..." She couldn't even finish, and was still unable to look at him.

 

[neptune]

James Vos​

​

There was a part of James that expected Emily to reject the offer, or to pretend that he hadn't reached out at all. He hadn't realized it until after she agreed, however vaguely, but he had been holding his breath the entire time. It was easier to breathe when he thought of the future, how one conversation could turn everything around and set the wheels of motion rolling back in time to a place where they were still happy, where they were still friends. It was hard for James to express how much he wanted that, and all he could do was smile.

"I love Thai food," he said, hoping to remind her. There were plenty of "date nights" where he had gotten to pick the restaurant and they ended up at some hole in the wall place sharing a bowl of curry. Those memories were priceless to James, and the more he looked at Emily, the more realized that he didn't want them to fade away. Their marriage may have been for convenience, for her health and wellbeing, but the divorce shouldn't have changed anything.

Reconciling the change in their relationship was difficult, but not addressing the elephant in the room was growing more difficult as they continued to literally sort through their life together. "You're not just being nice, are you?" James asked. "You don't have to get Thai food with me just because I'm helping you move."

 

[MaryGold]

Emily Hallifax​

​

"No."

Now, that had been an easy question to answer. However, she knew that was not he was asking behind his words and body language. More than anything it would be easier to leave those loose ends and not acknowledge the issues surrounding them, that had torn them apart. If they really got to the root of it ... just thinking of it was suffocating.

Though, it was less terrifying to think about than backing off and letting the rift continue to be between them after they both took a step forward to close it. Honestly, simply pushing him away again was easier and even appealing until she was reminded of emptiness she felt in his absence from her life. The thought was enough to make her turn and face him, dropping what she had been doing.

"No, I'm not doing it t be nice. I'm doing it because I want to hang out, you know, with you." Emily clarified herself, fumbling over her words for a moment and gesturing to him. A small frown made its way onto her face out of irritation directed at herself.

Why was it that when she wanted to speak words she actually meant they came out horrendous after deep thought? And hurtful non-meaningful words easily flew from her mouth without any thought? It was twisted. And she called herself an actor.

"I know I've been kind of a bitch," there was no "kind of" about it. Emily knew she had been a colossal bitch. "And I'm sorry, but I do want to be friends again."

 

[neptune]

James Vos​

​

The closer they got to the root of the problem, the warier James became. While there was a part of him that wanted to know everything—all of Emily's thoughts and issues, all of her reasons for acting the way she did—there was another that would have been happy to live in blissful ignorance. There had been times during their marriage when the relationship felt real, late nights when he had had to stop himself from kissing her, because it was just the two of them and they weren't trying to convince anyone. It would have been a horrible lie to say that his only feelings for her were platonic, but admitting that, or being rejected for it, would have changed everything.

When Emily answered, clarifying that she wasn't just trying to be nice, James smiled. Having her back in his life would have alleviated some of the guilt that he had been harboring since the breakup, and while he knew that it wasn't her job to absolve him of anything, the thought of moving on together was tempting. "Then…" he paused, nodding, "yeah, I'd love to hang out."

It felt like they had turned a corner, and James was ready to keep packing until Emily spoke again. Out of all the fights they had had since splitting, he could only recall either of them apologizing a handful of times, but it had never seemed so important before. "I mean," James began, though he trailed off moments later, unsure of what to say or do. He wanted to accept her apology for the sake of a new friendship, but their old issues were still very much rooted in the present.

"I never meant to hurt you," he said, finding his voice again. They had never seriously talked about their marriage, and James had always assumed that they thought of its fakeness in the same way; her sudden change when he had started seeing Hillary shouldn't have caught him off guard. "When we got married, I always figured you would be the one to divorce me." He had to laugh at his own admission, aware of how backwards it sounded by societal standards. Emily was pretty, though, she was talented and James had thought of their relationship as one, big, favor.

Sighing, James stopped trying to pack and turned to look at her. "I'm sorry that it ended this way."

 

[MaryGold]

Emily Hallifax​

​

A huge weight had been lifted from Emily's chest. The air became just a little bit lighter and easier to breathe. At that moment she allowed herself to genuinely smile even if it was a small one, it was still bright. Yes, many things were left unsaid, but from what Emily could tell, James wasn't sure if he wanted to know just as she wasn't sure she wanted to tell. No, she was certain she didn't want to say just as she was certain she didn't want to hear his response to it.

What she had felt - what she did feel - was something she was determined to get over. If she couldn't have him as something more intimate, his friendship was the next best thing. And she wasn't willing to give that up yet, as long as she didn't have to come face to face with his girlfriend, Hilary. The woman who he had wisely not brought up a single time since he had arrived. Something she was both grateful for and curious about.

Upon hearing him say he had expected her to dump him first, Emily scoffed as he laughed. "That's ridiculous," mumbled the brunette, shaking her head gently. The whole notion was ridiculous in her eyes. Their marriage had been nothing but a huge favor to her on is part, he hadn't got many things, or anything, out of the sham at all.

Some people wondered about the match with James being from a wealthy background, a more than decent playwright and entirely handsome while Emily ... Emily was a struggling actress who worked part-time at a restaurant to make ends meet. She was pretty, but she wasn't pretty enough to be a good reason. People had even dared to ask "the truth" behind their relationship as if it wasn't possible for someone like him to like her. Ironically, they were mostly right too.

His apology was impossible not to take to heart though. Her gut wrenched whn she knew he didn't need to apologize because he had honestly done nothing wrong. Still, it meant a lot to Emily and all she wanted to do was hug him. She wasn't sure if she was allowed to do that yet, but it felt like the right thing to do, so she did.

"If you forgive me, I'll forgive you." The corners of her mouth curved upward slighty as she moved forward steadily, to have enough time to think and turn around if need be. She did not turn way though and instead wrapped her arms around him, hoping to god he wouldn't pull away. "In other words, apology accepted."