Inside My Mind (rosegrim and One Must Wonder)

[Cosmic Fey]

Julian tugged the earbud out of his ear as he walked into Biology class. Sitting down in an empty desk he put his book back in his bag and turned off his iPod before turning his attention to the front. Julian liked Biology, he understood it and it was easy; a relief after math which was his class before this one. The only good thing about that class was that the teacher rarely paid attention to him, allowing him to use that time to read or draw or do whatever instead.

Julian listened to the teacher prattle on about how cells acted in different environments with half an ear until he mention the word "project" which was followed by the words "pre-chosen partner." The boy inwardly groaned, letting his head slam down into the desk. He hated working in groups or with a partner. It never ended well.

The teacher then went on to explain that the project would consist of four labs spread out over the semester exploring how different cells reacted to different things. Each lab would have a work sheet and the whole project would have a write up at the end. Then came the names. Julian watched the various reactions of his classmates. It was highly amusing to watch 17/18 year olds pouting when they didn't get paired with who they wanted.

And then "Julian Chase and Eliot Fletcher"

Julian rolled his eyes. Of course, it was just like his luck to get paired with the school's resident badass and someone who probably didn't know he existed much less that they had a class together. Julian was used to that though. With his dark brown hair, pale skin, and hazel eyes, plus being on the short and skinny side and somewhat shy, he tended to blend in with the background. Not that he minded of course.

Sighing, he got up, grabbed his bag and walked slowly to the table where the other boy sat knowing that if the other boy did know who he was he probably didn't care. Squashing his shyness down, Julian figured he should at least introduce himself, whether the other male acknowledged him or not.

"Um, hi. I'm Julian."

 

[rosegrim]

Fletch was always in a bad mood in Biology. It wasn't that he didn't care for the class; quite to the contrary. Had he not had the dreaded English before, Biology might have been his favorite class. Really, he wouldn't have minded English if it weren't for the fact that the entire class expected him to be some sort of misunderstood poet or something and, though he wasn't bad at writing, he hated the assumption that he was some sort of amazing tortured author. Badassery just didn't have the same stigma it used to. Really, he just wanted to be left alone. He'd made the mistake of thinking that being a badass would get him left alone. He didn't, however, take into consideration the many movies that had ruined the name of badass. He finally got his wish, though it took a particularly long stint of suspension for setting a teacher's car on fire to do it. But he was getting off track.

Fletch sat at his usual table in the back of the classroom with his head down, not really paying attention. It had been 'read your creative writing assignment aloud' day in English that day and he had a headache that was suddenly made worse when he heard the phrase 'group project with pre-chosen partners'. Group projects were the worst. He always ended up partnered with an idiot that was either scared of him or assumed he wouldn't work and just did the whole project without him. He supposed that was what he got for trying to ensure aloneness. And, with his luck, he'd get saddled with one of his English class groupies. Balls.

Fletch pushed his too long dirty blonde hair out of his dark green eyes before massaging his temples as he listened to the parameters of the project. Today was aparrently National Fuck with Fletch Day, but he was determined not to let that get the best of him. He watched with no small amount of amusement as partners were assigned and a cacophony of groans wrang out across the classroom.

"Julian Chase and Eliot Fletcher." Well, hot dog. He had no idea who this kid was, so there was a good chance this partnership wouldn't be as terrible as he'd originally expected. This 'Julian' would either be terrified of him or would actually be a decent partner. He hoped it would be the latter.

Fletch watched as a smallish, awkward looking boy grabbed his bag and scurried over to him. Um, hi. I'm Julian. Fletch scrutinized the boy a moment before blurting the first thing that popped into his head.

"What are you, twelve?" Filtering had never been his strong suit. "Oh, and you can call me Fletch I guess. Everyone else does."

 

[Cosmic Fey]

Julian bristled and blushed at being called twelve. "I'm seventeen," he said shortly, glaring at the other boy, Fletch. He knew he was short, but that didn't mean he liked it when other people pointed it out, especially people as tall as Fletch. It always left Julian feeling like a child and he hated it. Dropping his bag to floor, Julian sat down next to Fletch and crossed his arms, trying to stop himself from pouting.

The guy seemed like a total ass, but Julian supposed he was stuck with him, 'It could be worse,' he reflected. And it could be, he could be stuck with some stuck up preppy girl or a dumb jock that made him do all the work. He sighed; well Fletch could be like that, he'd just have to wait and see.

The teacher was still listing off pairs and Julian knew the most they'd be doing to today was filling out the overview worksheet of the entire project. Reaching down Julian pulled out his book and started to read again.

Or at least that was the plan, but Julian found his mind wandering. He hated working in groups; they usually made him do all the work. He wished group work wasn't a necessary part of the curriculum, but there you had it. Sighing Julian put his book away and brushed his hair out of eyes before leaning forward and resting his head on his arms. "This sucks," he muttered to himself. "I hate group work."

 

[rosegrim]

Fletch felt an unfamiliar tingling in his chest when Julian blushed, but he brushed it away in favor of resting his head in his hands. Julian seemed nice, he supposed. He wasn't sure he really cared whether or not the smaller boy was nice or not, but he guessed nice partners were better than douchebags. He also found it a little hard to believe that the scrawny kid now sitting beside him was seventeen. He was just so...small.

Fletch let out a sigh. He was sure he'd have to turn to the bottle of extra strength Tylenol that had taken up permanent residence in his backpack after this class. He hated people so much sometimes. Looking over at Julian for a moment, Fletch wished he had brought his own book to class. Instead, he was left to his own thoughts which was never a good thing. The newness of his lab partner caused Fletch's thoughts to stray to the brunet. He wondered what Julian thought of him, which was weird because he never wondered what anyone thought of him. Something about the other boy made him feel like more of an ass than usual.

This sucks. I hate group work. The phrase was muttered so softly that Fletch almost didn't hear it. But he did and, for some reason, took it a bit personally.

"Look, kid. I don't like this any more than you do. I'm not sure I particularly like you, nor do I care for your opinion on...really anything. But let me make something quite clear. I'm not a slacker, I'm just an asshole. I'm not going to make you do the whole project, so domt get your panties in a wad. And don't try to tell me that wasn't exactly what you were worried about. I know you were."

 

[Cosmic Fey]

Julian blinked. He hadn't expected Fletch to hear him, let alone respond. This was why he hated group work. He didn't get along well with too many people, certainly no one in biology, plus being quiet and on the small side made him an easy target to be picked on by assholes.

"It was just a statement," he said softly, his shyness kicking in. "Don't take it so personally. You called me twelve and I didn't take personally." he added with a glare, looking away quickly. Fletch was tall and much bigger then he was; he could easily kill Julian if he wanted to.

Probably.

Julian shook his head, he was being dramatic. The other boy might be an ass, but he wouldn't kill somebody. Right?

I'm not a slacker, I'm just an asshole. I'm not going to make you do the whole project. Brushing his hair out of his eyes again (his sister would probably insist he'd get it cut again soon, disregarding the fact that he liked it this long) Julian let out a breath. That's what had been bugging him the most. He normally got stuck with most, if not all, of the work. It kept his partners out of his hair for the most part, but Julian was sick of being walked all over like a doormat.

"Well, as long as you're not a slacker and make me do all the work, we'll get along fine. I can handle you being an asshole well enough. You're not the first I've met, and you probably won't be the last."

 

[rosegrim]

Fletch snorted. Not taking things personally was hard when everything was usually meant personally. It was a reflex for him to automatically become defensive. He did feel a little bad for lashing out so harshly, but it was in his nature to be a bit coarse. He opened his mouth to apologize, but thought better of it. It wouldn't do for him to be apologizing all over the place to people he'd only just met. Even if they were infuriatingly difficult to be a dick to.

"You got that right. I have a theory that at least seventy percent of people are ass hats in some form or another. But, much as I am enjoying this small talk, I think we should get started. The sooner we get this shit over with, the sooner we can be done with one another."

 

[Cosmic Fey]

Julian smiled a bit at the theory idea, it certainly had merit. "Of course" Julian said with a small smile. Actually, getting this done sooner then later was good idea. Julian was becoming increasingly aware that the lab tables didn't give one much room for personal space and how close he and Fletch were sitting and just how many people were in the classroom which meant his anxiety medication was wearing off. He checked his watch and let out a breath. It was almost the end of Biology and the beginning of lunch, meaning he could take the second dose of his medication.

Hopefully before he started hyperventilating. That would be good.

"Well," he said softly, pulling the worksheet towards them, "it's simple enough. All we have to do today is write down the hypothesis and he told us that when he was explaining the project." Chewing his bottom lip, Julian quickly wrote it down as neatly as he could and then pushed it away from him. "There. Done. Now you can go back to pretending I don't exist." he said cheerfully with a grin, twirling a piece of his hair between his fingers. "At least until the first lab that is."

 

[rosegrim]

"Thank God," Fletch muttered, running a hand through his hair and leaning back in his chair. He wanted very much for this class to be over so he could go in to the bathroom and take a couple of Tylenol. Julian not being a complete fuckwit was helpful in not aggravating the other boy's headache, but it had by no means gone away. The brunet probably thought Fletch was a terrible lab partner and, for some reason, the blonde cared. Today just wasn't the best day for first impressions, he supposed. All would be remedied tomorrow. Maybe Fletch would start skipping English.... He would certainly gain some relief if he did so.

Fletch had made up his mind to take a small nap until the end of class, and was well on his way, but every time he got close to falling asleep, Julian would do some weird little twitchy thing that would rouse the blonde from his slumber. It was starting to bug.

"Jesus, Julian! Could you be a little squirrelier? I can feel you twitching over there. Keeps waking me up," Fletch grumbled, his eyes still closed.

 

[Cosmic Fey]

When Fletch closed his eyes and fell silent, Julian let out a shaky breath. At least with the taller boy as a lab partner he wouldn't have to try and make conversation very often. Tapping his fingers on the table, he glanced at the clock again. He let out a small groan, there had been barely any change. 'Of course there's no change, you keep looking every five seconds' he told himself mockingly. 'Relax.'

He snorted, that was easier said then done; it was taking all he had not to start hyperventilating and bursting into tears. Relaxing was way out of his current capabilities. Maybe he should ask his sister to give him a stronger dose. Having a pyschologist for an older sibling and guardian had it's perks.

Jesus, Julian! Could you be a little squirrelier? I can feel you twitching over there. Keeps waking me up

Julian's eyes went wide and he shrank down onto himself. Resting he feet on one of the bars of the stool, he wrapped his arms around his knees. "Sorry," he mumbled. "I'll try and stop, It's just-" he bit his lip. Should he tell Fletch about his anxiety? No, he decided, he barely knew the guy and he didn't want to get labeled as a freak. He'd only tell the other boy if it got worse or if they got to know each other better. Which was probably as likely as Julian managing to relax right now. "Nothing. Nevermind. It's not really important."

 

[rosegrim]

Fletch, for some unknown reason, had a compulsive need to look at people when they were talking directly to him. Thus, he looked over at Julian and instantly felt bad for his comment. The brunet was obviously freaking out and Fletch had seen the symptoms one too many times in his own mother not to know what was wrong with the smaller boy.

"Hey," he said softly, placing a tentative hand Julian's shoulder. "You're okay. Class will be over soon." Usually this sort of thing worked on his mother, but Fletch was unsure how Julian would react to the blonde's attempt at being soothing. He knew it would seem like quite the leap of character, but he had seen his mom loose her shit enough times to know that they didn't need a freaked out Julian trapped in the Biology classroom. It would be better for everyone if Fletch could help the kid get a handle on the situation at hand.

 

[Cosmic Fey]

Julian could feel his breathing getting closer to hyperventilation when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Realizing Fletch wasn't going to hurt him at the moment, Julian just managed to stop himself from flinching away. Taking a very shaky breath, he counted to ten, trying to calm down. After a minute, Julian's breathing slowed down back to normal. He was still shaking like a leaf and felt close to tears, but at least he wasn't going to flip out now.

At least he hoped he wasn't.

"Sorry 'bout that." he muttered, twirling a piece of hair between his fingers again as he glanced up shyly at the taller boy, blushing with embarrassment. "I didn't mean - I mean it doesn't happen very often. Thank you though. For your help, I mean. Not a lot of people would..." he trailed off, biting his lip. "I'm rambling, I'll just shut up now."

 

[rosegrim]

Fletch slowly removed his hand, knowing that sudden movements wouldn't help matters much. He felt a little bad for Julian, but he knew the smaller boy wouldn't want his pity so he kept it to himself. He imagined it had to be hard for the brunet to be so high strung all the time.

"It's alright. My mom... That happens to her a lot. I know the symptoms far more intimately than I'd like to. So..." He trailed off, wondering if he should allow his image to be compromised by what he was about to say but ultimately deciding that his badass persona was probably already shot with Julian. "If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

Fletch looked at his hands, feeling a bit uncomfortable. He wasn't usually so helpful or forthcoming. It made him a little bit nauseous.

 

[Cosmic Fey]

Julian nodded. It made sense. His sister only knew what to look for and what to do when he had an attack because she was trained too. It was partly because of him that his sister had decided to become a psychologist in the first place. "I'll keep that in mind," he said with a small smile. Having someone other then Susan and his own therapist (Susan couldn't do it because she was family and emotionally invested) to talk too about his problem would be a good thing. At least Fletch wouldn't try to psychoanalyze him.

"I won't do it too often, only when I need too. Wouldn't want that badass image of yours ruined just because you talk to me huh? You'd never get rid of those crazy girls who seem to stalk you if it was." he added with a grin.

Hopping down from the stool and grabbing his bag when the bell rang, Julian reached into his bag, his hand wrapping around the pill bottle resting there. "Be seeing you." he said, walking out into the hall toward the cafeteria

 

[rosegrim]

Fletch nodded, hoping that Julian would, in fact, keep that in mind. The brunet seemed like a nice kid and Fletch hated to see nice people suffer. It was a problem of his. Under all his layers of badassery, he was really one of those bleeding heart humanitarian types. Damn his motherly instincts.

You'd never get rid of those crazy girls who seem to stalk you if it was. The blonde groaned at that.

"I wish they'd just leave me alone. Girls...aren't really my area. Especially those girls." He shuddered. The hoard of girls loved to chase him into secluded areas and see how much they could touch him before a teacher walked by. Fletch hated it with a passion not only because he didn't really fancy being molested by a ravenous group of girls, but also because he was rather certain that they had very much the wrong parts. Be seeing you. And, with that, his lab partner was gone.

"Bye..." he said at the other boy's retreating back before grabbing his own things and heading for the nearest bathroom. It was time for Tylenol and maybe, if he was lucky enough to happen upon a real douche in the bathroom, a round of expertly delivered swirlies to renew his street cred.

 

[Cosmic Fey]

Julian giggled nervously at the mention of those girls. He'd seen them around and quite frankly they scared him to no end. It was because of those girls Julian was immensely glad he swung the other way. He couldn't imagine dating someone so... grabby not to mention seemingly completely insane. No, he was more inclined to date someone with a healthy level of crazy who could handle it if he had an attack.

Turning a corner, the small boy took a granola bar out of his bag, finishing it in three bites before pulling out a water bottle and the bottle of pills. Popping the lid, he took two of the small pills and quickly took a gulp of water before putting everything back in his bag. Julian walked into the rapidly filling cafeteria, sighing as he slid into a seat at an empty table. He wasn't all that hungry but knew that if he didn't eat at least half of his lunch, Susan would start looking for signs of an eating disorder.

He snorted, really it wasn't his fault he was so small, he just was.

 

[rosegrim]

Fletch splashed some water on his face and looked in the mirror, taking in the dark bags under his eyes. One of these days, his insomnia was going to catch up with him. Today, however, was not that day. Taking a Tylenol and finding no one else in the bathroom eligible for swirlies, he headed to his usual table in the cafeteria so he could actually get some sleep. He was sure that his habit of skipping meals to sleep during the day was bad for him, but everyone figured he could take care of himself. And he could. He wasn't dead. He might have been a bit worse for wear, got sick a little easier and all that, but he was alive and that was all that mattered to him.

 

[Cosmic Fey]

Julian glanced up when he felt his cell go off. Flicking it open with one hand, he quickly read the message from his sister before paling.

Dad will be picking you up after school. Sorry.

Ah fuck. Julian had completely forgotten today was one of his father's visitation days. Well damn. Their mom had died when Julian was five and after five years Susan had managed to get full custody of him even though she'd only been twenty two and putting herself through school at the time. Of course his father's record and Julian's history of anxiety and panic attacks had worked in her favor in the custody battle, but Julian was still required to see his father twice a month until he was 18.

Fuck. Julian slammed his head down on the table. This sucked. The small boy willed himself to stop shaking. His anxiety behind the whole thing was numbed, suppressed because of his medication, but not the fear. God he hated the fear.

Sitting up, Julian's eyes swept over the room before landing on Fletch. He bit his lip, the blonde seemed to be sleeping, but Julian need to vent and panic now or he'd have a complete melt down later in class. Besides, those girls who were eying Fletch like he was a piece of meat would probably go wake the boy up soon anyway. And Julian figured his chances of survival were higher then then the giggling group of girls if he woke Fletch up. Making his decision, the brunette grabbed his stuff and almost ran to the other boy. Taking a breath, he tapped the bigger boy on the shoulder.

"Uh, Fletch, could I talk to you? Please?"

 

[rosegrim]

Fletch awoke with a start, an angry look in his eyes, ready to punch whoever just disturbed him. When he saw Julian standing there looking adorable, however, his gaze softened. The blonde was immediately worried. Julian didn't seem the type to trust easily. The fact that he was already at Fletch's table was a red flag.

Uh, Fletch, could I talk to you? Please? He nodded, pulling out the chair beside him and patting it in invitation.

"Of course. What do you need?" Fletch asked, his deep baritone laced with concern. He didn't know what it was about this soft-spoken, twitchy little guy that made him so utterly ready to help. Maybe it was the fact that the taller boy had an idea of what went on in Julian's head now that he knew about the anxiety, or maybe it was something else. Whatever it was, it would certainly make Fletch's life interesting.

 

[Cosmic Fey]

Julian slid into the seat, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "Thanks." he mumbled, twirling his hair again. It was a nervous habit, but it was defiantly better then some of his old habits. What did he need? A version of the witness protection. A bodyguard. Maybe a way to not see his father anymore that didn't end in murder.

He shook his head. He was being dramatic again. Now where to start?

"My mom died when I was five. I live with my sister, Susan. She's twelve years older then I am. She's had custody of me since I was ten. Before that I lived with my father." The small boy chewed his lower lip, "My father- well, he's not a very nice guy; has a pretty nasty record for domestic abuse, but because he'd never had a drug charge, the courts granted him custody." Taking a breath he continued. "Once Susan was old enough, she fought him for custody of me. She won, but I'm required to see my father twice a month until I'm eighteen."

Trying to keep his voice from shaking, Julian cleared his throat. "Today is one of his visitation days and my pills aren't working as well as they should; I need a stronger dose and he's always hated that I need medication. Says my mom and sister babied me too much. Su tries to be there, but she couldn't get time off for today." he let out a shaky laugh. "He's picking me up after school and I'm, well I'm terrified."

 

[rosegrim]

Fletch hated Julian's father more and more with each word the smaller boy spoke. Jerks like that didn't deserve to have kids. Much less sweet ones like Julian.

He's picking me up after school and I'm, well I'm terrified. At that, Fletch tentatively placed a comforting arm around the brunet's shoulders. His mind was racing a mile a minute, wondering what he could do to help. If he could, he'd kick the man's ass from here to next week btu he didn't think Julian would appreciate that.

"What can I do?" he asked readily, knowing that the smaller boy probably had a way better plan than he could ever come up with. Fletch's own father was an ass, but he had only left. The man hadn't stuck around long enough to find out that his wife had been pregnant with the blonde's little brother. With all the panic attacks their mom had, Fletch had raised Chris mostly on his own. Chris would like Julian, he decided. The little boy would think the brunet was the coolest person he'd ever met, aside from his big brother of course. Maybe Fletch would introduce them sometime.