Insane or "Different"?

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He stayed in the other's embrace for as long as he could, his small arms finding their way around Stephen's neck, holding onto his hair. His eyes remained closed and he moved himself closer to Stephen, as if the other would slip away from him if he didn't. I'm so happy I could die... and it's not fake anymore... it's true feelings, and it's all his doing... he didn't even flinch when I was about to kiss him, despite my condition... I love him so much... After what seemed like an eternity, he had to pull back. The kiss had been everything other than innocent, and he breathed in heavily due to the lack of oxygen. He then wrapped his arms tightly around Stephen's back, lying his head against the other's chest as whispering words came from his lips. "Please don't leave me again... for anything you do... just stay here by my side..." The words were filled with a need and passion that made Adrian blush a little over himself. There was no way he wouldn't be embarrassed with himself after this, after all that had been his first kiss. He pulled back from the embrace a little to glance into Stephen's eyes, the blush still dyeing his cheeks scarlet. His arms remained around the other's back, and he was practically sitting in Stephen's lap by now. He hadn't payed attention to that when they were kissing, but now he was suddenly really aware of it. He didn't move, though, as it made him feel comfortable and warm. There was cold in the house, so sharing the warmth with another was all he wanted. He raised himself just slightly in order to plant a small kiss to Stephen's nose, just wanting to be as close to the other male as possible. He hadn't let another person get close enough to let them know that his physical condition wasn't as his mental. It made him feel a little down that it would probably trouble Stephen. Even if he was a boy, some didn't accept him as one, and even if Stephen did, wouldn't it be awkward..? What to do... he wouldn't be with such a troublesome person... after all, how would he be proud of being with someone like me...? He'll just be ashamed to be seen with me...
 
He inhaled a mouthful of air, and then exhaled the same amount, sighing happily. He sort of wished it could last longer, though. But even then, he was still happy. Hearing what the other said, a warm smile sealed onto his face. "Adrian..I'll never leave you. I'm going to stay with the person I love. Who do I love..? You. And only you." Stephen replied, although His voice was a bit strong, but soft at the same time, but was also filled with seriousness. He began to run his fingertips through the other's hair, just smiling to himself as he did so. He glanced down at the other, with his soft, pale pink eyes. Stephen gently placed a hand on Adrian's cheek, gently running his fingers across his chin, back and forth. "I don't care if you're the same gender as me." Stephen said, out of the blue. "I mean..people might not accept it..they may get angry..it's going to happen, but just know that, that won't stop me from caring about you." He added to his previous sentence. It was if as he knew what the other was thinking. Stephen sighed a bit sadly, and wrapped his arms around the other in a protective way. I don't even care if I get a bad reputation, stuff like this is going to happen.. He was actually frustrated with himself on the inside. He already knew stuff would go wrong, and people would judge them over and over and over again, but the question he was asking himself is; Why can't people just learn to face reality.
 
"But what they'll keep asking is why. Why, when I'm with a guy, can't I just be a "girl"? What reason to I have to call myself a "guy", when I'm a "girl" and in love with a guy? I don't want that... I don't want that to happen to you... you won't just be dating a guy, you'll be dating a transgender, and that's even less accepted... I just wish I wasn't like this... but I can't... I can't be something I'm not... and I'm so sorry that it's going to trouble you... because I just love you so much... and I don't know what to do with myself if I were to be left alone again..." As he finished speaking, tears were clouding his vision again, and he was clinging tightly onto Stephen's shirt. Even if he knew the other loved him unconditionally, he felt like he was about to burst. What if, what if, what if. He couldn't stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong, making him forget about how wonderful what they had was. He had gotten more than he could ever wish for, love and affection, honest feelings from someone, someone who he loved back. He didn't want in a million years to let go of that, but every time it came to himself, he wanted to run away and hide. If being with Stephen would create trouble because of him, he would want to run away and hide, leaving Stephen to be loved by someone better than himself. When he finally looked up, tears were rolling down his cheeks, the fear of rejection clear in his blank eyes. He looked like someone who was about to run off in a dash for dear life. But his body stayed deadly still, clinging on to the other male as tightly as he could. He never wanted to let go, he wanted to hold on for the rest of eternity, until the day he died. But would Stephen really accept him, just as he was, with all his imperfections and complications? Adrian just couldn't bring himself to believe it.
 
Stephen just listened, his gazed turned on the ground the whole time. "You really think I give a fuck about what they say. Adrian, I don't give one crap if you're transgender. Are you listening to me? I said, I don't give one crap if you're transgender. Not one. I don't care what happens to me. I don't care if it's going to trouble me, I just don't want it to trouble you. I love you more than anything else in this world, you hear me? Without you, there is no me. But if you don't belive a thing I'm saying, power to you." There was a bit of anger in his voice. His face began to sadden just a bit, as his gaze went directly to the wooden floor again. Stephen bit his bottom lip, trying to think about something else that would stick to his mind, other than that. But he wasn't angry at Adrian-- he was frusterated with himself. He closed his eyes instantly, after feeling tears build up in his eyes. Stephen lifted his hands, placing his hands on his ears. Don't cry..don't cry..stop crying..stop crying.. The voices buzzed around in his head. His head dropped down. He loved Adrian, but just didn't know what to do about the situation or how to convice him. Talking people out of stuff was his greatest weakness. He felt like he had caused this all from the start. He just felt that maybe it would be better off without him. A tear traveled along his skin, until it reached the tip of his chin. Then another tear. Then another. Then another. There was just too much that was going on in his head, drowning him, and it was just overwhelming. It was too much. He just wanted to help badly, but couldn't. He bit his lip much harder. He knew Adrian didn't belive him. He could feel his heart tearing apart by the moment, just by thinking about it. "Adrian, do you really believe me..Don't lie..I'm tired of people deceiving me..I'm just so sick of it.." He asked, with a bit of struggle in his voice. Tears still continued to trail down his face, almost endlessly.
 
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((And I made a drawing of Adrian, or attempted to haha))
Tears clouded his vision as he watched Stephen in front of him, not a single word coming across his lips. He believed everything, down to every last phrase, every word and sentence. He didn't know what he should do either. As Stephen began crying, tears fell from his eyes as well. It was heart-wrenching, to watch the person he loved in this state because of something he had said. Because of his words, Stephen had reacted like this. He blamed himself and felt like running again. But he didn't. Again he just stayed still, staring at Stephen with eyes filled with tears. He was desperately thinking of a way to prove to the person he loved that his feelings were true and that he wasn't even capable of deceiving anyone. He was a horrible liar and wasn't going to start lying now. Especially not to the person most precious to him. He didn't have the heart to do it. He sighed softly in frustration over himself, burying his head in his hands. Think Adrian think... what should I do... I just want to show him how much I love him despite everything... that he's the kindest soul to have ever existed, that he's the best that has ever happened to me... I need to show him, if I don't this'll go so bad... I don't want him to leave me... I don't want to be alone... please let him believe me, my feelings... I love him so much... so much that it hurts... like I could ever let him out of my grasp... I need him to know that... Adrian thought about it for a while, even if his feelings were overwhelming, leaving him more confused than he usually was. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration before it hit him. He spent a few seconds feeling embarrassed before he grabbed Stephen by the shoulders, gently pushing him to the floor. Leaning in over the other, he kissed him again. This time, it was passionate and desperate to show his true feelings. Tears were rolling down his cheeks but he didn't care. He clung tightly onto Stephen's shoulders, keeping their lips locked together for as long as he could manage. He needed this more than anything, needed Stephen to know that he needed this. He came to the conclusion that it was going to be a bit embarrassing afterwards seeing as no normal person shoved their boyfriend to the ground just to prove a point. Well, it sure had compromised their position. When it got too much for his lungs, he pulled back from the kiss. He didn't move an inch and just sat there across Stephen's stomach with a needy glow in his blurry, tearful eyes. "I believe you... down to every last word.... I want you more than anything, I want you as my own and no one else's... I love you so much... I just didn't want to be here if I troubled you... I'm sorry for saying something like that, I'm just so worried... that you'll l-leave me...!" His voice cracked on the last part of the sentence as he broke down into sobbing. He hadn't wanted the words to come out that way, but it had been too much for him. He loved Stephen so much. He lost all strength and let his head fall down on Stephen's chest, practically lying down on the other's body. He hated himself so badly, felt like his heart was going to burst. He sobbed into the other's shirt, grabbing him tightly as if he was sure the other would try to run away if he was to let go. "I need you with me... I don't want you to be sad because of me... I love you too much... I'm just so used to being abandoned, please don't become another of those people... please just stay and let me love you... please believe me... I do believe you... so please believe me back... I just don't want to be left alone..." His voice sounded cracked from all the crying, but he still looked down at Stephen with the saddest eyes. He didn't know what to do with himself if Stephen was to leave him.
 
(( Better than I could even do, lol))
He didn't want to open his eyes. He'd rather just keep his eyes closed, and drown in his own misery and pain, that was flowing in his head. Could someone just ever believe him, for once. That's what he always thought 24/7. He still didn't know how to react, or what to do. The only thing he could do, right at this moment, is just let all of his feelings out, until he felt "Better". He just couldn't look at Adrian without feeling ashamed of himself, because he couldn't do anything no matter how hard he tried. He let his hands drop down from his ears as if they were weightless. He very slowly opened his eyes, his vision being beyond blurry. Tears were just still continuing to build up in his eyes. His vision cleared up tremendously, and he took a glance at Adrian. "I'm not crying..so just please don't cry...You don't deserve to cry over a person like me..Just please don't..I'm not worth it.." He whispered, bearing his own face into his hands. He began to quietly sob into his hands again, just continuing to let all of his feelings out. Now look what I've done..Yep. I don't even think I deserved to meet him in the first place. I should've just jumped off of a tall tower and just ended it already. Like anyone would notice, anyways. And I wonder why I was ever born.. Bad thoughts just continued to drown him with agony. He felt like he was just going crazy all over again. On the inside, he really wanted to be with Adrian under no circumstances, but he felt like he didn't deserve this so called "love". But before he could even react,or think anything else, he was pushed to the ground, rather softly, and was kissed again by Adrian. Everything in his mind faded away, and his mind was instantly at ease, in the blink of an eye. His arms soon found their way around Adrian's back, just gently clinging onto him. After a while, he pulled away also, catching his breath before he could said anything. His facial expression saddened a bit, as he just kept his eyes on the other. "Adrian..I won't leave you. I promise. I cross my heart. I love you more than anything on this damned earth. The only thing I'm afraid of, is losing you. I don't ever want to lose you. Never." He whispered, still looking at Adrian, his face saddening even more. He didn't want to see Adrian in this condition. It was hard for him to even look at him. Raising his hand up, he began to run his finger's through the other's hair very gently, trying to calm him. He listened as Adrian began to speak again, and closed his eyes. "I wasn't sad or angry because of you. I wasn't frustrated because of you. I was angry at myself. I'm going to stay with you. Like I said, I'm never going to leave you. I believe you. I need you. And I love you. I don't have the heart to abandon you..You're mine. And you'll always be mine. I'm not planning on letting you go, ever. Just know that." He explained, with truthfulness in his voice. Stephen sat up, and held Adrian in his arms protectively. "I'm here. Always. For you. And only you." He added, before going quiet. He held the other a bit tighter in his arms, planting a gentle kiss on his forehead. Stephen smiled to himself out of happiness and sighed. For one day, he was finally, and truthfully, filled with happiness and relief. No more acting. No more pretending. Or no more saying "I'm fine."
 
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He sat on top of Stephen, still with tears in his eyes. He had watched as Stephen started crying, and stubbornly shook his head at what the other was saying. He dug his nails into the other's shoulders affectionately and looked directly at him with tearful eyes. "Don't you dare ever saying that, hear me? I'm not going to let you. You're worth everything to me. You deserve me. You deserve to have me more than anyone else does. So don't go saying that you don't because that's my decision and I say you're more than enough worth to deserve me." He looked at the other while he was speaking, the hint of a smile showing on his face. When they finished the kiss he stared intensely into the eyes of the other. I love him. He shouldn't say things like that... I know well what it's like to feel worthless, but I won't let him do such things to himself... I love him so much, why can't he just know that? Well... I suppose he does... I feel so bad for not being able to help... He started sobbing softly again, looking at Stephen the whole time, hugging him closely. "I know... I know you won't leave me... I'm sorry... for saying these things... and I'm crying because I don't know how to help...! I love you so much but I can't even help you... why...? Why can't I ever help the people I love...? Why can't I help you...?" He leaned his head against Stephen's chest as he was pulled into an embrace. His eyes fell close and he stopped speaking for a little, the mere action causing him to calm down a lot. He let his breath relax and wrapped his arms tightly around Stephen's back, holding their bodies close together. He didn't want anything else than this, being with the person he loved and no one else. He had had such a horrible life, and so many chances to end it, but he hadn't, and now he'd met the love of his life. How could such a thing ever be his? How was he allowed to be so happy? He sighed softly and let his hands stroke Stephen's back. "I know that you aren't angry with me... I'm sorry... I'm sorry and I love you so much, so much that my heart bursts with happiness every time I hear you say that you love me... because I love you too, more than anything... and I just wish that nothing would get in our way... that you wouldn't think you don't deserve me... because you do, more than anyone else does, because you've showed me care, and love, and kindness for the first time in my life..." He moved his head up and kissed Stephen again, this time a bit more insistent and passionately. He held the other's face closely, afraid he would be pushed away from starting such a kiss. It was a bit rough, but he didn't care as he pushed at Stephen again, as if wanting him back on the floor. That didn't work so he just wrapped his arms around the other's neck, only pulling back when his breath had almost left him. He sat in Stephen's embrace, pants escaping his lips and a red color painting his cheeks. He looked away slightly. I lost it there... I wasn't supposed to have kissed him like that...! I'm so embarrassed... I want to crawl in a hole and just die oh my god... he's going to think I'm a total weirdo... He covered his cheeks to hide his intense blush, hiding his face in Stephen's chest, all clear signs of embarrassment as if he'd done something shameful or weird. He didn't actually know if Stephen would react like that, but he knew he was mildly speaking really embarrassed about it. Adrian had never been in a relationship before, and let alone had such a moment of complete wildness, complete affection. A moment where his otherwise perfect self control slipped and he just wanted to be closer, closer, closer. Wanted more, more of Stephen's lips. He hadn't been able to even think about what an awkward situation that'd start. He bit down on his lip as he looked up from Stephen's chest, as if waiting for a reaction from the other male. He wanted to say something, do something, but his body was as if it was stuck. He bit his lip again as his face grew even redder, the blush almost reaching all the way to his ears.
 
Stephen shook his head again. "Don't be sorry..you have no reason to ever be sorry, or apologize. You haven't done a thing wrong. Hush." He said in a calm voice, a faint smile appearing on his face. He pulled the other into his arms again, and sighed. His smile slowly faded away, as he glanced down at Adrian. He still felt a bit uneasy. He still felt like he was just drowning in nothingness. Why am I thinking this...I have someone I love now, so I just have to let it go. Stephen brushed the thought off of his shoulder, and smiled as Adrian began to talk again. "Like I said, you don't have to be sorry for anything. I love you too. I just cannot explain how much I do. I won't let anything or anyone get in between us two. You follow me? You're mine. I'm not sharing. You're my adorable Adrian." Stephen said, in his ever so adorable voice. As Adrain began to kiss him, Stephen wrapped his arms around the other's back again, pulling him a bit closer. When he felt his lungs telling him, they were low on oxygen, he pulled away, quietly and softly panting. Jesus Christ, Adrian... He thought, still panting a bit heavily. Stephen began to smile again. "You could've nearly killed me there, Adrian. But I'd be so lucky to die in your hands." He confessed, although he was joking. Partly. He placed his index finder on the tip of the other's chin, lifting Adrian's head just a bit more. "You promise not to do that ever again, my love...?" Stephen whispered softly, not sounding angry or mad at the other. He ran his index finger across Adrian's chin, as if he was tracing the outline of very brittle glass that could break if he weren't careful enough, or put too much pressure on it. His eyes seemed to burn through the other's, as Stephen just continued to stare. He went dead silent, but continued tracing the other's chin back and forth. It just never got old for him. But after a while, he ceased, and just wrapped his arms around the other again. "I love you." He whispered. Although he had a difficult time saying it, he said it anyways.
 
"Ah, I'm... I'm sorry... I-I kinda lost it, I-I just love you so much and I couldn't h-hold back and... I-I didn't mean to h-hurt you...!" His face turned bright red as he spoke, still sitting on Stephen's lap. He looked into the other's eyes, his face growing deeper and deeper red. He closed his eyes when Stephen's hand traced along his chin, thoroughly enjoying the feeling. His breath caught in his throat as the other pulled his hand away. He kinda wanted Stephen's hand to stay. He wrapped his arms around Stephen as well, holding him close. "I've always trusted and believed your words... it's okay that you can't explain it, I can feel it in the lips you kiss me with, the arms you wrap around me, the tears you let me see... I love you too, Stephen... more than anything else... and I trust you..." He leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on Stephen's nose, smiling softly to himself. There has to be something else I can do, something to show that I trust him. Something... just anything.... anything at all... he needs to know that I'm here and I trust him to take care of my heart, of my soul and body.... I do... I really do... He leaned forward, covering Stephen's eyes with his hands as an idea downed on him. The blush on his face was out of control and there was a constant red color on his cheeks. "Close your eyes...." The words came as a soft, soft whisper, and he waited until Stephen had done so before he zipped up his jacket and took it off. He kept on the cape for now, using it to cover up rest of his body. He slowly unbuttoned the shirt he was wearing beneath, shrugging it off his shoulders. He then pulled off the top he was wearing and back was only the bandages he used to hide a certain part of his body that he wasn't exactly fond of. His whole body was scarred, from his back to front, even some scars going down into the hemline of his pants. It was all proof of just how he had been treated in his years of middle school that he never, ever, ever wanted anyone to know about. Still with a bright red blush on his cheeks, partly from shame, he guided Stephen's hand under his cape, onto his naked stomach where all the bruises were. He had never let anyone see them, never let anyone acknowledge their existence. He'd always hid them away. Now he was here, letting someone actually touch it. Touch the proof of his horrible, horrible past. As he kept Stephen's hand there, he leant forward and let his head rest against the other's chest, words forming on his dry lips. "I love you... I trust you... I really do trust you... I've never shown my true self to anyone, never entrusted anyone to see who I am... I'm sorry... I don't know how else to... to show you... I've just never... let anyone see these before... never let anyone see this much of my body before... I've barely even been able to look at it myself..." So please take this the right way... please understand this is an act of trust... please let him understand that... He wrapped his arms back around Stephen, still forcing himself to stay without his shirt on. He let the cape slide away a little, letting Stephen actually see the amount of damage on his body. He bit down on his lip a little at the cold, but it was nothing compared to the pain he was remembering.
 
He did as he was told, and closed his eyes. "I trust you and I love you. Just know that." He whispered, to where the other could barely hear him. He kept his eyes shut and stayed silent, and his ears slightly twitched, hearing clothes drop onto the floor, although there was very little sound-- yet he could still hear. It began to get a bit awkward for him. He still kept his eyes shut, although it was so very tempting for him to open his eyes any second. I wonder why he told me to close my eyes.. Stephen thought to himself. Suddenly, he felt his hand moving on it's "own", at least that's what he thought. Stephen, finally, opened his eyes, colors and shadows finally becoming visible. He looked up at the other, his eyes filled with a bit of worry, as he felt the rough texture of scars on the other's stomach. He looked back down. It was painful to see people like this-- especially the one who was most dear to him. "Who would do this to a person like you..." Stephen whispered. There was sadness hidden in that one sentence, yet there was a pinch of anger hidden in that sentence also. "I love you too..I still trust you more than anyone else...but just who could do this to a person like you? It's sickening..God knows what I'd do to that damned person if I ever found out who was to do this." He admitted. There was no longer sadness in his voice-- now, there was pure rage and anger. He was always the person to get pissed off, whenever something like this came up. He sighed, and brought Adrian in his very arms again, running his fingers through the other's hair. He didn't want ever let go of Adrian. He buried his head into the other's shoulder, holding him even closer. He planted small, but passionate kisses onto Adrian's neck and shoulder. He was still a bit angry about how people caused problems for Adrian, although that was gone by in time, way in the past. "I just love you way too much to let someone put their hands on you...only if I could've been there before..." Stephen said, with his voice full of sadness again.
 
"I know..." He whispered with an amount of sadness in his voice. He could almost see the change in Stephen when he saw the scars. It stung in his heart to see the one he loved like that, angry. He bit down on his lip, taking his time to get used to the thought of telling what actually happened. He tried to distance himself from the memory, taking deep breaths for a few seconds before looking up at Stephen with tears in his eyes. I have to tell him... If I keep it a secret it won't just go away... and he needs to know all of the truth... all of it... He bit down on his lip as he put a hand on his stomach in a fashion that made it seem like he felt a bit sick. He took another deep breath before speaking. "As I've probably mentioned before, this happened in middle school. I wasn't popular. Everyone hated me, even if they didn't know the truth. One day, the principal accidentally addressed me as "miss" and it went like a shockwave. Everyone started asking questions, and this girl even put her hand... just to see if it was true...! After school that day, I cautiously made my way out through the back entrance because I thought that no one was there... I was mistaken. An arm dragged me into a corner outside the school, behind the bushes where no one could ever see us. I don't remember it clearly, there was maybe... four or five of them. I thought I was going to get a beating, well, almost hoped I would, until they ripped my school uniform off. It was back when I hadn't fully accepted my body and they... they just laughed... I can't remember much, only that I was feeling pain, pain everywhere, inside out... I woke in a pool of my own blood and made my way back in to the school... a teacher who apparently took the back door as a shortcut found me... he was the only teacher who ever cared... When I woke up in the hospital, I discovered that they'd used a knife to... to...!" He broke down into sobs, leaning his head against Stephen's. It was almost as if the anger made him feel safe. But he couldn't remember those boys. Only their first names and that they were in his class back then... but they'd probably went on with life, gone to high school and joked about the "freak" whose place they showed by raping "her". They were probably joking about it still, hell, even bragging about it. "Please don't... it's not your fault, don't blame yourself... I was being too reckless, I'm sorry... I shouldn't have let it happen... I should've been more careful, had a teacher follow me home... I made such a stupid mistake... it's all my fault...! I-I'm sorry..." He sobbed the words brokenly into Stephen's shoulder, not wanting him to blame himself. He grasped Stephen's shoulders, holding him close. He bit down on his lip, leaning up to kiss Stephen on the cheek, stroking his hair.
 
Stephen looked up at Adrian, and his expression saddened. He was quiet the whole time the other told about their tragic past. His gaze had completely traveled off to the wall that was behind him. Truly, he felt rage just building and building and building up inside of him even more. After the other was finished, Stephen pulled the other a bit closer to him. Stephen, oddly chuckled. Not that he was happy, but that was always a sign that he just wanted to take all of his anger out on something. He kept on silently chuckling, still holding Adrian in his arms. "God knows what I'd do if someone were to do that to you ever again...You wouldn't even know how painful I'd make their fucking death..I'd make them crash, burn, and die in hell. If anyone touched you, I'd kill them. If anyone hurt you, I'd fucking kill them. If anyone laughed at you, or spoke to you any kind of way..I should just stop. Because right now, I just feel like going on a killing spree. Killing the people who always made lives miserable.." He explained, just pure angerness building up in his voice. He ran his fingers through the strands of Adrian's hair as gently as he could ever do so. "Don't be sorry. And why should I not, you see what they did to you. They should just die for what they did. And it is my fault for not being there for you.." He whispered, his voice sounding as if he was about to cry. His closed his eyes, and inhaled a mouthful of air. I'm not crying...I'm not crying..and I'm not crying.. He didn't like to cry in front of people. It just outright embarrassed him, he didn't know why. Opening his eyes slowly, he quickly pulled his sleeves over his hands, and whipped his eyes like he wasn't even starting to cry in the first place. His gaze went on Adrian again, like nothing happened. "...But now that I'm with you, I wouldn't let anyone ever hurt you. I swear that on my life. And if I ever did, I wouldn't know what to do anymore. I should be the one saying sorry, you don't have anything to be sorry about. After all, those boys are the ones who messed up-- not you." He admitted, with truthfulness in his voice. He began to run his fingers through the other's hair again, feeling his tear glands starting up again. He bit down on his lower lip, shutting his eyes again. Dammit, Stephen, get it together, you look like an idiot right now...crying in front of the person you love.. His hands were trembling slightly, but he wasn't even able to acknowledge himself, for he just kept attempting to prevent himself from crying. He didn't even want to cry in front of Adrian.
 
He sat there and just nodded to whatever Stephen said, the tears never disappearing from his eyes. He grabbed Stephen and hugged him tightly, shaking his head violently at one of the last statements. "Don't blame yourself please... I love you... you didn't even know me back then, you couldn't have done a thing... please don't blame yourself for something like this..." He wiped his eyes and kissed Stephen softly, taking a deep breath. He sat still for a little while and thought about what to say, before opening his mouth to speak again. "I... I won't say it doesn't make me happy, but I don't want you to become so angry on my behalf... I just... I just want to get away from it and go on with my life... and... now that I've met you, it finally seemed like something reachable... I love you... I love you so much, I want to be with you for the rest of my life and even beyond that... I don't want to remember these scars as something bad, something to hide... I want you to appreciate them as a part of my body, no matter how I have obtained them... they're a part of me... and I want you to know that I love you... and you're the best to have ever happened in my life... so... please just focus on that, yes, those guys were idiots and you might want to kill them... But I want you to get on from that and live and be with me forever... so that's why... I beg you..." His voice became softer as he spoke, embracing Stephen and trying to prevent the other from crying. He could sense that Stephen was feeling down and wanted to comfort him. He felt more in love than ever before and he kissed Stephen's cheeks, and his neck and ears and lips tenderly, slowly and with a softness filled with emotion. He didn't know what to do. He was in love, very much so, and he wanted Stephen to be happy with him. He knew the anger wasn't meant to do any harm on him, but his heart ached with the thought of him having made Stephen in that state, even if it wasn't because of something he had done. He took a shaky breath as he let himself move closer to Stephen, wanting to feel his heartbeat, touch his soft strands of hair and caress those marks on his cheeks. He wanted to show all of his feelings in an attempt to make the anger disappear from Stephen's body. He didn't want Stephen to be angry, not with him and not with anyone else. I'm not going to let go of him... he's mine and I love him... I won't give him to anyone else, not even anyone he can be angry with... I want him all to myself... selfish as it is... I want him to take me as his own, and I'll do the same... that way, it's just us two... and that's enough for me. I'm not going to give away what I care about anymore... I'll make sure he stays here by my side forever and till death tears us apart... no matter what gets between us... I'll fight to the last, to my last breath... Captivated in his own thought train, he leaned forward and kissed Stephen, claiming Stephen as his own. The kiss wasn't rough, it wasn't gentle either, it was simply a kiss stating "you're mine" and nothing else. He pulled back after a few moments, with a look in his eyes that mirrored the expression. He was going to have Stephen as his own, and no one else's. "The same goes for me. I will not let anyone else have you, you're mine and belong to me, as long as I belong to you, too. I'll give up everything to have you, my life and my family and everyone else seem so unimportant when put up against you... I'm going to be here for the rest of my life, and I'm going to have you as mine until I draw my very last breath. That's a promise and you just watch me keep it."
 
Stephen sighed, and shook his head. "But if I knew you back then, I wouldn't have let them get even an inch closer to you. I'm sorry, but I cannot just stop my mind about all these random death thoughts, just drowning me.." He seemed a bit frustrated with himself towards the end of his sentence, and sighed in heavy frustration. But he really did agree with Adrian-- just let it go, it's the past, it already happened. He closed his eyes, as the other began to speak again, and allowed the words to sink into his mind. It was all true. "Im sorry, I just love you too much, and I cannot help but to think about just killing them, for what they did. But you're right. That's not what really matters right at this moment. I'll focus on you, and you only. Since you're the only thing that's important and dearest to me. But as long as I'm always with you, I'm happy. I'll just have to leave the past behind, and walk away. Because you're mine now. And you are what matters the most. I love you too. So much. It's hard to explain." His voice sounded as if he was about to burst into tears again, but it was only from happiness. A faint smile began to form on his saddened face, but it quickly faded away like it was never meant to be. His arms found themselves wrapped tightly around Adiran's waist. He felt tears constructing in his very eyes again, as What if's filled his head. What if this, What if that, What if this happened, What if that happened. What if someone did this, What if someone did that. What if what if what if. Those same two words just kept repeated in his head, as the voices got louder and louder, until that's the only thing her could hear in his ears. What if. As the other began to kiss him, Stephen pulled him even closer, and a blush crept onto his cheeks as Adrian kissed him elsewhere. His anger slowly began to evaporate into the air, making it's way to one of it's other victims. He held Adrian in his arms in a protective way, as if the same thing were to happen again. This is pretty much all I needed. I just needed this so called "love", that everyone seemed to have. Except me. But that was just years ago. I guess the red string of fate really was true-- connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, and circumstances. Now I finally have someone who I can truly love, and he's mine now. He doesn't belong to anyone else. Another faint smile sealed onto his face, and a blush crept onto his cheeks as he sat there and thought about it. He broke out of his thoughts when the other kissed him again. His blush grew a bit deeper, and grew a bit darker, but he pretty much enjoyed the kiss like always. It just made him relax. Stephen looked up at Adrian a bit shyly, with his blazing reddish pinkish eyes, that looked sort of innocent. "You're right..Same goes for you, Adrain. I just love you too much to begin with. I'd never give you up to anyone else, because I love you so much. I could say I love you a thousand times if I wanted. I'm going to be here for you forever, and not anyone else. Because no one else matters to me, except you." He whispered truthfully, still looking up at Adrian. A faint smile sealed onto his face. "..And I won't let anyone touch you or hurt you. I'm always there to protect you. Just know that." He added on to his previous sentence.
 
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Adrian sighed and closed his eyes, embracing Stephen softly. He understood the words perfectly, down to every last words. He understood the feelings that were pulsing through Stephen. Even so, he didn't want it to be true. He wanted Stephen to be happy over him, and not angry for what had happened to him. He slowly took away his cape to put back on his shirt. He put back on his cape as well and hugged Stephen again, trying to calm the other with his presence. He knew that Stephen wasn't angry because of him, but it still made his heart ache a bit at the thought of the other being angry because of him. He kissed Stephen's ear softly, not planning on saying another word. Outside, the night was still young, surprisingly. The moon was high in the skies and held an alluring glow to it, full of secrets and mysteries, much like humans. Adrian had many times in his life looked up at that moon with a melancholic expression on his face. Because what was the moon trying to tell us by this? Should humanity be more honest with each other? Did it want humans to approach the mysteries of the human mind? Even Adrian couldn't tell even after so many years. Often had spirits come to him, told him about their realizations past death. How precious their life had been. Adrian didn't really understand any of it. He felt like it was so far away. Death. He had been close a few times before, but the concept itself seemed like something unreal. But maybe, because humans knew they didn't have forever, they would treasure and live their life. If they lived in ignorance, there wouldn't be a reason to enjoy life. Necromancy broke the laws of death and life, it brought back the dead, awakened their souls and brought them back to the earth. Adrian hated to have this ability. He knew what dread it must've been to die in the first place, but to be brought back to remember that it had happened? Didn't sound too nice. As his thoughts ran away with his conscience, he lied his head against Stephen's shoulder. When he finally snapped back into reality, he kissed Stephen again softly, having a strange expression on his face when he pulled back. "I never learned how to enjoy life. Always, always I just went on in these boring days, thinking I didn't have a purpose. I even let those horrible things happen because I accepted life as it was. I never thought that I would get to live life. I thought that I would live forever as a nobody. I never thought love was meant for me. I was convinced my life was meant for helping others. That it was meant for helping the ones stuck in this world to get across to the other side. That way, I'd give others happiness and peace, while sacrificing my own peace in mind and heart, by giving them what I am and becoming nothing. That is... until I met you. You've taught me more than I could ever learn for a spirit who died hundreds of years ago... you taught me love. You taught me that I'm not meant to be a nobody. That I'm meant to be someone. That I'm Adrian. No one else. You accepted this person you barely even knew with only a few words. I have never been happier than I am right now. I feel at ease." He took a deep breath when he finished speaking, looking Stephen dead in the eye. He meant every single word he had said. It seemed a bit strange for him to suddenly say such a thing, but it was truly like the moon had helped him with his words. He now finally showed the fact that his mind was constantly half in another world. His mind was constructed that way, because of his powers. He had to spend a lot of energy on just sorting out what feelings belonged to himself and what belonged to others. He didn't know what was up and down in his own world sometimes, and it was worst when he slept and then woke up, not knowing who he was. He would wake up in a cold sweat, and for a short moment, be completely unaware of his own existence. He'd roll out of bed and the bump when he hit the floor reminded him that he was a physical existence. It was a stressing and much terrifying way to wake up, every morning, sometimes even in the middle of the night. He hugged Stephen again and closed his eyes, not knowing what to do.
 
Stephen had completely gone silent, still thinking about what they had done to Adrian. It still haunted him, and kept playing in his head like a tape-- over and over and over again. He tried to think about something good, like the fact that he had just found his very first love, but it just kept seemingly popping up into his head, when he wasn't expecting it. He closed his eyes. "Dammit." He muttered to himself, in a voice even he didn't recognize. He didn't know why he couldn't just simply get over it. He couldn't even acknowledge Adrian's presence any longer, for he was so angry at himself. Colors blurred, and he just blanked out, no longer saying or doing much. He was lost in his thought of train, and he was just no longer in his state of mind. Why can I never be there for the people I actually care for. I just...I don't understand. Why didn't you bring me to him earlier. Why did you let this happen to him. Why we meet earlier, life? He just kept asking himself, or life, multiple questions. Why this. Why that. Why did this happen. Why. Why. Why. That 3 lettered word just kept bugging the hell out him, the longer he thought and thought about it. Soon enough, he woke up from his thoughts, and took a panicked glance at Adrian. His face softened, and he smiled sweetly, noticing Adrian had sort of left reality also. He didn't bother to disrupt him from his thoughts, because of course, that would be rude to do. He did not move, nor speak, and just kept his arms around Adrian, as if he'd slip away. But even looking at Adrian made the horrifying thought pop up into his head-- but it's not like it was such a big deal to him anymore, whatever he did, he would make sure that never every happened again. Noticing the other was back from his thoughts again, Stephen couldn't help but to smile again, and planted a gentle kiss on his lips, in response to the other's kiss. Stephen listened carefully to what the other said, allowing the words and sentences to travel through his ears, like calming music. "The same goes to you, Adrian.." He began, "I didn't understand this world. Nor did I want to ever be born on it. I just wished I would suddenly stop breathing. Everything was just so unimportant and tiring to me-- my family, my "friends", this world, society, and the list goes on thousands of years from now. I just wanted to end it already, in the most painful way I could. I just thought what was the use of life, if everyone treats you like you don't even exist.." He explained in a piano-soft voice, that was more like a whisper. "But you, you're different. You actually care. You actually mean what you say. You treat me like I'm visible, and that I was meant to be. And that's all I ever wanted-- someone to just treat me like I was a normal person. And look here, I'm talking to this particular person right now. I just..really love you for that. It's too complicated to explain, because I love you too much, in a good way." He looked at Adrian, feeling their eyes burn through eachother's. Stephen gently placed a hand on Adrian's cheek, as if he was touching something so very fragile, and brittle. He continued to stare through Adrian's eyes, not blinking once. He then took his index finger, and slowly traced the outlines of Adrian's face, ever so softly. He pulled the other close to him, beginning to run his fingers through the strands of his hair. "Is there anything wrong, my love?" Stephen asked softly, being a bit concerned. For some reason, he could just almost always tell when something was on someone's mind.
 
"I understand. Stephen... I... I love you. Please don't... blame yourself. It kills me to see you like that. I want so badly to be with you and be happy. I don't want any of us to be sad...." He looked up at Stephen as he dazed off, and then bit his lip. He took a deep breath. He didn't want Stephen to be more worried about him. But if Stephen could see something wasn't right, he wasn't going to give up on it before Adrian had told him what was going on. Adrian knew that very well. He mustered up the courage and kissed Stephen softly on the lips, trying to collect himself. "Well... you know about my powers, but I haven't quite explained how it works. I can talk to the dead and various other types of spirits because my mind is more open than for example yours. It's not something positive, trust me. My body functions as a magnifying glass on spirits' attention... they constantly invade my mind because I'm defenseless to it; I'd lose my powers if I weren't. I have these bad experiences often, most of the time. It's uhm... I... when I was a child, I would wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. There would be things on my walls; symbols and words... written from a spirit having possessed me and made my body do it... and then I'm having nightmares, almost every night. I wake up often in the night, and I'm so disoriented.. I can't remember who I am, or what I'm doing, and I fall out of the bed. I can't breathe, I can't think... I don't know who I am... and then I luckily gain back my conscience and become normal.. My mind sort of functions as a place where spirits can convey their messages... so my mind is filled with other's thoughts and words... I don't know what to do... and... It's hard when I can't tell apart my own thoughts from all the others... but I'm happy I met you... I know that this feeling of love is real, I know that you matter to me, and holding onto this love, you help me hold on to reality... but you must know, that half of my mind is constantly on the border between here and the other side... and that's why... please help me hold on..." He seemed desperate to speak, and as if it was a struggle for him. He was desperately trying to hold on to the words that were true for him. His head was constantly swarming with other people's thoughts and memories, and he had constant headache. He appeared to most like a boy with a "normal" mental disorder, but sadly, it wasn't his own fault, and it wasn't just in his head. It was also outside it, surrounding him and suffocating him. He wanted to get rid of his ability more than anything else. Wanted to be as normal as possible for Stephen. He took a shaky breath and held Stephen close to him, stroking his hair. There were tears in his eyes, but he didn't know why. He just wanted to convey his own feelings, the feelings that belonged to him and no one else. He tried to wipe the tears away and took a deep breath, trying to focus on Stephen. Stephen. His one true love. His only one, and there would never, ever be made a replacement. "And that's why I want you to show your true feelings to me... not your anger, and not your self-loathe. No, I want you to love me. I want you to focus on me, and me only. Your love for me. Your happiness that you've met me. What has happened between us... I don't want you to dwell in the past." He breathed in again before he resumed speaking. "You know... that's what happens to most of those spirits... they're just projections of the regret of people who wished they'd been happier... wished they'd treated loved ones better... and that's why... I want you to focus on the good in your life for once. I don't want you to one day become such a spirit, filled with anger and hatred. It's so painful..."
 
"I'm so sorry Adrian..I just don't know why I'm so hooked to that same subject.. I just cannot help but to think it's just all my fault..I'm so sorry..I could say the same phrase one thousand times over and over and over. I-I just need to relax.." He took a deep breath, and exhaled the same amount of air. He looked down at Adrain a bit worriedly. "Please. Tell me what's wrong" He whispered, with a bit of sad tone hidden within his voice. Stephen looked down directly at Adrian, and that's when his face softened, but saddened at the same time. His face softened even more when the other began to speak. He didn't say anything the whole time, nor did he ask any question. "That's just horrible..I can imagine what it would be like to live in that lifestyle. At least you've always been aware of it..because of you weren't...it would be a much bigger problem. But..I'll just always be here for you, Adrian, don't ever think that I'll leave you. No one or nothing will lead us away from one another. I'll help you get through this, I promise. I swear. On my life. I will help you hold on, and I know you can..but..just bare with me. Please." Stephen held Adrian in his arms a bit tighter, pulling him closer. A sad, silent sigh, escaped from his lips. Truly, he felt he couldn't really do a thing. It's just like..no no no no, don't start thinking about right now..I just need to focus..it already happened, Stephen..just stop worrying and be happy that you have someone..that's all that matters..right at this moment.. He glanced down at Adrian again, with the same expression(s) still sealed onto his face-- worry, and despair. His face suddenly brightened up, and a faint smile replaced the other hidden expressions on his face. Stephen tried a bit too hard to keep the same smile, because of what he was feeling inside of him. He snapped out of it, and glanced at Adrain once more. "Yes, I know, Adrian. Like I said, I try not to, but I just cannot control my feelings. I just have a temptation of worrying about things that already happened in the past..I'm sorry..But sometimes I just have these strange feelings snapping at me, all at the same time. So therefor, I can't make out whether I'm happy, sad, lost, confused, whatever you can think of. And..emotions just somehow bring back the past for me..but..I'll try..I'll try to not let them get to me..only because I love you.." He explained. He looked to the side, feeling a bit bad. But the truth had to be told, so he just nodded and sighed. "I see. That's just why I'm trying my hardest to just..stay happy, and not let all these emotions tear me apart..but they're just..overpowering.." Even he hated to say and hear that himself, but it was true. "I-I'm so sorry. I just..I..." His voice trailed off. "I don't know what to say..I don't..I don't know.." He added to his previous sentence. Stephen, practically at that point, felt like dragging himself over to a brick wall, and banging his head on it countless times. Instead of his normal and soft pink colored eyes, they seemed to turn a bit red. Hell, he didn't know why that always happened when he let out all of his feelings, but it wasn't the first time it had ever happened.
 
"You don't have to let them overpower you. Just... think about me. I don't know what else to ask you to do. I just want to be with you, please. Let's get away from here, and go see the world. We'll be together, just the two of us. We will be able to take care of one another, until the day we die. I know it sounds like I'm proposing to you, and... uhm..." He trailed off, blushing heavily at his own words. Awkwardly he covered his cheeks and looked away, trying to gather courage to keep on speaking. He took a deep breath. Okay, Adrian calm down. One, two, three... yes, yes. That's good. Okay, now tell him the rest of it. Be honest with him. "I... I know it sounds like a proposal.. and... and it sort of is, I'd love to commit myself to you for the rest of my life, don't get me wrong, but... I really want us to be together. Forever, and ever. I want to wake up every morning and see your face. I want to die in a bed while holding your hand. I want to watch you grow and mature, I want to watch us develop and love each other more. I want to stay with you forever. I know it's quick... and weird... and probably all too much of a rush, but I love you like hell. I will go through flames, and even grace the darkest pits of the abyss if that gives me a chance to see your face. That's why.... I want to stay with you forever... so... I just..." He trailed off again, finding himself unable to speak. He took Stephen's face between his hands and kissed him, long and soft, before pulling back. "Don't give me that look. You look like you want to punch yourself, and I'm not going to let you. If you do something stupid I'll punch you, and no one else. Got it?" He glared at Stephen with a stern expression before he stood up, walking to the window. "We'll travel somewhere. Somewhere far from here where noone cares what we're like or what we can do. Then we'll grow old and die and do whatever we want until that day. Now stop hating on yourself or I will punch you." He walked back to Stephen, pinching his cheeks. He did it as an odd attempt to cheer the other up, which probably wouldn't work. Well, in their situation not much would work, anyways. He looked over at the clock, and his face went pale. "Oh god. They're going to wake us up in 30 minutes. Stephen, I've got to go back before they discover I've been away. Don't die while I'm gone, okay?" He smiled and winked, kissing Stephen one last time before jumping out of the window, running across the street and crawling up to his own room window, crawling into his bed after taking off his clothes and throwing them under the bed. He lied there in the dark thinking about Stephen, already worried about his safety. He sighed softly and looked over at the window. He wasn't going to run out again anytime soon, they were keeping close tabs on his all day. He sighed and buried himself under the covers, trying to think about something else, something a bit less distracting. He rolled around and eventually fell out of bed, cursing mentally as he got back up. Okay, he was really, really, really distracted. He sighed and dug out his drawing pad from under the bed, starting to sketch a picture of Stephen. He was simply not able to get the other out of his head, and decided to use the pen and paper as a way of getting his thoughts on another track. Really, he just sat there and drew until they came to wake him up, and he was still thinking about Stephen. He sighed and obediently went to eat his breakfast, never looking at the other kids living in the house.
 
"Okay, okay, don't hit me, I'm not going to do anything stupid. I swear, don't hit me, I don't like being hit, it's not nice..." He pleaded, with a rather innocent voice now, like he wasn't planning on doing anything. "That's true..And I'm not hating on myself, so don't punch me! If you punch me, I'm getting revenge on you, and It's not going to be good." He chuckled, although he was kidding...partly. Stephen grinned lightly, creating a small depression that sunk into both of his cheeks. Stephen's faint grinned faded, and his face grew soft, and saddened a tiny bit. "Alright. It's alright, I don't want you to get punished because of me. Be safe. I love you." He whispered, the same expression still sealed deeply on his face. He watched as Adrian jumped through the window. Stephen sighed sadly and grabbed his mask, planting it back onto his face. He rose to feet, and instantly sprinted out of the door. He didn't care if it was night, he just figured he'd go to some place else to get his mind on something else. Truly, he hated having the same people-- or person, he should say, which was obviously Adrian, glued to his mind-- but at the same time, it was pleasurable to him. Minutes and minutes later, he arrived at a gigantic cliff, that nearly hung over the edge of the city. It was truly filled with memories, since his father always used to take him up there as child. Sitting on the edge of it, but not too close to where he could fall, he glanced at the Sky's horizon. Only if Adrian were here..I, truly, want to show him this. But..it's not like anyone would want to sit on the edge of a cliff for their life. I just want someone to watch the sunrise and sun set with me..this the best place to do so. He fiddled around with his fingers, getting lost into his thoughts again. Adrian. That word just popped up his head every now and then, when something seemingly related to him. "Is there even such thing as caring too much...? And is it a bad thing..?" He asked himself. "Because I think I just care too much for Adrian..not like it's a bad thing..but.." He looked down at the city, allowing his legs to hang off the edge as he swung them around lightly. Well..I guess there is such thing as caring wayyyyyy too much..but what the hell, I should, after what these damned people did to him..
 
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